whatever................
Can you feel love for another man? Or is it just lust?
- Thread starter Meatpie
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pigfoot70
Forum Veteran
sad to say but i think most guys dont know what love is, myself included
bindiboi
Thread Killer
Many men don't, but that doesn't mean all men don't. I think the key is caution. Don't be afraid of love, revel in it if you find it. Just don't let it blind you. Trust MUST be earned, not freely given. It can take but a moment to fall in love yet take a lifetime to get over it if it is lost.
Agreed. Same here.
Andrew1999
Forum Regular
Well, Bindiboi says a lot w/ a few words, and well too. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd recognize "true love" if it punched me in the nose or sat on my face. Mental/emotional denseness I suppose. On the other hand, I have emotions, quite strong ones, regarding family and friends, their safety, health and so on. When they are threatened in any way, many times I seem to almost involuntarily jump to their defense. I feel horribly impotent when unable to help. This has to be a kind of love. I've read of this being more a form of tribalism, not love. I disagree.
My emotions are too intense for some mere affiliation type emotion. But, I would call this "real love" as opposed to "true love". Anyway, bindiboi is right in that one must go after love, not be afraid of love. Even if of limited scope. Wish I could explain better what I mean--trying to put thoughts into words is bringing me the emotion of being P.O.ed. Hahaha!
My emotions are too intense for some mere affiliation type emotion. But, I would call this "real love" as opposed to "true love". Anyway, bindiboi is right in that one must go after love, not be afraid of love. Even if of limited scope. Wish I could explain better what I mean--trying to put thoughts into words is bringing me the emotion of being P.O.ed. Hahaha!
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bindiboi
Thread Killer
Andrew1999, I am similar in that I am rabidly defensive about my family and friends. I only have one good offline friend and he is very important to me. I agree that a more fitting love would be real love and not true love. While it is A true love it is not the romantic form of the term. I would literally die for him.
If you feel that you doubt you could recognize true love if it smacked you in the face, then that means you just haven't come across it yet. When it happens you KNOW it. No doubting, no second guessing, you just know deep in your heart. That, however doesn't mean you know what to do with it once you find it. You may know it's there but be clueless what to do about it. That is the hard part.
If you feel that you doubt you could recognize true love if it smacked you in the face, then that means you just haven't come across it yet. When it happens you KNOW it. No doubting, no second guessing, you just know deep in your heart. That, however doesn't mean you know what to do with it once you find it. You may know it's there but be clueless what to do about it. That is the hard part.
Andrew1999
Forum Regular
Well Bindiboi, you got me pegged. Clueless is my middle name. LOL.
Humanity is indeed very complex and not at all black and white. So many grey areas!
I'm straight but have felt attraction, even lust, for other girls but am marriaed to a great guy and am now on a strict look-but-don't-touch basis. That goes for him! We do both say "he/she's gorgeous/good-looking" and that's normal. We all have eyes and brains to appreciate one another with.
It took me until the age of 28 to know what 'love' truly is. Don't lose heart. All my previous boyfs were just lust and confusion
Drakomuendo
Forum Regular
Me and my mother used to talk about more advanced phillosophical concepts like love and hate because I would always ask about them so I have always had a much more mature approach then anyone I have ever met my age. I am naieve but I don't take sex casually and have only ever had sex with one guy, he was my best friend I fell in love with him but I imagine that was just part of being a teenager. I am 21 now and still haven't founda guy for me but when I do I plan to take it slow and steady because if you rush into things you often times destroy what your trying to create or at least such is my observation of everyone around me.
matamuertos
Forum Regular
My answer was not in the multiple choice answers.
Of course one man can love another. gay or straight.
I personally do not fall in love so easy, when i do it's a tough love.
a boy i was fucking once told me that i was a straight dood with a fetish for sex with men.
I disagree with that, i just don't really love a liar (as he was).
The man i love the most is my best friend, he is 89 now.
Of course one man can love another. gay or straight.
I personally do not fall in love so easy, when i do it's a tough love.
a boy i was fucking once told me that i was a straight dood with a fetish for sex with men.
I disagree with that, i just don't really love a liar (as he was).
The man i love the most is my best friend, he is 89 now.
Interesting discussion. I am one woman short of being 100% gay. I married young and thought I was in love for over 30 years (but at 20 years started to fantasize about sex with a man). My marriage ended when my ex became violent. I have now had two gay partners and I would say particularly with the first it was TRUE LOVE, only he died. I love my current partner but it is not the same but I do not know how to describe what the feeling is that is different. In couple counselling before I left the marriage, I realized that I admired some things my ex wife brought to the marriage and I was more in love with being married and a Dad than in love with her.
My personal rule:
1) Friendship before love
2) Love before sex
Sometimes friendships take years to build before it becomes love. Sometimes, even love takes awhile before sex. When the sex finally comes, it was worth waiting for because you are "one" at so many levels with your lover. The quirky thing about me is that I genuinely love about 4-5 guys and they love me. Our love is not exclusive. With some, we've even cooled off on the sex, but still love each other. It's really a great feeling! But definitely not the norm. Because we are "g0ys," there's no problem with STD's that usually come with the problem of having multiple lovers. www.g0ys.org
1) Friendship before love
2) Love before sex
Sometimes friendships take years to build before it becomes love. Sometimes, even love takes awhile before sex. When the sex finally comes, it was worth waiting for because you are "one" at so many levels with your lover. The quirky thing about me is that I genuinely love about 4-5 guys and they love me. Our love is not exclusive. With some, we've even cooled off on the sex, but still love each other. It's really a great feeling! But definitely not the norm. Because we are "g0ys," there's no problem with STD's that usually come with the problem of having multiple lovers. www.g0ys.org
Art Of War
INSTIGATOR
Can love exist in any context.
Yes.
1) Once those two males can distinguish between the feelings of love, and being in love with the emotional affects of sex and its after glow period. This usually can takes a long time to distinguish. It takes a lot of sex and experience and mistakes to aid in differentiating between these two.
2) Once the person/persons in question understand that their notion of love is like a mirage that can never keep up with, then they know to let this mirage go and let what they see in the mirage to inspire them positively then they start to know what love is.
3) One only know what love is until generally speaking, they have lost what they have found, only then do they mostly realize what they had they took for granted.
4) Being in love is a learning process and people unintentionally always get hurt. eg, A persons earlier experience in love, most will agree was traumatic and immature, due to lack of experience and as one progresses through one night stands and relationships, they are more mature (or should be) as times go by.
5) Letting go of the past and dealing with it positively also allows one to have a greater capacity to love.
6) I believe that you can love more than one person at a time, I believe this is natural human nature, it is only deem wrong due to societies belief which has turned into truth.
AS you can tell my the context of my post, I believe in love totally, my love days are behind me as sometimes one can exhaust the well of love completly that it is hard to refill back up.
I do believe one day I will experience love or true love again, however I am not one to go and find love, more of a seredipity type of person, if its meant to happen to me once more, so be it, if not I am fine being single for the rest of life as I believe I have had my chance previously.
Yes.
1) Once those two males can distinguish between the feelings of love, and being in love with the emotional affects of sex and its after glow period. This usually can takes a long time to distinguish. It takes a lot of sex and experience and mistakes to aid in differentiating between these two.
2) Once the person/persons in question understand that their notion of love is like a mirage that can never keep up with, then they know to let this mirage go and let what they see in the mirage to inspire them positively then they start to know what love is.
3) One only know what love is until generally speaking, they have lost what they have found, only then do they mostly realize what they had they took for granted.
4) Being in love is a learning process and people unintentionally always get hurt. eg, A persons earlier experience in love, most will agree was traumatic and immature, due to lack of experience and as one progresses through one night stands and relationships, they are more mature (or should be) as times go by.
5) Letting go of the past and dealing with it positively also allows one to have a greater capacity to love.
6) I believe that you can love more than one person at a time, I believe this is natural human nature, it is only deem wrong due to societies belief which has turned into truth.
AS you can tell my the context of my post, I believe in love totally, my love days are behind me as sometimes one can exhaust the well of love completly that it is hard to refill back up.
I do believe one day I will experience love or true love again, however I am not one to go and find love, more of a seredipity type of person, if its meant to happen to me once more, so be it, if not I am fine being single for the rest of life as I believe I have had my chance previously.
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Serial Stalker. I believe in love and in my 8th decase, I think I can distinguish between it and lust/sex. Your post is very thoughtful. I agree with most of what you say. Personally, I was married to a woman for 34 years and have been with my current male partner since 2004. I agree, when I was looking for a partner/love, I did not find it. I have always found it when I least expected it.
What a nice thread, with such thoughtful comments. I've enjoyed reading them! My prefered choice wasn't on the poll so I didn't answer it yet. I think "falling in love all the time" implies lust, "maybe I can" implies I'm not sure, and "I have only one partner" implies I already have him. And I don't agree with "no" at all, I do believe that a man CAN truly love a man. 
Of course, there is lots of these "what is love really?" questions. Love isn't just hormones and intense feelings, though those are there sometimes... but ONLY sometimes! Love involves a concious decision to be with one person for all times, to work together to make a relationship work, and to fight to stay together, to make an effort to understand the other person, to be open and willing to change yourself at least to some degree. In the end, love is a hell of a lot of work! I tend think "True Love" is more of a decision to make a committment than an emotion.
That said, I think it's difficult for people like us on this site to find "true love" because I think it is important for the two people to really understand and be okay with each other.. you can't go hiding 90% of your fetishes from the person you "love." In other words, I have to find someone that understands and shares, or at least doesn't mind, all of my interests, and given that I'm on this site some of those interests are, how to say it, not really mainstream... And it's hard to find someone like that, often you have to look on sites like this, but that causes all sorts of difficulties (you don't know other aspects of people's personalities, and those are important too) and then there is the geographical issues too. I met a guy from Brazil a little more than an year ago who I totally clicked with and who was totally okay with all my fitishes including this site... I went to Brazil to meet him over last Christmas and New Years and really thought it may work out. But then the problem was we couldn't figure out a way for us to actually be together. In the end it was the geographical issue that caused it to end, though we are still great friends and I hope to visit Brazil again soon... (fuck, so many hot guys there, and the saunas are amazing!)
Of course, there is lots of these "what is love really?" questions. Love isn't just hormones and intense feelings, though those are there sometimes... but ONLY sometimes! Love involves a concious decision to be with one person for all times, to work together to make a relationship work, and to fight to stay together, to make an effort to understand the other person, to be open and willing to change yourself at least to some degree. In the end, love is a hell of a lot of work! I tend think "True Love" is more of a decision to make a committment than an emotion.
That said, I think it's difficult for people like us on this site to find "true love" because I think it is important for the two people to really understand and be okay with each other.. you can't go hiding 90% of your fetishes from the person you "love." In other words, I have to find someone that understands and shares, or at least doesn't mind, all of my interests, and given that I'm on this site some of those interests are, how to say it, not really mainstream...
And it's hard to find someone like that, often you have to look on sites like this, but that causes all sorts of difficulties (you don't know other aspects of people's personalities, and those are important too) and then there is the geographical issues too. I met a guy from Brazil a little more than an year ago who I totally clicked with and who was totally okay with all my fitishes including this site... I went to Brazil to meet him over last Christmas and New Years and really thought it may work out. But then the problem was we couldn't figure out a way for us to actually be together. In the end it was the geographical issue that caused it to end, though we are still great friends and I hope to visit Brazil again soon... (fuck, so many hot guys there, and the saunas are amazing!)Lycanthrope
Forum Regular
I cannot love at all....
very sad.................
lindier
Forum Veteran
Just found this thread.
Based on experience I know that it is very possible to fall in love. It isn't necessarily a shot of lightening, love can grow from friendship and gradually mature, when it happens you will know. And if for any reason it is brought to an end, by death or some other reason, it is heartbreaking.almost as if a part of you has gone forever.
And then when you connect with someone else is it a betrayal of the first love or a reaffirmation of how important it was. I believe and hope the latter because where true love exists it must be the hope of the deceased partner that their love finds someone who makes him happy rather than that he mopes continually thinking about about what has gone rather than what lays ahead.
And yes I have been there and slowly emerged from the pain of a love who died to the present when I am enjoying life to the full again. And when I meet someone with whom I can be happy and who can be happy with me I know that my late wife will rejoice in that happiness for me. Because that is love.
Based on experience I know that it is very possible to fall in love. It isn't necessarily a shot of lightening, love can grow from friendship and gradually mature, when it happens you will know. And if for any reason it is brought to an end, by death or some other reason, it is heartbreaking.almost as if a part of you has gone forever.
And then when you connect with someone else is it a betrayal of the first love or a reaffirmation of how important it was. I believe and hope the latter because where true love exists it must be the hope of the deceased partner that their love finds someone who makes him happy rather than that he mopes continually thinking about about what has gone rather than what lays ahead.
And yes I have been there and slowly emerged from the pain of a love who died to the present when I am enjoying life to the full again. And when I meet someone with whom I can be happy and who can be happy with me I know that my late wife will rejoice in that happiness for me. Because that is love.
