RIP stustustugoo AKA Rick Forever in our Hearts


Staff member
Oct 7, 2008


Another of our stellar members has left us for the stars and his profile page here will remain frozen in time.

RIP Rick forever in our hearts we spent countless happy hours here with you bro.

Hugely popular, charismatic and intensely social he was full of energy at all times and made significant contributions to the community.

His tragic loss at such an young age is irreparable and comes as a total shock to our tightly-knit community.

My condolances to ex husband Denny and his bro Lar as well as all those who knew him.

I will miss this sweet man who, many years ago, helped guide me through a rough patch.

His humor was a delight, his poetry inspired, his hunger ravenous, his tastes outrageous.

Thank you, Ricky, for your companionship.
I am at a loss for words, I just now have found this post and I don't know what I am going to do never being able to talk to rick again.
I met him this year, We established connections, And due to my own cowardice & paranoia I fucked our relationship up completely, causing him great pain and I feel horrible about this and wish I could take it back.
He had his reasons for never speaking to me again and they were completely valid.
Even though in the end you may or may not have Disliked me, I will never forget our deep chats, phone calls, etc.
you remain one of the most vivid memories embedded in my mind, And your existence kept me going through this year, I don't know what I will do without you :cry:
Rick you will forever be in my heart, even when I am no longer breathing and 6 feet deep I promise we will have endless demented necro foot fucks in heaven...

:RIP::heart love:
Rest in Peace & Rest in Power My Love.
Oh baby, that's was so sweet and powerful whatever happened between you guys?
What happened after the visits was I ignored him when he tried to call me the next day, This is where the paranoia comes into play; I figured He would kill me brutally sooner or later and I wasn't quite ready for that at the moment, and the paranoia got even worse especially when I read his poems about his darker fantasies.
In a way he was also intimidating, not in a negative way but a good way, he was 6'3 practically towering over me as I'm not even 6 foot let alone 6'3. Very beautiful face, great bod, and I felt I was going to end up his meat even though I wanted rick purely for partner + relationship material...So I cut him off and he let me know his feelings about that , To which I gave a novel of a response. He asked to call me again the next day after that; And unbeknownst to rick at the time the guilt about what I had said freaking out on him and all accusing him of being a killer of innocent men who wanted a mutual relationship. I was dead wrong about that and I apologized the very next morning, I was pretty self deprecating about myself and let him know it wasn't his fault I felt that way. He actually was very sad to hear what I had been going through and even expressed that through tears over the phone, And he felt sorry but was very glad that I had apologized but was saddened once I had revealed personal issues to him. He was a little annoyed about the serial killer thing though. There was a very wide variety of emotions at the time, and he told me he wasn't really wanting to hop back on CDG anymore, But from what I see now I believe he had been still visiting it and was just in the heat of the moment when he said that.

Due to this realization amongst other factors I had left CDG for a couple months from around September - October only visiting at either very late or very early times checking & reading every single message he had left on this site, thats how much I missed him and I even thought he was dead before this news came up.

Now I must face yet another realization that I still don't know and it is very troubling to me, although personal due to me and ricks relationship, And it is how he died.
I remember him telling me something about his throat that he hadn't told me before and how it was getting worse, It wasn't hard to connect the dots and I think it was cancer that ultimately killed him...But theres one other thing on my mind, & I don't believe that cancer would kill rick as he was quite healthy for his age.

I think Rick in the end.....Committed Suicide. Attributing to his loneliness, his diagnosis and what I had put him through along with other things he was going through in life it would be completely explainable. I also cant shake the fact (as much as I try) that within 8 months of joining this site, I think that I have indirectly killed one of the most long-lasting and prominent members of this wonderful community; through a series of complex emotional games, which ended with ricks demise.

And even if thats not true, it will never be the same not being able to hear his voice, and he has become once again another close person in my life that I care about greatly, only to be taken away and met with a grisly end.
Of course it is not true and you know it - you didn't kill Rick or in any way contributed to his demise.

You do come up as cold, twisted and lacking empathy at first but now that I've read your posts I am convinced you are highly sensitive and able to form emotional bonds with others.

It may not help you to deal with these feelings and the loss but you have to know that Rick hurt a lot of people real bad and drove some to near suicide.

He was a total star here that is true but in real life he dabbled in very dark stuff.
I’m back to leave a note about Rick, we spoke very often and even watched movies together remotely. He was a lot of fun to chat with and talk about necro stuff with. I felt bad because the last night I spoke with him I was busy with work and rushed him off the phone, also his new bf was with him so I didn’t want to interfere either, we were going to chat the next day so I figured it was fine. We texted the next morning and it was nice but in the evening his bf called and told me the news. I wish we had chatted the night before. I will miss my friend Rick. I’ll try to find the poem he wrote for me and post it.
Here’s a pic he sent, he lost weight from his illness but he still looked good.

This is a blow to me as Rick was one of the very few people who reached out to me during my regular blackouts from CDG.
We exchanged some great emails almost as fast as chatting.

Rick also accepted my obsession with burning at the stake naked, and the fact that I'm basically straight with a very homo-erotic kink of men burning alive naked!

I haven't exchanged emails with Rick for a long time, but he was someone who made me feel welcome on CDG.

I have been on CDG since 2011, and Rick was always one of my favorite posters, in no small part because we shared an interest in bare male feet, but also because he made me feel less ashamed of my dark desires. He will be missed... :cry:

This song is about pain and loss, by a wonderful performer who died far too young herself (35)...