I last posted here in June, but once again I've had some on-line role play sessions that got me thinking about this question. My ultimate fantasy is just that, a fantasy. The problem is that that fantasy has become so strong that almost the only thing that gets me off is visualizing my own execution by burning at the stake nude. I fire-play regularly, but I do play safely, only lightly singeing my butt and cock over a fire-bowl. Last night it was different, I really wanted to feel the heat like I had in some of my more extreme fire-play sessions. Still planning on playing safe I decided to experiment with a form of fire-play I have done in the past, placing alcohol directly on my skin and lighting it. This can be done very safely if you use very little alcohol at a time and quickly wipe it off with a cold damp cloth. I started a little at a time but wanted more, finally putting a fair bit of alcohol on my butt and lighting it. I was still playing safe, I was in a cool bath with cool running water so I could quickly turn on the shower. Well when I lit the alcohol I let it burn more than I should have, I was truly enjoying the pain, but fortunately my self-presevation senses held and I doused the flames before any real damage was done.
The thing is that the pain totally aroused me, I was briefly visualizing my own death by burning at the stake and loving it. I'm wondering if this is why so many people playing with auto-erotic hanging end up actually dying, when they originally they were looking for a twisted way for a sexual release, and weren't planning on committing suicide. In my case, what I was doing couldn't have killed me, but it could have done serious damage. The last thing I want from my fiery obsession is to become a burn cripple, which is why I play safe, but there are definitely people out there that have such a powerful obsession, that they do go all the way, choosing to give into their fantasy at the same time they choose to give up on life.