Starting to think i cant love anything other than death

[ScorpSoldier]

I used to have a girlfriend of 3 years, but we broke up, i loved her a lot and post breakup my feelings of love and attraction have been in a downward spiral, i still feel attracted to people, but i never make moves or go forward because im afraid of being left again, was never a necro until around age 19....now im 21 im more aware that i find the concept of death attractive, personally i would prefer to do the killing, but i know i cant, i have a good friend who also uses this site, we are both necros, we live together now to save on rent and its nice, sometimes i let her pose my limp clothed body, as she likes morgue scenarios like me. But i dont feel like i can go further than this, because i was hoping in my life to marry someone and buy a house, a simple dream but i would prefer a normal life. But i always run away or abandon conversations with people if i feel like they are going to make romantic advances toward me, i feel like any normal person would recoil if they found out about my death fantasies and murder fantasies. Do any of you have long term partners who are aware of this? i feel like even fantasy or artwork (my preference) would be a dealbreaker for these people. i want to love, and i have in the past but now its confusing, i can possibly love romantically, but i mostly get aroused by death concepts or murder concepts.

 

[gm1967]

Yes, it is possible ........ it is about finding the balance with it all. I would also suggest that to make a long term relationship work...... that the partner does know about your desires and kinks...... and that ... you just need to jerk off to it from time to time.

also - alot of this is probably compounded by your recent break up too.......

for me - I was with my partner (a male - and i am male) - for 24 years. He always knew about my kinks........the whole time we were together. We did break up about 3 years ago now..... but, not because of my kinks....... there were other issues. At times - I feel like it would be awesome to be with someone else into the same kinks......but, its just very hard to find for a relationship. My feeling is - any future or potential partner - they just have to know........ they do not need to necessarily be into it....... but, they have to know.

and yea, it does make sense that you would be concerned about peoples reactions....... i have literally had the "kinkiest" people......... who are even fine with me taking a shit in their mouth.... BUT..... bring up playing dead.......and they freak out!!!!!!!! so yes, one of the things i have had to accept about this.........is that NOT everyone is going to be into it and will think its too much......... oh well......... it just is what it is!

always down to chat more if you want too......... you can reach out to me here or send me a private message........ of we can chat on like telegram too if you want....

 

[Dimoetes]

Yes, it is possible ........ it is about finding the balance with it all. I would also suggest that to make a long term relationship work...... that the partner does know about your desires and kinks...... and that ... you just need to jerk off to it from time to time.

also - alot of this is probably compounded by your recent break up too.......

for me - I was with my partner (a male - and i am male) - for 24 years. He always knew about my kinks........the whole time we were together. We did break up about 3 years ago now..... but, not because of my kinks....... there were other issues. At times - I feel like it would be awesome to be with someone else into the same kinks......but, its just very hard to find for a relationship. My feeling is - any future or potential partner - they just have to know........ they do not need to necessarily be into it....... but, they have to know.

and yea, it does make sense that you would be concerned about peoples reactions....... i have literally had the "kinkiest" people......... who are even fine with me taking a shit in their mouth.... BUT..... bring up playing dead.......and they freak out!!!!!!!! so yes, one of the things i have had to accept about this.........is that NOT everyone is going to be into it and will think its too much......... oh well......... it just is what it is!

always down to chat more if you want too......... you can reach out to me here or send me a private message........ of we can chat on like telegram too if you want....

This is very wise advice.

A cautionary tale from my own experience in life/marriage:

I have pretty much always been exclusively necrophilic, and no one knows about this except for a couple online friends, and one former specialist therapist. It feels very much like living a double life, the constant masking of it. I am (finally) totally comfortable with my nature and myself - if I could do it all over again I think I would perhaps just not get married. As it stands i am married to someone who i DO care about, am *not* attracted to, and he has no idea who I really am.

I can tell you that hiding things from strangers and acquaintances is a lot easier than hiding things from a husband or wife. The task becomes 24/7 and will have a lot of detrimental effects on your physical and mental health.

A marriage is a lifetime of sharing everything, your home, your bodies, your inner world. At least you should be able to share your inner world. Even at times you don't *like* each other, you still know, love and respect each other, for your authentic selves. Without total transparency, marriage just becomes another obligation to fulfill, a chore and an exhausting one at that.

If this is not an exclusive sexual orientation for you, I would absolutely advise pursuing a relationship, but give it time as you heal.from your former relationship... People aren't generally built to be single. Especially not men (idk why this is, but it's definitely a thing). If your sexual interests skew that way but you are able to manage romantic and at least some sexual attraction to living people, its just a matter of finding someone who at the very least accepts you for your whole self, weird fetishes and all. The sexual part can be worked around if total transparency and romantic attraction are present, and you aren't *disinterested* sexually. What you said about your current issues with distancing yourself from romance sounds more like a trauma response rather than a permanent lack of interest, I don't think that state will last forever. In my experience the best way to re build trust in relationships is to focus on friendships, "safer" relationships which allows you to be in some sort of lower risk relationship and build up tolerance for closeness again, before pursuing anything romantic. You are still very young....life is the longest thing any of us are ever going to do. Best to spend it in a way that is comfortable and honest, not rush to get yourself stuck in a situation that will prove difficult to get out of if necessary(marriage, kids, real estate etc). If you have a good mutual arrangement with your friend right now, enjoy the outlet you have a friend who sees you and the relationship benefits both of you from the sounds of it, why change things?

I'm sure we have DMd before but I am awful at checking, I need to go do that lol. And you are safe from me flirting with you, unless of course you are secretly a 60 year old cancer victim

 

[ScorpSoldier]

Yes, it is possible ........ it is about finding the balance with it all. I would also suggest that to make a long term relationship work...... that the partner does know about your desires and kinks...... and that ... you just need to jerk off to it from time to time.

also - alot of this is probably compounded by your recent break up too.......

for me - I was with my partner (a male - and i am male) - for 24 years. He always knew about my kinks........the whole time we were together. We did break up about 3 years ago now..... but, not because of my kinks....... there were other issues. At times - I feel like it would be awesome to be with someone else into the same kinks......but, its just very hard to find for a relationship. My feeling is - any future or potential partner - they just have to know........ they do not need to necessarily be into it....... but, they have to know.

and yea, it does make sense that you would be concerned about peoples reactions....... i have literally had the "kinkiest" people......... who are even fine with me taking a shit in their mouth.... BUT..... bring up playing dead.......and they freak out!!!!!!!! so yes, one of the things i have had to accept about this.........is that NOT everyone is going to be into it and will think its too much......... oh well......... it just is what it is!

always down to chat more if you want too......... you can reach out to me here or send me a private message........ of we can chat on like telegram too if you want....

thanks, at least im not alone, my breakup was not recent, it was about 5 years ago now when i was in highschool. I just have a hard time not feeling 'dirty' because i loved her a lot. She decided to leave because i was very unwell mentally and damaging myself and she couldnt stand to look at me like that i suppose. Its my fault, i was definetly not a necro at the time, in fact i would have found the idea repulsive probably, but after the breakup and a suicide attempt i started leaning more toward loving death and the dead. Are you not afraid that any future partners you tell will consider telling authorities? or medical staff? im just afraid to ruin my life with the exposure of my violent desires because in reality i have plans for life that anyone else would have.

 

[ScorpSoldier]

This is very wise advice.

A cautionary tale from my own experience in life/marriage:

I have pretty much always been exclusively necrophilic, and no one knows about this except for a couple online friends, and one former specialist therapist. It feels very much like living a double life, the constant masking of it. I am (finally) totally comfortable with my nature and myself - if I could do it all over again I think I would perhaps just not get married. As it stands i am married to someone who i DO care about, am *not* attracted to, and he has no idea who I really am.

I can tell you that hiding things from strangers and acquaintances is a lot easier than hiding things from a husband or wife. The task becomes 24/7 and will have a lot of detrimental effects on your physical and mental health.

A marriage is a lifetime of sharing everything, your home, your bodies, your inner world. At least you should be able to share your inner world. Even at times you don't *like* each other, you still know, love and respect each other, for your authentic selves. Without total transparency, marriage just becomes another obligation to fulfill, a chore and an exhausting one at that.

If this is not an exclusive sexual orientation for you, I would absolutely advise pursuing a relationship, but give it time as you heal.from your former relationship... People aren't generally built to be single. Especially not men (idk why this is, but it's definitely a thing). If your sexual interests skew that way but you are able to manage romantic and at least some sexual attraction to living people, its just a matter of finding someone who at the very least accepts you for your whole self, weird fetishes and all. The sexual part can be worked around if total transparency and romantic attraction are present, and you aren't *disinterested* sexually. What you said about your current issues with distancing yourself from romance sounds more like a trauma response rather than a permanent lack of interest, I don't think that state will last forever. In my experience the best way to re build trust in relationships is to focus on friendships, "safer" relationships which allows you to be in some sort of lower risk relationship and build up tolerance for closeness again, before pursuing anything romantic. You are still very young....life is the longest thing any of us are ever going to do. Best to spend it in a way that is comfortable and honest, not rush to get yourself stuck in a situation that will prove difficult to get out of if necessary(marriage, kids, real estate etc). If you have a good mutual arrangement with your friend right now, enjoy the outlet you have a friend who sees you and the relationship benefits both of you from the sounds of it, why change things?

I'm sure we have DMd before but I am awful at checking, I need to go do that lol. And you are safe from me flirting with you, unless of course you are secretly a 60 year old cancer victim

Id like to have a relationship but yes, maybe a trauma response, i did not take my first breakup well at all. i tried to OD a year or so later, but now im doing ok, im just petrified at the thought of being with someone despite wanting it. I have been asked out a few times after my breakup, i ended a 2 and a half year friendship with a girl because she kept asking me out. Ive flirted with women as a joke and if they reciprocate i freak out and run the other way (figuratively)....ive become socially retarded post breakup, its been 5 years and i still wake up sad about it. I dont want a future partner to feel burdened by my inability to effecitively move on

 

[gm1967]

This is very wise advice.

A cautionary tale from my own experience in life/marriage:

I have pretty much always been exclusively necrophilic, and no one knows about this except for a couple online friends, and one former specialist therapist. It feels very much like living a double life, the constant masking of it. I am (finally) totally comfortable with my nature and myself - if I could do it all over again I think I would perhaps just not get married. As it stands i am married to someone who i DO care about, am *not* attracted to, and he has no idea who I really am.

I can tell you that hiding things from strangers and acquaintances is a lot easier than hiding things from a husband or wife. The task becomes 24/7 and will have a lot of detrimental effects on your physical and mental health.

A marriage is a lifetime of sharing everything, your home, your bodies, your inner world. At least you should be able to share your inner world. Even at times you don't *like* each other, you still know, love and respect each other, for your authentic selves. Without total transparency, marriage just becomes another obligation to fulfill, a chore and an exhausting one at that.

If this is not an exclusive sexual orientation for you, I would absolutely advise pursuing a relationship, but give it time as you heal.from your former relationship... People aren't generally built to be single. Especially not men (idk why this is, but it's definitely a thing). If your sexual interests skew that way but you are able to manage romantic and at least some sexual attraction to living people, its just a matter of finding someone who at the very least accepts you for your whole self, weird fetishes and all. The sexual part can be worked around if total transparency and romantic attraction are present, and you aren't *disinterested* sexually. What you said about your current issues with distancing yourself from romance sounds more like a trauma response rather than a permanent lack of interest, I don't think that state will last forever. In my experience the best way to re build trust in relationships is to focus on friendships, "safer" relationships which allows you to be in some sort of lower risk relationship and build up tolerance for closeness again, before pursuing anything romantic. You are still very young....life is the longest thing any of us are ever going to do. Best to spend it in a way that is comfortable and honest, not rush to get yourself stuck in a situation that will prove difficult to get out of if necessary(marriage, kids, real estate etc). If you have a good mutual arrangement with your friend right now, enjoy the outlet you have a friend who sees you and the relationship benefits both of you from the sounds of it, why change things?

I'm sure we have DMd before but I am awful at checking, I need to go do that lol. And you are safe from me flirting with you, unless of course you are secretly a 60 year old cancer victim

Thanks for sharing this and your experience!

 

[Eclipse]

To echo what the others have said...agreed that telling your romantic partner at some point is beneficial. I "came out" as a necro to my partner after he moved in with me. This was partially so I no longer needed to tiptoe around the subject. But the main factor was to firmly establish trust and communication - trust that because he knew my darkest secret, he could tell me anything he wanted to share. And that if I could tell him I'm a necro, I could tell him anything. This is assuming of course that you don't plan to act out your fantasies in violent or dangerous ways (otherwise that would be harder for others to accept...!). These days he gets to hear me go on about why a "corpse" in the tv show we're watching is not realistic, and he knows exactly why I would know.

Granted, gay men tend to be more kink-positive so your mileage may vary, but those who know my secret essentially view it as just another kink. Of course, I'm still very careful about who knows and who doesn't - at the end of the day it is still two very taboo subjects (sex/romance and death) rolled into one.

 

[Dimoetes]

To echo what the others have said...agreed that telling your romantic partner at some point is beneficial. I "came out" as a necro to my partner after he moved in with me. This was partially so I no longer needed to tiptoe around the subject. But the main factor was to firmly establish trust and communication - trust that because he knew my darkest secret, he could tell me anything he wanted to share. And that if I could tell him I'm a necro, I could tell him anything. This is assuming of course that you don't plan to act out your fantasies in violent or dangerous ways (otherwise that would be harder for others to accept...!). These days he gets to hear me go on about why a "corpse" in the tv show we're watching is not realistic, and he knows exactly why I would know.

Granted, gay men tend to be more kink-positive so your mileage may vary, but those who know my secret essentially view it as just another kink. Of course, I'm still very careful about who knows and who doesn't - at the end of the day it is still two very taboo subjects (sex/romance and death) rolled into one.

How did you go about sitting him down and telling him, how did you phrase it?
Also, totally unrelated. "It's a corpse eh" makes me chuckle every time I see it lol

 

[Meatpie]

How did you go about sitting him down and telling him, how did you phrase it?

Good question.

 

[ScorpSoldier]

To echo what the others have said...agreed that telling your romantic partner at some point is beneficial. I "came out" as a necro to my partner after he moved in with me. This was partially so I no longer needed to tiptoe around the subject. But the main factor was to firmly establish trust and communication - trust that because he knew my darkest secret, he could tell me anything he wanted to share. And that if I could tell him I'm a necro, I could tell him anything. This is assuming of course that you don't plan to act out your fantasies in violent or dangerous ways (otherwise that would be harder for others to accept...!). These days he gets to hear me go on about why a "corpse" in the tv show we're watching is not realistic, and he knows exactly why I would know.

Granted, gay men tend to be more kink-positive so your mileage may vary, but those who know my secret essentially view it as just another kink. Of course, I'm still very careful about who knows and who doesn't - at the end of the day it is still two very taboo subjects (sex/romance and death) rolled into one.

id like to tell them, thats how i bonded with my friend. not sure how exactly it goddamn happened but i think we were both shooting around the subject and testing the waters and making "jokes" until eventually we were like ok but im serious about this, and it went from there. but not sure how id tell a romantic partner.

 

[Eclipse]

How did you go about sitting him down and telling him, how did you phrase it?
Also, totally unrelated. "It's a corpse eh" makes me chuckle every time I see it lol

When I first came out of the closet to my friends, I sat them down individually and some initially thought I was dying from a disease lol so I knew not to approach this in the same way.

Since I had known my partner for several years at that point (and that he was kink-positive), it just felt like the right time to share. So one day I basically just approached him when he was putting some stuff away in the kitchen. I said something along the lines of "hey I have something I need to share with you", which is not that different from when something is bothering one of us and we needed to talk about it. I was direct - told him I am a necrophile and that I get off to dead men. I think he had then asked whether I would act on it in real life, to which I replied I wouldn't harm anyone to enjoy my necro side.

Then he offered to take extra sleeping pills or something similar if I wanted to play with him drugged out...although I'd normally be eager, it was a really weird thought to imagine my life partner dead so I declined the offer. But overall the discussion seemed like it went well.

 

[Eclipse]

id like to tell them, thats how i bonded with my friend. not sure how exactly it goddamn happened but i think we were both shooting around the subject and testing the waters and making "jokes" until eventually we were like ok but im serious about this, and it went from there. but not sure how id tell a romantic partner.

Everyone's different, so it's hard to say exactly how and when is appropriate...but hopefully you find someone who is open-minded enough from the get-go, someone you sense will love you for who you are.

Incidentally, being in a relationship is all about navigating the differences, accepting the quirks and finding compromises. After all, it involves two different people. Necrophilia aside, there will be other differences between you and your partner. In many ways necrophilia could be another one of those to discuss.

 

[Dimoetes]

When I first came out of the closet to my friends, I sat them down individually and some initially thought I was dying from a disease lol so I knew not to approach this in the same way.

Since I had known my partner for several years at that point (and that he was kink-positive), it just felt like the right time to share. So one day I basically just approached him when he was putting some stuff away in the kitchen. I said something along the lines of "hey I have something I need to share with you", which is not that different from when something is bothering one of us and we needed to talk about it. I was direct - told him I am a necrophile and that I get off to dead men. I think he had then asked whether I would act on it in real life, to which I replied I wouldn't harm anyone to enjoy my necro side.

Then he offered to take extra sleeping pills or something similar if I wanted to play with him drugged out...although I'd normally be eager, it was a really weird thought to imagine my life partner dead so I declined the offer. But overall the discussion seemed like it went well.

Thats so odd how that works! I very much care about my husband as well, and would still have no sexual interest if he were deceased. I've never fantasized about him in that way. Even when we are intimate I fantasize quite a lot but never about him. I wonder what the difference is

 

[Eclipse]

Thats so odd how that works! I very much care about my husband as well, and would still have no sexual interest if he were deceased. I've never fantasized about him in that way. Even when we are intimate I fantasize quite a lot but never about him. I wonder what the difference is

Right? I think it's just human nature with how well we know somebody.

When seeing a random cute dead guy...we basically know nothing about him other than he died, so it's easy to indulge in his corpse. But with someone we've become close to when they are alive...thinking about them tends to involve memories of them, or how we feel about them, or how they feel about us. Most likely the same thoughts would come up if we saw them deceased, this time with a sense of loss. Hence why it might not be particularly erotic to think about that scenario.

Heck, even with a hot Instagram guy I'd been following for a few years...when I finally confirmed that his lack of recent posts was because he died, it was fun for a while to imagine him as a fresh corpse. But holding that image in my mind was difficult - instead, I kept thinking about his photos and videos when he was alive since I was so used to seeing those.