Hi everyone,
I registered on this forum years ago, but never really got involved. This is the first time i am writing something to actually communicate. That's because all these years I've been struggling to figure out what I am and what I should do.
And I still am
I grew up in Kazakhstan. People there are mostly muslim and very post-Soviet. Meaning they will wish all evils for gay people both as religious people and as people raised with Soviet morals where nothing non-standard was allowed.
I decided I must be gay what I was 24. Then it was about a year of struggling to accept. Then for about three years I was not allowing myself to even look at guys. See, this is kind of normal in Kazakhstan. Because remember, this country is religious and Russian Soviet-style propaganda is still everywhere. People are just like that, and I was raised like that.
Only a couple of years ago I started finding guys for some private play. I still never had actual sex. I think I am close now to more or less complete self-liberation. It almost doesn't feel weird or shameful anymore. I am still not comfortable showing face and name, though.
Since I was a kid I was aroused by imagining scenes of men getting killed, especially by or because of women. It just seems so natural and manly. Man giving his life to woman. Getting beaten for a woman. Especially of a man is naked and muscular, and a woman is dressed up and old and overweight... That's why I am here. Not too much of this kind of imagery in this forum, but nice picks sometimes.
Right now I live in Ohio, but may have to go back to Kazakhstan eventually. I want to find more friends now, and continue gradually opening up. Both guys and girls, I am much friendlier than it seems by the way I write, I swear Just nerdy. I need friendly support and care, and I can give a lot of it too!
I registered on this forum years ago, but never really got involved. This is the first time i am writing something to actually communicate. That's because all these years I've been struggling to figure out what I am and what I should do.
And I still am
I grew up in Kazakhstan. People there are mostly muslim and very post-Soviet. Meaning they will wish all evils for gay people both as religious people and as people raised with Soviet morals where nothing non-standard was allowed.
I decided I must be gay what I was 24. Then it was about a year of struggling to accept. Then for about three years I was not allowing myself to even look at guys. See, this is kind of normal in Kazakhstan. Because remember, this country is religious and Russian Soviet-style propaganda is still everywhere. People are just like that, and I was raised like that.
Only a couple of years ago I started finding guys for some private play. I still never had actual sex. I think I am close now to more or less complete self-liberation. It almost doesn't feel weird or shameful anymore. I am still not comfortable showing face and name, though.
Since I was a kid I was aroused by imagining scenes of men getting killed, especially by or because of women. It just seems so natural and manly. Man giving his life to woman. Getting beaten for a woman. Especially of a man is naked and muscular, and a woman is dressed up and old and overweight... That's why I am here. Not too much of this kind of imagery in this forum, but nice picks sometimes.
Right now I live in Ohio, but may have to go back to Kazakhstan eventually. I want to find more friends now, and continue gradually opening up. Both guys and girls, I am much friendlier than it seems by the way I write, I swear Just nerdy. I need friendly support and care, and I can give a lot of it too!