When did your fetish begin


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I like the feel of Leather Jackets and boots before I reached Puberty. I use to like to watch TV where guys wore lather jackets. It gave me good feelings but I did not know why. I went to a all boys catholic High School There was quite a bit of leather jackets around there. Mostly School Jackets with leather sleeves. I got a Re Excuse from taking Gym because I was petrified of getting a hard on in the locker room. By then I knew the affliction I had was not accepted by the general public.
I had a lot of trouble dealing with it back then. I liked war films with Pilots in Leather jackets. I always liked it when the bad guy got killed with his boots on in Westerns and guys in leather jackets got it in other movies. Yea this started way before puberty......
 
Started when I was in Junior High. Had a friend named Randy, who was very light-skinned, red-haired, and thin, the veins on his chest stood out like blue lines on a road-map. One day we were alone at his place. He took off his shirt and raised his hands over his head. Right under his left pec, I could see steady pulsing, his heart beating. He took my hand and placed it on his chest. I was a bit bigger than him so my hand covered his entire chest. I could feel his chest rise and fall as he breathed, I could feel his ribs under his skin. But, mainly, I could feel his heart beating. After a couple of visits, he started slipping his hand under my shirt to feel my heart beating. I started to take off my shirt and lay down on his bed. He would lay on my chest to listen to my heartbeat. He started bringing in holding a knife to his visible heart beat or his Dad's gun [unloaded] to my chest. We came up with dozens of games where one of us ended up shot or stabbed through the heart. Think I told y'all about them at different places on this site.
 
When I was 5 or 6, I was mesmerized by comic books with near-naked Indians being knifed or hung or shot. By ten, I fantasized cutting of the dick of my best friend. Then I wanted to cut the dicks of all the guys in the school locker room. So, when puberty hit, I was pretending lots of sick shit...I mean, cool stuff.

I was a bit older and in secondary school but rather than dicks for me it was their beating hearts. I wanted them so bad. Especially the one, who was my bully. I had so much rage for him but I also really fancied him. He was athletic, Muscular but slim. Defined and slightly ripped. My fantasy to kill started with him and the way he was with me constantly ruined my experience of school and I REALLY wanted to feel him die. He was the cockiest little prick I had ever met, he never had his top on in PE and his belly and chest was gorgeously defined. In the many fights we had I hit his head off the floor, a wall and punched him with everything I had. He once had me in a headlock and I could hear his heart pumping. it was deep, strong and delicious.. I wanted him, I wanted to feel his heart and take it from him. It got to point where I wanted to fight him. I wanted to feel it beat inside him again..

We got closer, friends for a time until he had kids. I once watched him workout in his garage.. obviously once again his top off. His ribcage how i wanted to run my fingers up and down the bumps put my head between the muscles and listen to his life and soul just hammering inside him. The thought of him stuggling after him being bound by me, removing his heartbeat when I am finally ready to put a stop to his existence for all the fear i first felt give it back to him with me having his beat as a trophy

my fetish has evolved from there. But he was the reason and he was the first I genuinely wanted to kill.
 
I was quit young, maybe 8 or 9, I saw in TV a crime series late that evening. They showed there this typical autopsy scene, but instead of being scared, I was fascinated about this. I wanted to know how it feels to die and what happens in an autopsy. The idea of being dead and autopsied makes me still hard.
 
From a very young age I was fascinated by black leather motorcycle gear and biker jackets. These always seemed to be worn by the bad guys who often got killed, and at first I thought that was a shame because I wanted to be on the leather clad side and didn't like their gear being destroyed. I remember seeing a film at the cinema when I can only have been 6 or 7 and talking about how cool the bad guys were at school. However, when I was a bit older I realised that the leather-clad villains getting wasted was the best bit, and that I wanted to be one of them even more.
 
I had just turned 21 and I was half-way through my pregnancy. A cousin of mine or a friend of mine, I’m not entirely sure if we’re related or not anymore, whom I had been close with when she was younger hung herself shortly after turning 15. It was supposed to be a closed casket funeral but when I rounded the corner into the viewing room, I could see her. Ever since then, I’ve been fascinated by death. I’ve done research on careers in the death industry. I’m planning on being a medical examiner. At first, it wasn’t sexual for me. It was just curiosity. Now, sometimes, I get a little turned on. The thought of playing dead drives me insane.
 
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