Why do death thoughts stimulate?

[Dark Fader]

Your experience and preferences are exactly like mine Mort, except I always like it when my best friend Francis (you) pretended to be killed. He loved getting choked, shot, stabbed, manipulated, gut punched and I was more than willing and eager to accommodate him. I wish I knew now was he was and how he is doing.

These fantasies erotic stimulation BECAUSE they are fantasies and will always remain that way, to cross over would be unthinkable and about as far from sexy as I can imagine.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, words and pics

I like to draw the line between fantasy and reality, and yes, the lack of pronounced barrier between the two on these forums is somewhat disturbing to me.

This is a hardcore ingrained fantasy, yes, but fulfilling it helps me LIVE in this reality. It's not my fault that my sexual fantasies are about dying, but they remain my sexual fantasies and nothing I can do about it.

They have been there since even before I was sexually aware... even as a child of 9 years old, running around playing war with other children, I longed to be "killed" and then impress them with being a convincing corpse. Maybe they'd shoot their toy guns into me just to make sure... it made me feel "tickly" in ways I have not felt before.

The first time I came as a teenager, was to imagery of being pushed to fall onto a spike fence, being penetrated by several spikes, and limply coming to rest.

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Honestly it feels like past-life memories. Several past-life memories overlapped, with that final release of energy when my body is killed, echoing through space-time and affecting my current life.

Like I need to heal those echoes of trauma by going deep into them.

Whether being a straight Dom, with a female who plays dead (I did this with prev. girlfriends), or as a gender-agnostic Sub who plays dead (which makes me compatible with gay/bi Doms and these forums!), the experience is equally arousing because it doesn't matter so much WHO is experiencing the state of non-existence, no-mind.

It's just that I am NEAR it, in SOME capacity... it feels like being near a portal to a higher realm, where all the answers lie about our existence...

Also, playing games with it feels invigorating, like some ancient tribal rituals created around death to soothe their feelings about it.

My Sub side was there first... I just walled it off and ignored it for all these years. And yet I couldn't help but regularly RP being killed on my own, getting better at it, and these sudden images of being post-mortem manipulated, my dead body being WANTED, by a dominant male killer started popping into my mind...

The contrast between my alive self with all his wants and feelings and heterosexual orientation... and my dead self, without a mind, reflexes, sexual orientation, sense of time... just a pliant piece of meat killed for someone's fun... my boundaries violated completely... it makes me hard without fail.

Everyone has a dark side. Well, at least mine is physically harmless fantasies instead of a heroin addiction or something. Now THAT would've been bad...

 

[postmortem]

Thank you Dark Fader

 

[fireboots]

Well we are in the time of the year when the barrier between the worlds of the living and the dead is at its thinnest, just maybe a few of you will get a glimpse of the other side. I have, I clinically died in 1977 when my heat stopped not once, but twice while I was being treated after a sever accident. When I was questioned about this all I can remember was cold, far from my fantasy of being burnt alive.

Fireboots

 

[Anon667]

Personally, I think I'm eroticizing my fears. I'm fiercely protective towards my friends, and despise senseless murder, but I'm drawn to it somehow. I have no idea why or how, and I really wish I wasn't because it makes me feel complicit in the crimes that I'm witnessing.

Some kind of strange cross-wiring in the brain, I suppose. Adrenaline surges when you're afraid or aroused, and sometimes things get mixed up. Maybe I'm subconsciously mixing them up on purpose to control the fear I have of death and channel it. I have always felt that I would rather die fighting for something than of old age, and maybe eroticizing my fear of death is what allows me to work around it.

What really scares me is how many terrorists probably feel this same way when they commit atrocities against innocent people. I refuse to become that kind of person. I'll die to protect my friends from those that will try and harm them, but I will NOT die to impose my worldview on someone else.

 

[skull_fucked]

An amazing thread! It sums up for me why I'm here on CDG. Some issues raised I've never considered before but somehow they seem familiar. Others I've known about and had previously thought "that just applies to me". In a way it makes me feel better about myself. No, I am not a sadist - and wouldn't knowingly hurt anyone, ever. And more than anything I LOVE life. But death awaits us all - and making sense of it now is important. And the great unmentionable sex/lust/perversion aspect is as much a part of that debate as any of it. So thanks, guys, for being here and putting into words thoughts and feelings that normally lie beneath the surface.

 

[necrocream]

Personally, I think I'm eroticizing my fears. I'm fiercely protective towards my friends, and despise senseless murder, but I'm drawn to it somehow. I have no idea why or how, and I really wish I wasn't because it makes me feel complicit in the crimes that I'm witnessing.

Some kind of strange cross-wiring in the brain, I suppose. Adrenaline surges when you're afraid or aroused, and sometimes things get mixed up. Maybe I'm subconsciously mixing them up on purpose to control the fear I have of death and channel it. I have always felt that I would rather die fighting for something than of old age, and maybe eroticizing my fear of death is what allows me to work around it.

What really scares me is how many terrorists probably feel this same way when they commit atrocities against innocent people. I refuse to become that kind of person. I'll die to protect my friends from those that will try and harm them, but I will NOT die to impose my worldview on someone else.

I actually think there is little in common between terrorists who kill out of a political motive or even a general free-for-all destructive motive, and guys who understand post-mortem sexuality. Whatever killers and terrorists are feeling, I suspect it's quite different .... something that's non-carnal and, if anything, shows a denial of this kind of sexuality.

Death is a fact of life, and our awareness of its erotic aspects kick in at a surprisingly early age (during or even before puberty) and most guys who come to embrace this as the normal thing it is (and those urges always come back, don't they?) tend to be nicer guys than most, from my experience, because they're more in touch with their sexuality as a rule. They tend to be utterly sane and IMHO they're much less likely to commit crimes of this nature -- unless they're pathological in some other way.

But the people who commit such murderous acts are usually not in touch with their sexuality. If they were, it would manifest itself differently.

Terrorism is about hatred or politics or both. But this kind of sensuality, post-mortem sensuality, is not. So not only are they not the same thing, they're almost unconnected. Which interesting.

One is a destructive waste of time by dudes with no introspective sexuality; the other isn't at all.