When/how did you realize?

[Dimoetes]

While we're on the topic of how's and why's, when and how did you realize there was something different about you? Did you realize what it was right away? How did things develop and unfold for you? I'm very curious what other people's experiences were like growing up and discovering this thing about themselves

 

[ScorpSoldier]

When i was completely alone, in poland. I live in woods in mountain region, very quiet and peaceful. I was 17 or 18 when i first started realizing i was into knifeplay, after playing with my knife collection and doing some knife throwing for fun, and i was alone, no wifi at all likely due to the russo-ukraine conflict, so all i had was my radio and my thoughts, i had to go to the city for any reception, so i sat there, and i did alot of cutting of meat and grilling, and i ended up using the knives on myself. I wasnt a huge fan of the pain, but i enjoyed the sight of blood and the thought of inflicting that on someone else aroused me, Thus began my snuff fetish, and now im 21 and here we are.

 

[callmecaleb]

A similar story:
I cut my arm with a razor blade to 1. see the blade slice skin, 2. see blood ooze from the skin, 3. suck and taste blood. It was so stimulating that I had to force myself to not mutilate myself to satisfy my bloodlust. I started to think of cutting pretty boys instead.

 

[Dimoetes]

T

When i was completely alone, in poland. I live in woods in mountain region, very quiet and peaceful. I was 17 or 18 when i first started realizing i was into knifeplay, after playing with my knife collection and doing some knife throwing for fun, and i was alone, no wifi at all likely due to the russo-ukraine conflict, so all i had was my radio and my thoughts, i had to go to the city for any reception, so i sat there, and i did alot of cutting of meat and grilling, and i ended up using the knives on myself. I wasnt a huge fan of the pain, but i enjoyed the sight of blood and the thought of inflicting that on someone else aroused me, Thus began my snuff fetish, and now im 21 and here we are

Thats really interesting....is it just the sight/look of it or is it like a power/control thing as well?

 

[Dimoetes]

A similar story:
I cut my arm with a razor blade to 1. see the blade slice skin, 2. see blood ooze from the skin, 3. suck and taste blood. It was so stimulating that I had to force myself to not mutilate myself to satisfy my bloodlust. I started to think of cutting pretty boys instead.

How old were you when this all started? And is it directed towards only living, or dead, or both?

 

[callmecaleb]

My first necro attraction as a five-year-old was a drawing of Achilles dragging the naked Hector behind his chariot. In comic books, two Indians in loincloths fighting and one ending up with a knife between his ribs. A naked man bathed in scalding tar and then covered with feathers. A desire to bite my buddy’s cock off to see what interior penis plumbing looked like. Dropping a heavy rock on a kid’s head to see how his skull cracked open. Driving through a forest and imagining naked guys hanging by their feet, then dropped, bouncing off branches until their bloodied bodies thudded onto the ground, still alive and groaning in pain.

None of these childhood fantasies ever caused me to feel “different”, weird, uneasy, anxious, or anguished. Thinking these thoughts was no different than thinking of sailing ships or baseball. They just “were”. Whether I was five, thirteen, or twenty, these seemed to be simply normal thoughts, fantasies, desires.

As I grew into a young man, they evolved into cravings, but still felt normal. (Don’t know if normal is exactly the correct word but I have never felt any discomfort or anxiety.) I also began to notice that I was more attracted to living than dead men. I mean, I wanted to see a living man die…broken, bleeding, in great pain, doing the killing myself as well as watching others kill him. A dead body was OK as long as it was still warm, capable of being sensually cuddled and molested. Otherwise, a dead body was only useful as an object to look at and jerk off to.

Cutting and licking blood came when I was about twenty-two. Rather than cutting, I turned to piercing. A needle into my skin was so stimulating, visually and physically, and it could also draw blood. Lots of drops to lick. If I wanted more, I would pierce my dickhead (Ouch! This hurts.). My bloodlust is best described in my story “Bradley & Caleb”.

So sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble on like this. Just thinking of my fantasies and cravings gets me really turned on. Which, I guess, is why I have written so many stories for CDG.

 

[Dimoetes]

I

My first necro attraction as a five-year-old was a drawing of Achilles dragging the naked Hector behind his chariot. In comic books, two Indians in loincloths fighting and one ending up with a knife between his ribs. A naked man bathed in scalding tar and then covered with feathers. A desire to bite my buddy’s cock off to see what interior penis plumbing looked like. Dropping a heavy rock on a kid’s head to see how his skull cracked open. Driving through a forest and imagining naked guys hanging by their feet, then dropped, bouncing off branches until their bloodied bodies thudded onto the ground, still alive and groaning in pain.

None of these childhood fantasies ever caused me to feel “different”, weird, uneasy, anxious, or anguished. Thinking these thoughts was no different than thinking of sailing ships or baseball. They just “were”. Whether I was five, thirteen, or twenty, these seemed to be simply normal thoughts, fantasies, desires.

As I grew into a young man, they evolved into cravings, but still felt normal. (Don’t know if normal is exactly the correct word but I have never felt any discomfort or anxiety.) I also began to notice that I was more attracted to living than dead men. I mean, I wanted to see a living man die…broken, bleeding, in great pain, doing the killing myself as well as watching others kill him. A dead body was OK as long as it was still warm, capable of being sensually cuddled and molested. Otherwise, a dead body was only useful as an object to look at and jerk off to.

Cutting and licking blood came when I was about twenty-two. Rather than cutting, I turned to piercing. A needle into my skin was so stimulating, visually and physically, and it could also draw blood. Lots of drops to lick. If I wanted more, I would pierce my dickhead (Ouch! This hurts.). My bloodlust is best described in my story “Bradley & Caleb”.

So sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble on like this. Just thinking of my fantasies and cravings gets me really turned on. Which, I guess, is why I have written so many stories for CDG.

I appreciate the time you too to answer, and the details. I only have my own frame of reference/experiences to go by, which is why I am asking others....our 2 experiences are wildly different which is why its interesting to me! So the pain aspect of it is a big part of the appeal for you, I see. And the act of dying rather than just simply being dead, the transformation rather than the end result...that is fascinating. I wonder if it's more common to prefer them still warm, I never even thought much about it. I will get around to perusing your stories soon!

Also regarding the piercing of....certain anatomy. OUCH. I instinctively clamped my legs together and I don't even have a dick

 

[callmecaleb]

Also regarding the piercing of....certain anatomy. OUCH.

The pain's the thing. Inflicting it on others....and on myself. I'm in Heaven!

 

[Huffko3]

The pain's the thing. Inflicting it on others....and on myself. I'm in Heaven!

I told you in the past let me kidnap you. You will be pain.

 

[callmecaleb]

I told you in the past let me kidnap you. You will be pain.

 

[ScorpSoldier]

i

T


Thats really interesting....is it just the sight/look of it or is it like a power/control thing as well?

think its both. I have a heavy preference for consensual snuff/ murder/ torture, though. Id love to butcher and eat a willing victim who knows what they're in for.