Meatpie

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I think I might have throat cancer because for 2 weeks now I feel like there is a lump in my throat and it makes swallowing difficult.

I went to the DOC twice - they gave me antibiotics, iboprofen, corticosteroids, antihistamines....nothing helps.

I went to Queen giovanna hostpial in Sofia today and booked an appointment with a specialist - professor in ear/throat/nose.

I know I lot of people will be happy if I die a horrific cancer death.

I wanted you to know that I stop posting for now as I don't feel very well.

I plan suicide if they diagnose me.

I will go to the forest, take pills - I am very allergic to some drug, I know this since I was a kid. I will drink it with alcohol, lie on the ground and hopefully die.

I cried for hours tonight.

I know we will all go one day but why in such a horrific way? I am not brave enough to jump under the Sofia metro and I am scared it will chop my legs and make it even harder to try a second time because I wouldn't be able to walk.

I don't know how I am gonna tell my parents, I guess I would leave a note.

I know a lot of you would offer to kill me now.

I will choose the dude who offer a painless decent way to go, then my corpse is yours.
 
You make me sad meatpie. I am sorry you are not well, but you don't know that its cancer. Also, throat cancer is not necessarily fatal. A friend of mine has recently made a full recovery from throat cancer. i don't want you to commit suicide coz i like posting with you and talking about your feet.

I will come to bulgaria and sit with you and hold you while you do it if i must, so you dont die alone, I will kiss you until you are dead and I will be naked with you until your final breath.then i will organize for you to be brought back to scotland for burial in a vault.
 
Get a grip man, why are you sure it's the worst outcome, there is no point in thinking the worst until you know for sure. You are probably worring too much. Take each day as it comes and try to make the best of it.
Two years ago, like you I found a strange lump ( on my leg) I went through all of the emotional turmoil you are suffering, what would i do?, how and when i would end it all ?. I went through lots of tests and had the lump removed and was told every thing was going to be fine and that i was no longer at risk. So all of that worry was for nothing. Get you tests done and live for the day. I am sure every thing will turn out fine for you.
The one thing I had decided on was ,if my number was up, I was going to furfill everyone of my dreams .
Best of luck mate .but i am sure you don't need it.
 
Thanks guys. I don't mind dying but not with removed larynx like some autopsy dude with tubes sticking out of me trying to breathe trying to swallow and mom feeding me like a baby through a tube.

No to this. If I get diagnosed I kill myself. If its early stages feet will help me get in touch with his friend who survided, right mate?
 
yes, or at least i will be able to tell you all about it. if you kill yourself meatpie, which i don't want to happen, would you like me to sit with you?
 
Yes.

I rarely cry, I haven't cried in years but tonight I cried my eyes out. I live alone mom and dad are far away they don't call me to check on me even though I told them I was sick.

Cruel life for me.

I am ready to accept any death - but not disgusting cancer.

I want a stroke or a good-old fashioned heart attack.

Cancer and surgeries is hell, I cannot go through this.
 
you can go through it and get better

but i will sit with you and hold you as you die if i have to. i will cry with you and then when its over make love to your dead body. i will treat you right and dress you in your suit. and you will have to tell me if i am putting you in the ground or something else...
 
how old was your friend?

is he cancer-free?
 
Great. As an EU citizen I can choose any hospital in the EU so I hope he can help me pull through.

Did he loose his voice?
 
yes for a time , it went almost high pitch yet gravelly. Its back to normal now. He's perfect now, and he's fitter than he ever was.
 
awesome. depends on the tumour though and stage.
 
You are self diagnosing - you have no clue what is really wrong. Stop it. STOP IT NOW!
Even if worse come to worst, you are young and there are treatments. You say you are 100% convinced - how did you come to this conclusion?
 
Revealing info shared in pms is prohibited. :)

I just don't see what else it could be.

We will all get destroyed one way or another, I just want to be with my friends, my family and die of old age in my sleep...

Whats up with all those nasty cancers, the more you read about it the worse you start to feel....

I also watched surgery vids on youtube how they removed the larynx of a young guy - they cut him from ear to ear - worse than autopsy.

I would so love to be JM's roomate though, he will help me when I piss my pants after surgery....or before that I dunno :)
 
My Father smoked for 30 yrs. He quit and 2 yrs later was diagnosed with lung cancer. At first it was ok, they caught it early and it went into remission. It came back about a year after that. They gave him 3 months tops. He never gave up and nether did he. 4 yrs later he is cancer free and perfectly healthy.
I agree with JM, STOP with the self diagnosing. If I did that I would have been in the grave years ago. Even if worse came to worse, there are treatments. You are both wanted and needed by all of us here.
 
you and JM are both strong mentally, I admire you.

Its amazing about your father almost unbelievable.

My grandpa was diagonsed in 1994 - terminal stage lung cancer.

He lived for 3 months - never knew what hit him.

Pale and skinny. He died in grandma's arms - he just collapsed and never woke up.

At least he didn't have surgeries tubes etc and died in his home.

The moment he died grandma called on the phone.

I picked up. She couldn't speak but I could hear her sobbing. I was 11 years old but I know something was wrong.

I hope one day they allow euthanasia in Bulgaria so that when you are sick of it all you get a shot and they put you to sleep.
 
Meatpie remember. NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE IN. as for metaly strong I figure everyone on this forum must be, to carry on through this life with the addiction and feelings that we have, with all the outsiders thinking that we are wrong or evil. We are the NORMAL ones, the only thing different about us is the fact we have the balls to say what we like.(even if is only to each other) Long live this forum, long live Meatpie.
 
For the first time, i have no words of wisdom to say but these:

"Sometimes waiting is better then acting. All good things comes to those who wait. Do not seek your destiny, but let it come to you. you will see it, until the end...."

Wait! Before you do something!

Wait! Before you act!

For the love of the spirits, do not go before your time, I could not stand it yet!
 
I can also sympathize with you about your Grandfather. While my Father beat his cancer, his Father was not so lucky. I had the opportunity to see him before he died. I was around 9 or 10. I didn't like him but regret not seeing him one last time. He was a tyrant and my Grandmother is much better off now. But for some reason I still regret the decision I made, some 20 years ago.
 
Revealing info shared in pms is prohibited. :)

I just don't see what else it could be.

We will all get destroyed one way or another, I just want to be with my friends, my family and die of old age in my sleep...

Whats up with all those nasty cancers, the more you read about it the worse you start to feel....

I also watched surgery vids on youtube how they removed the larynx of a young guy - they cut him from ear to ear - worse than autopsy.

I would so love to be JM's roomate though, he will help me when I piss my pants after surgery....or before that I dunno :)

Sorry, Meat.

I want to help now, if I can. You just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and wait, like Entilzha said - just wait for the doc to say whatever he is going to say. THEN start to deal with whatever it is.
Love ya, bud.
Even though you are as stubborn as a weed...:D
 
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