When did it all start for you?

[Meatpie]

Your love of gore & dead guys? Do you have anything you look back on in your life and now realize that's what started it all?

I was six or seven and visited granny when one day two brothers, one 17 the other 18 hanged themselves together on the top floor of an eight storey block of flats right next door.

I saw the morgue car and got so excited but granny locked me up. I so wanted to investigate.

My imagination ran wild, I had a thousand questions - why they did it? How exactly they did it? Did they die fast or was it torture. Who found the bodies?

Some people said they were both naked.

It was crazy. This double suicide left a big impression I remember it to this day.

Later when I grew up I asked granny about the two boys but and she said they hanged themselves because they were members of a religious sect that made young people believe life is torture and death is peace.

There were several other suicides during that time, one man jumped from the roof of the same building.

 

[funguy86]

For me there was no one particular event, I just knew growing up, I would get really excited watching movies when a hot guy got killed. Watching him get shot or stabbed and then all bloody was a huge turn on.

 

[nec48]

For me I think it was when I was in college and used to watch my college roommates sleep. Before I knew other guys were gay, I thought the only way to touch a man was when they were out cold or "dead".

 

[jaydies]

i was four visiting friends on a country farm. they had an old broken down tractor, and i used to pretend i was driving. i actually have pictures from that day -- i was wearing a olive green button up short sleeve shirt and matching green shorts, goldish/yellowish below the calve socks and black shoes. I dont remember why i decided to die on the tractor. i pretend to get shot driving driving the tractor. i went limp, slumped in the tractor, and closed my eyes. i was dead for a few seconds, and then i heard my mom "what are you doing" i came back to life and said "nothing".

i didnt play dead in front of others until i was 11, but i did play dead alone and with one cousin. when i was 11 a friend forced me to play dead, then i was starting to be ok with playing dead in front of others but not often.

 

[fireboots]

As I've said elsewhere in this forum, my obsession with fire, naked bodies, butts and BATS all started in Grade 1 in my Catholic School. There was a huge print of Heaven and Hell in Mother Superior's office. Heaven had a few men in roves sitting around Christ, Hell was full of naked people burning mostly with their butts showing, and a few bare breasts, all the genitalia carefully hidden by flames and demons. There was also a big print of the Canadian Martyrs getting burnt alive nude by the Iroquois. I had my bare butt whipped in front of the print of the Heaven & Hell print after I stabbed a Nun with my pencil. I thought Hell looked more interesting than Heaven, which looked pretty boring to a 6 year old.

 

[New Yorker]

Well, I think I was always into guys but when u are a small kid your opitions are pretty limited when iut comes to sexual exploration. My uncle and I would constantly play wrestling and he would always pretend he had been knocked out and wa uncouncious. Nothing sexual ever happened, but he was (and still is) a very handsome guy.

Those were the only times when I was younger when I was able to touch another guy like that. I think my situation is kind of like classical conditioning. My brain must've processed that sexual thrill would only come when the man was uncouncious or in a very submissive position. Now that is a part of me.

The funny thing is I dont remember being sexually aroused back then. I knew I was thrilled, but I hadnt realised that was sexual in nature. When it comes to sex, was always a bit too innocent. The first time I actually masturbated all the way I was like 18.

 

[mxboots888]

I vaguely recall kidnapping and tying up a hot singer onto the rungs of a ladder and having my way with him in a dream when I was around 10 or so.... Weird huh?

 

[cavablog]

Even when I was a kid I felt really excited while watching movies where hot guys were chloroformed or knocked out in several ways. I knew that was a little weird, because while other kids were just starting to get interested in girls I was starting to get interested in knocked out guys xD

Now that I am nearly 30 I still love to fantasize with hot guys being knocked out and chloroformed, and there is only one thing I enjoy more than thinking on choroforming a hot guy: being chloroformed by a hot guy

I know it's not a very common fetish and I thought I was almost the only to love this kind of stuff, but now I'm happy i've found this forum where you all have similar fantasies and I can talk about it!

 

[Lycanthrope]

Not quite sure when it began but I reckon around 12 yo was when it first started when I saw on movies, scenes of beheading, drowning, etc...I felt aroused but know not why, but now at least I know what I am.

 

[GNJ]

I think it was when I was about 13, and read about Carl Tanzler in one of my mom's magazines. I just thought the whole thing was so romantic.

I'm not sure how that progressed to actual sexual attraction, though.

 

[michael antony]

It started with women for me, when I was about 12 or 13, and I really got hot seeing beautiful women being shot to death in movies, especially if it showed their bodies being handled, dragged or carried afterwards. All through high school and into college, I sought out movies and TV shows in which women were shot dead -- the more realistic the effects, the better -- and I fantasized heavily about really hot girls in school in scenarios in which I shot them.

In my early 20s I finally got comfortable with my bisexuality and my fantasies became mixed. Sometimes I'd imagine spy scenarios involving the really hot women at work being stalked and gunned down in a darkened office in the middle of the night. Sometimes I'd imagine myself as a model or dancer in a club and the club owner's boyfriend, discovered to have been skimming the take from my shows and shot dead by a contract killer hired by my "owner".

These days my fantasies are still mixed, though more often lately I imagine myself being shot to death by another man. Oddly, though, I'm still not into movies or TV shows in which men are shot, I'm still strictly into women as far as that goes.

 

[demon007]

my school bullies from 12 to 16 they never stopped, always groups of 3 or more on me no matter how i defended myself without killing them id never win. the ring leaders of it were two brothers one in my year and one year above me and the rest of the school were scared of them. i used to see him changing in p.e took his top off to reveal a muscular body.. visible 6 pack and nice chest but skinny looking and up close i could see his heart beating. think that when i realised i was gay becuase i wanted that body but at the same time i wanted him to die for the way he treated me. still do a bit in the knowledge that he is the reason i have no qualifications. since then whenever ive looked at a fit muscle lad ive always tried to spot a visible heartbeat. it excites me to see it and even feel it... on more than one occasion ive felt a drunk lads heart with hand and ear while hes out.. the fantasy comes over me of wanting to cut his heart out of his chest probably because i think of my bully how i saw him breathing and a visible heart and how i wanted to not only fuck him but kill him for so long..... and probably the fact i wish i did kill the little shit because i took nothing from school but abuse... but where would i be if i did... still in prison so you have to learn to control your feelings however much you gagging to act them out.

 

[Tim Decker]

My drowning fetish started when I was about 5.

 

[syyeah]

I have a fetish towards male genitals, that may make me a weirdo even here at CDG. But I will still share my story here.

When I was around 6, there were two boys around 12 talked and drew the scene where one guy asked another guy to eat the former one's dick, they described it so real, there was even a process like cleaning, cooking, tasting and eating...and from that moment, a curiosity started to develop towards the taste of dick. Firstly I heard people call it "cock", then I thought it tasted like chicken.

One day my grandpa asked me do you want to taste a piece of "cock" at dinner table, I was so excited but afraid so I refused, and he said okay then I would take it. Although ut was really a piece of "chicken " meat, the experience twisted my memory like I really lost a chance of tasting a piece of cock! It fueled my fetish I guess. I was 8 at that time.

Some how I met another boy in the same street where I lived, he also had the thoughts(now I started to think that he must also get affected by those two drawing boys). We used to play "cut, cook and eat a cock" game, I was the food. I refuse to talk about the details but none of us got any physical hurts. The game ended when he moved away before my puberty started.

When I became a teenager, the story of Armin Meweis in newspaper made me realize that it's possible for a man to eat another man's male organs and the meat could taste tasteless and chewy--nothing like chicken, it still made me cum like hell. Then Jeffrey Dahmer...etc. They were really bad ass that I liked a lot! My growing dick became darker and beeflike, the smell and tissue made me think that penis can taste like beef if well cooked... Fortunately, I also realized that I was a gay at that time, so the fetish merged into the lust towards guys, and the taste of blood never occupied in my desire.

Nowadays, I still have a fetish towards dicks, and it made me a weird gay who hates anal sex but fancy fellatio. But I won't cut a dick and kill a person--I prefer a living person that I can love or just fuck to a dead body that brings me troubles and ruins my life and fantasies.

And CDG feeds my fantasies: how does my fantastic food look like when it's newly cut raw, how does it look like when it's well cooked...the japanese artist wasted his dick by cooking it so wrong. Shame! And the pics of severed dicks just dispeared because of the shutdown of someimage, pity!

I know the laws leave no space of hurting others and I have no intention to cause such irreversible damage to others, just like how much I love my cock although I was the food in that game. I still let the fetish run wild a bit when I took a bite on a dick and requested him to chew my dick head a bit. B-)

Btw, if any of you can re-upload the dead, severed or even cooked dick picture in the forum, I will make my part and share this type of stories that I accumulated or translated, or pictures that I drew over the years, especially in the secret room! Anyway I will share but it's better to have some fuels and encouragement, right?

Happy festival!

 

[Outlawbiker]

Mine started with Cowboys in Westerns about 4th or 5th grade. . I loved to see the outlaw get shot to pieces especially if he had his Jeans stuffed in the tops of his boots. I also like it when on of the gang members shot another so they would not have to give him his share. I had a strange feeling. I liked it when several bad guys were shot and they fell on top of each other in a pile. In fifth grade I got a leather jacket. I did not like the smell of it when I stood in the sun. My Mother hid my favorite jacket and made me wear it. After that I started like guys who got killed or shot with leather jackets on. Later on in life that smell of the leather jacket would be a turn on for me.

 

[marunde666]

It started for me when I realized I was gay but was too afraid to come out. I wanted to feel another man's body but was afraid somehow my mom would find out. My first true experience with this was watching Frankenstein when I realized the perfect dead man could be reanimated and I could use him for sex. Only one person know this about me and the meaning behind the Frankenstein tattoo I have. For me it was all about being able to experiment with another man's body without getting caught.

When I was in my fraternity, one of my fraternity brothers was studying to be a mortician and he took us to where he was working and I got to see a former football player that had drank himself to death. His body was naked and his cock was semi erect and I got the biggest hard on in my life. I knew something was wrong with me that I got so hard staring at his dead cock. But then I thought if I could reanimate his body it wouldn't seem as weird. This is a turn on for me but I am ashamed that this sort of thing gets me going so much.

 

[Destroymykok]

I always knew there was something different about me from being around 10 yrs old. I lived in a small village where one family's kids were the local bully's. All us other kids always tried to avoid them, but being a small place it was inevitable that we'd all fall victim at sometime or other. One time really sticks. I was with my best pal when the 3 brothers came from behind a hedge. They got us behind the hedge & got us both undressed. They forced us into playing with ourselves and each other. I had no knowledge of sex but knew the pleasure of an erection
We'd picked up some eggs for my pals mum & the oldest of the three smashed one on my hard cock & made my pal lick the raw egg off it I just lay still naked in the dirt. I experienced what must've been a dry orgasm. The eldest bully then unfastened his pants rolled my pal over fracked an egg over he's ass & shoved his huge cock in & raped his ass. My friend just stayed like a corpse & took it without a sound. I got the same treatment from the other two brothers. Though I did resist. My reward for my futile resistance was a length of string tied around my cock & balls and being virtually dragged across that field.
Five years later I knew I was gay. I told my mother as I was confused & believed it to be an illness. She in turn told my father who took it really badly & at the tender age of 15 physically beat me up & slung me out of my home. Cut a long story short I met a guy in a public park a few weeks later who took me in. He was what would now be known as a perverted sexual sadist who preyed on young boys. For him I must've been a dream come true. I was a young 15 & looked 3 years younger. I experienced every form of abuse & torture imaginable over the next 12 years. He took ill with cancer which killed him. I discovered just before he died that he had planned to kill me before I reached the age of 25 fortunately for me he was to sick at that time to carry out his wishes
But right back from that day in that field watching my best mate laying like a corpse & getting his ass raped I've found death erotic. My own experience from years later I think made it even more so
During my life I've seen death from old age & illness I've also seen death by accident or suicide of younger perfectly fit guys. My choice is to exit life on my terms not wasted away by age or illness
I wasn't sure about putting this down & sharing it & have left much details out. The last thing I wish to do is bore everyone with the craziness of my younger years. Though I'd maybe like to do a book with it all in some day.

 

[Andrew1999]

I am so sorry u have had this..stuff...happen to you. I think u must have a deep & determined strength to have survived. Many would have wilted under far less. I hope u have made some sort of peace w/ your family & village, for your sake.
I also hope you some how arranged a rough justice for the wanna be gay bullys. Oh, like raped w/ broken bottle for a dildo...

 

[Andrew1999]

It started for me when I realized I was gay but was too afraid to come out. I wanted to feel another man's body but was afraid somehow my mom would find out. My first true experience with this was watching Frankenstein when I realized the perfect dead man could be reanimated and I could use him for sex. Only one person know this about me and the meaning behind the Frankenstein tattoo I have. For me it was all about being able to experiment with another man's body without getting caught.

When I was in my fraternity, one of my fraternity brothers was studying to be a mortician and he took us to where he was working and I got to see a former football player that had drank himself to death. His body was naked and his cock was semi erect and I got the biggest hard on in my life. I knew something was wrong with me that I got so hard staring at his dead cock. But then I thought if I could reanimate his body it wouldn't seem as weird. This is a turn on for me but I am ashamed that this sort of thing gets me going so much.

Wow, wish I coulda been along to see that! Bet u still whack to that image. I would. I also day dream about controlling a dead man. I think plastination hold great possibilities, if only leagal bodies could be found...

 

[nvg70]

For me it was first seeing a guy hanged in a movie (I was very young) gave me a weird feeling inside. Then later on in school some of the guys would choke themselves or each other, really turned me on. Been into it since