Art Of War
INSTIGATOR
- Joined
- May 26, 2010
- Messages
- 660
- Location
- New Zealand
Submitting a draft screen from a screenplay I am working on am asking for some feedback to see audience reaction.
Scene 5 : Small Talk
[Dante wakes up, his eyes hurting from the bright light and as his eyes adjust to the brightens he realizes he is on a bed, and the room he is in is roughly 8 feet by 24 feet, the walls are made from concrete, the concrete indicates to Dante that this room or building must be a few decades old due to the staining on the walls. Across from the bed is a table with shelfs and next to it on the 8 feet wall is a toilet and sink he looks to his left and realize it is a cell door with a opening at roughly shoulder height. He realizes he is a prisoner. He starts to get up and realizes that his feet our chained to the bed, Dante starts getting light headed and feels a sharp pain in his arm, he looks at this bandaged arm and the memories start flooding back and he starts struggling to piece the details together. Dante wonders how he is going to get out of this mess. He sits on the bed for a while pondering over his predicament he hears movement on the other side of the cell door, followed by the opening of the cell door; Dante weakly stands up and faces the open cell door]
Intruder: Do you remember our agreement?
[The intruder’s voice is deep and mechanical]
[He is dressed in black milartary style pants, black miltary jumper, boots, ski masks, which Dante cannot make out Intruder eyes, he assumes Intruder has a black stocking mask underneath, and black gloves]
Dante: Yes I do
Who are you?
[Dante asks curiously]
Intruder: No one particular
Dante: You do not want to me to know you are?
Why is that?
[Intruder throws some clothes onto the bed and closes the cell door]
[Cut to]
[Intruder opens the cell door some time later and finds Dante passed out on the floor, intruder lifts Dante up into the bed and checks his pulse then temperature and then makes a phone call]
[Cut to]
[Intruder sponge bathing Dante and re-bandaging his arm]
[Cut to black screen]
[Dante wakes up to voices]
Intruder: He will live, he has made it this far
Unknown voice: You are taking a big risk
Intruder: So be it, is that all?
Unknown: Yes, Call me sooner than later.
[Cut to Dante eyes shut]
[Dante keeps his eyes closed and hears the sound of the cell door closing]
Intruder: How much did you hear?
[Dante opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling]
Dante: The tail end
Intruder: It has been nearly 3 weeks since you passed out and before that about a week since you passed out the first time. You were suffering from shock and a slight infection
Dante: Slight?
Intruder: The choice not to take the injection saved your life
[Dante’s body jerks slightly at this]
Intruder: Once you have rested enough we are going to discuss some ground rules
[Dante now glares at the intruder, he can sense he is breathing heavily, almost like he is forcing control of it, for Dante this is a very curious tell]
Intruder: Dante, our arrangement
[Dante nods in silence and then looks back at the ceiling]
Intruder: There is food and drink on the table
[Dante looks at the table and sees a selection of food raining from cheese, bread, sliced meat, pasta and a huge bottle of water and juice]
[Intruder approaches Dante, Dante automatically flinches back a bit, intruder stops, then starts walking out the cell door]
Dante: It is not your fault
[Intruder turns round and looks at Dante]
Dante: Stupid cops fault
[Intruder nods]
Dante: He is dead?
[Intruder nods again]
Intruder: Are you glad he is dead?
[Dante pauses; feeling ashamed holds his hand together looks to the ground, and then makes eye contact with the intruder]
Dante: Yes I am
[Dante exhales deeply and feels his body shiver a little bit, followed by a sharp emotional pain rising up and tears swelling up]
[Intruder studies Dante, then nods and leaves]
Scene 5 : Small Talk
[Dante wakes up, his eyes hurting from the bright light and as his eyes adjust to the brightens he realizes he is on a bed, and the room he is in is roughly 8 feet by 24 feet, the walls are made from concrete, the concrete indicates to Dante that this room or building must be a few decades old due to the staining on the walls. Across from the bed is a table with shelfs and next to it on the 8 feet wall is a toilet and sink he looks to his left and realize it is a cell door with a opening at roughly shoulder height. He realizes he is a prisoner. He starts to get up and realizes that his feet our chained to the bed, Dante starts getting light headed and feels a sharp pain in his arm, he looks at this bandaged arm and the memories start flooding back and he starts struggling to piece the details together. Dante wonders how he is going to get out of this mess. He sits on the bed for a while pondering over his predicament he hears movement on the other side of the cell door, followed by the opening of the cell door; Dante weakly stands up and faces the open cell door]
Intruder: Do you remember our agreement?
[The intruder’s voice is deep and mechanical]
[He is dressed in black milartary style pants, black miltary jumper, boots, ski masks, which Dante cannot make out Intruder eyes, he assumes Intruder has a black stocking mask underneath, and black gloves]
Dante: Yes I do
Who are you?
[Dante asks curiously]
Intruder: No one particular
Dante: You do not want to me to know you are?
Why is that?
[Intruder throws some clothes onto the bed and closes the cell door]
[Cut to]
[Intruder opens the cell door some time later and finds Dante passed out on the floor, intruder lifts Dante up into the bed and checks his pulse then temperature and then makes a phone call]
[Cut to]
[Intruder sponge bathing Dante and re-bandaging his arm]
[Cut to black screen]
[Dante wakes up to voices]
Intruder: He will live, he has made it this far
Unknown voice: You are taking a big risk
Intruder: So be it, is that all?
Unknown: Yes, Call me sooner than later.
[Cut to Dante eyes shut]
[Dante keeps his eyes closed and hears the sound of the cell door closing]
Intruder: How much did you hear?
[Dante opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling]
Dante: The tail end
Intruder: It has been nearly 3 weeks since you passed out and before that about a week since you passed out the first time. You were suffering from shock and a slight infection
Dante: Slight?
Intruder: The choice not to take the injection saved your life
[Dante’s body jerks slightly at this]
Intruder: Once you have rested enough we are going to discuss some ground rules
[Dante now glares at the intruder, he can sense he is breathing heavily, almost like he is forcing control of it, for Dante this is a very curious tell]
Intruder: Dante, our arrangement
[Dante nods in silence and then looks back at the ceiling]
Intruder: There is food and drink on the table
[Dante looks at the table and sees a selection of food raining from cheese, bread, sliced meat, pasta and a huge bottle of water and juice]
[Intruder approaches Dante, Dante automatically flinches back a bit, intruder stops, then starts walking out the cell door]
Dante: It is not your fault
[Intruder turns round and looks at Dante]
Dante: Stupid cops fault
[Intruder nods]
Dante: He is dead?
[Intruder nods again]
Intruder: Are you glad he is dead?
[Dante pauses; feeling ashamed holds his hand together looks to the ground, and then makes eye contact with the intruder]
Dante: Yes I am
[Dante exhales deeply and feels his body shiver a little bit, followed by a sharp emotional pain rising up and tears swelling up]
[Intruder studies Dante, then nods and leaves]
End of Scene 5: Small Talk
Last edited:
