his last dinner

DarkEnd

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a group of gunmen entered a house and shot this young man multiple times while he was enjoying his last meal

 
That's not fair. There are two times when it is NEVER permissible to kill someone: when they are eating, and when they are riding a bicycle. Everyone has the right to engage in those activities unmolested.
 
That's not fair. There are two times when it is NEVER permissible to kill someone: when they are eating, and when they are riding a bicycle. Everyone has the right to engage in those activities unmolested.

I agree. Look what happened to that guy who got dragged off and ejecutoed 2000 years ago. Wasn't even allowed to rest in peace in the tomb afterwards, and hasn't had a moment's peace over since - do you guys have ANY IDEA how annoying it is having 500 million people all trying to bend your ear every bloody Sunday for 2000 years?
 
I agree. Look what happened to that guy who got dragged off and ejecutoed 2000 years ago. Wasn't even allowed to rest in peace in the tomb afterwards, and hasn't had a moment's peace over since - do you guys have ANY IDEA how annoying it is having 500 million people all trying to bend your ear every bloody Sunday for 2000 years?

Indeed, Jesus probably does qualify as overworked and underappreciated. As badgered as He is though, it has been suggested that He has a sense of humor, and might therefore appreciate the following:

The letters "INRI", on the top of His cross, stood for "I Nailed Right In".
 
Badgered - we cull badgers over here :)

The letters "INRI", on the top of His cross, stood for "I Nailed Right In". Rumours Of My sense of humour are exagerated - the last guy who cracked that one got electrocudato. Oops, didn't mean it. Um, Meatpie, can you delete this post - my Dad is a bit zealous about his thunderbolts.
Actually it was meant to be Henry, but I always was a bit dyslexic. And Heny never quite seemed right for the name of a God anyway (hasn't got that ring, has it?) , so when the centurion said "Aw Jesus, someone teach this kid to spell" it kinda stuck. Guess he got something right - didn't half hurt when he poked me with his spear, wish he'd poked me with something else.

Hey Dad, cool it, I was only joking. Dad? Dad! NOOOO!! [BOOM][

Yes, doctor, I'll come quietly now.
 
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That's not fair. There are two times when it is NEVER permissible to kill someone: when they are eating, and when they are riding a bicycle. Everyone has the right to engage in those activities unmolested.

I would add a third: when you are on the toilet. You should be able to take a crap in peace.

However, if you are riding a motorcycle, you are fair game.
 
I would add a third: when you are on the toilet. You should be able to take a crap in peace.

However, if you are riding a motorcycle, you are fair game.

I agree that motoboys are always in season. I'm not sure how I'd rule on a guy eating a burger as he rides his motorcycle, but DEFINITELY, if you are taking a shit while bicycling, you ought to be considered out-of-bounds.
 
Badgered - we cull badgers over here :)

The letters "INRI", on the top of His cross, stood for "I Nailed Right In". Rumours Of My sense of humour are exagerated - the last guy who cracked that one got electrocudato. Oops, didn't mean it. Um, Meatpie, can you delete this post - my Dad is a bit zealous about his thunderbolts.
Actually it was meant to be Henry, but I always was a bit dyslexic. And Heny never quite seemed right for the name of a God anyway (hasn't got that ring, has it?) , so when the centurion said "Aw Jesus, someone teach this kid to spell" it kinda stuck. Guess he got something right - didn't half hurt when he poked me with his spear, wish he'd poked me with something else.

Hey Dad, cool it, I was only joking. Dad? Dad! NOOOO!! [BOOM][

Yes, doctor, I'll come quietly now.


HAHA...holy cow, your comment would qualify as a stand-up comedy routine. I still don't understand if it's God or Jesus Who's actually Henry. I suppose it's Both, since They are a Trinity, but then where does the Holy Ghost come in?
 
Ah, but 'Jesus' is God, or at least one -third of God. I am Henry, but 'Jesus' is my nickname. My Dad definitely doesn't let anyone get on Christian-name terms with Him - that woud be instant thunderbolt, even for me. And that would be really bad, especially this weekend! Being electrocudado when I should be crucificado, that would mess everything up -and think of all the images that would have to be changed! And having to resurrect michelangelo to change the Sistine Chapel - let's not go there!
It's kind of hard to explain, having a Ghost as a brother - but he does come in, normally when you least expect it. Imagine you're having an auto-erotic session (of course for me that's crucifixion not hangng), there's a rushing wind, and suddenly your Brother is just there even though all the windows and doors are closed. That can be embarrassing, I can tell you! Does that begin to explain it, to eff the ineffable?
 
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And by the way, DarkEnd is definitely posher than Me. I just had a Last Sujpper, with him it has to be Last Dinner, doesn't it?
 
Well come on - you humans get double vision occasionallky but whoever heard of a mere human having treble vision? That proves We Are, right?
Some other doubting Thomas** asked Me why I didn't just correct that spelling mistake. Well, apart from the fact that Henry is a pretty naff name for God (part of), don't forget that technology wasnt so good 2000 years ago. I guess I'm the only one on here old enough to remember when tablets were made of stone, but let me tell you that they weren't exactly ultrafast and ultraportable, and the editing functions were pretty crap by modern standards. In fact the only editing app was 'Chisel', and that wasn't even software - it was hardware (very hard - steel-tipped). So if I'd orrected it I'd have taken so long I'd have mssed my own crucifixion, and imagine my priests having to explain that - 'um, well Henry should have died to forgive our sins, but he messed it up so we're all going to Hell'.
** Sorry, I didn't catch your name, but you must be a cdg member and I know you were in St Peter's - like I say it gets a bit much when you're all trying to bend my ear at once, and tbh you lot all look much the same from above. Actually the IT side is the Holy Ghost's job, but HG isn't the easiest guy (um, God) to pin down - I reckon there's a problem with the router in St Pete's, but he never seems moved to fix it. Not the first time it's caused problems. A couple of years ago we had a guy contact the helpline - he'd just given birth to triplets and he'd only asked Me to fix his acne. Which was a tad embarrassing, as he was the bishop! Well the name of the church rang a bell (in fact a whole peal of bells) - I checked back and sure enough, nine months before a woman had come out of that church after service, and thud!, a crate of skin cream had fallen out of the sky and flattened her. And her bloody husband was going 'it's a miracle, it's a miracle'! - I'll tell you, he was laughing on the other side of his face when I told him he'd got to marry the bishop. And as for the Archbishop, hardest job I ever had to do, abolishig sin is a cinch compared to getting My church to change it's silly little rules - I had to pick him up by the scruff of his neck in the end and tell him 'Look, you worship Me not the other way round, so if I tell you to introduce gay bishops, and gay marriage in church, you bloody do it or you get a thunderbolt up your arse right there on the altar'. All because that dozy HG brother of mine didn't get round to fixing the router.
I'll tell you, it's no fun being a Supreme Being.
 
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