Art Of War

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Joined
May 26, 2010
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660
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(Submitting this scene for my screenplay for some feedback, need to know if I am hitting the right tempo)


Scene 4: Beginnings​

[Camera focuses on bathroom door, noises of shower can be heard through it, there is a fleeting shadow passing the door, seconds later the bathroom door opens and Dante appears naked except a towel around his waist and proceeds back to the bar for another drink]

[Dante tops up his Jack Daniels and Coke, not noticing the swirling white residue in the drink and quickly makes another J&D and before he can take another mouthful he can smell something just under his nose, something sweet like red meat…raw red meat. Dante bends down a bit and starts sniffing]

[Intruder is crouching on the floor listening to his sniffing and remaining still]

[Dante takes a sip and feels his head starts to spin violently and vision starting to blur.
He picks up the Jack Daniels bottle, it is over half empty]

Dante: No way, not drunk on half…..

[Dante can smell the sweet smell again to his right; he turns round and sees a hooded face]

Intruder: Good night Dante

[Intruder pushes Dante to the floor]

[Intruder carries Dante to bedroom, ties his arms to the bedposts and cuts off his shirt]

[Cut to Dante waking up groggy]

Dante: Help

[Intruder enters room]

Dante: Don’t you come near me

[Intruder walks up to the bed and pulls out the dagger from its pouch]

[Dante kicking]

Dante: Fuck off

[Intruder turns on stereo and adjusts volume to loud]

Dante: Not fair

[Intruder motions hushing sound and jumps on bed, Dante tries to kick intruder away, there is a intense and long struggle, Dante tires and gives up to conserve any remaining energy left. Intruder leans over Dante and Dante tries to buck him off, intruder then punches Dante in the chest repeatedly, then motions to keep quiet, puts knife Dante’s throat]

Intruder: I give you my word if you do as I say I will let you go
Nod if you understand me

[Dante nods]

Intruder: One chance only
Nod slowly if you understand

[Dante hesitates and nods]

Intruder: I am going to give you an injection and it will temporary paralyze you
Dante: No

[Dante struggles and intruder applies pressure of blade to Dantes throat]

Intruder: One last time if you do as I tell you, I give you my word I will let you go

[Long silence]

Dante: Minus the injection
Intruder: Are you sure about this?

[Dante nods quickly]
[Intruder leaves room and brings back a black bag, takes out long IV needle drip hose]

Dante: No injections
Intruder: This isn’t an injection
It is very important you stay calm and relax your muscles

[Dante nods in silence, takes a deep breath and then the intruder pierce needle into Dante’s vein.. Sucks up blood through hose and drinks a bit]

Dante: I didn’t sign up for this you sick fuck
[Intruder stares at Dante and releases pressure on end of hose, blood squirts up.

[Dante starts to squirm]

Intruder: If I have to bleed you out until you pass out I will
What is it going to be?

[Dante stops struggling and Intruder applies pressure back to hose]
Intruder: I would like you to apologise
Dante: No
X: No?
Dante: Correct

[Intruder waves the hose]
[Dante stares at hose]
[silence]

Dante: I am sorry for calling you a sick fuck
Intruder: If there is anything you do not understand, I shall do my best to explain
[Dante chuckles]
[Intruder release another squirt of blood]
[Dante panics]

Dante: Please, please…no
Intruder: You will do as asked

[Dante pauses again]

Dante: Yes
Intruder: Not believing you yet

[There is a long silence once again]

Dante: You have my word

[Intruder nods and then puts nosse in blood bag]

Intruder: You need to keep absolutely still until the process has finished
You will feel weakish, but will recover in no time
[Dante nods and closes his eyes in understanding]
[Long silence]
[Proceeds to caress Dantes body]

Dante: Noo
Intruder: Remember our deal?

[Dante looks blankly at the wall and replies yes]

Intruder: See, not so bad after all?
I know you enjoyed that, so don’t pretend you didn’t
One more thing since we are bonding so nicely I guess you will have to do as I tell you a bit longer before I let you go and I highly recommend you keep….

[Knocking on door]

Voice: Dante are you in there?
We have reports of
Dante: I
Intruder: shhhh, as intruder puts gloved mouth Dante’s mouth
Remember our arrangement
Dante: No one gets hurt
Intruder: I shall try my best

[Intruder leaves room]

[Dante eyes can just follow the intruder out the door, he can hear muffled noises, he tries to raise his head but his head is spinning so bad, he starts counting to calm himself down and passes out]
Voice: Dante…..Dante…..if you can hear give me a signal

[Dante waves his arms weakly]

Voice I am going to remove this out of your arm
Dante: Nnnnnh

[Starts to struggle]

Voice: Don’t struggle it be all right
Shit

[A gush of violent stream of blood oozes out as the officer in a panicked state tries to put needle back in arm]

Officer: Shit shit shit
I am going to try and stem the flow of blood loss
Dante: hmm.mmm
Officer: Officer requesting ambulance to...
Officer: ...Put your weapon down...

[Thud]
Intruder: That is for the idiotic mistake you just have made
Officer: Please no
[Intruder slashes officer’s throat]
[Intruder quickly makes a bandage for the severely pieced vein]

Dante: I do not want to die like this.
Intruder: Dante look at me

[Dante looks at Intruder eyes weakly]

Intruder: Stay awake and control your breathing, your life depends on it
Dante nods
Intruder: Shallow deep breaths

[Dante nods again in understanding]
[The intruder starts to pick Dante out of bed]
[Dante struggles]

Dante: not like this…not like this

[Intruder slaps Dante’s face]

Intruder: You need to trust me, you are still bleeding out, so don’t struggle. I gave you my word that I would let you go and letting you die was not part of the deal

[Dante chuckles out in amusement and irony of that statement]
Dante: You better hold that part of the deal

Intruder: Like wise

[Dante looks into the intruder’s eyes, starting to get scared of the intruder for the first time]

Intruder: Trust me just this once and we can negotiate later
Dante: I have no choice (in a weak shaky voice)
Intruder: Correct
Dante chuckles
Dante: Your wish is my command

[Intruder proceeds to whisk Dante away out of the apartment and out of Dantes eyes he can see a female person lying on the ground in his lounge right beside the kitchen counter]

Dante: Is she dead?
Intruder: Just unconscious
You have my word
Dante: Back stairs, no cameras
[Intruder looks into Dantes eyes hesitantly]
Dante: You have my word

[Intruder nods as Dante passes out]

END OF SCENE 4: BEGINNINGS
 

Tecpatl

Forum Regular
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
480
Location
USA
Nice! You've got me wondering where this is going.

One continuity issue. You have Dante wearing only a towel when he goes to mix the drink, then wearing a shirt when he's tied to the bed.
 

Art Of War

INSTIGATOR
Joined
May 26, 2010
Messages
660
Location
New Zealand
Nice! You've got me wondering where this is going.

One continuity issue. You have Dante wearing only a towel when he goes to mix the drink, then wearing a shirt when he's tied to the bed.
Cheers for the continuity issue, part of a writers habit, you keep on adding and changing until there is an issue like this.

The bed scene was the first part of this scene I worked on, then coming out of the shower I added in later, hence the continuity issue
 
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