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[Whybother]

“Stop what?”

“Staring at me with that face! It’s weird!”

He laughed. Elsa entered the room. Then I saw his pants, you know, whatever!

“Euggh! Again, what is wrong with the people in this house! Mark, you called me a strange person but you and your friends are way freakier!”

Toby laughed again. Then farted.

“Ewww! God that stinks!” I’m leaving!” Elsa stopped me.

“Did you do as I say?”

“I was going to do it later. Anyway who do you think you are telling me what to do?”

“Just do it!”

“No!”

Toby interjected, “Cat fight! Well, kinda.”

“You stay out of it!” I told him.

Then Dale showed up, “What is happening here? Elsa where is it? What’s the hold up?”

“She told me to do it!” I said.

“Do what?” Dale asked.

“Get the drinks!”

“Elsa! You’re the servant, it’s your job!”

“I don’t really mind it Dale but she’s so rude!”

“Can you do it for us? Elsa is always so slow! Me and the boys are hungry. We didn’t have anything the whole day. It’s almost three now and Elsa didn’t have anything prepared.”

“I’ll do it! I’ll even start making dinner.”

“Thanks!... Elsa! If you keep this up, I’m going to have to fire you!...... Hey Toby! Getting on your way now?”

Toby nodded and grunted.

“How was the party last night? Good?” Dale asks Toby.

“I fell asleep the whole night. I missed it!”

“Who did you sleep with?”

Toby looked at me. Elsa was furious!

“Euh! The ugly one?!”

Dale laughed, “Toby you slut! You’d sleep with anyone!”

“Hey! No we didn’t! Nothing happened!” I defended myself. They all began laughing and mocking me.

I thought I’d ask them about something, “Guy’s, I had some aspirin in the medicine cabinet there. It tasted weird and my headache got worst. What is it?”

They all began laughing out loud and I don’t get the joke.

“We ain’t got no aspirin around here!” Dale said.

“Paracetamol?” I asked. Again they are laughing, shaking their heads. “No!”

“Then what do you do when you get a headache then?”

Toby did that freaky wide smile again, “You work it off!”

“With what?!”

“Sex! Uhhhhhh!” Toby answered thumping his groin in the air. I was disgusted and my face shows it.

Toby smiled and looked at me, “It was great last night! We should do it more often!... See ya later Dale buddy!” bro-loved Dale and left the room. I was horrified and disgusted!

I went to the kitchen and start to prepare things to cook. I found corn meal, random root vegetables, potatoes and bangers from the fridge. The rest of the things in the kitchen were pre-packed foods. Some of them looked good enough to eat but I thought I need to make an impression on Mark’s friends. There wasn’t any leafy vegetables so I went to the orchard to get fresh baby vine leaves, maybe even scavenge for some wild vegetables.

But first, I went to the cellar to get what Dale asked for, Cabernet de Sauvignon, Sauvignon Cabernet whatever that is. The cellar was dark, chiseled out of the bedrock. To light the tunnels was the incandescent light bulbs that gave an eerie yellow hum it’s teething racks of glass bottles assuming they were wine bottles. I pull out the dusty bottles and wipe off the dusts that settled on it until I saw a wooden crate that says Sauvignon Cabernet, 2002. I decided that I’ll serve them with sliced fruits and nuts for them before I went to give it to them along with a few bottles and cans of beer just in case. I just hope they are not too p*ssed later.

First I brought over the nibbles when I heard Dale’s announcement, “I’ve finished reading Mark’s documents, and you guys are not going to like it!”

“Oh oh, I smell trouble!” Johnssen exclaimed. I went back to the kitchen to pick up the drinks when I heard my name being mentioned. I went to serve the drinks.

“I’m serious!. I read the will many times, including the fine prints. It says what it says!”

“I can’t believe this! Who is this [gibbering]?! I can’t even pronounce the name!” said Johnssen.

The two young men each made a phone call after they heard the announcement. The voices from the receiving end sounded upset.

“What’s the matter guys? What happened? I heard my name being mentioned.”

 

[Whybother]

FLASHBACK

AFRICAN FOOD

It was really tiring cleaning the whole apartment last night after sh*tface had his stupid canape sh*t then blocked my bedroom door so I got stuck in my room before I even had any dinner. The next day, I was woken up by the b*st*rd.

“Hey! Wake up! Where’s breakfast?!”

“Wwhat?” still feeling rather sleepy and tired.”

“Make me breakfast! I’m hungry!”

“What time is it?” I asked very annoyed.

He stared at his watch, “Shit! I’m late for work! I’ll let you off this time.”

“Let me off what?!” now he’s just being rude. Who the… ehrrrrr… do he think he is!

“For dinner I want… East African. Eight o’clock sharp! It better taste like it should be. I’m not going to let it go if you make shit…” he left the front door slamming it.

But I have classes today… I wanted to scream so badly if I wasn’t so tired. I hate him so much! I am not lucky to get this place. It’s a nightmare! Then I noticed the whole place smelt weird that day. Can’t put my finger on it.

At least I have classes today. Surely I’ll stumble into an East African that knows how to cook their food. How wrong was I! The whole day, not one East African in any of my classes. Only pasty white people, chinks and middle easterners. I would expect some African Americans would know a thing or two about the cuisine but all I got was jerk marinade and how to make tacitos. Last lesson was coming up and all hope seemed lost. I don’t want to spend time looking for another place. It’s freezing cold out there! I can’t be bothered to think about it anymore, so I just stared at the entrance as more and more students entered the theatre. Then a student in an authentic ethnic attire pass through the archway. Thought finally I have my saviour!

“Agnes?!”

“Yes?!”

“I know you’re from Ghana but do you know anything about East African Food?”

She looked disinterested, “No, I’m from Ghana. I only know Ghanaean fud.”

“Well, do you know how to make Ghanaean foods?”

“Yes! I lov. But you need ouwa Ghanaean chickaen! Ouwa Ghanaean…” While she talked on and on about Ghanaean ‘chickaen’, I thought I’d cut our conversation short.

“Do you know where can I get them?”

“No. American and European chickaen not are re-ahl chickaen!”

“Thank you for your help Agnes.”

“You are welkom!”

Getting dinner ready for that jerk is a lost cause now. I’m just going to wing it! If it taste like poo, I don’t care! Internet, make me proud.

It took me the rest of the day to look for the ingredients. I looked at the time on my phone. Oh God, seven fifty three! Oh mercy!

How glad I was that Mark hadn’t been there yet when I arrived back home. Nine past eight! Actually, it wasn’t really that difficult to follow the recipe. They were actually the sort of thing that most people are used to, curries, stews, vegetables fried. The only difference was the thick gloopy thing called ugali and matoke. It’s a bit like mash p’tay’es but way sticky like craft glue but not quite. I don’t have anything that I can really compare it with. I had even played around with it, made it look like a snowman before I ate some ruining it while waiting for the person that was suppose to eat it. I waited for so long, I thought, wha’eva, I’m watching TV. But when I look at the remote, it was like, chaos! I can’t even begin to figure out which was the right remote. I gave up and abandoned the idea, so I began walking around the apartment. It was massive then, now it felt even more bigger as I began to figure out what the whole place hold. I stopped as I arrived at the owner’s bedroom. The door wasn’t closed. Curious, I peered in what’s inside. Nothing surprising really but the bed was massive like you can fit a pair of hippopotamus on it. A few of his clothes were thrown here and there. Mr Heston is such an untidy man. He always looked suave and sophisticated but the way he treated his room is the opposite of what I expected. Before I could peek into his belongings, I heard the door opens. I swiftly left his room room before he could’ve noticed.

“I’m hungry. Where is the food?.” I brought him into the dining room.

“Shall I warm it up for you?” I offered.

“Is this it?” he said looking unimpressed. “I don’t feel like East African tonight! I want pizza…”

“Pizza?” I remembered a flyer in the news journal for Domino’s. I went over to pick it up.

“… from scratch!” he finished. Before I could interject, he rudely turned and walked away.

“But I have to go to school tomorrow!” I shouted yet no response from him.

It’s three past one and you want me to make you a pizza! From scratch!!! I want to kill him! I cursed and cursed as I looked around the kitchen to make do. I don’t want to spend the rest of the dark hour walking around in the cold so he can have pizza. I don’t have to put up with this but so far I’ve lived here for a few days.

All I could find was some stale pita bread, a McDonald’s Muffin with a chunk bitten off. Some olives leftover from the canapé yesterday, a fake cheese that is really reconstituted milk product that Kraft called cheddar that was hardly sufficient enough for a decent pizza and some take out fried chicken. I can’t make a pizza with these so I went to tell him that it’s not possible. I found him sleeping on his bed snoring loudly. I can see that he was really tired. I thought it was safe to call the night off.

“I know you’ve been inside my room.” He said while his eyes was still closed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“I have cameras installed. You should learn to mind your own business.” He showed his high tech phone. It showed Mr Heston and myself in his room in real time.

“You got pizza?!”

“No, we’ve run out of cheese…”

“Get out! Get the fuck out of my apartment! Out!”

“You’re not serious…!”

“I’m serious! Get out or I’ll throw you out myself!”

“Hey! Be reasonable! It’s past midnight!” he stood up like he’s ready to beat me.

“OK! OK! I’ll make you pizza!” I ran off from his huge side of the apartment and looked into my refrigerator. A block of Gruyère that I saved up using my own pocket money. I thought I can dispense some of the dried herbs from my collection. A stale pita bread and a chewed off piece of muffin bread will hardly be of any good so I dared to part with one of my shop bought bags of frozen dough. I left one in the fridge to make something with it the next day. I threw everything in but of course I deboned the chicken first and used Heinz tomato ketchup for the sauce. I folded the dough over to hide what I put inside it, turning it into a calzone. I’ve got a feeling it’s going to taste horrible but I had to do something or I won’t have a chance to live here anymore. Around half an hour later it was done. I boiled a jug of water because after this, I’m going to need a cuppa. I went over to his room to tell him. He was sleeping again, snoring loudly with his mouth wide open drooling like a b*st*rd of a … I shook him to wake him up.

“Wh… wh, what?” he snorted like a pig.

“It’s done. Do you want it?”

He stood up and rudely brushed me off. If he wasn’t the property owner, I would’ve kicked him in between his legs over and over again so he couldn’t breed!

 

[Whybother]

He sat on a stool by the counter. I brought over the calzone without even knowing whether it was edible. There he was, sitting, stretching, grunting like… whatever. Made me sick to the stomach just looking at him. As I placed the plate in front of him, he scrutinised my cooking by turning the plate from side to side. He yawned.

“Get me something to drink. A beer.” But when I looked in his fridge, there was none.

“You have no beer in your…”

He thumped his fists on the counter, “Get me something to drink damn it!!!”

I tried looking for some coffee granules or tea bags in the kitchen cabinets but most of them were empty. I panicked. Mr Heston propped his head up with his left hand on the counter looking very sleepy and tired. He groaned and dropped his head on the counter. The cutleries clanged from the impact. Whatever, I’m just going to ignore him. I went to my side of the apartment and made myself some tea.

“Where’s my drink!!!” He grunted. Oh shut up! I thought to myself.

I went over to him and gave him some of my tea.

He was groaning and grunting. Ewwwuuugh! He looked disgusting!

“What is that?”

“It’s chamomile tea, with ginger and honey.”

He dropped his head on the counter again, hitting his head against it over and over again. He groaned and mumbled to himself. He finally sit up, took a deep breath then took a sip of it. And another. And another. He approached the plate again in the previous manner and exclaimed, “Smells good.” He put the knife on the dish and cautered it in the middle. I can smell the ketchup and the fried chicken and my expensive cheese. He looked at me and said, “I said I want pizza! What is this?!”

“I made a calzone. I thought it’s a type of pizza. Is it?”

He mumbled to himself again. I could only make up the word ‘calzone’ and ‘cal-zone’. He cut out a piece and began to chew.

“What did you use?” he asked.

“For the calzone?”

“Yes for the cal-zone!”

“I used some shop bought pizza dough I got from a shop across the street…”

“Can you go any slowerrrr…!”

He was really testing my patience! “Dough, chicken, ketchup, cheese, dried herbs.”

“I want you to tell me what’s inside, not tell me the grocery list!” I could flip! I really could!

“This taste weird. What type of cheese did you use?”

“Some Kraft’s Cheddar Block and Gruyère. Why?”

“Next time, use Italian Mozzarella, real tomato sauce instead of ketchup and always use fresh basil. It’s how Italians does it.”

“I used my own money to cook your dinner that you don’t care to eat. I’m a student! I live on budget! Anyway, how would you know how the Italians does it?!”

Smugly he confessed, “I’m Italian! That’s how!”

Somehow I found it hard to believe, “Mark Heston is hardly an Italian name.”

“My forefathers changed their names when they arrived in America. My full name is Mark Alfredo Benedictini Al Bertolli DiMaggio Heston.”

“That’s a mouthful to say! DiMaggio? Isn’t there a cheese brand called ‘Maggio’? Are you related to them in anyway?”

“I don’t know. It’s possible.” He yawned. “I’m tired. I’m going to turn over. Put these away.” He smile to me, finished his tea then went to bed.

How ungrateful! He made me cook something at my own expenses that he didn’t even want to eat to begin with, then made me stay up all night waiting, then changed his mind and made me make pizza for him that he also didn’t finish. I curse you!!!

I thought some tea can ease it off. Now it’s too hot for me to drink and there’s no ice in the fridge! Aaah! Whatever! I poured the tea in an empty bottle and put it in the fridge then went to bed after brushing my teeth without putting any real effort to brushing them thoroughly. As I got my head down, I realised that tonight was quiet. Mr Heston was fast asleep without any sound. At last the tea worked. That was the first night I went to bed there without any background sound coming from his side of the apartment.

The next day, I woke up feeling refreshed. I looked around the apartment and discovered that the owner had went to work already without bothering me early in the morning. I went over to the kitchen to eat the food I made last night for breakfast. How surprised was I to have discovered that everything that I made last night had a dent in it and the parchment breads I bought was ravaged probably used to dip in the side dishes. As for the calzone, it disappeared completely. Only a plate with a food stain, sitting idled on the shelf. Also, someone drank my bottle of chamomile tea. Only a trickle was left as I tipped the remainder into the sink. Then I noticed a piece of paper with what seemed like a bank note underneath it. It says,

“NEXT TIME ASK IF YOU NEED ANY MONEY!
HERE’S $1000. I’M FEELING LIKE CHINESE FOR TONIGHT.
MAKE SURE YOU COOK THEM YOURSELF!!!!!
8 PM SHARP-ISH!!!”

I don’t how to react. I thought it was rather sweet that he trusted me to cook his meal or maybe that now my budget is one thousand dollars to buy the ingredients. The possibilities are endless. But at the same time, I felt insulted like he’s using me to do the housework. Whatever his true intentions, I had to go to my classes that day. Things should be getting better from now on... I hope.

 

[Whybother]

BIKE

Mark was going to be receiving a new bike today. Or so he told me.

“Is that your new bike?” I asked.

“Yeah, isn’t she a beauty!”

“What are you going to do with your old bike?”

“I dunno. Do you want it?”

“Naah! I shan’t ride a bicycle.”

“Come on! There is no such thing as ‘shan’t’ to do anything.”

“Yes there are! You shan’t kill, you shan’t commit adultery…”

“Come on! I can teach you!”

“… and you shan’t covet your neighbour’s arse.”

“Where did you get this stuff anyway?”

“Vicar of Dibley.” I said. Mark made a curious expression then lost interest.

“Get ready! We’re goin’ cycling!”

“But I don’t want to!”

“Just do it!”

“Fine!”

At the park, Mark taught me to ride a bicycle on his brand new bike, which I thought was foolish but Mark was careful not to let me fall off the bike and scratch the paint job.

“You look like you can ride a bike on your own now. Try cycling on your own.”

“I shouldn’t…”

“Come on! You’re getting good at it!”

“I mean, this is a new bike! I might break it!”

“You’re not gonna break it!”

“I might!”

“Just try it out.”

“OK.”

I rode the bike around the park for a few minutes. It was quite fun actually. I never got to ride a bicycle for real before. Only an old bicycle with its chains removed.

“You can get off now if you want!” Mark called out.

I gradually squeezed on the breaks, fearing that if I stopped the bike abruptly, I might fall and break the bike. As I was nearing the pond, I found out that it’s a dead end and the bike was not going to stop as I expected. The path began to slope and squeeze on the breaks really hard but the bike just carried on towards the body of water. I gave up on the bike and grabbed on a lamp post. SPLASH!

Mark ran to the scene and called out my name. He turned to his left and saw me holding on to a lamp post like a monkey then looked back to pond where his bike was being engulfed by the water breaking the surface with bubbles.

“Sorry. I told you not to let me ride on your new bike.”

“You’re… paying… every… schmint.”

“How much is?”

“Fifteen thousands dollars.”

“But that’s more than a third I’m getting for scholarship.”

Mark walks away clenching his gloved fists. I called out for him but he disregarded it. What do I do now? I’m barely living on a few hundreds after paying the rent.

 

[Whybother]

PEACHES

Shopping was great after the classes. I felt like I could splurge on everything that I fancy. But I know I’m entrusted with someone else’s money so I have to restrain myself from doing so. I’ve heard of an urban farmers market close by so I thought I’ll check them out.

When I was there, oh God! It had almost everything that I like about buying food and just plain food stuff in general. Fresh produce delivered on the same day it was harvested, fruits, vegetables, dairy products, cottage industries indulgences, the lot. My eyes was spoilt for choice. Local produces as well as imported ones, both just so alluringly inviting. After spending two hours roaming along all the stalls, I kept in mind everything that I wanted to buy in my head and bought them all like an assembly line as I hopped from one stall to the next. I left the market place lugging around bags of groceries feeling quite content with today’s proceeding with only over thirty dollars spent. Bargain! The only thing left to do was a trip to specialty shops to buy special herbs and spices. Could this day get any better?!

A FEW DAYS LATER
It was a rather dull day. I’ve bought a few plastic flower pot and some compost yesterday, so I thought I’ll plant the seeds that I collected so far.

“Good morning. What do you have there?”

“Fruit seeds. From the fruits we ate? Most of them are peaches.”

“Really?! What are you doing with them?”

“I’m putting them in pots. I’m growing them.”

“What for? Why would you want to plant fruit trees in the middle of the winter. Anyway, this is an apartment. Are you crazy?! What are you trying to achieve?!”

“I just want to grow them. If it works, I’ll be doing my bit to the planet.”

Mark face shrugged, “Phfff! You’re strange…… I’m gotta get ready for work. Don’t make a mess. Clean up after you’re done.” He smiled then went off to his own business.

MUSIC SHEETS

I was scrubbing the floor playing some songs on my new laptop when Mark saw me.

“What happened here?” Mark asked.

“I has repotted a few of my plants and some of the compost got trapped in between the wood of the decking. What do you call it here?”

“Decking. Same thing. Well, make sure you got it all off!”

“Working on it.”

“What are you listening to?”

“It’s not in English…”

“It sounds good. What language is it?”

“Egyptian… Arabic.”

“Well? Turn it up!”

I tried turning the volume up, but it wouldn’t get any higher. “That’s the loudest I’m afraid.”

“Play it on my sound system.” He requested. I put the tracks in a memory stick then went to the machine, but I can’t see where it goes.

“Mark, how do you work this thing?”

“Here, let me show you.” He came over and showed me.

“Right…” I clicked play and forwarded to the track that was played recently but instead it got stuck at one particular track. “It’s stuck at the wrong song!”

“It’s OK. Just play it..... I have a function coming up. I hadn’t been dancing for a while. Can you help me see if I still got it?”

“I don’t know how to dance. You’re asking the wrong person. Ask someone who can.”

“It’s nothing really. I just need to practice a little. So?’

“Oh… OK. So, who’s leading?” Mark didn’t look amused.

“What is this song about?” he asked me so I told him.

“Hmm…” he sighed then started singing along.

“You know Arabic?!” I said surprised. He nodded.

“I spent time in the Arab world doing businesses.” And carried singing.

“Then why did you ask me what the song meant?” he didn’t answer instead just carried on singing at me as we were dancing. “Can we stop now?”

“Why?”

“It’s a bit awkward.”

“Huh?”

“It’s just that, I think I saw this scene in a movie or something. Just… you know. Can we stop now?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” We stopped dancing and I pressed stop on the remote of the sound system, put it away and carried on scrubbing the floor. Mark began to walk back to his side of his apartment then turned.

“Next time if you want to listen to music, you can play it on the music station rather than playing it on your laptop while you’re scrubbing the floor and what not. You might get water on your precious device.”

“Awww! Thanks!” I said.

Mark sighed and smiled then carried on walking.

 

[Whybother]

BACK IN THE PRESENT

Eyes were on me and for that awkward moment they all looked dumbfounded in disbelief. The guy with the shaved head then said to me,

"So, you like mansnuff?"

Johnssen seemed furious, “That is you?!”

“Easy Johnssen…!” Dale said to him, so did Kronen.

“I’m fine… If he wishes, I’ll be fine… Congratulations kid, whoever you are.” he took a breather, “Where is Mark?”

I froze. I didn’t know how to tell them.

“Well?” Johnssen staring at me with his piercing eyes.

What came out of my mouth was barely a whisper, “He’s dead…”

“Isn’t he always!” Dale laughed, and the rest of them joined in.

I can’t understand why no one believes me when I said what happened to Mark. My knees feels weak. It’s like I can’t even move them even if someone is about to bump me, head on. The laughter went on in the room for a few seconds then stopped. There is a silence after that with everyone looking at me like they are waiting for some sort of answer from me. A reaction of some sort.

“You’re serious. When?” Johnssen asks.

“Sunday.”

“Fuck! I wanted to cut him up!” came from the phone of the man that I thought was Landon Glenn. Three of the men seemed upset. The two young men just seemed confused.

“Who found him?” Dale asks.

Stuttering, “…I was… Actually…” I wait until I get back my composure and said, “I was there when he killed himself.”

“You were with him when he died!!!!!” Johnssen stood up from his chair, red faced, furious, “Why didn’t you stop him!!!” and clenches his fists then go barging towards me. Dale and Kronen stopped him from coming any closer. “Calm down buddy.” Dale told Johnssen.

“What is happening here?!” I ask.

“You don’t know?” Dale asks.

“No!”

“Mark left everything to you!”

“Hah?!”

“Let me at that shrimp! No way that dog shit getting everything! Mark wouldn’t leave us without saying goodbye!”

“There must be an explanation to what happened here Dane.” Dale said.

“Yes!!! I don’t buy that botched accent for a minute. He conned our dear Mark and now this fucker is conning us. Can’t ya guys see?! That kid is a fraud!”

“What is really hap…” Johnssen took off his coat and got away and marched towards me again. Shocked, I accidentally dropped the tray of drinks and runaway.

I found a quite room with a few tables and chairs and stayed there. Then a few minutes later, the two guests that sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the other guests found me.

“Are you OK kid?” said one of them.

The guy that I thought was Winston said, “How did you manage to get everything?!” I didn’t want to answer because I don’t even know what is really happening.

“Shut up Ned! Can’t you see the kid is upset!... But really, how did you get Mark Heston to leave the whole thing to you?! Did you sleep with him?”

Horrified to the sort of questions these people are asking me, I rested my head on the table and wrapped my face with my arms so I can’t see or hear anyone.

“I don’t get it!” said Edward

“I don’t get it either.”

Edward exclaimed, “I slept with my boss to be promoted to an assistant manager but so far, the only big thing he ever got me to do is this errand.”

“Shit! How many times have you been sleeping with your boss?!”

“I don’t want to keep count of it but it has been going on about three months.”

“Oh fuck!”

“What?!”

“I slept with my boss for over a year now and I’m still running his errands!”

“You’re fucked up Ivan!”

“I know! No shit!!!”

“Leave me alone! I don’t want Mark’s mansion! Just leave me alone!”

The two men mocked me by mimicking me.

Ivan starts talking again, “You must be really good at sex for an ugly kid like you!”

Offended, I said, “What!!!!!!”

“Yeah, I mean you did sleep with him, didn’t you?!”

“NO! NEVER!”

“Are you sure?!”

“YES!!!!!! Now leave me alone!!!”

“Gay men have strange tastes. Those men out there don’t look like the typical stereotype but they are.”

I got my head up, “Wait, all of Mark’s friend are homos?!”

“Yup!” Ivan answered.

“But one of them got a wedding ring on! Is he gay?!”

“Mr Johnssen? Yup, he’s gay!”

“I don’t believe you! He looks really manly!”

“He’s in the closet. He likes to show of his military background. When he was going berserk, he showed you his dog tag on purpose to show off his ego.”

“So he’s married to a man then?”

“Oh, no! He married a woman. Carson.”

Edward interject, “It’s Carrie!”

“No it’s Carson! Carrie is just her nickname.” Ivan corrected.

“Oh, really?”

Ivan nodded.

“So, anyway...”

“Do his wife knows?” I asked. They both nodded.

Edward adds, “Woman is pathetic really. The guy is a wife beater. The state took his kids to live with his in-laws after neighbors reported about domestic abuse. When they were divorced, the woman came back on her knees and they both got their divorce annulled. He’s hardly ever home and she still wants him! How messed up is that?!” I have to agree with him. That is messed up.

“Are you guys like, homos or something?”

Ivan responded, “No. I only slept with my boss because I thought it’ll help me get a promotion. I’ve got a girlfriend but don’t tell my boss. Ned, are you gay?” Edward shook his head. “How about you kid?”

“I didn’t give much thought about. I don’t think I’m that bothered…”

Johnssen appeared at the door, “Is that fucking sissy… Oh, there you are. Where is Mark?!” I didn’t answer.

“Hey kid!!! Where is Mark?!”

Answering his question seems to be the only way to get him to go away. “He’s in a white room with…”

“I know where it is…” he took a deep breath, “Thanks kid.” I didn’t pay attention, instead I kept my head down on the table. “Hey kid! I…” before he finished his sentence, I left the room and accidentally bumped on Johnssen. “Fuck you!!!” he swore at me.

I found another quiet room that was similar to the previous one and stayed there. After another few minutes, another person bothered me. This time it’s Kronen. “Go away!” I said. I peeked and read the white lettering on his black t-shirt it says,

HUNGRY?
wantBEEF!

“Shut the fuck up kid! Where is Dane?” he asked. I didn’t answer. “Well?”

“He’s in a room with morgue equipments. It’s where Mark is. Leave me alone.”

Dale passed by the door, “What did the kid say?” I was able to read the back of the t-shirt,

CANNABALIZE
meBEYATCH!!!

“Dane is in the morgue room with Mark… Come on kid show us where it is.”

The door bell rings again. The two men were too busy talking to each other that they didn’t bother to answer the door. Hating the sight of them, I left the room and answer the door. There were two men at the door, one rudely scolded me.

“Who are you?!” I chose not to answer because I might just go berserk. “Anyway, I’m Landon. This is my friend Winston. I heard my friend just died. Mark Heston? We came here on a jet for five hours. Is it true?” I ignored them.

“Can we come in?” Winston asked. I moved away leaving the door wide open. After they came in, the wind howled outside. It was pitched black outside except for the light that brightened up the driveway. Dale and Kronen greeted their friends. I closed and locked the door afterwards and went back to the room and stayed there.

Kronen showed up again, “Kid, show us where the room is.” I couldn’t be bothered to get my head up and just ignored the request. He came closer and rubbed my back. “Are you OK?” I cried on the table, tried not to let him hear it.

“Is the kid ready yet?” Dale asked. Kronen held out his hand telling Dale to be patient.

“My name is Jason. My friends call me Jay.”

“Is the kid OK?!”

“Wait Dale! Just wait for a minute.” Jason sat next to me and put his left arm around my lower back tried to persuade me to get up.

“So?” Dale grew impatient.

“Wait!” I can see Jason’s chin through my folded arms when he laid his face on the table.

“Wakey wakey little baby!” he said. I thought to myself, what the dog’s poo is he playing at. He then started singing some weird song about horses and stars and stuff. I don’t get a word what it was about. Annoyed, I picked my head up and tried to walk away but Jason pulled me closer to him. He pushed my head to his chest. I can hear his heart beat. He then sort of dragged me out of the room and told me to show where Dane and Mark is.

When we arrived at the depressing room, how shocked I was to find Mark’s dead body was taken out of the glass tank and Dane, holding on to Mark’s dead… he was about to… when we startled him.

“Hey guys! Check this out!” he smirked.

“Fuck! Is he really dead?!” Landon asked. Dane nodded. “Shit! He don’t look dead! What should we do first?!”

“Did you watch the video! Dudes! Our little Marky left his body for us to enjoy!”

“Oh my God. For real?!” Landon asked.

“This is like my prayers has been answered. Hallelujah!” Winston rejoiced.

“Praise God!” Dale exclaimed.

They all watched the video together. I can’t bring myself to look at the screen. Jason noticed. “Are you OK kid?”

“No.”

“Say, you wouldn’t know where Mark kept his stash!”

“Stash of what?”

“You know… his collection.”

“Collection?”

“Of snuffs. Dead guys.”

“I wouldn’t know… But I saw a room with a computer and shelves with VHS and CDs.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know!”

He looked disappointed. I tried to remember, “The door was grey and there was a writing in blue marker at the bottom right that says, “Jack-O-Lantern! YAAAH!!!” or something.

 

[Whybother]

“I know where that is!” then run off, probably looking for the room. Yaggghhh! Disgusting!

“Lets start stripping him down!” Dale said.

“Yeah, man! My bud wants me to plug his holes for him! YAAAAAH!!!” I can’t believe what I’m hearing!

Landon rubbed his hands together, very eager to get on with it, “I want to crack open his skull and cum all over his brain and the cranial cavity. Then I want to make him cum on his own brain. I’m at ecstasy just thinking about it!”

“Before you do that Landy, I want to eat food off his chest… I’m gonna expose his chest to look at his athletic heart and cum all over inside the cavity!” Winston smiled.

“Dudes! Those are all hot suggestion! You guys are sick!” Dane pointed out.

I crashed onto the floor on my behind. I can’t take this! I just saw Mark died in front of me and now someone is going to… My legs feel numb like the mood in the room.

“Kid!” Dale snapped his fingers. “Are you OK?” Why do people keep asking me if I’m OK?! Dale looked at his friends. “Guys! I found this letter amongst Mark’s other documents. You guys should read it. I think it was written right before he died.” One by one they read the letter.

“Is this for real?” Landon asked.

“The kid might made this stuff up!” Dane became suspicious.

“It’s Mark’s hand writing.”

Dane walked over to me and tried to touch me. “Kid…” I shuddered. “I’m Dane. Sorry about earlier.” I was too stuck in trauma that I can’t move my body to react. He crouched down in front of me, “You can call me Karl if you want! It’s my name too!” He tried to touch my face but I moved away. He sighed then walked back to Mark’s body. “Come on! Let’s start before the night gets old…”

“Dane, we have to ask what the kid thinks.”

“But…”

“It’s his last wish!”

Dane sighed loudly.

Dale asked me, “Can we?” I turned my face in his direction but I can’t process what is going on. I’m seeing and hearing things but I can’t compute. “The kid is in shock! Maybe next time.” I shook my head. “OK… OK. We’ll leave Mark’s body alone!”

“What?! But?!” Dane stuttered.

“Fuck that kid!”

“Have a heart Landy! The kid just saw a man died!”

Dane was panting. He grappled at Mark’s legs and hold on to his own bulge with his left hand ant the other holding to Mark’s. My jaw dropped as he was about to… He noticed my expression and grumbled to himself. He put his hand through the fly of Mark’s trousers then took it out. He pulled Mark’s underwear over his gents and zipped the trousers.

“Did he cum?” Landon asked.

“Buckets.” Dane answered showing his hands. Dane licked his hands and breathing heavily. My eyes went wide open. Dane and Winston lifted Mark and put him back in the glass tank with the thick, slick liquid and placed the glass cover on top to seal the glass casing. I didn’t realise that they left the room until a few moments later. What happened felt like I was in a state of dream. I left the morgue to hear the sound of angry men.

“Where is Elsa?”

I dread to see them again but I did. It’s Dale. “Did you see Elsa anywhere?!”

“No.”

“Well, can you cook for us! Dane is cranky when he’s hungry!” he dragged me to the kitchen.

“Why don’t you cook?!” I said.

“OK, fine! What would you want me to do?”

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, rationalising the situation. One, they are Mark’s friends, two, we are too far from anywhere to call for pizza, three, there’s a bar close by where they can get their meals. Before I could tell them to get their own dinner, I reminded myself again that they are Mark’s friends. They must be having a hard time rationalising his death and struggling to begin the process of grieving.

“It’s OK Dale. I’ll be fine doing it on my own.”

“Sure?”

“Yes! Move along! Tell everyone give me at least an hour to get the food done.”

“An hour?! Can’t you do it half the time?” his stomach grumbled.

“Why didn’t you guys eat during the day?”

“We thought Mark had the food ready for us like he usually do. When we found out he’s dead… I mean really dead this time. We told the maid. Elsa was suppose to cook for us!” clearly Dale is upset with Mark’s death. As I started getting the late dinner slashed supper ready, Dale left the kitchen. In my mind, I remember Mark cooked on rare occasions and the food he made was amazing! Way better than mine! But why did he left me making his food almost all the time?! Could it really be?

“I don’t wanna eat your fucking bird seeds punk!” I heard Dane said across the hall and something being thrown onto the floor.

I made mashed root vegetables, with blanched wild greens and deep fried chicken pieces in just over thirty minutes. I was surprised I pulled it off. Usually I had to prepare a lot in advance so I can absorb myself in the ritual. The great thing after the accident was, I didn’t have to anticipate when Mark… would be back from work before I started preparing anything to cook or what his mood would be for breakfast or checking the phone obsessively to see if he left a message saying he’ll be home for lunch or any other reason just to torment me. I think… I think I really miss him. Why Mark?

When I brought the food over to the table, Dane flipped! “What the fuck is this! I told you no bird seeds!”

‘But there is no…!”

Dane banged his large fists on the table. It felt like an earthquake just happened.

“What do you want then?”

Dane rest his head on his right hand and banged on the table with the left. He’s upset.

“You want a barbecue or something?” remembering there was a barbeque and grilling set in the kitchen.

He stood up and threw his chair on the floor and walked upstairs onto the wide, open air balcony. Landon and Winston followed him. Dale was about to follow as well, “I think that’s a yes.” Said Dale.

“But there’s no meat!”

“There’s racks of beef and lamb in the basement.”

“In the basement?”

“Yes! Follow me!”

Dale showed be the light switch in the kitchen’s pantry lighting up a door that is covered in hanging alliums.

“I never noticed that!” I sighed. We went down a flight of steps made of wood into a dark space. Dale flipped a switch. An orange glow appeared at one end of the darkness. There were things hanging from the ceiling. They looked like hanging carcasses. Human carcasses. I was shaking. Are they asking me to prepare human meat for them?

As we got closer, I was relieved that they were actually hanged cattle meat. Then there was an alarming grinding sound. I look at the direction it was coming from and saw the lower part of a human body being sawed with the legs kicking. I screamed.

“Jay! Quit that!”

“I can’t resist!” Jason laughed. “It’s not real kid! It’s an animatronics!”

“It looked real to me!”

Jason stopped the infernal contraption, “You don’t think we actually kill people, do you?!”

“Oh please! You lot like dead people! Disgusting FREAKS!!! Jason stopped laughing and looked fairly glum then his face turned to anger.

“Told you Jay! Here’s the meat!” Dale gave me a clear plastic bag of assorted cuts of prime meats. “Use the brown steak sauce!”

We left the meat storage. Jason left. In the hallway next to the kitchen was now Dane. “Hey buddy! Need any help?”

Me and Dale tries to lift the barbecue set from the floor together.

“I’ll do it!” Dane offered. Dale moved away. Dane pushed me away so hard that I fell on the kitchen floor. He lifted the barbecue set and put it on his shoulder. He stared at me with a wrinkled brow then walked off with the barbecue set.

“Are you OK?” Dale asked offering to help me get up.

“No, I can get up on my own.”

Dale left as I stood up. I looked for the brown steak sauce, but there were many of them. Some of them were dark brown, yellowy-brown, browny-brown, reddish-brown, brown with green bits. I mean, which is which?! So I took a large cooking pot and placed all of the barbecue sauces with a hint of ‘brownness’. While I was looking around for the things needed for a barbecue, I also found some premixed Cajun spices and some chestnuts in a burlap sack in the freezer. I dumped the stuff in front of them and left them there at their own devices.

I ate and was about to get ready for bed that I remember something. There was one person missing from the balcony. It was Jason. He hadn’t eaten yet, I presumed so I brought along the food that I reheated and went looking for him in the room that I thought he might be. His face was lit by the monitor as he was sitting in the darkness.

“Are you joining your friends?” I asked him. He ignored me with his eyes fixed onto the computer screen. I turn on the lights.

“Ahhhh! Turn it off!” so I did.

“Have you eaten?” he shook his head. I handed over the plate to him with a fork and spoon. He jumped and laughed at whatever he was watching. Curious to see what is really in the room, I went in and looked around. Inside was a bunch of coded CDs with VHS’s that have ambiguous names. It’s easy to guess what sort of entertainment Mark and his friends are into.

“Jason.”

“Uhhh!”

“I heard people were talking about a video…”

“Uhhuh!”

“What video…”

“You mean this?” he showed me not one but three videos. It was the videos Mark told me about.

“Is there all of it? Only these three videos.”

“Uh!”

“Is that all of it?!!!”

“Uh! Yes, yes!”

“Can you delete them please? Now!”

“Uh!”

“Thanks!” I looked as he deletes them.

 

[Whybother]

When I was about to leave the dark room, Jason say, “Your videos are boring anyway! Nothing ever happens!” with that I was pretty much relieved but I can’t help it but feel like there are more to what I heard so far to what I know. Jason didn’t really pay attention to me when I asked him about the videos and whether if there were more. I just hope Mark respected my privacy. I’ve seen some of the things he kept in his computer and lets just say they are not moorish Mr Kipling! Jason was also doing something that I equally disapprove of on his chair doing whatever he was doing. You get the idea.

 

[Whybother]

MARK’S FRIENDS
[Landon is wearing a pink (or salmon. Whatever!) polo neck with a cream sweater tied across his shoulder with a pair of white slacks and belt. Winston is wearing only a nylon red and black boxer trunks and a Swatch Dale wears a suit. Dane wears a white vest with denim pants held up with a black belt with an intricate buckle. Kronen is wearing a black t-shirt with white writings on it with a pair of jeans. Use your x-ray vision and you’ll see his white briefs.]

Dane was sitting on an upholstered seat over at the balcony[already taken his vest off]. Landon and Winston joined in.

“Hey Daney! What’s up dude?!” Winston asks Dane.

“Hey little man! Not good!”

“It’s about Mark huh?!”

“Yeah Winnie! I can’t believe he’s dead! We were like buds since high school!”

“That’s messed up!”

The three men lounge around in grief… also very hungry. Dane become irritable,
“Where the fuck is the food!!!” and walked over to the kitchen and came back with a grilling set over his right shoulder. Dale shows up later.

Landon sparked a conversation, “Hey Winnie! Nice tan! How’s Hawaii?!”

“It was wicked man! I was lounging around and relaxing. Great massages! It was awesome!”

“Did you get laid?”

“No.”

I came at the balcony with things for the barbecue and tried to start the fire. Dane notices something about Winston, “Dude! Nice new bod!”

“Thanks! You like it?!”

“Yaoahahaha!”

“Looks fake.” I mumble to myself.

“You knew?!” Winston sighed.

“Shut up! It’s real!” Dane at Winston’s defence. So did the rest of Mark’s friends.

“No no. The kid was right. It’s fake!”

“But it looks so real!” Dale exclaimed.

“Good plastic surgeon!”

Dane grew impatient of the my incompetence to start the grill that he shoved me away causing me to fall onto the floor. Again. I got back up and started smothering the meat that was already washed inside the plastic bag with a bottle of barbecue sauce Dale took out of the cooking pot.

“What’s that Dale?” asks me as I was carrying the sack of chestnuts.

“Chestnuts.” I mumbled.

“Hey kid! What’s that?!” Dane asks. Dale answers instead, “Chestnuts.”

“Awohohoho! manCHESTER nuts!” then opened his trousers and put the sack inside it. I cringed. I was going to save some for later. Never mind.

“Dude!” Dale dumbstruck.

“Man! That’s sick!” Winston exclaimed.

Landon shuddered, “I ain’t eating that after it touched your dick!”

“Where’s my buddy Jayjay?” Dane asks but only received with a shrug from his friends.

I have no idea what I’m doing on the grill all I know is to leave the meat on the grill and not to move it too early or it will stick. The four grown men were screaming at me about how the would like their meat to be like I know what I’m doing. Mark’s friends are jerks! I left the balcony so they can be at their own devices.

“What are we going to do about the kid?” Dale wonders.

Dane appear distressed. “I don’t know.”

Landon ejaculated with a suggestion, “I think we should leave the kid in ‘bear country’ and let nature take its course.” Winston and Dale seemed to agree.

“Are you guys thinking about murder?!” Dane grunts, disapproving.

“Daney, have you gone soft?!” Landon. Dane exhales rubbing his forehead. “Dude! You’ve just come back from the War! I thought you’d be hardcore! Come on! Out with it! Did you got to shoot tons of ‘rebs’?! Did you get to fuck ‘em?!”

“Awwh man! I was pumping bullets to those manly manlays rebs! Randy-dandy prime kills! Wish I had the chance to make love with their so so manliness, but we were watched over like a hawk! Why is it some guys lucky to be in Abu Ghraib while I have to work on the fields! Shit!”

“Are you OK buddy?” Dale.

“Sure, bud. The best days of my life…and the worst. Have I told you guys about the hazing we military rookies had to go through?”

“No. Tell us!” Winston became excited. “They still do that?!” Dale shocked.

“Well, the senior officers set us tough challenges. It was humiliating man! I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh, go on!” Winston begged.

“No Winnie. It’s too painful.”

“Tell us the rest!” Dale requested.

“Someone sabotaged me, so I got the keg. They took me to the middle of the desert and pounded me man! They fucked me good!”

“Shit!” Landon jolted.

“They left me there to find my way back to camp! It took me three days! I almost died!”

“My God!” Dale exclaimed. “Did you report about it?”

“Who will believe me! When I got well, I pummelled the sick bastards one by one. They should’ve killed me when they had the chance.”

“Did you really?” Landon asks.

“I creamed them good then the hazing stopped.”

“Wow, man! You’re a hero!” Winston impressed. “What else did you do over there in the middle east?”

“Shit! The guys there looked better in real life than in pictures… We had a ‘friendlies’ in Turkey. We were introduced to our Turkish host. He’s a navy captain. God, he’s a looker!”

“Is he gay?”

“No, but did him!”

“Dude! No way! Did he do it willingly?”

“Before I tell you, let me tell you about this hot Turkish sport. It’s like wrestling but way hotter. Yah-luhr-grr-raesh! So our host… by the way his name is Mustafa Erdoğan invited me and my buddy, Ivan…” [extra - Johnssen took part in a hazing with Ivan as the victim but he regretted it and become friends]

“What happened to Ivan?” Dale butted in.

“He died.”

“Did you got to fuck his dead corpse?” Landon asks.

“He died in a car bomb. So there wasn’t much left of him to fuck… We joked about it.”

Dale asks, “What did you guy talked about?”

“I told him if he dies, I’d rape his dead body.”

“What did he said?”

“He was disgusted but then said that he’d be dead so he didn’t really care about it.”

Landon ejaculated, “Fuck! Is he gay? Did he knew that you’re gay?”

“I don’t know. You know the strict policy, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’!”

“That is hot! I’d fuck him if he was in one piece. Shit!”

“Do you guys want to know the rest of the story?!”

“Sorry buddy. Carry on.” Dale apologises.

“Anyway, there were fit Turkish dudes, wall to wall. Young and old. Even children took part. They get children to prepare for their manhood very early there. You should see the old wrestlers. They are still strong like bulls. You’d like to witness that Winnie!” Winston was enjoying Dane’s story, almost salivating. “So, they covered themselves in oil and grapple at each other’s muscles. Shit!” Dane grabs his bulge. “Mustafa challenged me to a match. I thought it was easy. The guy was shorter than me but stocky and very muscley. He creamed me man! He pinned me down every time. I guess I was too distracted to get a hold of his dick rather than winning the match. Oh, yeah! Did I mention you got to get your hands in your opponents pants!”

They all jumped. You guys know what just happened to them you cheeky people.

“So, how did you manage to fuck him?!” Landon growing impatient.

“I was so pissed losing to a man smaller than me. I challenged him to a boxing match back at the base. I didn’t plan it really…”

Dane smells burning so he went to the grill. Winston stopped him, “Dude! Carry on with the story!”

“I’m really hungry! Where is that kid.”

“I’ll deal with the barbecue, you finish the story.”

So Dane carries on telling his story. “The guys creamed me at boxing too! He was really fast, I can’t keep up.”

“So what did you do?” Dale asks.

“I was angry. You guys know I hate losing. I thought boxing was my game. I gave him a sucker punch and knocked him out cold. Then… I did him.”

“How was it?” Landon.

“His balls and penis was a monster! His hands and feet was smaller than mine but…” Dane in ecstasy. Euwww!

Dale, “You wouldn’t happen to have his pictures do you?”

Dane took out his phone from his pocket and showed them.

“Oh shit! He’s fucking cute! I want to do him so badly!”

Winston, “Did you suck his cock?!” Dane smiles widely, nodding.

“Did you snap pictures of him naked?!” Landon.

“Ivan took the videos of us boxing then when I did this stud!”

“That is so hot! I’m in love with Mustafa! Show me!” Landon balancing at the edge of his seat.

“Daney, you’ve filmed when you did Mustafa?! I wanna see!” Winston left the grill and went back to the huddling men. Dane accesses his computer through his phone.

“Woah!... When will the action starts!” Landon jolts.

“Seven minutes later. I want you to see Mustafa beat me man!”

“OK…OK.”

“Landy. It’s my turn after you watched the whole thing.”

“Dane. When did you come back from the Stan?” Dale asks.

“Two months ago, bud!”

“Why didn’t we hear anything from you?”

“We had that social re-integration training for war ‘vets’. I barely came clean after the evaluation.”

“Was it tough…”

Landon interjects, “The guy was paid to kill! It must be heaven there! As long as you don’t get killed.”

“Far from it dude!”

“Why?”

“Yeah, sure you can kill any rebs in sight…but the collateral…”

“Easy friend.” Winston tries to comfort him.

“I killed women, kids and old people! Innocent people, man! I should’ve died there.”

“You don’t mean that! Come on, suck it up!” Dale.

“Yeah, you’re tough!” Landon.

“It’s OK to cry Daney.” Winston told Dane but the other two guys turned to face him and gave him that queer look. Dane took a deep long breath and exhale.

Landon was dancing on his chair watching the video.

 

[Whybother]

THE VIDEO - OVERVIEW
Ivan was the cameraman. Mustafa and Dane was boxing. Mustafa was beating Dane. Seven minutes in the third round, Dane was frustrated because he was losing, so he punched Mustafa really hard that he was knocked out.

Ivan and Dane became concerned. “Is he alright dude?” Ivan said.

Dane checked Mustafa’s breathing and his pulse. “He’s OK.” Dane slaps Mustafa’s face to wake him up but to no avail. He then began feeling Mustafa’s body.

“Dude, lets get the nurse to check if he’s alright.” Ivan suggested. Then Dane feels Mustafa’s, you know, thing. “Dude! What are you doing!”

Dane’s heart beats so fast, he could hear his own heart beat in his ear drums.

“Dude! Get your hands off the guys balls!... Dude!!!”

Dane began to take poor Mustafa’s pants and underwear off. [Guys, this is disgusting. Have I ever mentioned this is the first time I ever wrote in this genre. I hope this is the last necrophilia and gay story I ever have to write.] He then…

“Dude! That’s messed up!”

Dane began licking the sweat of poor Mustafa’s unconscious body and began kissing his lips. He then turned Mustafa over and …

“Dude! Are you like… a homo?! I can’t believe I’m seeing this!”

Mustafa began to come around as Dane was abusing him. Dane panicked, he began punching Mustafa’s head over and over again until he was knocked out again.

“Man, this is messed up! You’re messed up! I don’t even know you!”

“Shut up and keep filming!”

“Dude. I think he’s not breathing!”

“Seriously?”

“Look! His head is bleeding! You cracked his skull!”

“Oh shit!... Mustafa!” Dane slapped Mustafa’s face. “Oh fuck!” Dane began doing CPR on Mustafa to revive him.

“I’ll get the paramedic!”

VIDEO ENDS…

Landon, “Dude, did you killed him?!”

“He’s alive. We still keep contact as friends.”

“No way! Did you tell him?”

“No, I didn’t tell him! He’ll kill me!”

“He’s so hot! Is he gay?”

“No, he’s very straight. He’s married with kids.”

“Maybe he’s in the closet or a homosexual still in denial.”

“I wish! One thing I’m really disappointed was I couldn’t get his dick to go hard.”

“But his phallus was enormous!”

“Was he a virgin?” Dale.

“Yup.”

“Hey Landy! It’s my turn!” Winston and Landon changed shifts.

“Why is he still friend with you? You almost killed him.” Dale.

“He had a concussion and can’t remember a thing about that day.”

Landon, “I think he did.”

“Don’t he keep a grudge?”

Dane shakes his head, “Nope, he was rather impressed that I took him out with one punch. He respects me. He even invited me and Ivan to dinner at his home. His wife can cook, I tell ya. I feel really bad after what I did to him. He looked like he really loved his wife and kids…” Dane took a deep breath and exhales then sighs.

“Why don’t you teach us Turkish wrestling. I bet I can beat ya!” Dale changes the mood to perk everyone up.

“In your dreams buddy!” The four men then had their late dinner and began preparing.

Dale approached me asking for baby oil. I can’t be bothered to ask why, so I got a bottle of Johnson and Johnson Baby Oil, instead Dane became angry and later appear with a vat of the oily stuff Elsa and I poured in the glass tank that Mark…

“We’re going to the beach kid! Wanna join?” Dane asks me and gave me a hug. I shook my head.

“I’m going to bed.” I said. Dane smiled. Landon called out for them to get going. I watched them disappearing into the dark forest where the supposed beach is at the other side.

I woke up around two o’clock unable to sleep. How disappointed I was to wake up finding myself still in the mansion. I guess even if I want to believe and pray to God that it was all a dream, if it is to be, it is to be. I can’t change fate. What seemed like reality is no longer valid. I’m scared I will not able to handle the post-traumatic stress of Mark’s death.

I went outside to see if the Mark’s friends were back from the beach, because there was no trace of them ever coming back. I can see the moon in the sky. It’s a full moon. My phone rung. An unknown number. I answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hello. It’s me kid.” The caller is whispering.

“Who?”

“Jay.”

“Jason?”

“Yes. Where are you?”

“Outside.”

“Come back inside.”

“Why?”

“There’s a ghost out there.”

“A ghost?”

“The ghost lady.”

“What ghost lady?”

“She’s outside. On the driveway. She’s going to get her revenge on the guy that made her jump off the cliff.”

“It’s not funny Jason!”

“Keep your voice down.”

“Where is she?”

“On the driveway. I’m looking at her right know through the window.”

“I don’t see anyone.”

“She’s moving! Get out of there!”

“You said you’re looking through the window…” I turned around and saw Jason looking through the window.

“She spotted me!” Jason jumped and crouched down to hide. I laughed.

“Why are you laughing?!”

“Hello Jason. It’s me!”

“What are you talking about.”

“Look out the window.” Jason popped up and I waved to him. He was spooked and crouched back down.

“The ghost just waved at me!”

“That was me silly!” I laughed out loud. I went back inside to see Jason.

“This is not funny!” Jason didn’t look amused.

“How did you get my number? And where did you hear about this ghost lady?”

“There was that poster I saw in Drummond’s Bayou. It says that a lady killed herself a hundred fifty years ago from jumping off the cliff. I asked the barman…”

“Peter?”

“Yeah! He said it was true. He also said I looked just like the guy that rejected the ghost lady’s love when she was alive. Maybe the guy was gay and I’m his reincarnation.”

“And you believed him?”

Jason nodded. I laughed.

“You’re not gonna tell the guys, are you?”

“Whatever.”

“You’re not gonna tell! Are you?!”

“As if they are going to believe me.” I left him and went straight to bed. A big guy like that scared of a ghost?! Mark’s friends are just getting stranger and stranger.

 

[Whybother]

PARTS THAT WAS MISSING ADDED

MARK’S FRIENDS
[Landon is wearing a pink (or salmon. Whatever!) polo neck with a cream sweater tied across his shoulder with a pair of white slacks and belt. Winston is wearing only a nylon red and black boxer trunks and a Swatch Dale wears a suit. Dane wears a white vest with denim pants held up with a black belt with an intricate buckle. Kronen is wearing a black t-shirt with white writings on it with a pair of jeans and belt. Use your x-ray vision and you’ll see his white briefs.]

Dane was sitting on an upholstered seat over at the balcony[already taken his vest off]. Landon and Winston joined in.

“Hey Daney! What’s up dude?!” Winston asks Dane.

“Hey little man! Not good!”

“It’s about Mark huh?!”

“Yeah Winnie! I can’t believe he’s dead! We were like buds since high school!”

“That’s messed up!”

The three men lounge around in grief… also very hungry. Dane become irritable,
“Where the fuck is the food!!!” and walked over to the kitchen and came back with a grilling set over his right shoulder. Dale shows up later.

Landon sparked a conversation, “Hey Winnie! Nice tan! How’s Hawaii?!”

“It was wicked man! I was lounging around and relaxing. Great massages! It was awesome!”

“Did you get laid?”

“No.” There was a pause. “Dudes! I had these hot dogs, in Honolulu. It was like, AWESOME! They had this bun, with a hole in the middle, and you push the franks through the whole and eat it. It was like wicked! Major erotic!”

“No way!!!” Landon exclaimed.

“You can toast the hole and make it all crunchy and crispy on the inside and they got many types of sauces. It’s like having oral sex when you pop it in your mouth! Just you can get sloppy and bite the dick and swallow. You should try it!” [Where on earth do these ideas come from?! I’m sick to the stomach just writing it down!] Landon was jumping at the idea. Dane shook his head at the immatureness of his friends.

I came at the balcony with things for the barbecue and tried to start the fire. Dane notices something about Winston, “Dude! Nice new bod!”

“Thanks! You like it?!”

“Yaoahahaha!”

“Looks fake.” I mumble to myself.

“You knew?!” Winston sighed.

“Shut up! It’s real!” Dane at Winston’s defence. So did the rest of Mark’s friends.

“No no. The kid was right. It’s fake!”

“But it looks so real!” Dale exclaimed.

“Good plastic surgeon!”

Dane grew impatient of the my incompetence to start the grill that he shoved me away causing me to fall onto the floor. Again. I got back up and started smothering the meat that was already washed inside the plastic bag with a bottle of barbecue sauce Dale took out of the cooking pot.

“What’s that Dale?” asks me as I was carrying the sack of chestnuts.

“Chestnuts.” I mumbled.

“Hey kid! What’s that?!” Dane asks. Dale answers instead, “Chestnuts.”

“Awohohoho! manCHESTER nuts!” then opened his trousers and put the sack inside it. I cringed. I was going to save some for later. Never mind.

“Dude!” Dale dumbstruck.

“Man! That’s sick!” Winston exclaimed.

Landon shuddered, “I ain’t eating that after it touched your dick!”

“Where’s my buddy Jayjay?” Dane asks but only received with a shrug from his friends.

I have no idea what I’m doing on the grill all I know is to leave the meat on the grill and not to move it too early or it will stick. The four grown men were screaming at me about how the would like their meat to be like I know what I’m doing. Mark’s friends are jerks! I left the balcony so they can be at their own devices.

“What are we going to do about the kid?” Dale wonders.

Dane appear distressed. “I don’t know.”

Landon ejaculated with a suggestion, “I think we should leave the kid in ‘bear country’ and let nature take its course.” Winston and Dale seemed to agree.

“Are you guys thinking about murder?!” Dane grunts, disapproving.

“Daney, have you gone soft?!” Landon. Dane exhales rubbing his forehead. “Dude! You’ve just come back from the War! I thought you’d be hardcore! Come on! Out with it! Did you got to shoot tons of ‘rebs’?! Did you get to fuck ‘em?!”

“None.”

“How about touching ‘em?”

“I had to escorted a diplomat in Gaza once. When I had some time off, where my buddy covered me, I had a walk. I found this dead Palestinian police in a cami. He was perfect man! Instant cum! I wanted to fuck him so badly, but, I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“Why didn't ya?!”

Dane grunts, “…Anyway, I was invited to a ritualistic Islamic washing of a dead Arab terrorist in the PakiStan. I was coming in my pants the whole time!”

“Did you got to touch him?”

“No…Almost! I poked my foot in to touch him. The guys watching me gave me strange looks as I was doing it. Too bad that my toes only touched the black cloth covering his manhood but it was enough to make a long lasting happy memory for the rest of my life. There should be a CUMMOMERATION for dead Arab and Muslim rebs, freedom fighters, militants and terrorist studs. They sure do look better as a deader.”

“The only good terrorist, is a dead terrorist.” Landon ejaculated. “Can you remember how many of ‘em terrorists you killed?”

“Awwh man! I was pumping bullets to those manly manlays rebs! Randy-dandy prime kills! Wish I had the chance to make love with their so so manliness, but we were watched over like a hawk! Why is it some guys lucky to be in Abu Ghraib while I have to work on the fields! Shit!”

“Are you OK buddy?” Dale.

“Sure, bud. The best days of my life…and the worst. Have I told you guys about the hazing we military rookies had to go through?”

Dane Karl Johnssen was a victim of hazing in the military.

“No. Tell us!” Winston became excited. “They still do that?!” Dale shocked.

“Well, the senior officers set us tough challenges. It was humiliating man! I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh, go on!” Winston begged.

“No Winnie. It’s too painful.”

“Tell us the rest!” Dale requested.

“Someone sabotaged me, so I got the keg. They took me to the middle of the desert and pounded me man! They fucked me good!”

“Shit!” Landon jolted.

“They left me there to find my way back to camp! It took me three days! I almost died!”

“My God!” Dale exclaimed. “Did you report about it?”

“Who will believe me! When I got well, I pummelled the sick bastards one by one. They should’ve killed me when they had the chance.”

“Did you really?” Landon asks.

“I creamed them good then the hazing stopped.”

“Wow, man! You’re a hero!” Winston impressed. “What else did you do over there in the middle east?”

“Shit! The guys there looked better in real life than in pictures… We had a ‘friendlies’ in Turkey. We were introduced to our Turkish host. He’s a navy captain. God, he’s a looker!”

“Is he gay?”

“No, but did him!”

“Dude! No way! Did he do it willingly?”

“Before I tell you, let me tell you about this hot Turkish sport. It’s like wrestling but way hotter. Yah-luhr-grr-raesh! So our host… by the way his name is Mustafa Erdoğan invited me and my buddy, Ivan…” [extra - Johnssen took part in a hazing with Ivan as the victim but he regretted it and become friends]

“What happened to Ivan?” Dale butted in.

“He died.”

“Did you got to fuck his dead corpse?” Landon asks.

“He died in a car bomb. So there wasn’t much left of him to fuck… We joked about it.”

Dale asks, “What did you guys talked about?”

“I told him if he dies, I’d rape his dead body.”

“What did he said?”

“He was disgusted but then said that he’d be dead so he didn’t really care about it.”

Landon ejaculated, “Fuck! Is he gay? Did he knew that you’re gay?”

“I don’t know. You know the strict policy, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’!”

“That is hot! I’d fuck him if he was in one piece. Shit!”

“Do you guys want to know the rest of the story?!”

“Sorry buddy. Carry on.” Dale apologises.

“Anyway, there were fit Turkish dudes, wall to wall. Young and old. Even children took part. They get children to prepare for their manhood very early there. You should see the old wrestlers. They are still strong like bulls. You’d like to witness that Winnie!” Winston was enjoying Dane’s story, almost salivating. “So, they covered themselves in oil and grapple at each other’s muscles. Shit!” Dane grabs his bulge. “Mustafa challenged me to a match. I thought it was easy. The guy was shorter than me but stocky and very muscley. He creamed me man! He pinned me down every time. I guess I was too distracted to get a hold of his dick rather than winning the match. Oh, yeah! Did I mention you got to get your hands in your opponents pants!”

They all jumped. You guys know what just happened to them you cheeky people.

“So, how did you manage to fuck him?!” Landon growing impatient.

“I was so pissed losing to a man smaller than me. I challenged him to a boxing match back at the base. I didn’t plan it really…”

Dane smells burning so he went to the grill. Winston stopped him, “Dude! Carry on with the story!”

“I’m really hungry! Where is that kid.”

“I’ll deal with the barbecue, you finish the story.”

So Dane carries on telling his story. “The guys creamed me at boxing too! He was really fast, I can’t keep up.”

“So what did you do?” Dale asks.

“I was angry. You guys know I hate losing. I thought boxing was my game. I gave him a sucker punch and knocked him out cold. Then… I did him.”

“How was it?” Landon.

“His balls and penis was a monster! His hands and feet was smaller than mine but…” Dane in ecstasy. Euwww!

Dale, “You wouldn’t happen to have his pictures do you?”

Dane took out his phone from his pocket and showed them.

 

[Whybother]

“Oh shit! He’s fucking cute! I want to do him so badly!”

Winston, “Did you suck his cock?!” Dane smiles widely, nodding.

“Did you snap pictures of him naked?!” Landon.

“Ivan took the videos of us boxing then when I did this stud!”

“That is so hot! I’m in love with Mustafa! Show me!” Landon balancing at the edge of his seat.

“Daney, you’ve filmed when you did Mustafa?! I wanna see!” Winston left the grill and went back to the huddling men. Dane accesses his computer through his phone.

“Woah!... When will the action starts!” Landon jolts.

“Seven minutes later. I want you to see Mustafa beat me man!”

“OK…OK.”

“Landy. It’s my turn after you watched the whole thing.”

“I also went to Syria. My contact fixed me a visit in a mosque in Damascus. The place was amazing!” Dane.

“I’ve been there!” Dale.

“I watched them Muslim dudes pray and such. I was standing at the back checking their hot asses.”

“Oh fuck man!” Landon.

“So, when they were done with their praying stuff, my fixer called out all of the guys and introduced me. It was shit man! I had to shake hands with ‘em Arab studs one by one! My bulge was throbbing the whole time! I had to keep my left hand in my pocket to keep my boner down. I had to push really hard! It fucking hurt me! I never had to keep it down so hard in my life! Wish never will.”

“Dane. When did you come back from the Stan?” Dale asks.

“Two months ago, bud!”

“Why didn’t we hear anything from you?”

“We had that social re-integration training for war ‘vets’. I barely came clean after the evaluation.”

“Was it tough…”

Landon interjects, “The guy was paid to kill! It must be heaven there! As long as you don’t get killed.”

“Far from it dude!”

“Why?”

“Yeah, sure you can kill any rebs in sight…but the collateral…”

“Easy friend.” Winston tries to comfort him.

“I killed women, kids and old people! Innocent people, man! I should’ve died there.”

“You don’t mean that! Come on, suck it up!” Dale.

“Yeah, you’re tough!” Landon.

“It’s OK to cry Daney.” Winston told Dane but the other two guys turned to face him and gave him that queer look. Dane took a deep long breath and exhale.

Landon was dancing on his chair watching the video.

THE VIDEO - OVERVIEW
Ivan was the cameraman. Mustafa and Dane was boxing. Mustafa was beating Dane. Seven minutes in the third round, Dane was frustrated because he was losing, so he punched Mustafa really hard that he was knocked out.

Ivan and Dane became concerned. “Is he alright dude?” Ivan said.

Dane checked Mustafa’s breathing and his pulse. “He’s OK.” Dane slaps Mustafa’s face to wake him up but to no avail. He then began feeling Mustafa’s body.

“Dude, lets get the nurse to check if he’s alright.” Ivan suggested. Then Dane feels Mustafa’s, you know, thing. “Dude! What are you doing!”

Dane’s heart beats so fast, he could hear his own heart beat in his ear drums.

“Dude! Get your hands off the guys balls!... Dude!!!”

Dane began to take poor Mustafa’s pants and underwear off. [Guys, this is disgusting. Have I ever mentioned this is the first time I ever wrote in this genre. I hope this is the last necrophilia and gay story I ever have to write.] He then…

“Dude! That’s messed up!”

Dane began licking the sweat of poor Mustafa’s unconscious body and began kissing his lips. He then turned Mustafa over and …

“Dude! Are you like… a homo?! I can’t believe I’m seeing this!”

Mustafa began to come around as Dane was abusing him. Dane panicked, he began punching Mustafa’s head over and over again until he was knocked out again.

“Man, this is messed up! You’re messed up! I don’t even know you!”

“Shut up and keep filming!”

“Dude. I think he’s not breathing!”

“Seriously?”

“Look! His head is bleeding! You cracked his skull!”

“Oh shit!... Mustafa!” Dane slapped Mustafa’s face. “Oh fuck!” Dane began doing CPR on Mustafa to revive him.

“I’ll get the paramedic!”

VIDEO ENDS…

Landon, “Dude, did you killed him?!”

“He’s alive. We still keep contact as friends.”

“No way! Did you tell him?”

“No, I didn’t tell him! He’ll kill me!”

“He’s so hot! Is he gay?”

“No, he’s very straight. He’s married with kids.”

“Maybe he’s in the closet or a homosexual still in denial.”

“I wish! One thing I’m really disappointed was I couldn’t get his dick to go hard.”

“But his phallus was enormous!”

“Was he a virgin?” Dale.

“Yup.”

“Hey Landy! It’s my turn!” Winston and Landon changed shifts.

“Why is he still friends with you? You almost killed him.” Dale.

“He had a concussion and can’t remember a thing about that day.”

Landon, “I think he did.”

“Don’t he keep a grudge?”

Dane shakes his head, “Nope, he was rather impressed that I took him out with one punch. He respects me. He even invited me and Ivan to dinner at his home. His wife can cook, I tell ya. I feel really bad after what I did to him. He looked like he really loved his wife and kids…” Dane took a deep breath and exhales then sighs.

“Why don’t you teach us Turkish wrestling. I bet I can beat ya!” Dale changes the mood to perk everyone up.

“In your dreams buddy!” The four men then had their late dinner and began preparing.

 

[Whybother]

FLASHBACK

MUSIC SHEETS

I was scrubbing the floor playing some songs on my new laptop when Mark saw me.

“What happened here?” Mark asked.

“I has repotted a few of my plants and some of the compost got trapped in between the wood of the decking. What do you call it here?”

“Decking. Same thing. Well, make sure you got it all off!”

“Working on it.”

“What are you listening to?”

“It’s not in English…”

“It sounds good. What language is it?”

“Egyptian… Arabic.”

“Well? Turn it up!”

I tried turning the volume up, but it wouldn’t get any higher. “That’s the loudest I’m afraid.”

“Play it on my sound system.” He requested. I put the tracks in a memory stick then went to the machine, but I can’t see where it goes.

“Mark, how do you work this thing?”

“Here, let me show you.” He came over and showed me.

“Right…” I clicked play and forwarded to the track that was played recently but instead it got stuck at one particular track. “It’s stuck at the wrong song!”

“It’s OK. Just play it..... I have a function coming up. I haven’t been dancing for a while. Can you help me see if I still got it?”

“I don’t know how to dance. You’re asking the wrong person. Ask someone who can.”

“It’s nothing really. I just need to practice a little. So?’

“Oh… OK. So, who’s leading?” Mark didn’t look amused.

“What is this song about?” he asked me so I told him.

“Hmm…” he sighed then started singing along.

“You know Arabic?!” I said surprised. He nodded.

“I spent time in the Arab world doing businesses.” And carried on singing.

“Then why did you ask me what the song meant?” he didn’t answer instead just carried on singing at me as we were dancing. “Can we stop now?”

“Why?”

“It’s a bit awkward.”

“Huh?”

“It’s just that, I think I saw this scene in a movie or something. Just… you know. Can we stop now?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” We stopped dancing and I pressed stop on the remote of the sound system, put it away and carried on scrubbing the floor. Mark began to walk back to his side of his apartment then turned.

“Next time if you want to listen to music, you can play it on the music station rather than playing it on your laptop while you’re scrubbing the floor and what not. You might get water on your precious device.”

“Awww! Thanks!” I said.

Mark sighed and smiled then carried on walking.

SOMETIME LATER, IN THE FUTURE

Laughing, “Really? No way!”. Mark came home with a stranger that he had over a few times before.

“I know you wouldn’t! Watch this!” Mark turn to me and commanded, “Tonight I want to eat… what would you like? Say it!” he asked the man.

“I don’t know!”

“Just say anything. It doesn’t even have to be something that you can eat. Or so you would think.”

“I don’t know! Stone… soup?!”

“We had that six nights ago!”

“I don’t remember eating any rocks.”

“There was that small lump at the bottom of the pot!”

“Is that it?!”

“Go on! Say it!”

“I don’t know!... Jellyfish!”

“There you go! Make us something made with jellyfish! Or is it sea jelly?”

I can’t be bothered to argue, “OK, jellyfish it is. Or sea jelly as you Americans say it.”

“Oh yeah! I’ll be having lunch home today. Kirk, will you be joining me?”

“Sure.”

“Make sure you get them ready when I get back! By the way, have I introduced you to my lover, Kirk?”

I looked at them disgusted, “No, you haven’t!” Kirk held out his hand. “Kirk Crosden, pleasure.”

“Likewise.” I responded without meaning it. They started holding and touching each other.

“Excuse me. I’m here!” I said out loud.

Kirk Crosden turned towards me. “What’s your name?”

“Never mind that!” Mark dictated. The walked together towards Mark’s side of the apartment while laughing and talking to each other. I almost vomited to the sight of them both.

LUNCH TIME …

I noticed a piano I never seen before was in the apartment. I thought I’d ask Mark about it.

“I noticed there’s a piano there. Is it new?”

“Yeah! Do you wanna try it out?”

“Can I?”

“Be my guess!”

I went over to the piano, lifted its guard and started pressing on the keys.

“Know what else is new?” Mark said.

“What?”

“We’ll be having someone new living with us. Kirk! Ta da!”

When he broke the news, I just know things are just going to get worse.

“This pie is good! What is it called?” Kirk asked.

I explained, “Pecan pie.”

“Homemade?”

“No, I bought them.”

Mark banged on the counter with his fists. “You were suppose to cook everything not take the easy way by buying them! I’m not paying you to be lazy and cut corners!!!”

“You’re not paying me to cook for you! I’m your tenant! Have you forgotten?!”

“Oh yeah! Sorry.” He stared at his watch. “I have to get back to work. Where are you going?” he asked Kirk.

“I’m up for a work-up at the park later but first I have to get my things and do my laundry. I have nothing else to wear other than what I’m wearing right now. Will you be joining me later?”

“Oh yeah! But I’ll check up with Ingrid first if I have an opening.”

“Who’s Ingrid?”

“My secretary. She’s a girl and a friend. You have nothing to worry about!”

“That’s not at all what I was thinking. I was just wondering.”

“Get the half-wit to pick your stuff up and do your laundry…”

“Hey!” I exclaimed after being insulted.

“I really can do it myself.” Kirk said.

“That snot face wouldn’t mind.”

“Hey! Again with the insult!”

“Do Kirk’s laundry and mine. I have a few clothes needing to be washed and pressed.”

Kirk handed me a bit of shiny elliptical piece of metal with the name of the apartment building and a set of numbers. “Please pick up my stuff from downstairs, OK?”

Before I could argue it out with them, “Hey you! I have to get to class! I’m not your…!” they slammed the front door shut, “… maid.”

I arrived to class very late and missed most of the lesson. I’ll be having an exam soon and this situation is not going to help me study properly. Oh how I hate them so much!

A couple of months after the new year I’ve been living as a tenant but it felt like I was living as an unpaid worker. Whatever. Anyway, as I’ve been searching on the internet, I’ve discovered a music sheet for a song I liked but I’m going to have to pay for it. I was short of money so I thought I’d ask Mark for some.

“Mark, can I ask you for a favour?”

“What favor?” he asked.

“Can I borrow some money? I’ll pay you back.”

“No!”

“All I’m asking is fifteen dollars and ninety cents. I’ve never asked you for anything before. In fact, you should be paying me compensation for making me do your chores! I’ve been working my fingers to the bone for you!”

Mark sighed, “OK, fine! How much do you want?”

“Fifteen dollars ninety cents.”

He took out his wallet and showed me some bank notes. “Here! Keep the change.”

“I don’t want cash!”

“What?! Why not?!” he sounded surprised.

“You see there’s this music sheet that I found on the internet. Do you have paypal?”

“I can see where this is going… Yes , I have paypal.”

“Can you help me pay for it?”

Mark shook his head disagreeing. “What so great about this song? What is it to you?”

“Oh, it’s beaut…”

“Stop! No, I won’t help you.”

“Then can you help me set up one? I don’t know how to set up a paypal account.”

“No!”

“Oh please, I really like…”

“Not going to happen.”

I was so crushed that I can’t get a hold of the music sheet. Not wanting to give up, I thought I’ll figure out the notes myself. I tried several attempts to write down the notes as I listened to the track, every time Kirk passed by me doing it, he insulted the incompetent tunes I played over and over again, “Get yourself some piano lessons! You sound like shit!”

At last, I finally got down the whole song on a piece of paper in a span of around three months pressing the keys and playing the track over and over again.

“You’re getting good at it. What is it you’re playing?”

“Sara Bareilles. Gravity. She writes beautiful songs.”

“Is it the music that you were trying to get your hands on a while ago?”

“The same one.”

He stared at the piece of paper that I wrote the notes on, “Have you been trying to figure it out by yourself all this time? I thought you were seemingly pressing random keys on the piano?”

“Exactly!”

“Gotta give it to you kid for your persistence. I should’ve helped you back then if I have known how it sounded like. Good for you kid!” he said then did that annoying friendly thing that people do to people’s hair when they are teasing you.

 

[Whybother]

PRAWNS

“Oi! Wake up!”

“What?!”

Another day I was woken up abruptly from my sleep.

“It’s ten in the morning! Why was there no breakfast?!”

“Oh come on! It’s Saturday! Let me have a day off. Make your own breakfast! I’m tired! You know how to make your own food! Make sarnie or something.”

“Come on, wake up! I’m hungry!”

Kirk appeared in the background. “What is it this time?”

“Kirk! Just make yourself a sammich!”

“What the fuck? Mark?”

“A sandwich… I think.”

“What the fuck is the bastard doing still sleeping! Wake up faggot!” Kirk said. I was not feeling very well that day. I flipped.

“No, you’re a fag you f*cking poof!”

“No you’re a fag! He called out.”

“Get out!!!!” I screamed.

“No, you get out and make us food! It almost lunch. Make us brunch damn it!”

Aaaagh! I don’t have to deal with this. I stomped out and made them sandwiches from last night’s leftovers. When I brought it to the table, they didn’t look too pleased.

“What is this?! Mark asked.

“It’s prawn and lobster from last night with tomatoes.”

Kirk flipped, “I can’t eat this! It’s cold. It’s dry. There’s no sauce! And the bread is stale!”

“Warm it up for us will you?”

“I don’t wanna eat this shit! Make me French toast with crispy bacon, and sausages, and eggs…”

“That sounds nice! And some fresh hash browns like you made before!

“We’ve run out of bacon!”

“That’s because you finished it!”

“I don’t eat bacon!”

“Then where is it?”

“I don’t know! Maybe because you don’t do the groceries that you don’t know heads or tails what happened to your precious bacon!”

“Come on, friends! No need to shout at each other.” Mark interjected. The room turned quiet. I went over to the kitchen to cook. Kirk showed up,

“And another thing, make the bacon extra crispy not burnt…”

“We don’t have any bacon!!!”

Mark then said they bought some bacon yesterday and that it’s in the freezer. He then left back to the dining room. Kirk stayed over.

“And I want my coffee black, slightly sweetened…”

“Yes…”

“…and I want my eggs sunny side up. Two of them…”

“Yes… Unless you want to actually have your food being made, leave me alone to cook it.”

Kirk picked up the spatula and dropped it on the floor. I picked it up and put it in the sink. He then swept the knife onto the floor. “Kirk, don’t do this.” I picked up the knife and put it in the sink. He then took the sack of potatoes, pinched it then forcefully shook it causing the bag to tear and rip leaving the potatoes tumbling onto the floor. I cried, “Leave me alone!” Kirk mimicked me, making fun of me. I tried to leave the kitchen, he blocked me. “Go away!” I told him but he only mimicked me and prevented me from leaving the kitchen.

I flipped. I began throwing kitchen implements and utensils towards him.

“You’re going to pay for that!” he exclaimed.

Mark heard the ruckus came over to have a look. I grabbed a glass rolling pin with spaghetti inside it and started hitting Kirk.

“Oh shit! Owh! Aaaowh! It hurts! Stop it! OWWWWW!”

“Hey! Stop that! You’re hurting him!” Mark took the broken rolling pin from me. I went away and sat on a stool crying.

“Oh fuck! I’m bleeding! You beat me with that thing until it’s broken! Are you crazy!!! Mark, that psycho is out to get me!”

“Get the med kit!” Mark requested. I didn’t hear him. “Get the med kit damn it! It’s in my gym. Go now!” I took the first aid kit and left it on the floor next to them. I locked myself in my room for the rest of the day.

Then there was a knock on the door.

“It’s me. Please open up!” I opened the door.

“Can you please get dinner ready?! Today is the first anniversary Kirk and I met. Please help me make it right after how the day started.”

I left my room and started cleaning up the bits of broken glass and pasta and the strewn about potatoes.

“You know, whatever he said to you, he didn’t deserve what you did to him. You should apologise to him.”

How insulting it was hearing that. I almost cried again because of it.

“What do you know! The whole time he was here, he was tormenting me all the time. I can block out the insults, but he’s making my life hell! After I cleaned the place up, he messed it up in a second just to mess with me. He left the toilet seat up after every time he used the toilet without flushing just so he can make me see what he left behind…”

Mark laughed, “He didn’t mean to make your life harder. It’s just the way he is. You shouldn’t take everything to heart.”

“What?!... I can’t even talk to you anymore. Leave me alone. Go and do whatever you do with your boyfriend! I’m not wishing you a happy anniversary. I wish you both die in your own faeces!”

“Well… Fuck off then, you dumb fuck! As if I care what a nobody like you think!” as Mark was leaving the kitchen, I took a colander and threw it towards him, hitting the back of his head.

“Aahhh!” he exclaimed. He wobbled a bit then fell on the floor. I felt concerned started to go towards him but he quickly got up. Mark touched the part where the colander hit and discovered that his head was bleeding. He stared at me.

“You’re crazy. You know that.”

He walked towards his side of the apartment slightly lame.

Around four o’clock, Kirk showed up downstairs.

“Watcha making?” He asked.

“I’m frying chicken sticks. Tonight you’ll be eating a platter with a selection of dishes. After all, it is your and Mark’s anniversary.”

“He told you that?” I nodded. “Hmm..” he sighed.

I remembered that Mark told me to apologise to Kirk earlier. I’ve interpreted that my position as a tenant may be in jeopardy, “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to. It’s just that things been really hard lately. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, whatever. I’m alright.”

Kirk then began picking on the food and eating them.

“Kirk, don’t eat those! They are for your dinner!”

He took no heed and carry on munching on the food. I hit his hand. “If you’re hungry, I can make you something else.”

He told me to shut up then began to really eat all the things I prepared for their dinner.

“Kirk! Stop it. If you eat those, you wouldn’t have anything for dinner!”

He turned his face to me. He looked frightening calm then his face turned vicious.

“You can’t tell me nothing punk!” then threatened to punch me.

I pushed him away from the food then he flipped! He began turning the place upside, throwing things all over the place. He walked towards my potted plants. I cried out, “Nooo! Not my plants!” Kirk dropped all of my plant pot in one swift swoop with his bare hands. Mark showed up.

“What is happening here?! Well?! Kirk?!”

“This bastard pissed me off!” Mark turned his eyes to me.

“He was eating the food I made for the anniversary dinner.”

“That’s it?! Why didn’t you make him something to eat?! We didn’t have any breakfast or lunch! You know that!”

“I offered him something else but he didn’t want any.”

“Is that true Kirk?!”

Kirk picked up a pot of hot oil and poured it on the floor.

“Yeah, but that little queer looked at me funny!”

I was about leave for my room as Mark asked me, “Do this sort of thing happen often?” I nodded.

“Kirk, we’re breaking up.” Kirk stopped whatever he was doing.

“What, what are you saying?!”

“You know better than to pick on someone weaker than you. You can take your time if you wanna move. I’ll understand.”

“What?! I can’t believe you’re dumping me for that wimpy shit standing there! Is this for real?! Mark nodded.

“Don’t bother! I’m leaving this shit hole right now!”

Kirk left the front door, slamming it. I started to clean up the place. I began with my plants.

“Are you OK?!” Mark asked me but I cared not to answer. I’m scared that I might cry again.

“You shouldn’t have broke up with Kirk because of what I did. It is the anniversary of you both!”

“Don’t flatter yourself! I didn’t broke up with Kirk because of you.”

“Then why? You were about to celebrate your anniversary together.”

“I noticed he’s been acting weird lately. Nothing I did could make him happy. I thought it was my fault. Maybe because I didn’t spend enough time with him. Then I realised our anniversary was coming. It turns out that wasn’t the case. Guys don’t celebrate anniversaries.”

“Still doesn’t explain it.”

“I broke up with him because he’s a psycho! Come on, tell me you didn’t see what he just did to this place!”

“You should chase after him. He must be really upset after you said you’re breaking up with him. He might do something stupid.”

“What, right now?!

“Yes, right now! Go!”

Mark ran off to catch up with Kirk. I cried as I sweep the dirt back into the pots.

 

[Whybother]

THE NEXT DAY

I’m helping a friend today at the local primary school. Americans call them elementary school. Whatever! It’s primary school! I was cleaning out the shells of the huge giant tiger prawns that I cooked for them last night and the nights before when Mark noticed me with a small knife and a thin brush poking at the prawn shells.

“What are you doing with that?” he asked.

“I’m helping out a friend to set up their classroom with a theme. This week’s theme is ‘Under the Sea’. I’m making a mobile with these.”

“You’re not using the money for the groceries did you? I didn’t give you that money to use it to buy expensive prawns so you can decorate some classroom!”

“These are just the shells from last night’s. See!” I showed him that the prawn shells were empty. “Anyway, you keep leaving huge sums of money on the counter that I have to audit comings and goings. See, I’ve keep records of how much you gave to me and how much spent. There’s still around a hundred and twenty thousand dollars of the groceries money in the jar where I keep them.” Showing him a pocket notebook with the numbers.

“Good. Don’t ask me for money anymore!... I have to do this corporate-public relations thing for the company. Got any space for me to squeeze in the program?”

“Well… Next Wednesday, the whole school is having an ‘Ethnic and Cultural Diversity Week’. You can take part if you want to.”

“Count me in!”

NEXT WEDNESDAY

I bought a huge wheelie plastic crate with a lid and put in the food I made last night and a few, early this morning inside it. Mark was curious about the whole thing.

“What is that for?”

“It’s for the children over at the school. Why aren’t you ready?! I’m going already!”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Ethnic and Cultural Diversity Week!”

“I thought that’s on Wednesday!”

“It is Wednesday!”

“Oh fuck! Wait up!” Mark made a call on his cell. “Hello! Ingrid cancel…”

“I’m going without you. Bye!” I left the apartment wheeling out the crate full of food.

“Wait!” Mark called out but it was too late.

“Mr Heston, don’t worry. I’ve made sure you’ll have your schedule free this whole day a week in advance.”

Mark caught up with me as I was about to leave the building wearing a kilt and a shaven head.

“Why are you wearing a kilt? And leggings?” I asked.

“Hey! These are not leggings. These are manly Scottish long socks. It’s as you said, ‘Ethnic and Cultural Diversity Week’!”

“Where did you get it?”

“From a Scottish friend of mine that I share a dark side with. What are you wearing?”

“I’m wearing a lot of symbols from different cultures. This one…” before I could explain he rudely cut me off.

“I don’t wanna know! So, are you or am I driving to the school or are we taking the bus?”

“I don’t have a car. I can’t drive.”

“Fine, I’ll drive.”

“No you’re not.” I left him then made my way.

“Alright then, the bus.” He took the crate off the ground and carried it in his hands.

I stared at Mark’s shaven head, I thought I should ask him.

“Why did you shave your head?”

He rubbed his hand on his stubbly head, “Why? You like it? Feel it! Go on!” thrusting his head to my face. I shook my head but he was persistent. “Oh, go on! Touch it! It feels good!”

“OK.” I rubbed my finger on the bristly hair on his head. “It feels weird…!”

He laughed. “Why did you wear all that? I’ve travelled all over the world, I never seen what you are wearing. From what culture is it?”

“I’m not going to explain it to you because you’ll only cut me off again. All I’m going to tell you is that it’s international.”

“International?”

“Yes, I’m dressing internationally. You know, like [singing] Miss International…”

“Are you confused?”

“No! It’s that song. Method Man and Redman. You know, it goes like [singing] International…” Mark shook his head with a disgusted look.

Mark didn’t get what I was on about, so I gave up. “Never mind! All I’m saying is I’m wearing bits and pieces from cultures all around the world.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place!”

We were nearly approaching the bus stop.

“We better catch up with the bus now! It’s about to leave!”

I ignored Mark and just carried on walking. I wasn’t even planning on taking the bus to begin with.

“Hey! Wait up! I thought we’re taking the bus?”

“No! You said we’re taking the bus. I‘ve been planning to walk from the beginning.”

“Well you could’ve told me in advance! When does the school starts?”

“Eight, but we’re suppose to be there by around nine-ten.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier! We could’ve take my car! Is it far?”

“Not really.”

Mark rubbed his hands together then blew his breath into it. “So do you do this community service thing often? Since when?”

“I don’t remember, hmm… about twenty three times already. There abouts. Maybe.”

“You’re not a pedophile are you! Hanging around those children!”

“No!!! God no! At first a friend of mine sent out flyers about a charity event at the school. Been hooked ever since.”

“It’s cold! You should’ve warned me. I could’ve brought along a coat. It’s still not too late to turn back and take the car.”

“You can go back and take the car. I’m walking.” I took the crate off his hands and carried it on my head. My head became slightly sore, so I just drag it around using it’s lead.

Suddenly a strong gush of vertical wind past and blew the kilt up showing his undies. Three ladies across the street saw what happened and whistled.

“Wow! What a man! Why don’t you come here and let mama get a hold of you!”

“Yeah baby!”

A cyclist was so shocked by it that he lost concentration and hit a lamp post. “I’m OK!”

Mark looked slightly shy and embarrassed but smug at the same time. He started doing silly poses and the audience was eating it up. Thank goodness the audience was just the three ladies. I’m just glad he got on an underwear so I wouldn’t see his scotch eggs.

“Stop that! You’re embarrassing me!”

“I can’t help it! I’m a dreamy guy. Don’t you think so?”

In my head I said to him, “Don’t flatter yourself!” I walked a little faster until he’s a few yards behind me. Two hour we’ve been walking, Mark finally caught up with me.

“How much further do we have to walk?! I’m freezing! Feel my hands.”

He touched my cheek with his cold hand but I brushed it off. He crossed his arms and put it under his armpits to warm it up then he started shivering. I can’t help it but feeling worried about him.

“Are you alright Mark? Why didn’t you go back when you had the chance. You know you’re not prepared enough for this. It’s in the middle of autumn.”

“Yyyou’re… wewewalking…” he shuddered. His shivering worsened. I’m not wearing layers so I can’t dispense my coat to him.

“Next time we pass a coffee shop, I’ll get you a warm drink. Hang on there!”

Mark collapsed on to the sidewalk, “Oh God!”

“Shshshshittt…!” he shuddered.

I abandoned the food crate and helped him get back on his feet, “Hang on there Mark. You’ve brought it to yourself. You have common sense, don’t you?!”

I praised the Lord as I saw the school was right in front of our eyes. Mark fell off his stride once more.

“Ayeyeye can’t wawawawalk annnnyeeeeemoh.”

“Mark, we’re nearly there. Get up!” I tried to piggy back him but who am I kidding trying to carry someone way bigger than me. Mark embraced me from behind and told me to close my armpits. He hissed because of the piercing chill he’s experiencing. I just hope no one will take the food crate.

Deborah received me and Mark as she saw us.

“Debbie, my friend is experiencing hypothermia. Can you help him?”

Deborah felt his forehead then checked his vitals. “He’ll be fine!” We were both relieved. “What is your name sir?”

“Mark.”

“Follow me so we can get you warmed up.” Debbie looked at me like something was missing. “Didn’t you said you’ll bring some food over?”

“Oh yes! I left it by the sidewalk. I’ll go and get it.”

The food crate was still where it was as I left it there. When I returned to the school, I found Mark in the teacher’s lounge wrapped in a blanket with a paper cup of hot drink. He was smiling and laughing with the some of the teachers.

“Mark, how are you feeling?”

He was laughing, “I’m alright.” I hit the back of his head to tell him off. “What was that for!”

“You idiot! You got me worried back there…!” then Deborah showed up.

“We’ve started fifteen minutes ago… You’ve brought the food! Good! Come over to the gym! Mr Heston, are you helping us for today?”

“I guess so.”

“We’ll have you right over to watch over some children. Can you manage?”

“I love children!” Mark confessed. I giggled because I never seen his skills dealing with children yet. Isn’t he going to be surprised with what’s in store. We’d split up. I went to the sports hall with the whole school while Deborah and Mark goes to a classroom.

 

[Whybother]

“Mr Heston, I need you to watch over these children. Do you think you can manage?”

“I had kids of my own. I think I can handle it.”

“Then we’re all set! I’ll leave you and the children alone now… Children! Be good to Mr Heston. Be at your best behaviour. Promise?!”

The children answered in concert, “We promise!”

“Good luck Mr Heston.”

“We’ll be fine. Won’t we kids!”

Deborah laughed as she left Mark with the children.

“Hi kids! I’m Mark Heston. Mr Heston you can call me. If we’re buddies, you can call me Mark. What are you little devils called?”

A little girl in a pink fairy outfit stood up. “I’m Jenny. I’m a princess.” We all know that there will always be at least one bad apple in a group, but this group had a whole bunch of them. “I’m Josh and I like to play shooting game, POOM, POOMs POOM!” then the whole crowd starts to introduce themselves.

“Woe woe, children. One at a time!”

A seemingly sweet little girl with a lisp began to talk, “Mithtuhr Hethftuhn!”

“Yes little angle! You can call me Mark.”

“Mithtuhr Hethftuhn, I mean, Mark. Why are you drethed like a gurl?”

“I’m not dressed like a girl. I’m wearing a…”

“Then why are you wearing a skurth?”

“This is not a skirt honey. It’s a kilt. Scottish warriors wore them on the battlefields.”

“You look like the people in the movie ‘Braveheart’ my daddy showed me. They ain’t got nothing on down there!” a child blurted out. All of the children gasped.

“Shouldn’t your parents showed you the censored version instead?!” Mark shocked.

The little girl with the lisp reached out to lift up the kilt. “Can I see your pe…?”

Mark alarmed by the children’s curiosity. “No little girl. Ever heard of personal space?”

A child stood up, “Yeah! When a stranger asked to touch you where they are not suppose to, you say NO!”

“Very good!”

A child touched his, err…you know. Mark leapt up.

“Mithtuhr Hethftuhn, I mean, Mark. What is that thing in your pants?”

Mark just don’t know how to answer. “Well, little girl…”

“What did you see Margaret?!”, “Yeah Maggie! Tell us!”

“Now kids! That’s enough!”

“It wath like a thothage. But not a thothage I ever…”

A child shouted, “I wanna see!” and another said “Me too!”

Mark tried to stand up and leave but the children swamped him. The children jumped and stepped on him. Mark called out for help but everyone else was in the sports hall was watching a concert performed by the children.

After the concert ended, the bell rung. I found Mark looking pretty beat.

“How was it Mark? Did you see the concert?”

“No, I missed it.”

“How was it?”

“What?”

“How did you deal with the children?”

“Don’t ask! They are like little monsters! No, in fact, they are big monsters in small packages! Damned rascals!”

“Tough day huh?!” I asked.

“You can say that again!” He responded. I giggled. “Why are you laughing? Did you set me up?!”

“No! I didn’t! Honest! It was Debbie that put you up with those kids. The rest of the children were well behaved.”

“Lucky you. You better be telling the truth. Those kids were like a swarm of reptors. They tried to tear me apart. I thought they were gonna maim my ‘johnnies’.”

“What?! Never heard of that before!”

“Yeah yeah, the jokes on me. Ha ha! How are we gonna get home?”

“I’ve got no money with me. I’m walking. You can take the bus.”

Mark felt his sides for his wallet but realised that he’s not wearing trousers. “Shit! I left my wallet at home. What do we do now?”

“I don’t know! I’m staying a while longer to help clean up. Are you staying to help out?”

“Yeah! Sure!”

“Maybe you can ask someone to give you a ride home.”

After cleaning up, I saw Mark standing outside as the gates was locked.

“Got any luck catching a ride home?”

Mark shook his head, “No.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I’ll have to walk with you then… brrr! Dang, it’s cold! I’m going to die this time!”

I gave him my flask of tea. “I always have some hot tea when I’m outside in the cold.”

“Thank you! Cheers!”

“Yea yea. Cheers mate for helping out at the school. The teachers always had trouble keeping those kids you were with in one place. It was nice of you give them a break.”

“Don’t mention it.” He said then took a sip of the tea. “Brrrr… Fuck!!! I can feel my prunes shrinking. It’s getting dark. We better get goin’.”

Mark put his arm around me and made our way home.

“Mark, can you do me a favour?”

“Yes, sure.”

“Can you please never talk to me about your prunes.”

He laughed, “Sure bud.”

A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER

I wake up with the sound of someone sipping drinks from outside my room. I stared at the clock and realised I woke up late! I got out of my bedroom and saw Mark reading a newspaper with a hot cup of coffee. I walked slowly towards the kitchen, cautiously.

“Good morning!” Mark smiled.

Good! He’s in a good mood. “Good morning Mark.” I responded. “What would you like for breakfast?” I asked.

“Anything.” Then sipped his drink.

“How about some savoury pancakes?”

“Hehmm!” he responded

“OK.”

Mark was smiling the whole time he was staring at what I was doing when I was making the crumpet batter.

“What are you putting in the bowl? Oats?”

I nodded, “Yes.” After I made the crumpets, I served it to him accompanied with a glass of orange juice. He ate them all then back sipping his coffee.

“It’s past nine o’clock already. Why aren’t you at work?”

“Today is bank holiday dude!”

“Is it? I almost got ready for today’s classes.”

Mark laughed. I don’t know why.

“What are you going to do today Mark?”

“I’m gonna jog in the park. You?”

“Nothing. I just found out that it’s bank holiday today. Maybe I’ll clean up the place or something.”

Mark laughed. I never seen Mark laughter out of thin air. I mean, I giggled at no particular reason all the time especially when I’m bored but I don’t remember Mark doing it. It’s like he’s trying to steal my style or something.

“Where is that anyway? I know… I know, you brought me there before but I forgot where it was.”

Mark pointed to the direction the park was, “Go to the end, turn left, go along the avenue until you see the park. The park iron fences is painted black, so you turn left again and you’ll see the park gates in the centre across the road.”

“Thanks!”

“Hmm.”

It was ten thirty five when I finished cleaning the apartment. It was almost lunch time, so I called Mark to ask him what he wanted for lunch. I found his phone vibrating on the kitchen counter on the kitchen in my side of the apartment.

I was bored, so I thought I’d go to the park. I brought along a sketch book and a pencil in a sling bag. It’s still feels like early dawn because the sun gave an orange glow as it poured in between the jagged teeth of the city scape. It was rather pleasant while I was walking when a gentle breeze was left behind every time a car passes by. I finally saw the park fence and made my way to the entrance.

The park was magnificent. Contrary to the urbanised, brick and concrete abomination outside, sprawled by people, nature seems to be thriving among the tall trees, bushy thickets and little critters like thrushes and squirrels perched on it’s dainty branches. That was until I saw a few people walking their dogs and jogging on the paved pathways that are now covered in leaves. The foliages on the trees and shrubs were still mostly green and full of vigour. Only a few early deciduous began shedding its leaves which shows it is still early autumn or late summer. Some may consider it chilly but to me, it’s perfect!

A few minutes, strolling, walking around admiring the park’s layout, I saw a familiar figure far away, lying down on the greens with people walking past him. I thought it might be someone I knew but disregarded my instinct because the white vest the figure was wearing had some sort of red design on them. A couple of people walked passed him. Maybe boys, both blonde headed. Probably brothers. The man lifted his head then stood up and walked the other way.

I hadn’t seen anything worth getting down on my sketch book, so I thought I’ll go deeper in the bushes. As I was walking, I saw the familiar figure, lying down on his back on the grass with his arms cushioning his head. It was Mark! He had some red marks on the left stomach of his white singlet vest what looks like blood. I called out to him. “Mark!”

He opened his eyes, “Oh, it’s you.”

“What happened? Did you hurt yourself?”

He looked at the red stains I pointed at, “This? I walked passed some thorn bushes. It’s nothing.”

“Hmm… See you later then Mark.” Then walked back to where I came from.

The pond in the park was expansive. It was so clear you can see the fishes. In this time of the year, strangely perhaps, there were still small birds bathing on the bird bath. There were also pigeons, geese, swans, and ducks. I stopped walking and crouched down to look at a drove of ducks by the still pond but not quite as the winds blew across the surface as if the water was murmuring. A duck seemed eager to get close to me. I foolishly held out my hand slowly to the creature knowing that it may as well peck my hand. But it didn’t instead it nudged its beak against my fingers. Then I remembered I hadn’t ask Mark what he wanted for lunch. I stood up and spooked the poor duck. I tried to reach out and touch the duck but the duck funnily backtracked, turned and balanced it floppy webbed feet on the stone at edge of the pond. I reached my hand out again and the duck plonked onto the water and swam away.

 

[Whybother]

I felt for my phone in my bag but then realised I left it home. I guess maybe because Mark didn’t bring his, I didn’t see the point. Anyway, the park is just a walk away from the apartment. I gone back to the bushes where Mark was when I found him.

“Mark, are you still there?” I called out. “What do you want…” and saw Mark with a shiny thin metal rod in his right hand that pierced deep his abdomen. I was horrified!

“Mark!” I screamed. He didn’t even flinched. He pulled out the metal object out without even making any sound as it was driven out of his body then stabbed it back into his abdomen even deeper.

“Good Lord! What are you doing!!!!!” I shouted. He was like a robot and just carried on driving the metal rod deeper still. “Where did you found that thing?!” I asked.

He turned his emotionless face to me, “I found it while I was running.” Then turn his face back to staring at nothing then pulled the penetrating object out again.

“Put that thing away!” I ordered him. He placed the metal object on his right side, parallel to his body then lie down on the grass like before. I reached for my phone in my bag again to be reminded again that I left it home.

“Don’t go anywhere Mark! I’ll be back!”

I didn’t even know what I was doing. I ran around like a crazed person, calling out for help but now there was no one to be seen. Where were all the citizens when you need them. I ran back to Mark and saw that he had picked up the metal object again and began stabbing himself again.

“Noooo! Put that down!”

Mark put the object down again. My ears felt like it was blocked and about to explode. It’s like the whole place shifted that I can’t tell where I was and where I’ve been. Mark picked up the metal implement again. He looked at his upper left arm and stabbed it. I grabbed his hand holding the metal rod to take it away from him but he managed to drive it deeper into his arm. “My God! Help!” I clamoured hitting Mark’s head so he would release his grip of the object. Mark pulls the object out of his arm.

I knocked his head with my fist so I can take the dangerous object from him but he wouldn’t let me. He took the object on with both of his hands and tried to drive it through his chest. I used all my strength to pull it away from him at the same time, knocking my head against his really hard but it didn’t do much. The point misses him several times until it finally penetrated his skin. I cried uncontrollably. Mark drove the object deeper and deeper into his chest until his eyes rolled over. He lost his grip of the metal rod so I was able to take it away from him and threw far away into the bushes and undergrowth. Mark turned facing the ground, breathing heavily.

“What happened to you Mark. Why are you doing this? Is it about Kirk?”

I helped him up and supported him out of the park. I called out for help but everyone that passed by just gave a strange look, probably thinking this was just a prank. A decent cab pulled over and we boarded it and the cab drove off.

“What happened to him?” the cab driver asked. “Where is your destination?”

“The hospital.” I said.

Mark grabbed with his left hand and dug deep into my right shoulder. “I don’t want to go to the hospital! Take me back to the apartment!”

“But you’re hurt…” his nails bites into my joints. “… sir, pass five streets on your right then turn right.”

“Are you sure…” as he asked, Mark squeezed my shoulder ever harder. “Yes!”

We got out of the cab and just as I was about to pay for the fare I realised I didn’t bring any money. “It’s OK kid. Just get your friend fixed.”

“Thank you mister…” I looked at the ID on the dashboard, “Hashem Nashashibi.”

“Oh, that’s my cab partner! My name is Marlon Kruzak!”

“Thank you Mr Kruzak!”

“Take care kid!” and the cab drove away.

We crossed the street to where I thought the apartment was but it wasn’t there. Thought maybe I missed the right street. With Mark’s left arm across my shoulder, I tried running back in the direction of the park. The journey felt familiar just this time there were more people using the sidewalk. Not one person offered to help us. By that time, I realised I couldn’t move my right arm. When I saw the park fence, I realised we went too far. So we had to turn back and walk back to the street we left. The street seemed so familiar, risking it, we walked further along the street until I saw the apartment building with it’s huge shiny sign. It was further up the street than I remember. The porter noticed us and offered to help. He helped carry Mark while I kept the lift open and chose the floor. Every time the elevator made a stop, people that peered inside saw us with Mark wearing his blood soaked vest. When we got into the apartment, the porter asked if we needed any help.

“I’ll figure it out Mr Wells! Thank you!” and left us.

Mark fell on the floor. “Mark!” I ran off to look for the med kit and brought it over. Not knowing which stab wound to begin with, I took a huge stretch of sterilised cotton and dabbed it on the wounds. Mark groaned then pushed me away forcefully.

“I’m calling the ambulance.” When I look at the counter, my phone went missing, so was Mark’s. I ran over to the landline. There was no ring tone. I looked for the connection and realised it was ripped off it’s socket. Like an idiot I kept pushing it back but in no way was it going to work. Mark was kicking and screaming in pain but when I went over to help him, he hit me and cursed at me.

“Get outta my face!” and cursed me even more. He packed up the med kit and ran over to his side of the apartment. I couldn’t take the pressure, I locked myself in my room.

Later that day, the whole house was deathly quiet. Mark didn’t even called out for dinner. When it was dark, I tip-toed around the house looking for Mark. I found him in his room with his torso bandaged. There was red splotches on the bandage from the wounds that leaked out blood. Mark was again twisting and turning, groaning and cursing, reminded me of the first few days I lived there. I left him feeling extremely worried and concerned of his state of mind. I went over to my fridge and saw not one of my bottles of teas was touched. Every night, since the early times I moved in, Mark would always drank some of my teas before he went to sleep. Without my permission of course. That’s why I brewed gallons and stored them so I wouldn’t have to keep making new batches of tea and wait for them to cool down after Mark raided and pillaged my fridge. I took out a bottle and poured some into a glass. I turned on the TV but nothing good was on so I switched it off.

I went over to the salon by the window and stared outside the window while drinking my chilled tea. The moon seemed really large that night with thin, wispy pseudo clouds on the sky line. Mark’s groaning made it hard for me to even think of dozing off. It seems the chain of sleepless nights is starting again. It’s going to be a long night!

THE NEXT MORNING

I made pancake with honey and apricots with a side of dried mixed berries cluster cereal with milk. Mark went down to the kitchen wearing a watered down, fading, green vest. He was whistling and smiling as he passed me. His behaviour really confuses me. Yesterday he was inflicting self-mutilation, maybe even suicidal, this morning he seemed… rather content.

“What would you…”

“You don’t have to make me anything. I’m having breakfast with my friends.” Then clicks his tongue. Something is really wrong with Mark. Is he having a major case of depression or bipolar disorder? God! What is happening to him?! Was I just dreaming about yesterday? Then I noticed a plaster bandage on his left arm where he stabbed himself yesterday. It happened.

He came home early today. Still no sign like he was acknowledging what happened yesterday.

“I need to watch Bloomberg from seven fifteen to nine fifteen! Remind me!” he told me but when then time comes, he ignored me instead carried on staring at his computer, scribbling on some paperwork. I had a show that I like to watch so since he’s not making use of the TV, I’ll exploit it for my own pleasure.

“Do you understand what they are saying.” Mark startled me while I was watching the program as he passed by.

“A little bit.”

“What is happening right now?”

“The guys with the moustache just said, either 'can you eat the shawarma', something about food wraps or 'can you roll up the blanket'. Or is it the carpet.”

“What time is it?”

I looked at the clock. It was passed ten pm. “You missed Bloomberg.”

“What?! I told you to stop watching TV when it’s on and remind me about it!”

“I did! You ignored me!”

“Fucking…” he walked off, grumbling to himself. It’s his fault that he missed his program!

The house was restless with his loud groaning. I went over to scream at him, to tell him to shut up instead I saw him through a door crack trying to choke himself with his own bare hands. Stupid man! You’ll never get that to work. But he really was choking himself. His face went red and gasping for air and such. I can’t be bothered to be concerned and went to my room to sleep.

When Mark got tired of choking himself, he fell asleep.

Later that night, I was able to sleep properly because I can’t hear any noise from the apartment. Nice one!

 

[Whybother]

Music in the story

Songs while scrubbing the floor...
Awel Maoul - Amar Mostafa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvrfSTQSI2A

Yaret - Amar Mostafa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYTPXsp1RvE

The part with the dancing...
Saraht Feek - Amar Mostafa

Original - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBhh8fnbJMM

Remix (with subtitles) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VillbNDbXVI

 

[Whybother]

Mark Heston's Past

“Help!” a fourteen years old girl came running out of her house screaming with her clothes badly torn. A young man heard her came out of his house checking out what was happening.

“Mark! Help me!”

“What happened?”

“My father!”

A matured man came out of the little girl’s house chasing after her.

“Get inside my house and call the police!”

The sixteen years old prevented the man from going any further. The man tried to attack the young man but he blocked the man’s blow then punched him until he fell onto ground unconscious with one blow.

Mark Heston lost his virginity when he was fifteen. He dated the most popular girl the whole time when he was in high school. Dumped when he was sixteen for a friend that was the most popular guy at school after that concentrated on his studies. He first did gay sex when he was sixteen when he joined a fraternity club as part of the initiation hazing. That same year, he was strangled and knocked out by a friend while cycling with him then abused where they both found out about each other and share the same interest in necrophilia.

A friend of Mark attempted to kill him by strangling him while resting after a bike ride

Mark Heston turned twenty one and had just completed his six months of navy training and obtained a scholarship for his Entrepreneurial Studies. His mother kept asking him about getting married but he was so ashamed to tell his mother about his orientation. He met up with his old friend that understand him to talk about his situation at the park.

“Hey Dane, how’s it hangin’?”

“How’re you doin’ dude! You’ve graduated from the maritime academy. You’re a MAN now! I’m fine!”

“I’m doin’ fine.”

“You don’t look so brassy! You said you wanna talk. Whatcha wanna talk about?”

“My mum been nagging ‘bout getting a married again! She kept bringin’ these girls that she was introduced to in her bridge club.”

“Aren’tchya gonna tell ‘em about it?”

“Are you crazy?! My parents will die from a heart-attack! I can’t do that! But on the other hand, I can’t be with another girl after Stacy dumped me.”

“Yaw still goin’ own about that high school bitch. She’s a fuck shit pussy that no-one ever liked anyway. She’s running a fucking checkout at the ‘Kwik-O-Mart’ right now! She’s a loser!”

“But what am I suppose to do. I can’t look at a pussy in the face anymore.”

“I can’t tell ya what to do little dude.”

“I’d rather die… I’d rather commit suicide then being with another girl… Kill me Dane.”

Dane laughe, thinking it was a joke, then realised his friend was being serious, “I can’t do that little dude! You’re like my… lil’ dude…!”

“I can’t do this! I can’t take it anymore! I won’t be able to live with the shame! I’m scared that I won’t pull through. At least when I die, I have someone that love me to depart me from this wretched existence! I want you to do it!”

“No man.” But Mark begged him to do it. Dane pondered for a little bit “… I’m ain’t gonna like it. But since you put it so poetically, I’ll accept the offer. But don’t expect me to enjoy offing you!”

Mark smiled. Slightly.

“Tell ya what! Meet me tomorrow and bring yer dog tag. There’ll be a few military guys up for auto-erotic game to off themselves. If yer gonna off yerself, do it in style!

“I appreciate it dude.”

THE NEXT DAY

“You made it!”

“Yeah! Couldn’t miss it for the world!”

“Nice outfit, and you brought your dog tag! Are you ready for the CUMbat?!”

“Are we fighting?”

“Hell yeah! It’s the fight to the death!”

“Count me in! Nice cami!”

“We’re gonna have ta hike deep into the forest to the cabin where the rest of the studly snuff are waiting! Come on buddy!”

You sick people of the forum can think whatever you want but my psychic powers cannot handle the depraved visions of what happened later. Here’s a picture,

The wind was rustling the leaves of the trees, with every sway the branches creaked to the chirping of the birds. Mark blinked his eyes to the piercing ray of the sun amongst the foliage.

“Wake up buddy!”

Mark began to come around.

“What happened?”

“You survived!”

“I’m alive?!” Mark said, looking upset.

“Yeah! You’re tough! One of the guys croaked the other needed to be hospitalized.”

“So I’m still here?!” Mark began to cry as Dane embraces him.

“Hey… buddy… don’t cry!”

Mark cried his heart out of the disappointment of being alive still.

“Hey… hey. It’s just not your time yet. Put on your clothes.” Dane pointed out at Mark’s clothes on the grass then patted his back.

“Go home dude. Hang on.” Sending Mark off back home to his family.

Three days later, Mark was having an early morning walk along the street where he lived. He was so depressed having failed to end his life. He felt so lost, he asked God for help.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0VRj2uw9L0&feature=fvst

“I know I hadn’t been a good person for a long time… and I know by now I’m not in one of your favourite list of people but please hear me out! I’m lost, I don’t know what to do anymore. Please! Help me! Just give me a sign, anything!

He took a deep breath then stared at the pavement while leaning next to a tree.

Someone just caught his eyes coming out of the house next door. It was a beautiful young lady taking out the trash. She saw Mark staring at her at the same time both wondering who each other were. Mark greeted by raising his hand. She answered the same and went back in the house. Mark went into his house for breakfast.

“Mother, I saw someone living next door. I thought that house had been empty for years.”

“Do you remember the Coleman’s that used to live there then suddenly moved away.”

“Oh yeah! I remember!”

“You were friends with their youngest daughter. Ana if I’m not mistaken.”

“We grew up together.”

“Well, her relatives just moved in from Wisconsin.”

“Ana was living in Wisconsin?”

“Apparently her uncle and auntie took her in after what happened.”

“So where is Ana?”

“She’s back too!”

“Right now?!”

“Yes!”

“Since when?”

“A few days before you came home.”

“Ooooh! Mark’s missed his old girlfriend!”

“She’s your friend too Marie!”

“But you’re a boy. I’m a girl.”

Mark quickly finished his breakfast.

“So? Aren’t ya coming?” Mark asked his sister. Teir mother endorsed the suggestion.

“Go on over Marie-Alessa!”

TWO YEARS LATER

Mark was having a jog after his mother brought home another girl to matchmake for him. This time, a slutty blonde bimbo that works in a diner. As he was passing the park, he saw his friend Ana playing with a toddler on the playground.

“Hey! Ana!” he waved.

“Hi!”

“How are doing today?”

“No classes.”

“And who do we have here?”

“This little guy is my sister’s son, Aaron.”

There was an awkward silence.

“So what have you been doing lately. Heard you’ve completed your Bachelor in Entrepreneurship.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a job!”

“Congratulations!”

“I’ve got a job at this big shot company in the city. I think you’ve heard of it.” Showing Ana his business card.

“That’s amazing!... Show off! But you don’t look too happy.”

“It’s my mum!”

“What about her?”

“She kept pressuring me to get married. Now that I got a job, she has been relentless.”

“You’re not the only one. My aunt made me date our plumber five days ago, Donny. I called him Dooney Mooney.” They both laughed.

“Today, she showed me a blondie.”

“Ugh! I saw her. She’s just about the worst one that your mother had ever thought of.”

“I just don’t know what to do to make her give me some air to breathe!”

“Don’t give it too much thought. Ignore your mother. She was only looking out for you. Anyway, you’re twenty two going to be twenty three soon. You’re still young!”

“Try telling that to my mum!”

“And you try telling that to my auntie and uncle.” They both laughed.

“So how old is Aaron?”

“Two. He’ll be three soon.”

“Just like me… Only plus twenty years! He’s a bit advanced for his age. So it’s not…”

“No! She had an abortion. She married to a guy named Neal.”

“Is he a good man?”

“Yes. He understood and very supportive about it… Watch your head Aaron!”

They both sat a few minutes watching Aaron’s antics.

“Tell you what. I have a proposition for you. Why don’t we tell my parents and your auntie and uncle that we’re together to get them off our backs. What do you think? Deal?”

Ana accepted Mark’s proposition shook his hand, “Deal!”

“If it works out, we get married. If not, we part as friends.”

“Sounds good to me Mark old buddy old pal!”

They went out together as a couple for a year but his mother kept pressuring both of them to get married.

“Your mother is persistent Mark. She wouldn’t quit it!”

“Tell me about! Your aunt is no better.”

They both sighed.

“Anyway, I brought you here not to talk about them. T’hell with them!”

“Mark, that’s not very nice!”

“I’ve been meaning to give you this.”

Mark pulled out a silver ring and put it on Ana’s palm.

“What is it?” she said while reading the inscription, “Wait for me Ana, Mark’.

“It’s our engagement ring!”

“Mark, are you sure you are not doing this because of your mum’s pressure?! You should do it out of your own free will.”

“I love you!”

“I don’t believe it one bit.”

“I do! I love you Ana!”

“We’ve only been going out for a year. Most people…” Mark suddenly kissed her without asking. Ana surprised, wiped her lips with her fingers.

“… OK!..... I believe you.” Mark took the engagement ring and put it on her finger.

 

[Whybother]

Mushy music to illustrate in audio form how the characters might be feeling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Hgp150Eno

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3Jfdnci_-o

Mark knows his feelings for Ana is real but he’s unsure about the sexual attraction he had for her. He only hoped that with time, his love for her will triumph over his sexual drive towards men.

AROUND A YEAR LATER THEY WERE MARRIED

Mark thought he could ignore his inclination. He internal conflict he experiences was extremely painful for him to endure. He loves his wife. He would die for her. His His heart beats heavily every time he’s around her and every time she thinks about her. It confuses him. But he found that his sexual desires is not compatible with his feelings. The pressure was so great, he resorted to having an affair with a female stripper, hoping it will wear down his gay tendencies. Instead, it made his homosexual desires even stronger and more powerful that he constantly contemplated suicide. He tried so hard to hide his pain from the people that cares about him, especially his wife and kids, no one knows how much suffering he’s going through. [Oh, God! This Mark character just make me feel sorry for him so much. I cried while I was writing this. Poor guy. I hope he’s not in one of my visions, because if he is, that would be really horrible!]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBI3lc18k8Q

He ended the affair and tried keeping it a secret until one day when they were at a friendly gathering, the mistress showed up and broke the news in front of his wife. Ana was heartbroken. Mark didn’t want to lose her, so he begged Ana to forgive him and swore that she’s the only woman he’ll be with till the end of his days. Eventually, Ana’s heart soften, after all, he is the father of her children. Like it or not, her love for him is too deep to just be discarded. She forgives him and told him that she always been faithful and to appreciate that he’s the only man that she ever given herself up to. They lead a happy life as husband and wife and raises their children very well and kept good contact with their connections and the people around them. Mark did the best he could to keep his sexual desires at bay, but he is only a man and finally gave in. It take sometime after that Mark started having an affair secretly with his gay friend, Antonio.

OVER SEVEN YEARS LATER

“Are you sure you can look after the kids while I’m gone?”

“They’ll be fine! They are good kids!... Who’s the best father in the world kids?!”

“Daddy!” the youngest one struggles to say her words. “D… d… dad…dee!”

“Alright then. I’ll be back around ten. You kids help out your dad. He’s hopeless around the house.”

“OK mummy!”

“Bye honey! Comeback safely.”

“I will.”

Ana boarded her car and drove off. Mark scanning if the coast was clear then called out for Antonio.

“Tony, she’s gone.”

“Are you sure she won’t be back?”

“She’ll be back by ten. She’s very dedicated.”

“OK.”

Mark turned to his kids to address them.

“Kids, stay downstairs. Do not come upstairs at all!”

“But I need to get my crayons daddy.”

“OK. Go get your crayons first honey. Anyone else?” the children shook their heads.

“Good. Alright Tony, come upstairs.”

Ana remembered she forgot to tell her husband about dinner. She rummage in her bag and purse realised that she forgot her phone. She turned the car around and drove back home.

“Darlings, where’s daddy?” the kids pointed upstairs. Ana went upstairs and opened the bedroom door to find her husband with his lover. She almost fainted but prevented herself by holding onto the door frame. Both of the men were shocked, taken by surprised.

“I can explain!”

Ana found herself speechless, unable to breathe.

“Get… him… out…”

Antonio took his clothes, quickly put them on and evacuated the scene. Ana closed the door behind her.

“Why Mark?”

“I didn’t mean to honey. I thought you’ll be back around ten. It’s just… I’m…”

“What about our kids?!...” Ana stopped knowing their children were downstairs.

“The kids Mark.” She whispers.

“I never meant for you to find out.”

“You were… with him when our children is inside. What were you thinking?!...”

“I wasn’t thinking…”

“Wasn’t thinking?!... You can’t do this to our children!”

“Calm down honey. Let’s go somewhere else to talk.”

“I’ll call your sister to baby-sit.”

They remained silent as they drove to the outskirts of town and parked their car on a green pasture by the river. They came out of the car and leaned on some wooden fencing. Mark began,

“I don’t know what to say Ana.”

“Don’t… Don’t say anything.”

They both kept silent for a few long minutes.

“How long has it been?”

“A few months…”

“A few months?” Ana began to cry.

“Have you always been…”

“Homosexual?” Mark answered. Ana nodded. Mark answered by nodding.

“You must really hate me for finding out about your secret lifestyle. You must be disgusted of me every time you see me. I don’t know how you live with yourself every time you wake up in the morning next to me…”

“Stop! Ana, I love you…”

“What were you thinking… marrying me so I can bore our children. I never planned to be married then have my heart broken by someone who I thought loved me.”

“I do love you Ana. I really do. I’m just not attracted to women in general.”

“You mean you’re not attracted to…! How could you use me like this!”

“I never used you Ana. My feelings for you is real!”

“… I want to jump into the river and drown myself. I wish I was dead before I found out!”

Ana broke down in tears clasping her face in shame. Mark tries to comfort her, “Don’t touch me!" But she refused.

“Keep your hands off me! All you see in front of you is filth!”

“That’s not true, my love! You’re precious…”

“Don’t use your beautiful words on me anymore. Use it on Tony!”

“Don’t be like this honey!...”

“I said, don’t touch me!” she said as Mark tries to hold her. “I should’ve known you were too good for me. You’re only using me just like how my father was using my mother until she died and my sister until he got her pregnant over and over again.”

“I am not your father!”

“Oh really? You married me to hide a secret life, used me to get pregnant all because your mother told you so?”

“Don’t mention my mother. She’s gone now.”

“Then who am I suppose to blame for what happened? I have a husband disgusted looking the sight of me, children that will live without a father…”

“I never said that I’m leaving you. I will not let my wife and kids fend for themselves on their own. I will not abandon you my love. Never!” Mark put his arms around Ana, holding her tight.

“I can’t let you live a loveless marriage. I just can’t. It’s better that you let me go. It’s the best for everyone.”

“No! That’s not what best for everyone! I can’t live without you! I can’t live without the kids! I’d give up everything to make things right so you don’t have to feel this way!”

“I just can’t Mark! I’d rather… I don’t want this sort of life!”

“What would you have me do?”

“Why are you asking me this? It’s not my decision.”

Mark had to make a choice between his family and his lifestyle with boyfriend Antonio. He thought long and hard and made his decision.

“I want to be with our family Ana. That’s final.”

“But you don’t even find me attractive. It’s not going to work.”

“I do find you attractive. It’s just that… teach me to be attracted to you. Sexually. I want you and our kids more than anything in the world.”

“You make me feel like I forced you to choose between two things that is a part of you. It don’t feel right.”

“You’re not imposing anything on me my love. I promise.”

“No Mark! You should really think this through! Leave town. Go somewhere. Think it through. I mean really think this through. I don’t want you to regret whichever you choose later.”

“Ana, I think…”

“Sshhh…! Just do as I say. I’ll wait for as long as you want to. Which ever you choose, I’ll accept it however painful it is. Promise me!”

Mark thought long and hard about it, “… I’ll do it for you… and the kids.”

“Do it for yourself! If you do choose the other…”

“I’ve already…”

“No! Listen! If you do choose Antonio, I hope you will not abandon your responsibility to the kids.”

“I will not. I promise.”

“Now, let’s go home. I need to call the old people’s home I’ve cancelled for today.”

[voicemail]… How was the thing with your wife? Call me!… Beep…Is everything alright? Call me!… It has been five days darling. You’re making me worried. Call me!… Beep… I need to see you right now Mark. What’s going on? You didn’t even reply to any of my messages. Didn’t you receive them? Call me please!… Beep!

“Hey Marko! Where have you been? It’s been like… a week!”

“I had to get away to clear my head.’

“Well you could’ve told me where you were at least. What happened. Did the missus gave you a hard time?”

“I’ve got something to tell you Antonio.”

“Well? What is it?”

“It’s not easy for me to make the decision…”

Antonio’s facial expression began to change, “What? You’re breaking up with me?!”

“Yes… It wasn’t easy…”

“You picked me over a bitch?”

“Don’t say that about my wife!”

“Oh, I can say anything I want about that bitch! That no good pussy!”

“I had no choice. I’m doing it for the kids.”

“You can still be their father if you ditched her. You don’t expect me to believe that you…”

“I love Ana, Tony!”

“No you don’t! She’s a woman!”

“I’ll take my chances!”

“Unbelievable! Are you sure?!”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“You’re crazy! I swear! You are going to regret this!”