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[Whybother]

TELLING IT TO SOMEONE

Mark is really freaking me out! I thought he was just messing with me. He started calling me pet names, bumping against me on purpose, asking me what I was up to, posing and showing off his physique, sitting close to me and tried to touch me and tried to get me to accidentally touch him… He was bothering me too much that I had to talk to someone about it.

At work, during lunch, I waited in one of the smaller employee sitting room. I don’t know who tell about this. I asked Esther to come talk to me but instead Charlotte showed up.

“Hei, Esther said something is bothering you. What is it?”

Should I? “It’s… I don’t know what to do. Please tell no one!”

“Go on. We’re best friends!”

“You know Mark?”

“Mark? Which Mark? The guy in…”

“No. Mark as in the owner of the place I live.”

“What about him?”

“He’s bothering me.”

“How do you mean?”

“He’s really creeping me out!”

Charlotte “You should move then.”

“Nothing I did was working! I tried insulting him. I tried hurting him. I tried getting him to date people. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I’m lost here. How is he bothering you?”

“I think he’s lonely.”

“He’s lonely?

“You know…”

Esther appeared, “So, whassup?”

“Our friend here has been spoken for by a gay guy.”

“Really?”

“I tried almost everything to turn off this guy. I don’t like guys!” I said.

“Really? We thought you do because Jennifer wanted to go out with you but you turned her down. She’s pretty!” Esther

“She broke up with her boyfriend! She was just looking for someone for a rebound! Wait, you all talked about me behind my back?”

“Sorry.” Charlotte apologised.

“Whatever. I don’t get it. He goes around with good looking people all the time. Why is he bothering me?”

“How is he like? Is he ugly?”

“Oh no!” I put my thumb and index finger together implying ‘top-notch’. “He’s like a proper model. Handsome face. Fit body. He’s always looking, like, wow, impressive, not that I was really looking! Extremely vain! Never let himself look scruffy when he left his house. But then…” remembering that night when he started showing an interest towards me. “Anyway, what on earth do he want from me?!”

“Do you have a picture of him?” Charlotte asked.

“No. I tried so hard to turn people off. I wear ugly clothes. Why do you think I buy second hand clothing, other than ethical reasons and I sow my own clothes. If anyone showed even the slightest interest, I’d do something embarrassing to gross them out. He must have something planned to bring me down. He’s always up to something to make my life hell. Anyway, I’m waaaay below average.”

“I thought you had no fashion sense! You sow your own clothes? No wonder you always look like a tramp! No, really. We thought that was your style.” Charlotte said wittingly.

I wasn’t amused. I left them there and went down to the cafeteria to get some of my favourite flapjacks. On the way, I saw an issue of the Times Magazine that I remembered had Mark’s picture inside it. I looked around and ask someone in the next cubicle about the owner of the journal. He told me that the person got it from the company’s reading material so it’s OK for me to take it. I bought my flapjack and went back to the sitting room. I showed the girls Mark’s picture.

“Oh, shit! Sorry. Is that really him?” Charlotte excitingly ejaculated.

“Yup.”

“Are you sure you don’t want him? He’s cute!”

“No. He scares me.”

“Can I have him?”

“Be my guess. Mind you, he’s gay.”

“Oh, I’ll get him to swing back home!”

‘But you already got a boyfriend Charlotte!”

“So?!” I can’t be bothered to argue and just let them think what they want. “It says here, he’s on his way to get full partnership of the multi-billion dollar, multi-national company. Why aren’t you interested? He’s cute AND RICH! You don’t have to love him! Just take his money. Pleeeease! Do it for us.”

“Do it for your friend…” Esther begged.

“Ugh! You guys are despicable!”

“We’re just joking! We didn’t mean it!” Charlotte clarified. “Can I meet him?”

“Yea, but have to give me a lift home.”

“Deal! But can we do it next, during lunch.”

“Right now?! OK…”

So anyway. Charlotte gave me a lift home and we like went up the appartment. Have no idea whether Mark was home. “Is that you?!” he called out.

Whispering, “Oh no! He heard us.”

“I am so excited!” Charlotte said.

“It’s nothing. I’m just getting some sandwiches.” I answered Mark.

“OK!” he responded.

“Come on Charlotte. I think he’s in the gym.”

“Oh God! We’re spying on him?!” Charlotte giggled. “Oh fuck! He’s fucking hot! Oh my, look at those muscles! My boyfirend is fit but nowhere fit like that guy. He’s perfect! Why do you have to be gay!”

“Shhh! Charlotte.”

“Is that you?” Mark heard Charlotte’s bad spying skill.

“It’s nothing! I’m going back to work now!” I pinched Charlotte. She has already blown our cover.

“Do we have to? Can’t I just talk to him?”

“Do it on your own time. Now lets leave!”

“Who’s this?” Mark said, startling us as we were about to leave. An idea popped into my head.

“My girlfriend!”

“What?!” Charlotte ejaculated. “Yeah! We’re together!”

Mark smirked, “You lie! I can tell you two are just friends!”

“No, we are!” I defended but he just shook his head wiping the water off his face after he had a shower. “Come on Charlotte.” I beckoned, feeling really disappointed that my plan didn’t work. Charlotte was laughing the whole time as we were leaving the building.

“See what I mean! Nothing I do or say to him is working!”

“Just let it go. You’ll figure something out.”

“But he’s wearing me out! Why!!!!!!!!!!!”

Mark appeared in a casual attire, [Fine! Here’s what Mark was wearing! A white vest, a pair of sports trousers, running shoes. As for the underwear, use your imagination you pervert! He didn’t shave. His hair is not ‘moussed’ or something but they looked alright. Happy?!] looking rather laid back with his Ipod also sporting a pair of designer shades. ‘POLICE’ or something. No idea. “Hey ladies!”

“I think he just called you a lady.” Charlotte teased me. “I thought you said he always look made up when he go out.”

“Not when he’s off running. He said he let his body to do the talking, or something. BMW. I don’t know! The cheeky bas…”

“I’d say! Charlotte

“Getting back to work?”

“Yeah, where are you running off to?”

“The park. As usual… Hey, I know you.” His vision moved to Charlotte.

“You do?” Charlotte seemed surprised.

“Yeah! We met in the café one day. It’s Charlotte, right?” I ignored them as they talked to each other about an encounter that I never knew.

“You knew him Charlotte?” I asked her.

She responded by shaking her head. “He he he. Fancy seeing you again Mark.”

“Why didn’t you call me. I gave you my number.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh. See you guys later.” He made that “Call me!” gesture at Charlotte and saluted at me. Weirdo! Charlotte was rather smitten by him, she can’t hide her sheepishness.

“See what I mean Charlotte! What is he up to?!”

“Maybe he just likes you.”

“A guy like THAT, don’t just like you! They have agendas.”

“Why must you think of the worst? Come on! He looks like a nice guy!”

“Ewww! He have sex with men. You know I’m quite conservative about sex.” Charlotte shakes her head. “What?”

“Poor guy.”

“Who?”

“Him!”

“You’re suppose to be my friend! You’re suppose to lay all your sympathy towards me!”

“Why?! A handsome, rich guy is into you?! Someone would kill for a guy like that!”

“Exactly! So why would he want anything to do with me? I’m pretty ordinary. Is it because he didn’t get it and thinks I’m playing hard to get?”

“Mhmm… Maybe… Maybe it’s because you’re nice. You’re not ordinary!”

“I’m a freak! I know!”

“No… not that. You’re inspirational.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re interesting.”

“Huh? Really?”

“Actually… you’re not half bad. You look OK too. I might be into you! I’d go out with you. But… I have a boyfriend.”

Ewwww! Yuck! “You take that back!”

“Take what back?”

“What you’ve just said!”

“Why?”

“It’s disgusting!”

“No really! You’re quite alright!”

“Ewww! If you are really my friend, you’d take it back!”

“No!”

“Charlotte!”

“Fine!”

“Fine, what?”

“I’ll take it back.”

“All back?”

“All back. Now, come on. Lets get back to work!”

“I’m too depressed now! It’s all your fault!” Charlotte laughed. “I can’t go to work feeling like crap! I’m staying.” Sorry I swore.

“Alright then. See ya t’morr’h?”

“T’morr’h.” Charlotte started to walk off, “Charlotte?”

“Yeah?”

“Really? You mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“What you’ve just said.”

“Yeah! What? You don’t believe me?”

“You’re just teasing me!”

“Nooo! I might actually consider cheating on my boyfriend with you. Hah… hah?”

“Charlotte! I’m not having any of my friends committing adultary!”

“But I’m not even married.”

“Exactly!”

“I’m only joking! Bye.”

“Really Charlotte? You think I’m inspirational?” I felt rather shy when she said that word to me and when I asked her about it. The embarrassment!

“Yup!”

“Awwwh! Well, I always thought that you’re pretty.”

Charlotte giggled, “Well, I know I am gorgeous but coming from you, that means a lot… Thanks. Bye!” She waved goodbye and I did the same. That sort of made me feel nice… But then… What am I going to do about Mark?!!!!!

 

[Whybother]

MARK’S FRUSTRATIONS

Mark went to a friend’s bar. There was hardly anyone except for the owner and a cross-eyed man that frequents the establishment.

The barman noticed that he looked down, “Heston? You don’t look happy. Anything a matter?” Mark sighed. “Maybe I can help you.”

“I don’t know.”

“Give it a try!”

“Relationship.”

“A girl?”

“You can say that.”

The cross-eyed man became interested, “Girl problem buddy? Is she purdy?”

Mark made a face saying no.

“What is it this time? The usual?”

Mark shook his head.

“If she ain’t purdy. Leave her man!”

“No buddy! This time it’s fo’real!”

“But you said she ain’t purdy! Is she some’un?”

Mark nodded. “But she don’t like me.”

“Why not man?!”

“Not a clue. I don’t even know if she like men.”

“She might be lesbian dude! Just move on!”

“She’s not a lesbian. She said she hates people!”

“Sound like a donkey ass bitch to me!” the cross-eyed man laughed.

The barman didn’t look too tickled pink about the remark, “Did she say anything else to you?”

“Yeah! She said I scare her. I’m not scary right?”

“You’d never know. You see son, the opposite sex are easily intimidated by us men. Women are like…”

The man with the weird eyes shouted, “CHICKENS!”

“Yes, chickens. They are like chickens, no…They are like… a wild mare. You need to be slow and gentle to them. Give them some time. Get closer to them as time goes by. She’ll get used to you eventually and let you touch her mane. When you tamed her, she’ll let you ride her.”

“Yeah! Ride her, ugh ugh ugh ah ah!”

“Chuck! You’re not helping. This lady might be it for Mark.”

“Sooorry!”

‘Thanks Peter! I’ll keep them in mind.” Mark took a deep breath and sighed.

“Good luck son.”

 

[Whybother]

THE QUEERS ARE MARCHING ONE BY ONE. HURRAAAH… HURRAAH!

Mark stopped bothering me since, well, since he had his ding dong went through a little scrumping, and it’s not the good type. At last Mark got it… Oh no he didn’t.

There was an accident at the lab so everyone was given a day off. As I was walking home, I heard like a crowd of people chanting. No idea what it was all about. When the road I was walking on merged with another, I met with a marching parade of… I don’t even know what to call them. They were people with only underwears, beardy guys with chains and leathe… oh God! They were crazy people! It’s cold and the sort of things they’re wearing were impractical. They made faces, jumping about holding their flyers and banners asking for their ‘rights’.

A man in a white undy stained with pink stuff that sticks out his tongue said to me, “Thanks for your support.”

I answered by saying, “I don’t support gay marriage. Right for gays, lesbians and bisexual, maybe, but not gay marriages. What are you trying to achieve?”

The man looked rather disappointed. He patted my back and walked on with his comrades.

I finally reached home. I found Mark reading the newspaper and writing something on a pile of papers.

“Mark. You’re not at work?”

“Took a day off. You’re home early. In fact, you’ve only been out a few hours ago.”

“Someone became reckless and filled the lab with noxious fumes. Everyone got a day leave until they sort out the problem.” There was a silence, “You’ll never guess what I ran into!”

“What?”

“I’ve stumbled upon a bunch of gays marching for gay marriage!”

“I’ve heard.”

“Disgusting!” Mark didn’t react. “I think all gays should stay in the closet and mind their own business or die getting beat up by mobs.

Mark looked up at me and said, “But I’m gay!”

“Look! There they are!” Mark just carried on with his work. “Look at them, in their undies and leather studded thingies. Disgusting!” I looked over at Mark and saw no reaction. “Shirt lifters, queers, sissy saucy sauce pants!” Mark started to get annoyed. “Why would you want to get married anyway?! You don’t even have a vagina to have babies!”

“If you’re going to be this way, I’ll be joining in the march!”

“You wouldn’t! You’re straight now, right?!” mocking him.

“Watch me!”

“Don’t! I was only joking!” Oh God! He’s actually going to. He walked out the door and slammed it… Then came back again and closed the door. What a relief! “Couldn’t go through with it?”

“No, that’s not it.” He came back on his seat.

“I’m glad you changed your mind. I don’t want the neighbours to think that we’re going out.”

“Why not?”

“Well… it’s just… anyway. You’re all that and I’m… I just don’t want people to think that way.”

“What’s wrong with that!”

“Come on! You’re not thinking that it’s OK for people to think we’re together?!” Mark threw his pen on the floor and stood up and left to his side of the appartment. I think I hurt his feeling, but that is point!

 

[Whybother]

CHICKEN AND STUFF

“What am I going to do?! I thought after seeing the guys he went out with. They are all butch macho guys, well, ones I saw anyway. I acted all girly thinking that would turn him off but he’s still bothering me. Do I have to dress like a girl and have a sex change to get him off my back?!” Esther giggled. “What?!”

“You said, get him off your back. Get it?”

“That’s not funny Esther!”

“That’s what you should do.” said Charlotte.

“What? Have a sex change?!”

“No, the other one. Dress like a girl.”

“You think that would work?” Charlotte nodded. “[Sigh] It’s not as if I have anything better to do.”

“That or you move somewhere else.”

“Are you kidding?! I still owe him money and the appartment is great! I only have to pay for the rent and not for the electric, water, gas, and heating bills.”

“Then why are you complaining? Go out with the guy. It’s not as if you got anything to lose.”

Yea, right! You don’t even know how weird the man is, with his necrophilia, snuff fantasies and other stuff that I thought I would never come across in real life. I don’t do sexual favours for anyone. Charlotte started putting make up on me to ‘girl me up’! I looked at the mirror and became shocked at how ‘draggy’ I looked.

“Charlotte. I was hoping you make me look like a girl. Not a drag queen! He might actually be turned on by this.”

“It ain’t gonna work baby!” Esther said to Charlotte.

“I’m not done yet. These are just the base coats.”

She nearly finished putting make up on me when Chase showed up. “Hey, who’s she?” If he couldn’t recognise me, Charlotte must be doing a great job. Chase gave a closer look and recognised me immediately. “Euwwh! What are you doing?”

“I’m practising my make up skill. So, what do you think?”

Chase left shaking his had swearing at us. Mostly making fun of me. The nerve! That fucking poof! I’m thinking this in my head, so I’m not saying the swear word.

Moments later, Charlotte finished putting slap on my face. It felt weird like… make up was on my face. I can’t move my cheeks, scared that I might crack the foundation. I looked myself in the mirror and shocked to what I’m seeing. I look like a girl!

“Charlotte, what have you done?! If I brought a mirror to a restaurant, I could fool myself into going on a date with myself! You’re quite the artist.”

“What can I say?” Charlotte sheepishly said.

“How come, sorry to say this Charlotte, but what you did to me is nothing to how you did yourself. You look like a prostitute.”

“What?!”

“The make up, I mean! Not you!”

“Oh! My boyfriend likes it.”

“Your boyfriend have strange taste!”

“I know! But he loves me.”

Charlotte’s skill was too impressive, I can’t stop looking at the mirror, “You even gave me a nose. Nice one!” Charlotte did such a good job, that it’s bad. “Charlotte. I think you might’ve done it a little too well. He might like it even more. This isn’t going to work.”

“Told you.” Esther

“I know. I’ll give you some ugly moles.” Charlotte used something that looked like a black colour pencil and started dotting the tip on my face making big and small moles. She shook her head. ‘That’s not going to work! She sighed and wiped the moles off then made a giant mole in an awkward position very close to the nose. “Now you look hideously girly. Wait! I’ll be right back!” Charlotte ran off to somewhere.

Charlotte went to her desk. A male collegue saw her taking a bra and a pair of enhancers.

“Chicken fillets?” the male collegue asked.

“Yup.”

Charlotte came back with a bra and something squidgey. “Put these on.”

“Aren’t those…”

“Yup. Their push up bras.”

“But I have nothing to push up.”

“Exactly.”

I was reluctant to put them on, “Do I have to put them on?”

“Do you want to gross this guy out or not?”

“Can I just do it at home? I’ll be commiting social suicide if I walk around with these.”

“Up to you… You should colour your hair!”

“No!”

“Well we have to get you a new hair style. Come to my place after work. You can borrow my wig. A nice, long, girly wig.”

Shaking my head. What have I got myself into.

I walked home from Charlotte’s, with my hood up and a scarf covering my face. I had a push up bra in one pocket, ‘chicken fillets’ in the other. And oh! Some of Charlotte’s lip gloss. They taste of berries. Got home, locked myself in my room and start making myself hediously like a girl. At least, in Mark’s eyes. As I put the KFC on, I started to have doubts. This isn’t going to work. Mark is probably pretending that he likes girls now just to annoy me. But what if he’s gone straight now, my plan might backfire. Naaah! I’ll just give it a go. I put on some of Charlotte’s lippy and practised strutting like a bimbo then glide gracefully. God, this is weird. Hope this works!

I got out of my room and began getting things ready for dinner. Mark startled me. I guess he’s home already. Still in his work clothes.

“Hey, who are…” he didn’t recognise me at first, then smiled. It’s not working! Why isn’t he being grossed out?! He walked closer to me until I bumped on the counter. He’s really scaring me. I placed my hand in drawers, discreetly got out a knife, just in case. Resting his hands on the counter, leaning his body towards me. He saw the mole on my face and smirked. This guy is freaking me out. He wiped the mole off my face and tried to kiss me but I made a cry, like a cross between being scared and disgust. It’s so uncomfortable having him at that close proximity with his warm breath hitting my face.

Ewwwww! I crouched down and got away! He tried to chase me but I got out of the door and closed it before he could catch me. An old, caucasian male janitor with a bushy white ‘tasche saw me looking really shocked. How horrifying!!!!! There goes my pride. My social reputation is now destroyed! Now the whole world will think I’m going out with Mark and a queer. Ooooh! The humiliation. I ran off to the washroom across the hallway. I knew this wasn’t going to work! Why didn’t I follow my common sense?! I should’ve just moved away!

I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like crying, pulled the wig off my head. This was a stupid plan from the beginning. I shouldn’t have let Charlotte talk me into it. Mark showed up, SMILING?!!!!! “You did that for me?”

“Stay away from me you freak!” I shouted and burst out of the washroom. This time it’s triple embarrassment. Now there are two more people in the hallway. Two ladies. Probably the janitor’s collegues. Why does this has to happen to me?!!! I went back to the appartment and locked myself in my room and wash the muck of my face. Yes, I took off the bra. Sheesh!

Mark knocked onto the door. “Hey. How are you doing?”

“Go away Mark! Leave me alone!”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why are you doing this to me?!”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know.”

“I’m not interested!”

There was a pause, “Why do you hate me so much?”

I’m sobbing, so what! “I don’t hate you. You’re scaring me!”

“How am I scaring you?”

“I don’t do gay sex or any kind of sex Mark! Why don’t you get it?! Do you having kicks making my life miserable?!”

“I never intended in making your life miserable. I won’t bother you again. I promise.”

“You promise.”

“I promise. Please, just come out of your room. Now you’re scaring me.”

As I came out of my room, Mark took me into his arms. “You promised!”

‘I’m just hugging you. Can’t I just have one hug?”

“No.” with that, he released me. “I’m going to have to move if you keep bothering me.”

“Don’t! Please don’t.”

“Then we have to lay out ground rules. From now on, you’ll respect my private space. That is, my bedroom. You will not go inside it! You will not look inside it! You will not even walk even a metre in front of the door. When I say my bedroom, I mean my bedroom and my bathroom. You will not rummage through my things. You will ask permission if you want anything of mine, so the days when you pillaged my fridge is over. I never took any of your food!”

“Oh come on!”

“Never! I only deducted the stuff you took out, from the grocery money.”

“Harsh rules dude.”

“And never! EVER! Touch me again!”

Mark scratches his chest. “OK.” He turned and went towards his side of the appartment. He looked rather upset. Perhaps even crushed. I feel like a monster. I can’t help but feeling concerned about him. I mean, he do have issues.

“Mark?” I called out to him.

“Yes.” I gave him a big hug. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Please don’t hurt yourself. Go find someone else.”

“It’s not easy to find the right one.”

“Oh, stop it! You’ll find that special someone. It’s might not be a guy, it might be a woman.” Mark kept quiet, “Mark?”

“I thought it was you.”

“Ewww! Stop it!”

“OK, OK.

“I do sort of like you, but in a big brother kind of way.” I can feel his chest murmuring. I think I’m upsetting him. “I never had a big brother, think you’re, you OK with that?”

“Yeah. I’ll be your big brother.”

“You know. I think I’ll be alone for the rest of my life because I don’t feel the need to be in a couple… Mark?”

“…What?”

“If you got no one, I’ll be around to give you hugs. But I’ll never have sex with you, or anyone. God forbid!”

“I like hugs.” I’m starting to feel like Mark was about to cry.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah!”

“Go out there and find that special someone! Don’t give up!” Mark left and went to his side of the appartment. I feel horrible. God please give Mark some comfort. I don’t want him to hurt himself again.

 

[Whybother]

Later that day, while I was reading a magazine journally thingy, Mark appeared. He was looking at the mirror, looking at his face. He wasn’t pleased at what he’s seeing.

“Shit! My nose is in a very bad shape. I should get a nose job.” He looked at me, “Do you think I’m ugly because my nose went through a fight?”

How annoying. You stupid vain PEEP! “At least you have a nose! I didn’t even notice the difference.”

“Am I still handsome?”

God! What an insecure guy! “You’re still handsome.” I said sarcastically. He smiled thinking I was paying much attention to his antics.

Mark sat in front of me. I had no idea why but he was, sort of, showing off his muscles or something. OK, they were impressive. He’s fit, so what. I ignored him and just carried on reading. He started feeling my arm, which was too close for comfort. I hate people touching me. HATE IT!!!!!!

“Nice muscles. Been working out?” What the…?!

“What are you talking about?! I’m scrawny!”

Mark knows I’m right. So he knows that I know he’s just pulling my leg. He made a disgusted look and grunts.

“You should get some mass on you. Girls like that! I’ll be your personal trainer.”

“I’m proud of my girlish figure, thank you. Caught you staring Shnitzel.” Mark looked confused. “No!”

He smiles, “Look at me! Girls are all over me! I’m sexy right?”

Yes he’s sexy. So what! “Yes… Euggh.”

“Don’t you want to be like me?”

“No! God no!”

“Why not?! Am I too muscley?” I shook my head. “But I am muscley, right?” I nodded. “So, you don’t like muscley guys?”

“Look Mark! You’re very handsome, and very attractive and your muscles are just right. Is that what you want to hear?! I don’t want you to train me. I don’t care if girls like me or not.”

“Guys…”

“I don’t care Mark!”

Then he said something weird again.

“You look sexy in that…” he didn’t know what to call it, “… pyjama thing or something.”
Huh?!

“What is wrong with you?! I made this from old bed sheets I got from a charity shop. It’s hedious!”

Mark looked confused, “But… Then… Why are you wearing it?” I chose not to answer. He’s at it again, “Well, I like it! It fits you.”

“Mark what are you trying to do?”

“I’m just giving compliments.”

“Well stop it!”

“OK.” Mark scratches his chest then stood up. He looked like he was going to say something, then changed his mind and went back to his side of the appartment. I stopped him.

“Mark.”

“Yes?”

“Do you really like me or you’re just messing with me because you want stuff?”

First he looked confused because I didn’t elaborate my question, then he nods his head, “I really like you.”

I didn’t take it seriously. He’s probably being horny and thought he could get me to do things. Not going to happen! God please don’t let it happen. I don’t want it to happen, “I don’t believe you.”

“I like you. I LIKE YOU! How many times do I have to say it for you to get it?”

“Mark. You’ll never get me to do gay sex with you. What is it with you? There are more willing candidates out there that wants to do it with you. Why bother me?”

“Why don’t you get it?! I want us to be together…”

“Like a couple?”

“Yes.”

“Euwww! Yuck! No Mark! I’m OK with other people having same sex sex relationship, but I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to be like you!” Little harsh but I have to make him wake up to the fact.

“OK.” He responded, almost a whisper. I thought he was going to argue with me about it instead he seemed to gradually accepts it.

I found him sitting somewhere else with his hands on his face. His elbows resting on his lap. I’m really worried about him.

“Mark. Are you OK?”

He lifts his head and took a deep breath, “Yes, you?”

“You’re not upset with me. Are you?”

He smiles, “No. Never. What makes you think I’m upset with you?”

“You know… about them… stuff. I don’t hate you. It’s just that… You know it will never work!”

“No, I’m fine with it.”

Somehow, I don’t believe him. I’ve got the feeling he’s going to do something dangerous to himself. “Are you sure? You know I care about you… Please don’t hurt yourself. It scares me when you’re like this.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine!” I know he’s not fine, “It’s crazy anyway! You and I weren’t meant to be… I’m just wasting my time.” He smiles then left.

When we had dinner, I observed Mark’s expression. He was smiling the whole time. God I love it when he smiles. We talked, he made jokes but I know he’s not really fine with how things turned out. I’ve nearly paid all the money I owed him, so I thought I’d brought it up.

“Mark. I nearly got all of the money I owed you.”

“You don’t have to pay them up you know.”

“What are you talking about. You made me pay them before.”

“I said a lot of things… You’re not moving out are you? Please don’t leave me.”

“Why would I move out?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll have to move out soon anyway. My visa is nearly expired…” Mark took my hand and rubbed it. I don’t like it, but I can’t show it to him. I love you Mark but please understand where I’m coming from.

“You’ll be fine when I leave, will you? You’re not gonna die here, I mean, suicidal anymore, are you? You’re not gonna kill yourself? I’m scared that you’ll die without me being around to watch over your actions.”

Mark shook his head, “I want to live…” he was breathing loudly but still smiling. God, he’s scaring me.

Oh God. Mark, you are really attractive. Why can’t you go meet someone else? Some people may think it’s stupid to turn down a catch. But I know him well enough to know that it’s not a good idea. Anyway, I’m squemish when it comes to ‘sex’. [I’ll tell you what I think about them and relationships later.]

I heard the door slammed in the middle of the night. Around a few seconds before it turns quarter passed midnight. I got a feeling it was Mark, so I checked up his room. His bed was messed up but he’s not there. I looked around and called out his name but he was nowhere to be seen. Where are you going in the middle of the night Mark? Why do you have to make me worry about you all the time? I was too tired to wonder where he’s been off to. The thought of him hurting himself again was just too painful. My eyes can’t help but letting out tears of worry for him as I rest my head on my pillow. Where are you going Mark?

 

[Whybother]

LIFE AFTER YOU

“Chris?”

Yawning, “Hello? Is that…”

Marie-Alessa, “Who’s that honey?”

“A friend. Go back to sleep honey.” Chris left his bedroom, “Mark? Why are you calling me in this hour?”

“Tell me where Ana is!”

“But Mark! You know I can’t do that!”

“Please Chris! I really need you to do this one thing for me!”

“But Mark I promised…”

“Please Chris…” Mark is breaking down.

“Are you driving?”

“Yes.”

“Have you been drinking?”

“I did. A little.”

“Mark. Stop and go back home. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“No Chris! Please… I just want to see her and my kids for one last time. Oh God! Why?!” Mark beats his chest.

“OK bro. Here’s the address…” Chris gave Mark the address.

“Thanks.”

“Be careful. Don’t tell anyone it was me. My wife will kill me!”

“I love you man!” Mark ended the call with his brother in-law feeling confused and worried what outcome may follow after what he just did.

Mark kept himself hidden to observe Ana and his children secretly. [Fine! He’s wearing a grey and dark blue sports hoodie, tracksuit pants and a generic black shades.] It seemed she hadn’t married her fiance yet. He dared not to say a word as he spent the whole day looking at Ana that he still care and love so much, observing her movements and actions after so many years being apart. His children grew up so fast. It broke his heart for not being able to be around to see them grow. It seems like he’ll never spend time with them now that Ana is remarrying. He knows Ana have a very good judgement and will marry a man that can fulfill all the responsibilities as a husband and a father. That’s what was bothering him. His chances of getting Ana back will indefinitely be crushed and his chances of happiness will forever be lost. He never felt anything like he felt towards Ana with any other woman and he’s still looking for someone else to fill the empty void in his life, but he knows, Ana will always be the one and only woman he’ll ever settle with for the rest of his life. [Mark is so amazing. I love you Mark.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_98jXSyU98&playnext_from=TL&videos=z-jo6j5iQRQ

His car brokedown on his way back to the city. He spent time contemplating about his life and what to do next. It seems like his life is all over. The more he thinks about it, he feels like he’s out of his mind. It had been along time since he smoked,. That was around the time he finally began to take his relationship with Ana seriously. He lost the woman of his life due to his foolishness and the person he wants to be with seemed uninterested, rather, reluctant to be with him. His promiscuous lifestyle must’ve gave the impression that he’s the kind of person that don’t commit. His chest was choked with grief, his mind filled with with suicidal thoughts to be reminded of someone, someone that he really cares about. He then pulled himself together and ran to the nearest garage to get his car fixed. As his car was getting fixed, he laid down on the ground and dozed off. His chest hurts so much to stay conscious. He really wants it all to end. He knows he can’t do that because someone still cares about him. He only can hope he’ll never wake up even if it’s a selfish thing to even ask for. So confused whether to carry on with his expectations or come up with an ultimatum. Why is it so hard for him? He promised himself to never fall in love again but… he decided to settle to the basic things that matters. He don’t know what they are yet, but he knows he can’t just die for nothing. All he knows is his feelings are real.

I waited the whole day waiting for him to come home. I called him, but he seemed like he wasn’t answering. My anxiety about his well-being… lets just say I’m worried. Since he left on midnight, I have to wait until then to make a police report instead I fell asleep until the next day. I woke up on the couch the next day to the sound of water boiling from the electric kettle. I saw Mark walking around. He now got his head shaved. I guess that’s why the waste bin in his bathroom was full of hair when I went to clear it up yesterday. I’m just relieved that he’s alright. I went over to him and hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek and chin. Nothing naughty here folks. Just a friendly kiss. Well, I felt his boner through his jeans on my legs. It’s not his fault I guess. It just came natural to him. Hey! I didn’t go feeling on another guy’s ‘willy’. Thank you very much!

“Thanks for coming back Mark.”

 

[Whybother]

BACK IN THE PRESENT

FIVE DAYS AFTER MARK’S DEPARTURE
I realised that I woke up too early again today that I had to force myself to get back to sleep. I finally woke up properly around twelve to seven. The whole of the mansion emits no creaks other than the kitchen where a guest stayed over.

Dale smiles and warmly greeted me, “Good morning.”

“What will you be doing today Mr Sanderson.”

“Please, Dale. I have some business to tend to.”

“Can I tag along? I can’t stand staying here on my own. Change of scene.”

“Sure. It will be boring.”

“I don’t care. Anywhere but here right now.”

Dale spreads butter on some toasted bread and took a sip of his coffee then a bite of his soldiers.

As a force of habit, “Do you want me to cook some breakfast for you?”

“No thanks. I have to get going right away. I’ll wait for you in the car.”

A few hours later, we arrived at a modest town. Dale parked his car on a giant supermarket parking lot. “I have to some errands right now. Here some money. If you get hungry or thirsty, treat yourself to something from the supermarket.” Handing me a fifty.

“Dale this is a lot. I can’t take it. I have my own money.” Thrusting the note back to him. Instead of taking it back, he put another fifty in my hand clasping it.

“Mark made me promise to look out for you. Don’t ask questions. Just take it.” He then flipped through his files, pulling out a few then left the parking lot with them.

I had to wait for hours, maybe even five. The documents laid out on the driver seat that Dale left caught my eye. Curious, I began flipping through the pages then a name seemed familiar. I took the book that Mark told me to have and began searching for the familiar name. The document says STASZO, Christopher(Krygsztof) in the contact book, C Staszo with a phone number and an address of a mailbox. Slit in between the pages a business card to a restaurant. I browsed a little more in the diary section, a similar name comes up about a year ago that says “Ask Chris about birthday present for sister.” With a drawing of a birthday cake next to it. [Mark got his sister a sought after premier ticket for a Twilight movie. ‘New Moon’ or something. His sister later found out that her husband got it from her brother and got very angry. She had a fall out with her husband but then mended the relationship with her husband after she made him promise not to contact her brother ever again, which he didn’t keep because he’s too concerned about both of them, so he never told her.] The file had a deed to the restaurant and invoices showing the place was heading to trouble. There was also documents to cancel the loans and interests with Mark’s name and signature. Curious, I left Dale’s car and began looking for the restaurant.

The restaurant was strategically at a corner with wide glass windows. The road seemed quiet except for the occasional passing of cars. As I entered the establishment, the chimes greeted me as if I was a usual customer. The restaurant seemed bare of people then a man wearing a t-shirt, vest and denim trousers, tattooed to the wrist with a shaved head and a well trimmed dark goatee came out of the back counter.

“Welcome, sorry for any inconvenience but we can’t cater to our customers unless you commission us to do your catering like parties, weddings and birthdays.”

“I’m not a customer. I need to look for someone. A C. Staszo. Do you know anyone with a similar name?”

“That’s the owner of this place. I’m Christopher Staszo. What can I do for you?”

“Do you know Mark Heston?”

“Yes, my wife’s brother.”

“He died five days ago. I think he would want you to have this.” Handing him the files.

With nothing left to said, I asked for my leave, “I better be going now. It’s been a pleasure meeting you Mr Staszo.”

“Stay around for a meal. I think it’s customary to treat you to celebrate the good news you gave us. Our butcher give us top quality meat. beef, lamb, chicken... All natural of course.”

“Do you have vegetarian options?”

“Sorry we may have meat in everything. This is an Italian/Polish restaurant. I can check or improvise one.”

“No thanks Mr Staszo. Maybe next time.”

“Seafood! Would you mind?!” seeing that the host was extremely insistent.

“Sure Mr Staszo.”

“Call me Chris. Great! You should meet my wife. So, how does a chicken salad with citrus dressing sounds like. I can swap the chicken with prawns or lobster tail if you want. You should try my pierogi…” as he was rambling on about the menu to me, forcing me to eat, I realised he was just using me to avoid telling his wife about Mark Heston’s death.

AFTER A HELPING OF SALAD AND CHRIS’S PIEROGI

“Thank you very much for the food Mr and Mrs Staszo.”

“You had a modest portion. Are you sure you don’t want dessert?” Marie-Alessa asked with a simple nodding as a respond. “Yes, quite sure. Thank you. This is too much.”

“So, my husband said you have something to tell me. Spill it out.”

“Mrs Staszo…”

“Yes.”

“Your brother Mark Heston…” Marie’s facial expression changes to grim.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with HIM!”

“It was him that help us fund for the restaurant honey.”

“All this time you neglected to tell me?!”

“But dear, it’s important.” Chris said with a soft gentle tone. Marie took a deep breath and exhale to calm herself.

“What is it?” she said like she was going to spit then vomit the words out.

“Mark died.”

Her face softens, “How?”

“He sort of killed himself.”
“Suicide?!” both Chris and Marie said in concert then did a cross and prayer.

Marie’s eyes gone droopy, “How… Don’t tell me. Do you know why?”

Even I don’t have a definite answer. “I think it’s because he felt lonely. I wouldn’t have known.”

“Did you see him doing anything unusual?” Chris asked followed by Marie “Yes, anything.”

“He quitted his job around six months ago. That’s when he started telling me morbid thoughts about how he liked to die. I did told him to meet a therapist but he was stubborn. I didn’t take it seriously because he was always joking about this sort of stuff. I never thought he would pull it through until it happened.”

“You were with my brother when he died?”

“I was.” I replied.

“Did he suffer? What was the last thing he said to you.”

Embarrassed to answer I responded with a long sigh of “aaaaaaaaahm”.

“I remember him saying that he felt like he disappointed everyone that ever cared about him, his wife, his family, his friends, never got to spent time seeing his children grow up… and that it was his fault that his father died and that his sister… You… hated him.”

“For being gay?” her face crumpled.

“I guess so.” I answered.

“I don’t hate him. He’s my brother. My only family. My mother died of cancer and my father died from a stroke right during the time the story got out that he was homosexual. I didn’t hate him because of that… It was a shock at first… Our parents were a well respected member of the community we grew up in. You know, regular church go-ers, do gooders, that kind. What broke my heart was we grew up together. We never kept anything from each other. Our parents spent most of their time doing community service than staying at home… That’s not it, really! No... It’s the betrayal that he kept it from me all those years as it eats him from the inside. All this time I wished I never knew about it. I didn’t wish for this!” Marie sobs. Chris took her in his arms to comfort her.

“I’m here Marie. You got me.” Chris turns his face to look at me.

“Thank you for what you’ve done for us. I think we need some alone time right now.”

“I was only delivering the news. My condolences Mr and Mrs Staszo… There’s one more thing. Do you know where I can find his wife. Ana?”

“We don’t know. The last time we know about her is that she changed her name to Sarah and moved away.”

“Anyway of telling where she could’ve moved to?”

“I couldn’t tell. You should start with the town where my wife and Mark grew up.”

“Thank you.”

I left the restaurant and return back to the car. There, Dale was waiting.

“Where have you been?! You left me locked out of the car! I have important documents in there”

“I am really sorry Dale. I’ve just met Mark’s sister and brother in-law.”

“I was going to see them later. What did you do?”

Showing Dale Mark’s former personal contact book, “I found his brother in-law’s contact in this black book…” Dale browse through it uninterested.

“Where did you get this?”

“Mark gave it to me before he died.”

“What else did you do?”

“Well firstly I was bored, sorry that I nosed around in your files and documents. I noticed that one of your clients has a similar name to a contact in the book so I thought I’d help you out sort out Mark’s unfinished business.”

“You what!!! Where are the documents?”

“I gave the deed to his brother in-law. I told them that they no longer owe Mark anything.”

Dale Sanderson was furious, cursing, pointing at my face.

“I don’t know what game you are playing here, but anything that has to do with Mark’s businesses is none of your business. It’s MINE! Keep your unwanted face from where it is not wanted!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. I did what I did was because I thought that was what Mark would’ve wanted. I promise I will not do it again.”

“I’m done with my errands. Get in the car. You’re going back to the mansion.”