The most horrifying part of a funeral

[Meatpie]

...to me is not when they lower the casket, no.

After we buried our friend on Monday her husband and son invited us to their villa for a meal and drinks something of a funeral party together with some other "family" although as I later found out they were actually their neighbours.

In Bulgaria whenever someone dies the grieving family offers a large meal with salad and bread, kebab and barbecue are not uncommon. Also salami and cheese.



So in line with tradtion and stupid meaningless Christian religion after the funeral we went inside the house and sat round a large table.

Fat ladies came in and started eating like pigs while at the same time with full mouths they asked what type of cancer the deceased had, how did she go to the toilet etc, did her son change her pampers etc.

Then husband of the deceased suddenly remembered his dad's funeral and said out loud "I had to kiss this smelly rotter with foam coming from his mouth. I couldn't do it. He was my father but it was too disgusting. Later I called his spirit and he said he wasn't angry at me."

And a the same time the fat girls kept on munching and and stared at the bereft husband.


OMG!

I sat there shell-shocked.

And worst of all an old man with a huge belly set next to me, drank brandy and ate all the sald that was served and even asked for more. He put his hand on my shoulders to make himself more comfortable thinking I was an extension of the sofa.



I wanted to explode but I was in a sandwich between fat obese girls and white haired man I couldn't move.

The grieving husband then got drunk undid his shirt and you could see his hairy belly size of 500 kg cement bag covering his entire cock area.

I felt like an alien.

What the fuck is this tradition?

Fortunately one of the fat girls needed to take a shit so she freed some space and I escaped outside.

A day later I met people around town and told them that a friend has passed away and only a handful said "condolances."

90% of people pretended they didn't hear me and went on with their activites.

In conclusion the reason why this world isn't going anywhere are humans.

Most of us only care for ourselves.

Forum members tell me "meatpie, you have changed, you look so mature in your new avatar".

Oh yes I have changed! This whole fucking experience taught me a bitter lesson.

1. People avoid talking about death, it's so easy to pretend it doesn't exist.
2. Most people don't know what to say when someone has passed away. Sad but it's a fact.
3. No one can really feel the suffering of others until you suffer it yourself.

Our friend and doctor passed away from an extremely rare type of aggresive cancer called mesothelioma, there is no cure.

In the last months before death the cancer spread to her brain growing in size and pressing on the visual cortex.

She went blind and was paralyzed but could hear everything that was going on.

Now you see why most people don't want to talk about death and dying?

Too horrifying...

 

[phyzzique]

......And worst of all an old man with a huge belly set next to me, drank brandy and ate all the salad that was served and even asked for more. He put his hand on my shoulders to make himself more comfortable thinking I was an extension of the sofa.

 

[New Yorker]

Coping with death is very hard. Most people prefer to pretend it wont happen to them or to those around them so whever thay have to deal with death, they are unable to cope with the situation.

Funerals are not about the deceased but rather a way for the lving to cope with death. Funerals are a way to kind of pull the living from their deep saddness back to their lives.

I guess in a situation like u described, I would at best ask the grieving family if they needed anything or if they wanted to talk about it or be left alone.

Unfortunatelly, there isnt a formula for how to deal with this kind of situation. Earch person deals with death in a very particular way. I think the best thing we can do is to try to help the living to rebuild their lives around the loss.

 

[bindiboi]

I am sorry you had to experience such disgusting people during all of this. Maybe it's cultural, I don't know, but here you don't talk about how the deceased shit or if the son had to change their pampers, all the while gorging their disgusting pie holes. That is evil. While a meal is often served, discussions are about how the person lived, not how they died. Yes, a passing comment about their final days may occur, but it is mostly positive.

The human race can be a nasty group to live in and observe. Many have no or little regard for those around them. The ones that do, sometimes are at a loss as to what to say during tragedies. Death can be a terrible thing for the living, but can be mercy to those suffering. Those views can clash.

Sometime words can seem hollow and meaningless, but a really do feel for you and what you are going through Meatpie. You do have people here who care. I'd like to count myself as one of them.

 

[mxboots888]

MP you have an uncanny ability to describe unpleasant experiences with such candor, honesty, and perhaps unintended humor! I'm sorry that you had to sit with people who are so callus and uncouth but it sounded like you exercised a lot of restraint. I think if I were there I would have been compelled to comment on the inappropriate musings about the decedent's bodily functions! That would've tipped me over the edge.

 

[KiltedSoldier]

Sorry you had to sit with those fat disgusting people just there for the food In Scotlabd and Ireland you have a wake after a funeral - just a glass of drink and finger food no big meal - then people don't stay too long Those descriptions of horrible slow deaths make me think a quick death in battle is not too bad s way to go - as we all have to .

 

[Meatpie]

Thanks for your awesome comments guys, especially bindi. It brings me comfort knowing I am not the only one who thinks most people are fucked up.

I mentally prepared for the funeral and it went well but I didn't expect what happened later inside the house. I have never met those people before.

We are meeting again on Sunday.

I could have verbally destroyed them with a single sentence but kept silent in memory of my friend.

I didn't eat just had a drink.

 

[bindiboi]

You showed tremendous restraint, far more than I would have. I would have followed them home and had a little fun. They'd think twice about doing that shit again.

 

[Meatpie]

What would you have done?

 

[darkestblond]

well said & absolutely true. 50 is not the new 25. we're all gonna die & i wonder if when it gets to that oint it wdn't be better to transition through sexually violent termination than slowly suffereing & weakening.

 

[bindiboi]

prolly beat the shit out of him

 

[Meatpie]

Oh bindi, you could have destroyed them with a few words sometimes they cause more pain then any physical violence.

 

[feetboy]

MP I know the feeling. I hate funerals. Especially cremations. The whole thing seems so clean and production line with no thought going through peoples mind as to what is happening. Then everyone goes to drink and talks about how convenient and how good cremation is. Convenient? Load of shit.

Then they talk about meaningless shit, about work, about fuck knows what. Nobody dares say 'we've just lost someone we love and it sucks and I don't want to eat cake and pretend to be happy'

I fucking hate the whole fucking thing. It would be more real if people actually cried and threw themselves on the ground, even if they were only crying for themselves.

 

[Meatpie]

I don't hate funerals but agree that most people don't know what to say and its very, very annoying.

"Moved to a better world" is what they usually say here, it's awful.

And oh that fucking priest I wanted to kick his teeth in. He only cared how much money the family will pay and he made mistakes during his speech, the fat fuck he was.

 

[KiltedSoldier]

Have had to do Guard of Honour at military funerals a few times. The ritual makes it easier for us soldiers, but the families, usually the women, can be hysterical,they know a young soldier can be killed in battle, but they never think it will be their son, brother, lover - we choose that path they do not.

 

[Lycanthrope]

There should be a movement to put the "fun" back in funeral

 

[lindier]

In orthodox Judaism it is traditional for the immediate family to sit shiva, i.e. gather at a home for seven days when their friends and those of the deceased come and visit them bringing food with them. Every morning and evening prayers are said. Whilst there is a gathering after the funeral it is a sober affair for immediate friends and family. And after seven days normal life resumes.

 

[Outlawbiker]

I lived on the Russian River in the mid 80s. A lot of my friends died of AIDS We use to have parties. I remember all the fun times we had with the person who died. We celebrated the of the person who passed. Some told stories other said nothing. It felt good to morn among friends. Left the Russian River in 94. Too many friends gone.
I have survived 3 husbands.

OUTLAWBIKER

 

[Cadarvel]

Goodness, makes me glad to live in this culture. The people here, they'll give you space but be there when you need it.