My fantasies -- the core.

I guess this should be a part of my introduction to everyone.

I have a fetish in seeing pictures and videos of dying people. I have always had this attraction to seeing the freshly dead. This started when I was very young and as I grew older, the fetish has evolved.

I'm fascinated with watching people die and what happens during the whole dying process. As a result, I've done a lot of scouring on the internet, both for accident and tragedy videos and of pictures of the recently deceased. (Female, I am a hetero male).

I've also done a surprising amount of medical research. Wikipedia. Medical journals. Books about the dying process and the last moments of life. What the body does to compensate for fatal injuries and wounds. What it might feel like to undergo those things. Emergency medicine. Shock and trauma recovery. Every thing I can read and get my hands on.

The irony is that I am terrified of my own end to the point where thinking about it can give me panic attacks. Yet I regularly get off on watching fake, well produced videos where people are dying and then sexually used.

But it always comes back to dying.

My favorite gore / death photos are surprisingly rare. What I want to see is a picture of the face, eyes half lidded in death, the face slack and empty and with a slight drying of the eyes as they have lost their sheen, the pupils dilated and fixed. Sure you can have bodies that show genitalia and other sexy bits. But what I want to see is the face of death, staring back at me.

Sorry, rambling. Should stop. Please share the core of your fantasies as well. Like Arrows? Say so, but also tell me what you've done to explore it. Gunplay? Hanging? Why?

Thanks for letting me spew.

- A

Attica said:

The irony is that I am terrified of my own end to the point where thinking about it can give me panic attacks.

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At least you are not afraid to admit it and that does you honour. Most people are so worked up on the topic of death and dying they prefer to ignore it altogether.

But death is everywhere around us yet we don't yet know how exactly it occurs and is it different for all people or is it the same feeling?

What we do know is that:

- Death can be extremely sudden, your eyes remain open and there is no time to think about anything, brain switches off like a computer
- Death can be relatively painless for old people who die in their beds. In fact most people hope they will die like that!

I think your fascination with death and dying comes from your fear from your own death, the realization of your own mortality.

How old are you?

Meatpie said:

I think your fascination with death and dying comes from your fear from your own death, the realization of your own mortality.

How old are you?

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I can tell you exactly where I got my start with my particular sexual deviance, but that's a story for another time perhaps.

I don't think age has anything to do with the discussion, but let's call somewhere around 4 decades. I'm not being coy to be annoying, I just like to tightly control stuff that is deeply personal.

- A

I am a necro into dead chicks too if you want you can message me

Meatpie said:

- Death can be extremely sudden, your eyes remain open and there is no time to think about anything, brain switches off like a computer
- Death can be relatively painless for old people who die in their beds. In fact most people hope they will die like that!

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I would politely disagree in that we really don't know what goes on in our brains. Hell, we're not even sure what causes consciousness at this point, so I'm not sure that we can accurately say what happens when the brain starts to degrade and unplug. Neural nets are not well understood in general. Are Near Death Experiences proof of an afterlife? Or is it because we're all relatively wired the same way and if you start unplugging neurons it triggers the same feedback loop? The jury is still out on it all.

I do agree that I'm not sure what happens in situations of immediate and total brain destruction and those of have experienced having their brains scattered across a field can't tell us either. I would guess that it follows the instant 'switch off' model, but I could be completely wrong on that.

What we do know is that that brain is a weird thing and if you subject it to stresses, transcendent experiences can happen. What this means, we don't know yet.

I think the best way to go is at ground zero of a nuclear detonation. It doesn't matter whether it is a fission or fusion bomb. I would be flashed into hydrogen molecules so fast that I wouldn't even know I am dead. My existence would flash away faster than my brain could register the event with no pain, no worry, no fear.

As you grow older and wiser, you come to realize that death isn't the end, its just a change. You can't destroy intelligence because it exist all the way down to a quantum level and we know that things are very different there. It doesn't give you leave to waste the time you have in this life. Make the most of what you have because intelligence is the only thing you can take with you. (To be clear, "intelligence" is the sum of your experiences. All events create some form of intelligence include the synapses firing in your mind. It is not an issue of smart or dumb.)

I like to explore how people find death. I also like to dominate the dead as they are easy to please and never complain.

There is only one time when I went to a friend's apartment because no one had heard from him and found him naked dead on the bed, face down, looking like he had tried to raise himself. Autopsy showed he died of massive heart attack. Not sure I would want to go with no warning like that. Yet, I do not want to linger with cancer or dementia.

My fantasy is to hang or be electrocuted or gassed - gassing for me does not damage the body and yet the person knows they are dying th eminute they inhale the gas - if it takes a minute or so for the lack of oxygen to the brain to make the person unconscious, that minute is one maybe of panic or coming to peace with oneself.

Snerdguy said:

I think the best way to go is at ground zero of a nuclear detonation. It doesn't matter whether it is a fission or fusion bomb. I would be flashed into hydrogen molecules so fast that I wouldn't even know I am dead. My existence would flash away faster than my brain could register the event with no pain, no worry, no fear.

As you grow older and wiser, you come to realize that death isn't the end, its just a change. You can't destroy intelligence because it exist all the way down to a quantum level and we know that things are very different there. It doesn't give you leave to waste the time you have in this life. Make the most of what you have because intelligence is the only thing you can take with you. (To be clear, "intelligence" is the sum of your experiences. All events create some form of intelligence include the synapses firing in your mind. It is not an issue of smart or dumb.)

I like to explore how people find death. I also like to dominate the dead as they are easy to please and never complain.

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As someone who is a senior citizen, I can say I wish to live a lot longer BUT I also am aware, because so many friends have died that it can come and we have little control over it. Moreover, I think I am more at peace with death than I was 10 years ago when I was still in my 50's. My parents lived into their later 80's so I may still have lots of time to see grandchildren grow and enjoy retirement but I can also be at peace when it comes while hoping it will be no sooner than my parent's.