I really really want my grandfather dead

Just thought I should let it out somewhere. So here's the story: My grandpa lives with my family, and recently he's got super old, he's now bed-ridden, all his muscle vanishes, every mm of his body seems to extract tons of pain, his lower back starts to look more like a beehive, he shits & piss on himself several times a day but refuses to let anyone put him in diaper, the stink is so profuse that after laundry all of his clothes still smell like shit, literally. he's moaning & whining all day and all night which is extremely annoying & depressing...

And HE JUST WON'T DIE.

Another thing is how slowly his health deteriorates, it's unnatural! He's like how people would describe when they see a zombie. It amazes me how many times I ask myself "what if I press a pillow on his head while no one's around?" though I seriously wouldn't want to. The only one able to treat, feed, clean & wash him is my mother, who would probably feel devastated without him, her only living parent. Other relatives aren't much help either, they show up a couple times with food & beverage then leave my mother with the dirty work. So much for family!

I am so fed up, it feels like an elephant of depression in the house, everyone feels it but avoids talk about it. The way I see it he may linger for at least 3 months. I got nothing against him but I know he's in agony and I wish his suffering would end soon (as well as our family's). Thanks for reading my rambling.

That's an awful situation to be in! What's the situation in Vietnam on medical or social care - is there anything they can do?
In this country (UK) it's possible to fill in a 'living will' form to say you don't want to be kept alive if you're incurably ill and in pain (you can speficfy the situations) - I have one in force. You can spscify the next-of-kin who can take decisons for you if you're incapable of taking them for yourself. But you have to prepare and sing the document while you're still capable of doing it yourself, and what you can't say is that you'd like to be actively put out of your misery. There's a big debate in many Western countries about 'assisted suicide' in these situations - at the moment it's still illegal except in a very few countries and (I think) US states, and ironically the publicity has probably made it harder for doctors to up the painkillers and quiety help someone leave with peace and dignity when they are clearly terminally ill and suffering.
I'm glad you've felt able to let it all out here - at least there's a place you can get it off your chest and honest about your feelings, and that does make it that bit easier (well, less hard) to deal with a bad situation. tanks for trusting us with it, and I'm sure a lot of will be feeling for you.

Hello BlackWorld,

I am sorry to hear, sounds like an awful thing to say about your grandpa...wishing him dead.

How old is he?

The shitting and pissing may continue for months you are right and this is actually quite common among the elderly at the end of life.

I fear it may happen with my gran who is 85 she is still on her feet but very frail.

In Bulgaria, pensioners may wish to go to a nursing home in recent years conditions have improved unfortunatley you have to give up your pension.

thank you for sharing with me, (and be least judgemental as you can). unfortunately there is no law to assisted suicide in vietnam yet, so if I for one wish to release my loved one from real pain & suffering here it will be called "MURDER", people's minds are so packed with stereotypes there's not much space for sympathy left. nursing homes are too expensive, even if affordable you'd be suggested to bribe regularly in order for nurses & doctors to properly do their fucking job.

@meatpie I think he's 85, might be 1 or 2 years older. He was still able to walk around the neighborhood about 2 years ago. very mean and spiteful man, unlike any old person i've met.

Sorry to hear about your sad situation.
In the Netherlands, we have a law that allows euthanasia, but only if the person really wants to die him/herself and is suffering intolerably (and even then it isn't easy).

It has a strange side that we actively end the suffering of animals much quicker than the agony of humans.

Just wish the situation will not last too long for any of you.

Gotta make a choice. He can't take care of himself and you can't continue on like this. Seems like you're looking for a low priced nursing home and keep a smiling face on the atrocities inside

my mom and I caregave for my grandfather the same way, he had bed sores down to the bone on his hip, gray dead flesh rot, and unimaginable smell of death
we cared for him for 5 yrs and I can relate to your situation completely
im so sorry

Thank you all so much for sharing with me, I really appreciate this.

My grandfather died a couple hours after I created this thread. We cremated him yesterday.

My mom took it gracefully, which surprised me. I guess she was prepared for a while. We spent the last couple of days receiving visits, people coming to send their condolences, sharing their prayers (her coffin stayed in the front house during that time). Now everything is back to normal, although I'm feeling a bit of guilt right now, but it's relieve for the most part.

Thanks again everyone.

Hope he went in peace BlackWorld, it's normal to feel conflicting emotions in the days after his death just don't blame youself for the way the world is.

My sympathy in your loss -and totally understand your relief too, only natural in the circumstances. At least he's out of his misery, as well as you and your mum.
Thinking of you.

If you be positive and live your own life with purpose, his end will come naturally and you will be satisfied and pleased.