Has anyone met for play and feared the other person?

djbear

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Joined
Jan 21, 2011
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I have played a few times at Bear Run in San Francisco but also once invited soemone to my place. That last encounter left me feeling fearful and completely unsatisfied. How does one find that partner with whom play is enjoyable safe sane and consensual?
 
I always feel aprehensive whenever I meet a new victim. No matter how much you discuss things with someone over emails, you never really know what the person is like untill you meet with them.

I did meet a victim once who was clearly fearful and that caused a few problems. The guy was a newbie and when we met, I could easily tell he was fearful and anxious. I totaly understand someone being a little scared and anxious, but there is a point when it becomes an issue. As an example, he suggested I said out loud what I was doing to his corpse as I was playing with him claiming that he was afraid of sudden movements. We did have an ok session but his anxiety made me feel nervous and I ended up breaking out of character a few times to ask him if he was ok which ruined the necro atmosphere. At the time, I just assumed that was a normal reaction for a newbie, but i met another newbie a few months after that and altough he was anxious, he never made me feel umconfortable and the experience was great.

I would NEVER invite a new vicim into my place. I always met my victims at hotels far away from my place. I think it is very unsafe to meet someone who you still dont know in your place because once they know where you live, you are no longer safe. After you have played with the person a few times, then I think it is ok to have them over. I always read the person's posts on CDG so I have an idea how they behave. I also talk a lot with the person before setting up a meeting. I would say it takes me an avarage of a month from when I first start communicating with the person to when I feel safe enough setting up something. I am always a little susicious of people who want to meet immediately after the first email.
 
As what New Yorker said. Communicate enough before meeting, so you both feel comfortable. I have even met with some victims a few times at different places to get to know them first. Then when the hook up happens, usually both are comfortable, and things go well. Still if they are a first timer. If I think they may not be good with things. I will break character, and ask if they are okay. If (95 percent of time) they are okay. Then continue as is. If not, then discuss things, and a couple of times, ended the session. Usually an adjustment here or there, and the vic is good to go.
 
Hey NeckFetish57

I dont like talking to my victim during a session. It breaks the mood for me. After my experience with the guy who was anxious, I came up with a system where the victim can inform me if there is a problem without actually breaking out of character. If the victim is uncomfortable or isn't enjoying the experience, he can pretend his corpse is convulsing violently. I then leave the room and the victim can text me what the problem is. My victim and I also agree that we will only use a safety word during a session if it is an emergency that needs me to stop what I am doing immediately.
 
I use a Blindfold, sleeping pills, unlocked door, cuffs and a gag ...invite someone sadistic and random...... Totally sane and very fun!!!
Sane? Questionable.
Fun? Absolutely.
 
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