View Full Version : I am scared shitless

15-12-08, 04:53 PM
Okay, I play tough on the forum but in reality I am a pussyboy.

My dad is strogner.

I am scared shitless of disease, surgery and painful tortuous death.

For that reason I often consider suicide, as a situation where you have control and choose how to die.

I hate death on breathing tubes in a hospital bed.

I want to die in war or car accident - instant blow (bullet) to the head.

I had a nervous breakdown today and called my dad who lives in another city. He said I need a a shrink.

I can't handle life guys, I have mood swings and that thing with my throat will finish me off.

I am seriously considering suicide. :sm (47):

15-12-08, 06:56 PM
Hold on a second, so you have something wrong with your throat, but
Why the death wish?, but if there is a problem ,but why blow it out of porportion and worry yourself over what will probably turn out to be very little. As for a shrink - what a waste of fucking time, i've been sent to see one and ran rings round him and all the theory's, they have, they talk shit.
The only one who can get you through this is YOU.
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS HARD but unfortunatly it's true.
What you need is to get out of the city, people care more for each other in small towns and villages. Get a proper boyfriend who cares for you (like us forum guys care for you) All the good looking city pretty boys are shallow and basically just fuck buckets. Go to the countryside and find a real man, who isn't full of the high life city crap.
I am sure you will get better, and in time find the right guy, who can care and offer the support you need (city boys are shallow) but in the meantime talk to us. suicide never was and never will be the answer.
come on Meaty, we care , we are here, DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.
P.S. If I hear you have tried anything daft, i'll be on the next plane over and I will kick your cute little ass. Take care love Darkside.

15-12-08, 08:43 PM
Hey Dark, thanks for your reply man, you are precious. I would love to have a boyfriend like you, I am tired of all the "fuck buckets" as you rightly said.

All I need know is someone to talk to. Parents busy, doctors don't care, and all sex buddies care for is your cock.

What if you just need to talk with someone and let if off? I am so greatful we have this site, otherwise I would have gone even more insane or done something stupid.

Modern society is wrong - bit city, big money, no one cares about anything but themselves.

When I call my dad and I tell him I have a problem they usually say, "I am working, I can't talk right now".

That fucking gets me even more worked up. What if I am dying dad?

I wish I was as strong mentally as you mate. Sometimes I want to give up on that meaningless crap called life, take some pills and go to sleep like Heath Ledger.

Even doctors here are rude and all they want is money. A doctor has to be someone you can talk to openly about your problems and be able to listen to you.

What they dude here is prescribe antibiotics and other drugs that sometimes even make you sicker and say "you will be alright".

When I went back to the doc again, she was surprised to see me. I said I was disastisfied with they treatment she prescribed and don't feel any better.

She then send me for more tests and prescribed more pills but I won't take them. I don't believe her anymore.

I so much hate disease. I know we will all croak but please God not young and not in a horrific way.

I want age 90 in my sleep.

Bad world, hope we are lucky and have peaceful deaths.

15-12-08, 09:32 PM
Darkside is 100% right. All you probably need is a change. You're young, good-looking and smart (I can tell from the posts of yours I've read) and have your entire life ahead of you. Don't talk with people who upset you or don't understand you. Talk to us until you find that one-on-one person you can share with. Don't even consider suicide.

15-12-08, 10:15 PM
My life can be over tomorrow for all I know. Being young, cute and smart is no guarantee for a long life.

Cute young guys die too, thats what this forum is all about.

I am happy we can talk freely here about anything that worries us, including disease and depression.

Suicide is the better choice for me if I get incurable cancer that causes pain and disfigurment and great suffering.

I pray to God we all die peaceful deaths in our beds.

I am 25 but I already had eye surgery (laser to seal a retinal hole) and surgical extraction of impacted wisdom teeth.

Both painful. They cut me with a scalpel and then stiched me up like an autopsy dude.

First 8 hours after surgery the pain was so bad you start to think about jumping from a window.

I overdosed on pain-killers and slept most of the time.

I watched BBC documentary about cancer patients and I cried. It was about young cute boys with terrible cancer - in the spine etc where its difficult to treat and can make the patient disabled for life.

Very cruel. Also there was a young guy with a brain tumour. They cracked open his skull to remove it...and only partially because otherwise brain function could be affected.

You have to be mentally strong for that, I couldn't do it. I am weak.

Much easier to take some pills and go to sleep.

15-12-08, 10:26 PM
Okay, being cute, young and smart may be no guarantee for a long life, but it sure as hell makes life a lot better. Think of all the guys in the world today who aren't cute, young and smart. Think of what they go through each and every day. Darkside's right --- a psychiatrist is a waste of time and money, especially for an intelligent individual. However, you do need to let your feelings out, like you're doing on the forum now. The more you do that and the more you get response that understands what you're going through, the easier it will be. This probably is not something I should say on this board, but you need to stop thinking about guys dying. Cute dead guys are one thing, but putting yourself in their place in a way that makes you crazy is just wrong (if you can't handle it). You need to come to the U.S. for a visit.

16-12-08, 09:15 AM
There you go Meatpie, both me and funnySkippy think the same, we are here for you when you need to talk, needing to talk is not a sign of weakness, we are all different some people need to talk some don't. I used to be accused of being hartless by my family and friends because i never show my emotions i.e not crying at parents and friends funerals, but I am always the one they come too with thier problems, we all cope in different ways, but remember having thoughts of ending your own life is not good for you so stop it NOW!. LIKE i SAID WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.

16-12-08, 09:50 AM
- people don't understand that just because you don't cry, it doesn't mean you're not hurting.

16-12-08, 09:25 PM
I love Darksie, my type of man. Real hardocre necro.

True necros never cry at funerals.

I also don't cry and don't get worked up by a dead body or blood.

I am just disappointed by modern society, that instaibale consumerism, that desire for more and more money.

People forget that we are beings that love to communicate, everything has become more mechanical.

Erich Fromm says that necrophilia is really becoming more widespread in modern society because people are treated more like objects, rather than individuals.

17-12-08, 01:14 AM
I had to have my impacted wisdom teeth removed too! Some doctors here are stupid and rude too just like yours. My dentist prescribed a painkiller after the surgery that I'm Deathly allergic to even though I'd mentioned it to him several times! I would've died or been comatose if I'd taken them. I asked my mom to go pick up my prescription while I was at work. She asked what was in it and they told her the main ingredient is what I'm allergic to. He's always very gruff too. I hate him. I wouldn't want to go to a shrink either. They freak me out. My parents want me to go but I won't.
I have a sore throat now too Meatpie. I hope yours goes away soon. It's painful, I can barely sleep because of it. What sucks is that I just got over the flu and I had no sore throat, finally it's gone but has left this sore throat. Last time I got a sore throat it lasted a long time. That was a few years ago. The antibiotics helped, that was a nice doctor and I only went because I freaked out it was taking so long to go away.
Sorry for your disappointments. I hope we here at the forum have been somewhat helpful. Interesting about Erich Fromm, maybe he's right.:sm (6):

17-12-08, 12:22 PM
Hang in there mate.

Sore throats are a real nuisance in winter. I am slightly better, thanks.

Don't think about it, it will pass. Suck on throat lozenges, that helped me a lot.

If you have trouble swallowing, lump feeling and nausea - all the symptoms I had better see a doc, just to make sure its nothing serious.