A moral, caring, necrophiliac, Is it possible?

popgoesthehead

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Hey guys and to a lesser extent girls, I'm curious to know more about my own kind. It's funny I've lived my life believing I'm seriously screwed up (which I wont complain about) but I've never really understood my condition and the norms that are supposedly relevant to it. In the media or even society in general the necrophile is a predacious, mentally ill, sicko who's intent is to murder and perform sex on their victims. Necros are typically considered by the population to be mentally deranged threats to society comparable to psychopaths, rapists and narcissists. I've always struggled with these commonly accepted discriminatory societal beliefs of necrophilia as I have never adhered to most of them.

Personally I am a very sensitive person with a large emotional range but wonder if I am a rare exception in that my sensitivity is contradictory to my condition of necrophilia. For example I can't deny that I am attracted to corpses and enjoy every detail about these fantasies from the power and control I would have over the body to the sunken eyes, open chest cavity, rigor mortis and overall dehumanizing aspects of early decay and death. Yet why am I (to the living anyway) the kindest, most caring, moral person I know. It is as if I live in a world full of cold, selfish, stupid, arrogant dickheads yet we necros are considered the taboo homicidal crazies. Perhaps I floated a bit of topic there but it reinforces my point, necros are just people, many of us incredibly good people. We're perhaps often people lacking confidence or enveloped in insecurities but non the less good people. One last thing I must confess (sorry bare with me) I notice that sometimes when looking up necro content and I stumble across a video of the deceased person while alive I am overwhelmed with grief and sympathy, am I the only necro who has experienced this or is their any other sensitive necros?

Feel free to post your own feelings and opinions on this topic in the comments. I'm curious to hear from you guys, also I encourage everyone to comment not just the sensitive necros but power and control oriented psychopath necros as well.
 
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I completely agree with you and understand 100%. This is my experience of being a necro too. Its puzzling and weird, but true. In my sexual fantasies I have the most delicious perverted lusts and desires and love to visit this site to remind myself I am not alone and to get my kicks from the images and videos of dead men. I am not at all into the more sadomasochistic elements shared, but totally respect as with all sexual orientations there is a complete range of types and behaviours all equally real and all to be lived with by whoever is feeling and experiencing them. I wince at the thought of inflicting pain on other sentient beings and like my dead men "dead' then I can do the power/control stuff with them (ditto if I am the victim - I enjoy both scenarios). In my daily life I am a loved and loving moral spiritual human being - respected at work - and in many ways have lived and I am living a fulfilling, full and varied life. Reconciling these two 'sides' of myself is a life long journey and something I have been focussing on more consciously in recent years (with at the help of an incredibly understanding therapist). Recognising my necrophilia, detaching the shame and guilt from it, setting in context of my wider sexual and sensual being, not trying to change it - I can't and don't want to (my first necro memories was when I was 7 - before I even understood I was gay), but also knowing it is possible to be good and moral and well adjusted and necro. I too would love to hear how others on this site deal with this dichotomy? As 2018 draws near I have decided to chose a word to underpin my year (for all aspects of my life) and for this year it is going to be CURIOSITY, so in the spirit of this I am fascinate d to hear your stories.
 
One of the very first things you learn in abnormal psychology is that an abnormal behavior (i.e. a behavior that deviates from behavior society accepts as normal) does not mean mentally ill. Everybody on this Earth has some unusual behavior and/or fetishes that people would find strange or even macabre. An abnormal behavior only becomes a symptom of mental illness when it causes the person to not function properly. Being left-handed is unusual since only about 10% of the human population is left-handed (I am among them), but being left-handed does not mean you have some mental or physical disorder even though there was a time when left-handed people were punished for being left-handed (my mother was left-handed but my grandmother forced her to write with the right hand).

I think people in general have a very negative impression of necro because of the way humans process things they dont understand. When people are faced with a situation that they are not familiar with, their brain tries to associate the new situation with past experiences that have similarities with their new experience. That way, they at least have some idea of what they are dealing with. Most people have never even heard of necro so when they hear about necro, they end up trying to associate it with prior experiences. When do most people hear about people having a sexual desire for a dead body? Well, usually when the media report a serial killer like Jeffrey Dahmer. This is why people see necro as something so heinous. They think someone who is necro is automatically a killer just waiting to go on a killing rampage.

Can necros be caring? Well, I have played with five victims in the past and I always tell them they have a special place in my heart. I sent four of them emails saying "Happy Holidays" and wishing them the best. I think you can ask all of my victims and they will tell you I go out of my way to fulfill their needs as victims and to try to understand them better as human beings. I do that because I enjoy being close to my necro buddies because they are the only people out there who will ever get to see me as my true self. Am I the most compassionate and caring person on the planet? Hardly, but I wil tell you this; I would never take advantage of a drunk unconscious person behind a dumpster like Brock Turner (the Stanford rapist) did and I would never force an employee to play dead for me. Being a necro and having a desire to want to have absolute control over someone is just one part of the sum that makes me. Unfortunately, that is the part people would remember if they found out I am into necro.
 
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This is a topic I really want to explore more about. I consider myself in the same category as all you guys. I believe within society I'm just a regular decent person (in fact also a particularly caring and sensitive one). This personality comes pretty naturally. It's not as though I have to remind myself to act in a certain way on a daily basis.

But I'm also a closet necrophiliac.

There is a big conflict inside all of us right? We want something that society / the law / medicine / ethics tells us we cannot have. You know there's that chart of 10-or-so different categories of necrophiliacs but if you consider only the "fantasy vs. reality" aspect there's only 3 groups:

(1) those of us that want only pure fantasy.
(2) the psychopaths and Jeffrey Dahmer types who want the real thing and will hurt people to get it.
(3) those of us in the middle who are curious about the real thing, but will not hurt people to get it (i.e. we have the morgue fantasy)

In a way both (1) and (2) have it easy. One group gets what they need on the internet or through role play. The other group goes out and murders people (and eventually get caught etc.)

It's our group (3) where the internal conflict is strongest. I really do want to be a "good" human being, and I think I am. But my most private thoughts and desires go against all of that. I guess we must work hard to maintain our status-quo.
 
Yes I guess if we are striving to be 'good human beings' and show good moral behaviour then we are indeed doing and being those things. It doesn't have to be a conflict with our very different inner fantasies unless we 'choose' it to be. My New Year resolution is to look at all my life and its many faceted aspects (not just my necro tendencies) with much more self compassion and also with more detached 'curiosity'. I am definitely a (1) in the above categories and definitely and fortunately not a (2). I do ponder if I might be a (3), but my intuition is that if I actually had access to a real dead body by design or mistake then the reality (the smell for one!) would be so repulsive that any sexual urges would quickly go (but who knows?). I am also aware (as has been discussed on other threads) that the shame and guilt around my lusts are actually part of their drivers and so although part of me wants to 'accept' and integrate my necro side (as I hope I have with my more generic homosexuality) into my wider self, if I accepted it all too much the lack of thrill of doing something wrong, the whole power dynamic thing would lessen and in a weird ''catch 22" I would lose the immense pleasure of sexual release through my homo-necro fantasising. I do believe that when I gradually became aware of my tendencies (and the elements for me were in place from me as early as 6 or 7 years old - in how I played with friends and with toys) then my unconscious 'fear' of being different and wrong fuelled my sexual imagination and burnt out deeply habitual neural pathways that I can now ever 'unlearn'. Around these deep fantasy 'habits" there is still a wide universe of sexual and sensual experience which could all be different manifestations of the same necro desires but could be expressed in subtle ways that may actually be more 'normal' or just be part of the huge spectrum of sexualities and orientations and fetishes which humanity can and does play with. This setting of my very specific necro habits into the bigger picture does give me some hope and reassurance. I would love to hear more thoughts on all of this stuff, from others on this site who enjoy overthinking it all (like me)!!
 
I never felt guilt or shame because I am a necro. I do however feel a little depressed from time to time because I can understand why people like Jeffrey Dahmer do what they do. I can understand the appeal of having absolute control over a body without having to worry about the other person's wants and needs. It is a bit scary to feel like I can relate to someone who did something so heinous. I take solace in the fact that unlike Dahmer, I dont have the killing instinct. I have played with five victims and never once did I feel the urge to kill, even when they were playing a corpse and they were at their most vulnerable.
 
It is interesting New Yorker that you have never felt shame. I tell myself that I have and that this shame has had a huge impact on who I am and how I am in the world. Is it really shame though? I don't know. Just a huge awareness of being different, not normal ... and therefore bad? unworthy? I think this much less now because I am far more accepting that being necro (just like being gay) is clearly not my fault or my choice. It is just part of who I am. But I have to be honesty with myself that previous self-loathing has had a massive impact on my life.
 
Great posts guys, really interesting to analyse the psychology behind the thinking of my fellow necrophiliacs.

New Yorker I understand how you feel about stressing over your similarities to Necro murderers. I have worried myself sick with some of the brutal fantasies I have produced in my head. I think it is important to remember however, that necrophilia is not necessarily associated with a desire to harm or kill. I for one, although I have fantasized about it in my head would never actually do such a thing. The permanence of death, the suffering (no matter how long) that one usually experiences as they are dying or being killed combined with the likely reality of death meaning the absolute end of a persons consciousness is what keeps me from letting my fantasies become reality. Though I am sexually attracted to the dead I have no desire to create corpses, likely because as a moral person I don't have the ability to inflict serious harm on another person. I would not want someone to murder me so I won't murder them. You see that's the difference between us and guys like Dahmer, we have the ability to put ourselves in others shoes and feel what they feel, Dahmer didn't have such emotions, he was a diagnosed psychopath and that makes him dangerous whether he's a necrophiliac or not. Unfortunately however adding necrophilia and psychopathy together definitely does creates one hell of a dangerous individual.
 
Love the discussion. There are times when I have posted on here words like "Terrible" or "I could not watch". To me viewing cute dead guys either at place of discovery or in the morgue is a fantasy, not realistic. It is true I can get a hard on seeing someone who has been executed or committed suicide with the added bonus that many of them are cute. I have engaged in SANE, SAFE and CONSENSUAL course as I believe with breath control and other forms of punishment is also meant to be fun and not cruel.

In sum, I guess I am saying that we ought to stand back and look at our own moral code when it comes to looking versus doing.
 
Hey bryozoa

Personally, I never cared to be normal. I was a very precocious child and that isolated me from kids my own age. Even if I weren’t a necro, I would still be different from people my own age. I grew up on the Upper East Side of New York surrounded by the most spoiled and snotty kids money can create (if you are not familiar with NYC, think of the Upper East Side as the American version of Notting Hill in London). That was and still is the “normal” and I resented that. I also always a little bit rebellious. I had a bad habit of questioning authority which is not a good quality when you are expected to do whatever you can to get As in your classes so your college application to Columbia and Yale looks perfect. I also learned from a young age that EVERYBODY has skeletons in their closets. Trust me, being a necro is a mild deviation if you consider what people that are thought to be pillars of society are willing to do.
 
Hey popgoesthehead

I know I do not have the killing instinct. I don’t even have to rationalize and have an ethical debate inside my head why killing is wrong. I do not feel the urge at all to hurt someone. What bothers me is that I understand the thinking process that went on in Dahmer’s head. I understand the appeal of having control over a willing body. It is disturbing to be able to relate to someone who committed such horrendous crimes. Hitler grew up relatively poor in present-day Austria. He saw Jews thriving while his family struggled and that fueled his contempt for Jews. I can understand how envy lead him to become hostile to Jews, but I cannot relate to him because I never felt envy and hatred to a level where I could become a genocidal maniac. With Dahmer, I can understand him because I think I feel the same urges he must have felt. The difference is that my urges do not cross the line.
 
Yes I totally get what you are saying New Yorker. I can't imagine ever flipping from it all be a gloriously arousing fantasy to actually wanting or needing to do the act and really harming and killing someone. Its just completely beyond my comprehension what it must be like to have real psychopathic tendencies. But I do wonder if that switch lies deep inside me and could be flipped by some unexpected event? Or are people born innately psychopathic - whereas I have just been born innately a necrophiliac fantasist... and never the twain shall met?
 
My short answer would be no, and that is not meant to be negatively judgmental.

I just think the generally accepted definition of "moral" does not allow for any sort of necrophilia, in word or deed. If you keep your fantasies to yourself, then people may believe you are moral, but you will still actually be immoral because of your interior necrophiliac thoughts.

"Caring" is not a problem. It's easy to be a caring necrophiliac.
 
I believe most people, without even considering it, will say moral means "good". That is what I'm suggesting is generally accepted. I'm talking about all the Mom and Pop types who go to church every week and are intolerant of just about everything. That definition is, of course, vague in the extreme, but I suspect most people will not equate necrophilia with moral or good. I don't have any strong feelings either way, simply because neither morality nor necrophilia are on my mind much. I do think a lot about dick, though. :\
 
alexonedeath I believe the context on which I asked this topics question is with the exception of the actual act of necrophilia. I am not asking whether the action of necrophilia is moral but rather if necrophiliacs tend to be genuinely good, decent and caring people when not thinking or performing the action of necrophilia. Obviously nobody including ourselves can 100% confirm the act of necrophilia to be truly moral, I don't believe that necrophilia is inherently good or a totally victim-less crime at least in today's world (the family) but is it really so bad? Afterall politicians and businessmen commit acts far more damaging to society and individuals than necrophiliacs ever would and politicians and businessmen do their damage legally I might add. The deceased human body is simply human meat, it is not alive, so therefor permanently not conscious, not of any real value and certainly without any rights. I suppose one could make a case that necrophilia is truly not so bad of an act, surely not worthy of criminal conviction but perhaps simply something of vulgar nature, similar to someone urinating in the street or farting in an elevator. I believe that the negative stigma around necrophilia is created by two things. Religion, which places a nonsensical sacredness on cadavers. As well as our inability to dissociate a cadaver from a living person and register the heartbreaking reality that the personality that once inherited the corpse no longer exists, and that the remains are no associated with that person anymore.
 
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Popgoesthehead, you have thought all of this through most thoroughly, and I have little argument to make. Except to say that there might be something inherently and incontestably bad about a practice (such as necrophilia) which has been frowned upon for thousands of years, and which thus understandably casts doubt upon the overall character of those who practice or preach it. Incest was once commonplace, but I don't think necrophilia has ever been acceptable.
 
Hey Alexonedeath

You seem to think that morality is based on what the majority of people FEEL in their guts is right or wrong. There are countless examples in history of the majority making what we now consider immoral decisions. Slavery in the south was considered so moral that even the Christian Bible was used to defend it. I can certainly understand why the south wasn’t very keen on the idea of abolition. According to historians, most wealthy southern families’ wealth was tied to slaves. It is estimated that all slaves in the south would be worth around 3 billion dollars today. Abolition would mean a huge chunk of wealth would suddenly disappear. The point I am trying to make is that we all have our desires and motives that can influence what we consider moral. This is why you cannot define morality by what the majority thinks morality is.
 
In that case, morality doesn't have any set meaning. It means different things to different people, and it's meaning is always changing. I'd say let's throw that word out the window.
 
I don’t know if you know this, but ethics is one of the subsets of philosophy. When ethics is in the same field that discusses metaphysics (the nature of being) and epistemology (the nature of knowledge), you should easily see how complicated this is.

We live in a very complex world and I feel that we cannot come up with a single general definition of morality that encompasses every issue humanity may face. Immanuel Kant thought that if you wanted to know whether an issue was moral, you had to ask yourself what the consequences would be if everybody partook in that action. Abortion and homosexuality would be immoral under his definition because if every woman had an abortion or if everybody turned gay, humanity would go extinct. The obvious flaw with this theory is that not every person will engage in an action. Ayn Rand thought morality was about the individual having the freedom to do whatever they want. It is pure and extreme individualism. The problem with that is that it would be impossible to build a stable society where the individual could do whatever he wanted. She thought paying taxes and having a welfare system to safeguard the most vulnerable among us was an infringement on the individual. Rand did however have no qualms about collecting social security and Medicare when she got cancer, an issue that Republicans tend to ignore when they praise her ideas about ethics.
 
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