The 251st Invasion of Poland

[Micky]

Now I've done it, now I've really gone and done it! I mean, I should have realized I'd woken up in one of my funny moods this morning. When I went down to breakfast the deputy warden must have sussed out I was in a bit of an agitated state, cos he took me to one side and had a gentle, reassuring, empathetic word in my ear: "Calm down, feller-lad, take a pill, and stop fantasizing about chiropodists, you horny little schizo fucker!" But did I listen to him? No, I only went back up to my room and listened to Wagner's Rienzi Overture, didn't I, and it got me so fired up I've just launched the 251st invasion of Poland! My trusty ship, the HMS Meatpie, docks at the mouth of the ship canal this afternoon to take on essential supplies - chloroform, butt-plugs, pictures of the Duchess of Cornwall - then it's off to Gdansk we go - no, fuck Gdansk, poxy Polish name for a noble German city - it's off to Danzig we go! The crew are in fine shape, especially Roger the Cabin Boy. He's always up for a bit of action is that lad. And as we wend our merry way up the Channel (I wish someone would wend his merry way up my channel!) we will give voice to the historic battle-cry of our Germanic forefathers: "Hine se yldesta ondswarode, werodes wise word-hoard onleac!"

Oh, the joys of schizophrenia! You have no idea, you have no fucking idea...

 

[Meatpie]

Oh, the joys of schizophrenia! You have no idea, you have no fucking idea...

You are right, I have no idea what you are talking about. Schizo is a devastating condition, I know few people who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and they simply aint human.

 

[Micky]

You are right, I have no idea what you are talking about. Schizo is a devastating condition, I know few people who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and they simply aint human.

Point taken, Meatpie. Sorry - it's me trying to myself look cool by joking about the crazy ideas I get when I'm not completely catatonic. Don't Bulgarian psychiatrists treat their schizo patients with stuff like olanzapine or clozapine? Medication can help a lot these days - it can't cure you but it can help you manage your condition and come to terms with reality, except reality can be so fucking horrible that complete raving psychosis is preferable. Me, I take olanzapine - doing okay off it, except when I'm stupid enough to slink round the back of the unit smoking skunk then come back into the dayroom completely off my head and laughing like a jackass and trying to dance the dance of the sugar plum fairy, and then I get sent to my room like a naughty ten year old. That's what I meant by the joys of schizophrenia, it was me laughing at my stupid retarded existence, not mocking guys whose illness makes them simply not human.

 

[Meatpie]

You'll be fine m8, I like your relaxed attitude towards life, don't take anything too personal and you will be a lot happier.

 

[Micky]