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fuck dude. shave your ass. that is the hairiest ass I have ever seen.
I can't even make out what's what on the distorted side. I hope he wasn't still awake when this photo was taken.
Slapper - "British derogatory A vulgar or coarse woman, or one who has many casual sexual relationships." It sounds very old-fashioned to me, and actually the sort of insult that reflects more on the person who makes it than their target.