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Meatpie
01-12-08, 06:28 PM
I think I might have throat cancer because for 2 weeks now I feel like there is a lump in my throat and it makes swallowing difficult.

I went to the DOC twice - they gave me antibiotics, iboprofen, corticosteroids, antihistamines....nothing helps.

I went to Queen giovanna hostpial in Sofia today and booked an appointment with a specialist - professor in ear/throat/nose.

I know I lot of people will be happy if I die a horrific cancer death.

I wanted you to know that I stop posting for now as I don't feel very well.

I plan suicide if they diagnose me.

I will go to the forest, take pills - I am very allergic to some drug, I know this since I was a kid. I will drink it with alcohol, lie on the ground and hopefully die.

I cried for hours tonight.

I know we will all go one day but why in such a horrific way? I am not brave enough to jump under the Sofia metro and I am scared it will chop my legs and make it even harder to try a second time because I wouldn't be able to walk.

I don't know how I am gonna tell my parents, I guess I would leave a note.

I know a lot of you would offer to kill me now.

I will choose the dude who offer a painless decent way to go, then my corpse is yours.

feetboy
01-12-08, 06:48 PM
You make me sad meatpie. I am sorry you are not well, but you don't know that its cancer. Also, throat cancer is not necessarily fatal. A friend of mine has recently made a full recovery from throat cancer. i don't want you to commit suicide coz i like posting with you and talking about your feet.

I will come to bulgaria and sit with you and hold you while you do it if i must, so you dont die alone, I will kiss you until you are dead and I will be naked with you until your final breath.then i will organize for you to be brought back to scotland for burial in a vault.

Darkside
01-12-08, 06:55 PM
Get a grip man, why are you sure it's the worst outcome, there is no point in thinking the worst until you know for sure. You are probably worring too much. Take each day as it comes and try to make the best of it.
Two years ago, like you I found a strange lump ( on my leg) I went through all of the emotional turmoil you are suffering, what would i do?, how and when i would end it all ?. I went through lots of tests and had the lump removed and was told every thing was going to be fine and that i was no longer at risk. So all of that worry was for nothing. Get you tests done and live for the day. I am sure every thing will turn out fine for you.
The one thing I had decided on was ,if my number was up, I was going to furfill everyone of my dreams .
Best of luck mate .but i am sure you don't need it.

Meatpie
01-12-08, 07:30 PM
Thanks guys. I don't mind dying but not with removed larynx like some autopsy dude with tubes sticking out of me trying to breathe trying to swallow and mom feeding me like a baby through a tube.

No to this. If I get diagnosed I kill myself. If its early stages feet will help me get in touch with his friend who survided, right mate?

feetboy
01-12-08, 07:31 PM
yes, or at least i will be able to tell you all about it. if you kill yourself meatpie, which i don't want to happen, would you like me to sit with you?

Meatpie
01-12-08, 07:35 PM
Yes.

I rarely cry, I haven't cried in years but tonight I cried my eyes out. I live alone mom and dad are far away they don't call me to check on me even though I told them I was sick.

Cruel life for me.

I am ready to accept any death - but not disgusting cancer.

I want a stroke or a good-old fashioned heart attack.

Cancer and surgeries is hell, I cannot go through this.

feetboy
01-12-08, 07:37 PM
you can go through it and get better

but i will sit with you and hold you as you die if i have to. i will cry with you and then when its over make love to your dead body. i will treat you right and dress you in your suit. and you will have to tell me if i am putting you in the ground or something else...

Meatpie
01-12-08, 07:41 PM
how old was your friend?

is he cancer-free?

feetboy
01-12-08, 07:42 PM
53 and yes

Meatpie
01-12-08, 07:51 PM
Great. As an EU citizen I can choose any hospital in the EU so I hope he can help me pull through.

Did he loose his voice?

feetboy
01-12-08, 07:52 PM
yes for a time , it went almost high pitch yet gravelly. Its back to normal now. He's perfect now, and he's fitter than he ever was.

Meatpie
01-12-08, 07:56 PM
awesome. depends on the tumour though and stage.

JMsidious
01-12-08, 09:30 PM
You are self diagnosing - you have no clue what is really wrong. Stop it. STOP IT NOW!
Even if worse come to worst, you are young and there are treatments. You say you are 100% convinced - how did you come to this conclusion?

Meatpie
01-12-08, 09:52 PM
Revealing info shared in pms is prohibited. :)

I just don't see what else it could be.

We will all get destroyed one way or another, I just want to be with my friends, my family and die of old age in my sleep...

Whats up with all those nasty cancers, the more you read about it the worse you start to feel....

I also watched surgery vids on youtube how they removed the larynx of a young guy - they cut him from ear to ear - worse than autopsy.

I would so love to be JM's roomate though, he will help me when I piss my pants after surgery....or before that I dunno :)

bindiboi
01-12-08, 10:06 PM
My Father smoked for 30 yrs. He quit and 2 yrs later was diagnosed with lung cancer. At first it was ok, they caught it early and it went into remission. It came back about a year after that. They gave him 3 months tops. He never gave up and nether did he. 4 yrs later he is cancer free and perfectly healthy.
I agree with JM, STOP with the self diagnosing. If I did that I would have been in the grave years ago. Even if worse came to worse, there are treatments. You are both wanted and needed by all of us here.

Meatpie
01-12-08, 10:13 PM
you and JM are both strong mentally, I admire you.

Its amazing about your father almost unbelievable.

My grandpa was diagonsed in 1994 - terminal stage lung cancer.

He lived for 3 months - never knew what hit him.

Pale and skinny. He died in grandma's arms - he just collapsed and never woke up.

At least he didn't have surgeries tubes etc and died in his home.

The moment he died grandma called on the phone.

I picked up. She couldn't speak but I could hear her sobbing. I was 11 years old but I know something was wrong.

I hope one day they allow euthanasia in Bulgaria so that when you are sick of it all you get a shot and they put you to sleep.

Darkside
01-12-08, 10:34 PM
Meatpie remember. NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE IN. as for metaly strong I figure everyone on this forum must be, to carry on through this life with the addiction and feelings that we have, with all the outsiders thinking that we are wrong or evil. We are the NORMAL ones, the only thing different about us is the fact we have the balls to say what we like.(even if is only to each other) Long live this forum, long live Meatpie.

Entilzha
01-12-08, 11:26 PM
For the first time, i have no words of wisdom to say but these:

"Sometimes waiting is better then acting. All good things comes to those who wait. Do not seek your destiny, but let it come to you. you will see it, until the end...."

Wait! Before you do something!

Wait! Before you act!

For the love of the spirits, do not go before your time, I could not stand it yet!

bindiboi
02-12-08, 12:02 AM
I can also sympathize with you about your Grandfather. While my Father beat his cancer, his Father was not so lucky. I had the opportunity to see him before he died. I was around 9 or 10. I didn't like him but regret not seeing him one last time. He was a tyrant and my Grandmother is much better off now. But for some reason I still regret the decision I made, some 20 years ago.

JMsidious
02-12-08, 01:52 AM
Revealing info shared in pms is prohibited. :)

I just don't see what else it could be.

We will all get destroyed one way or another, I just want to be with my friends, my family and die of old age in my sleep...

Whats up with all those nasty cancers, the more you read about it the worse you start to feel....

I also watched surgery vids on youtube how they removed the larynx of a young guy - they cut him from ear to ear - worse than autopsy.

I would so love to be JM's roomate though, he will help me when I piss my pants after surgery....or before that I dunno :)

Sorry, Meat.

I want to help now, if I can. You just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and wait, like Entilzha (http://cutedeadguys.1stfreehosting.com/forums/member.php?u=4) said - just wait for the doc to say whatever he is going to say. THEN start to deal with whatever it is.
Love ya, bud.
Even though you are as stubborn as a weed...:D

phoenix_orochi
02-12-08, 03:42 AM
Oh no meatpie. Its sad to hear that but you dont know certainly if that disease is cancer ( I hope not ) My aunt had cancer five years ago but she overcome it and is healthy now. My best wishes for you meatpie friend. :sm (57)::sm (35):

Meatpie
02-12-08, 03:58 AM
Thank you for your kind words.

I couldn't sleep all night and I don't want to eat anything.

verlup1
02-12-08, 05:50 AM
Sorry to hear you're sick Meatpie. I hope it's something else and not cancer. I'm sure there are many things it could be other than cancer. I once thought I had oral cancer because I got a sort of dark spot on my lip and I have a bad habit of biting my lips and cheeks, which I read can cause oral cancer. It went away and was nothing. Oral cancer would be horrible, they cut off parts of your face! I'm trying to control my bad habit ever since.
I know someone who thought she had cancer, it was precancerous polyps in her esophagus. The doctor removed them and she's fine but has to be checked every year just to make sure they don't come back or become cancerous.
I wish you the best of health and please don't become discouraged.:)

Meatpie
02-12-08, 06:56 AM
Thanks all, I am just back from the doc.

It was a young woman. First thing she said when I came in was, "you are very cute".

LOL.

Its not cancer but nasty severe laryngitis. Another week on antibiotics.

You feel a lump and feel like you are suffocating and going to puke when you cough. I was convinced it was cancer, its real nasty feeling.

Terrible, I've never had this before, even as a kid.

I explicitly asked her if it is cancer and she said NO.

Thank you God, I will die but not yet.

Hope its car wreck or in my sleep.

Dying is so hard if you think about it, all those nasty diseases and surgeries. I hope none of the forum members go through anything like this.

Apologies for posting all these shit but yesterday I was really down. Thank you for all your support I will go for a check-up next week hope I feel better for now.

Entilzha
02-12-08, 11:10 AM
That is what friends are for Pieman!!!

0pasan
02-12-08, 11:21 AM
Damn.. it woud be one cute corpse more :sm (7):

Teddyray
02-12-08, 01:16 PM
Thanks all, I am just back from the doc.

It was a young woman. First thing she said when I came in was, "you are very cute".

LOL.

Its not cancer but nasty severe laryngitis. Another week on antibiotics.

You feel a lump and feel like you are suffocating and going to puke when you cough. I was convinced it was cancer, its real nasty feeling.

Terrible, I've never had this before, even as a kid.

I explicitly asked her if it is cancer and she said NO.

Thank you God, I will die but not yet.

Hope its car wreck or in my sleep.

Dying is so hard if you think about it, all those nasty diseases and surgeries. I hope none of the forum members go through anything like this.

Apologies for posting all these shit but yesterday I was really down. Thank you for all your support I will go for a check-up next week hope I feel better for now.

you prolly been sucking too much cock. lol. glad yer ok.

LTmyselfni
03-12-08, 04:44 AM
My Father died of throat cancer. they operated and he was fine for ten more more years. then it came back because it came back due to the fact that tat he kept smoking. They had him so sedated at the end that he wasn't aware of what was going on. he died with a smile on his face so i imagine his last thoughts were pleasant. I was there holding his hand, he sure sounded like he was enjoying himself! He was saying :ahh, that's it, that's it.." and then he died.
Please don't give up Meatpie! WE need you here! Hang tough and you will be ok! :sm (45):

JMsidious
03-12-08, 05:29 AM
:sm (63):So gald to hear that, Meat. I was worried. Feel better, OK?!

verlup1
04-12-08, 02:26 AM
Thanks all, I am just back from the doc.

It was a young woman. First thing she said when I came in was, "you are very cute".

LOL.

Its not cancer but nasty severe laryngitis. Another week on antibiotics.

You feel a lump and feel like you are suffocating and going to puke when you cough. I was convinced it was cancer, its real nasty feeling.

Terrible, I've never had this before, even as a kid.

I explicitly asked her if it is cancer and she said NO.

Thank you God, I will die but not yet.

Hope its car wreck or in my sleep.

Dying is so hard if you think about it, all those nasty diseases and surgeries. I hope none of the forum members go through anything like this.

Apologies for posting all these shit but yesterday I was really down. Thank you for all your support I will go for a check-up next week hope I feel better for now.
Good to hear it's not cancer but I hope the laryngitis goes away soon. It sounds really uncomfortable. I've had it before too and it's a real pain.
Get better soon.

LTmyselfni
04-12-08, 08:40 PM
Thank god Meatpie! I was worried as hell! You may not be able to swallow for a while but you'll be ok soon!

Meatpie
07-12-08, 01:32 PM
LTmyselfni (http://cutedeadguys.1stfreehosting.com/forums/member.php?u=323) I am really sorry about your dad. :(

I would like to be sedated too when my croak is near.

ArrowMan
07-12-08, 04:31 PM
Very good news hearing you are not facing any serious medical problems.

Pieman, "goggle" lump in the throat...there are all kinds of reasons for it. Dry throat, allergies, stomach upsets...but a lot of times, it is nerves, anxiety and worry that can constrict the muscles around the neck and cause a sensation of tightness.

Often, MD's here will give out a benzodiazepine such as Xanax or Klonipin to make the patient more relaxed, ergo, easier to swallow and no lump in the throat. These Rx's though can be addicting, as they are mild sedatives and psychotropic medications, so MD's try to limit the length of time a patient remains on such Rx.

But if all else fails, you may ask your MD if she thinks this may have an anxiety basis and what kind of benzodiazepene Rx may be of help.

Often, just yawning, strecthing, walking, medidation, physical activity like jogging can help relief stress and such sensations as lumps in the throat and hard to swallow.

These complaints are very common, so you are not alone in them.

It is always imperative, however, if the sensation worsens or does not improve with conservative measures to seek a second medical opinion.

Meatpie
07-12-08, 05:14 PM
Thanks Arrow man! Always glad to hear your expert opinion.

Disease sucks, I want to be killed in battle.

bindiboi
08-12-08, 09:53 PM
Glad to hear you are ok. Laryngitis does indeed suck. I was doing a musical once when I got a minor case of it. Had to use a humidifier and a lot of honey.
We'd be lost without ya, glad your back.

Meatpie
08-12-08, 10:02 PM
Any disease suck, our deaths will be horrific. Not easy to die, not easy at all. Its painful, sometimes slow process. Now I understand why so many people prefer trains or other fast methods.

We can't escape it. Its just postponed for now.

Meatpie
15-12-08, 04:45 PM
Ok sore throat is back.

More docs, more tests.

Maybe its cancer after all...

I won't be able to take it and will kill myself with pills.

There is a drug I am allerfgic to.

I take it, puke and die.

I can't take life full of disease and surgery. I am horrified by death and the idea how we will all die either from ilness, murder or injury.

feetboy
15-12-08, 04:48 PM
meatpie, start living my beautiful friend. don't be scared.

Meatpie
15-12-08, 04:57 PM
I am scared shitless man, I am all worked up. I just posted a thread about it.

I so wish I could have a friend like you to comfort me and hold my hand.

Life here is like in the "sex and the city" - plenty of cute guys to fuck with, plenty of booze and drugs but no love, no compassion.

I can't find comfort in anything, just in this forum.

Most people care about themselves and even if you are dying they will stand over and watch.

Also doctors here are pretty ruthless. I tried to talk to her about my problem but she said "goodbye".

How about that?

Nasty bad world. I hate this planet.