Where can I buy cyanide?

livingdeadman20

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Does anyone here know where or how i can get cyanide? Can i order online or buy it somewhere? and if so, where?
I know it's a chemical, can i also make it myself?
can someone please tell me?
 

Meatpie

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Cyanide is highly toxic do you need it for suicide?
 

livingdeadman20

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i don't need it anymore. and I don't have to die now.


I was going to use it to kill myself because i thought the state was going to cancel my foodstamps and state health insurance, but my psychiatrist wrote them a note not to, and they informed me that they wouldn't.
 

chubaca

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Man, this is very sad ... you're a handsome guy, go on the ballads out there that you forget these things. Life is full of options and suicide can not be one of them, whatever the situation :calmn down:
 

livingdeadman20

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Man, this is very sad ... you're a handsome guy, go on the ballads out there that you forget these things. Life is full of options and suicide can not be one of them, whatever the situation :calmn down:


dude... the state was going to cut my health insurance. im a type 1 diabetic... cant live without insulin...
ballads? what the heck is that??

and i don't see how my looks have anything to do with it either...

besides, why are u saying that anyway? this is a site that glorifies death and dead bodies. death is natural and happens to all of us.
 
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chubaca

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ok sorry.
I do not know you but I think if your state threatened to do these things I think you should sue them and you would get some compensation, at least in my state it works like this.
And "ballads" I think the correct translation was "parties" or something ... I live in Brazil and here it is full of strange words, so whatever.
 

livingdeadman20

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ok sorry.
I do not know you but I think if your state threatened to do these things I think you should sue them and you would get some compensation, at least in my state it works like this.
And "ballads" I think the correct translation was "parties" or something ... I live in Brazil and here it is full of strange words, so whatever.
oh i see. i'm not sure if going to a party would do me much good really. unless they would've been giving out cyanide. or if it was a Jonestown kool-aid party.

and i dont think i can sue them. it's the USA. they're trying to get people off of government assistance but i cant hold a job at all due to my mental conditions.

plus i hate the world and don't want to contribute anything to society ever, even if it ends up costing me my life (which i never appreciated anyway because i hate everyone in my life)

it has nothing to do with my self esteem or anything like that. (believe it or not, i have a high self esteem)
 

Meatpie

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If you feel comfortable tell us your other reasons why you want to commit sucide? And why cyanide? We won't judge I personally have deep respect for every person who has shared their death wish with others.

I work in a forensic morgue and when we put a naked dead person on the table with self-inflicted wounds it's sad every time.
 

livingdeadman20

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If you feel comfortable tell us your other reasons why you want to commit sucide? And why cyanide? We won't judge I personally have deep respect for every person who has shared their death wish with others.

I work in a forensic morgue and when we put a naked dead person on the table with self-inflicted wounds it's sad every time.
well in all honesty, the major reason why i was going to was because they were going to cut my foodstamps. but my psychiatrist is going to write the food stamps administration a note telling them i'm not capable of working so they don't cancel them (i think.. she didn't say she wasn't going to, and i'm pretty sure she will write the note and not have my foodstamps or health insurance be canceled.)
it'd be pretty fucked up if they allowed that to happen.


there are more reasons too. i can't hold a job because of my mental conditions i suffer from (Autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and type 1 diabetes) and i also hate the world and don't want to contribute anything to society either.
But i am trying to get on SSI.

I also hate everyone in my life too and been wanting to ditch all of them forever and leave. It has nothing to do with my self or my self esteem.

BUT in all honesty, i would really prefer to live.



In a perfect world, i would live however. If i got SSI, foodstamps, and lived in a safe house in Florida. and meet a nice friend who'd take me on roadtrips often. and I would not have to work or get a job or take orders from anyone.

but i'm not sure if life is going to be like that. It's very possible that it will though.
But if it isn't there's no point in being here.

But the thing is, i don't know if it won't be like the way i want yet, so that's the thing.
 

Meatpie

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Yes, you sound positive today. Keep it up.
 

livingdeadman20

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Yes, you sound positive today. Keep it up.
do you really think i'll achieve that in life? what i'm looking for?


AND ALSO

My psychiatrist wrote the note for me, so they WILL NOT cancel my food stamps at all or my health insurance so i really don't have to die at all now :)
 

chubaca

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Not wanting to intrude but I think the only person who can know if you will realize these dreams is solely and exclusively YOU. If you think you are incapable of working because of psychological problems try to find a good specialist who is sure that he has medicines that will make you feel better and better for common problems. My uncle has an average level of schizophrenia and he works in a well-earning office, he can not articulate words correctly and yet I always see him in a good mood and making jokes (quite boring, by the way).
If your dream is to live in Florida, Canada, Angola, etc., do your best and impossible to reach it, for NO ONE will give you this gift. With each withdrawal a politician smiles.

If you do not like people then you are with the wrong people, if you accumulate this hate inside you an hour you explode.
They say that Brazil is a happy country, and I know that it is because in all my life I have never seen (at least in the school I studied, or at work, or university) a person who says he hates everyone, because Here it is difficult to see an isolated person, unless she chooses it. It may be because I am from a "third world" country and there are many poor houses being impotent not to socialize with other people, or because there is a lot of racial miscegenation here, so there are no popular movements of racial segregation, among other reasons. What I mean by this is: Hate will not solve anything, it will only lead you into darkness; Get new friends if you see that there are people around you wanting you bad; Try new things.
The important thing is that you do not sit still and settle for a situation unfavorable to you. Create a dream and realize it in stages. A castle is not built in a day.
 

cwyz

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To be honest, I have just graduated from chemistry department so I know that all those chemicals aren't difficult to by as long as you give the chemical companies an impression that you have a rightful reason to buy them. In another word, you may be able to cheat them into selling or you may not be able to because you don't find a way or do it in a wrong way. Every thing is equal, even for a particular way of death, you need to have the will to do it, as you have intended to, have to find the right way to do it and put efforts into it. They are all a mission to be accomplished, only with difference obstacles and difference answers. So is there a difference compared with solving the problem of life? Do you lack the motive?
Just assume that I am the one who want to live in a perfect world, with SSI, foodstamps, a safe house and a friend, that proves myself that I have already had the will to do it, then I need a way, finding trusty doctor to give me right medicine to help my mental issues, try to work, have money and move to the place a dream. This might just be a sketch but I can figure out details following the progress. So I need to do it, put efforts into it, do it myself, because no matter if there is wrong or right in this world or not, as long as you want to get something, there will always be reasons why you can't get them, and there will always be obstacles keep you from getting them, or you have already got them. You said you hate this society, hate everyone, then the hate is just another thing keeping you from get what you want. If you really want that perfect world, do it, don't say you can't before the end because no one including yourself knows what you can achieve, and I trust you as I trust the word you said which trusted by yourself.
 

deaddirty

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well in all honesty, the major reason why i was going to was because they were going to cut my foodstamps. but my psychiatrist is going to write the food stamps administration a note telling them i'm not capable of working so they don't cancel them (i think.. she didn't say she wasn't going to, and i'm pretty sure she will write the note and not have my foodstamps or health insurance be canceled.)
it'd be pretty fucked up if they allowed that to happen.
there are more reasons too. i can't hold a job because of my mental conditions i suffer from (Autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and type 1 diabetes) and i also hate the world and don't want to contribute anything to society either.
But i am trying to get on SSI.
I also hate everyone in my life too and been wanting to ditch all of them forever and leave. It has nothing to do with my self or my self esteem.
BUT in all honesty, i would really prefer to live.
In a perfect world, i would live however. If i got SSI, foodstamps, and lived in a safe house in Florida. and meet a nice friend who'd take me on roadtrips often. and I would not have to work or get a job or take orders from anyone.
but i'm not sure if life is going to be like that. It's very possible that it will though.
But if it isn't there's no point in being here.
But the thing is, i don't know if it won't be like the way i want yet, so that's the thing.
Livingdeadman20, I very much hope you won't commit suicide and please don't do it lightly or on impulse, though ultimately it is your decision and I respect that. Just one suggestion if I may - maybe having something as easy, quick and irrevocable as cyanide in the house would make it too easy to do on impulse, on a bad day or when something goes wrong that you can change if you stick with us? I've got some first-hand experience here, see below.
We have a lot in common in some ways. I cannot work now due to physical disability, I was very worried when I was called in for a notorious benefits assessment last winter (but it went fine, in fact they couldn't have been more helpful despite their bad reputation), I suspect I've got ADD (though not ADHD), I don't think I'm bipolar but I've certainly had what could be called hypomanic periods plus just a few really black periods (and some of my friends are certainly bipolar).
And autism: that word is used in so many ways now, are you meaning in the old sense of something quite fundamental, what's sometimes called Kanner's Syndrome, or in the much broader sense that includes Asperger's and is increasingly seen as merging into other 'neurodiverse' conditions such as dyslexia, dyspraxia etc? If you mean Kanner's I'd probably be insulting you by saying I have something similar (I know my social difficulties are trivial compared to that), but if I had my childhood now I'd probably get an Asperger's diagnosis, or dyspraxia - as an adult I've gone a long way towards sorting that out (we can talk about how by PM if it might be useful to you), I'd guess now I'm borderline between 'mild Asperger's' and 'normal range'.
Coming back to suicide, I decided some years ago that if things reach a certain point for me I will do that, and it's been one of the best decisions I've ever taken - it's what keeps me almost always cheerful despite a fairly 'challengling' situation healthwise. When my spinal problem went critical things were not good at all, and if an operation went badly they could have been very bad indeed, permanently. So I have a 'living will' in force saying that I do not wish to be kept alive in certain decidedly bad circumstances where I might not be able to decide for myself at the time. And I also decided that if things go downhill to the point where I have lost the things that make life worthwhile for me, I will end it at the right time for me and in my own way. And immediately I felt so much better in myself - knowing that I've taken that decision and am relaxed about it, I've got control of my situation back and I'm no longer scared of that gaping abyss of ever-increasing disability, pain (possibly) and helplessness. Ironically, that probably means I'm less likely to do it in practice! But I wouldn't want something like cyanide around even if I could get it - too easy to act on an impulse if things are going badly but haven't reached that point where it really is the right decision.
And I know of at least one other member here who took a similar decision in the face of terminal illness, had the means in place, and also found it helpful (in fact he died quickly and naturally so the situation didn't arise).
So, Livingdeadman20, I really hope you decide to stay with us and get your life to the state you want it. it will take time, persistence and probably some luck as well - there's no guarantee, but go for and try to make it happen! I hope you won't commit suicide but you're an adult and it's your decision - in your situation I'd be keeping it as the fallback which hopefully you never need to use.
And one other hopeful thought - although I don't think there are good medical treatments yet for most of the conditions you mention, there is a lot of work going on and in say ten years things may be very different.
You are a brave man with some good things going for you - hang in there, there's everything to hope for!
 

alexonedeath

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I occasionally see mention made of the substantial amount of cyanide present in ordinary peach pits. However, I've never looked further into the feasibility of that method. I've been suicidal all my life, but have failed miserably at doing anything about it. Regardless, I can totally empathize with your ideation.
 
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