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View Full Version : The Rope Broke.



dsyn
26-04-09, 07:59 PM
The rope I used broke, so I figure that's a sign enough that I should just live it out.


And no, my parents do not know that I actually tried.

Meatpie
26-04-09, 08:11 PM
Trying hanging yourself can damage your neck organs if it is not successful so even doing it as a joke can have serious consequences.

I doubt you did it anyway. Where were you we missed you.

dsyn
26-04-09, 08:48 PM
Trying hanging yourself can damage your neck organs if it is not successful so even doing it as a joke can have serious consequences.

I doubt you did it anyway. Where were you we missed you.


Where did I say it was a joke?

You doubt I did it? So I'd have to have died for their to be proof?

I was and am going through a rough time in my life, I had attempted suicide and missed the man of my life very much. Checking to see if this forum was back up was not exactly top priority for me.

However, I'm glad to see you all have kept your forum going.

I won't be here as much.. my life is really going hay-wire right now.

Darkside
26-04-09, 08:52 PM
Like you Meatpie i can not make up my mind yet if Dysn is for real.
If you are being honest dysn, then talk to us it will help, we know what you are going through. Self harm never was and never will be the answer.
If you are making this stuff up and taking the piss, then fuck off and die slowly from cock rot. Don't try and fuck with our minds and emotions , we have ways of finding you and will seriously fuck up your body.

dsyn
26-04-09, 08:58 PM
Like you Meatpie i can not make up my mind yet if Dysn is for real.
If you are being honest dysn, then talk to us it will help, we know what you are going through. Self harm never was and never will be the answer.
If you are making this stuff up and taking the piss, then fuck off and die slowly from cock rot. Don't try and fuck with our minds and emotions , we have ways of finding you and will seriously fuck up your body.



This is ridiculous. I attempt suicide and I'm supposed to prove myself?

And then on top of that, I get threatened?

I once considered this community to be civil, and understanding, but I sincerely doubt it at this point.


In fact, I might as well delete my account at this point, since apparently me attempting suicide was fake, and no one really seems to give a shit. Oh wait, this resembles my life with my parents and friends and well. I don't think I'll ever get this feeling of hopelessness to go away.

Meatpie
26-04-09, 09:09 PM
Sad if you really tried to do it. Obviously we give a shit since we post relplies in your threads.

Man if you really are suicidal, there are professionals who can help you.

You need to talk to someone about your feelings.

And btw darkside is right. If you disappear we have a way to check if you really did it, that would be proof yes.

And the mods have experience, as we already had a member who said he was gonna kill himself on the forum.

We didn't believe him at first; then we learnt he tried to shoot himself in the head.

It took us a month to find out.

If you do it there will be a short news article about you so there are ways.

Killing yourself would hurt your boyfriend and family very much and scar them for life.

Can you tell us the reason why you have come to this drastic measure?

ArrowMan
26-04-09, 09:32 PM
Come on, Daniel....you know that we care about you..do you think I wrote this shortly before 1 AM on April 15th (ten minutes after you posted your comments) ... and tried so hard to help you..if I did not care??

Along with the rest of us, too ?
http://cutedeadguys.1stfreehosting.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2372

Daniel, I was way too harsh to you at first, and I am sorry. PLEASE though know that I care about you...and YES, I truly have been very worried about you, man, since you posted this. I could not understand what such a hot stud with such a great future, so intelligent and sensitive, would harm yourself in any way !

Daniel, privately contact me on here, send me a message, man..let's talk, OK?

I care, man, I CARE....so there, proved you wrong...because I really care, I know when someone threatens suicuide IT is to be taken very seriously, I BELIEVE YOU that you attempted this, and I WANT to help you, Daniel....if not me, then someone else, click on the link I gave you in my post and find help.

BUT know that I am willing to talk to you, help you...and HEY...I DO CARE...and am VERY HAPPY you are BACK with us !!

I am so happy you are STILL with us all, and that that fucking rope BROKE!

Meatpie
26-04-09, 09:41 PM
Arrow does indeed care, he has helped a lot of people on the internet, including the admin of this forum, pull from a fucking crisis and get over depression and suicide thoughts.

We all have crises, no doubt about that, but killing yourself when you are young and healthy and have a home and a family is really brutal.

:sm (20):

I still don't get the exacr reason as to why you decided to do it, and why did you choose hanging?

Its painful and unless you drop from a few metres it will take you up to two minutes to loose consciousness.

This is torture Daniel, don't perform this on yourself.

:sm (41):

Darkside
26-04-09, 10:15 PM
Daniel !
Ok i belive you, i just needed more of a reaction from you to gauge wether you were being sincere, sorry for having to be such a cunt, but i am a bit overly suspicious of some of the newish members on this site.
People here do care and do try to give advice and the benifit of thier experiance.
Right the apology and explination over.
Listen up. Suicide is NOT the answer a lot of us have been thier and got the t-shirt and it's fucking wrong and achieves fuck all.
Going to a shrink won't help either, been thier done that and it's crap
the harsh reality is you are who you are. Poeple will ttry to change you, you may try to change yourself don't bother it will only screw your mind.
Sounds like your family do care about you they just have trouble comming to terms with it and understanding your needs, you need to understand thier confusion as much as they need to understand your needs.
You said you have a boyfriend, how do you think he would have felt if you had killed yourself?
I am afraid you are still very young and still have a lot to learn, but belive me things do get better. Just give it time.If your boyfriend is the right one for you then you will find a way to continue the relationship, weather it means only occasional vists at holidays untill you can aford to move in together. Or if it means leaving home now to be together,concider this option very carefully running away together now may seem like the big romantic gesture, but be realistic, where will you live, how would you survive, this sort of drastic action may turn your family against you and i get the feeling that's not what you realy want.
The first thing to deal with is put all thoughts of self arm out of your head it's not the fucking answer, never was, never will be, we have all had friends who have done this and the one question that is alway asked after the person has killed themselves is WHY, friends and family always ask, Why didn't they talk to me, Why didn't they ask for help, Why didn't they tell me how unhappy they were.
Reality is harsh, but it also focuses the mind.
If you realy want something then work at it don't give in and NEVER give up hope.
It's only worth having if it's worth fighting for.
Set your sights on what and who you want and put all your efforts in to getting them, use the energy you were putting in to your suicidal and depressive thoughts in to getting what you need, I know it sounds patronising saying you are young , and i don't mean it to, but i am afraid that's a fact of life, belive me you have many more ups and downs to come in life, with luck there will be more highs than lows, but you have to work at it. We are all here for you .
YOU ARE NOT ALONE .
BEFORE FINDING THIS SITE I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY GAY NECRO IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD NOW I KNOW I AM NOT.
So i am neither alone or sick in the head. and neither are you!
Get out thier and start living and shagging, if those around you can't or won't accept you for who you realy are then find people who do. It won't be easy but life was never ment to be easy.
Chears Darkside

dsyn
26-04-09, 10:35 PM
I appreciate the compassion, really I do.

I think the reason I tried to do it was because I felt so alone here, my boyfriend lives 2 hours away and is the only one outside of the internet that really seems to be on my side...

I'm not sure if I really want to contact any organization for suicide help, since I don't really want people to know that I've tried. My boyfriend doesn't even know.

However I have contacted an organization here in oklahoma... they are like a support group for gay teens... and they give you advice and stuff I guess.. hopefully that will help some?

I'm trying to not give up hope.. really I am.. but damn it's hard to keep on trying..


And.. after some extensive reading I think I was mis-diagnosed... I don't think I suffer from severe depression but rather 'soft bi-polar disorder".. it apparently is much like bi-polar disorder but a lighter case of it... affects nearly 10 percent of the population... might explain why my meds for depression only seem to make me MORE depressed... who knows though..


EDIT: And the reason I tried hanging was because it's the only real way I had without alerting my parents.. and I figured it'd be over quick if it cleanly broke my neck... I hopped off my bathroom counter which is about 4.5 feet in the air.. but the thin cord I use broke where the knot was (I'm not too good at tying them) .. plus i think i damaged the pole above my bathroom mirror i tied it to..

Darkside
26-04-09, 10:48 PM
I know a lot of the guys here are very intelegent and like to read up on what they think their illness may be, for sum it helps for others i'm not so sure, i think sometimes it just makes matters worse. Be carefull what you read and what you choose to belive is relevant to you, sometimes ignorance is the better option.
Only you know what is realy bothering you, so by my way of thinking only you have the power to sort it out, advice and opinions from others can help clarify your thoughts but i'm afraid the bottom line is - it's realy up to you.
Holy shit i'm starting to sound like an old fucking agony ant, thats it i'm off for the night, going down the pub to get half pissed and see whats around for shaggin.

woyaokan1983
27-04-09, 12:02 AM
daniel, glad to know you are still alive.
really hope you won't do the stupid thing again.

verlup1
27-04-09, 04:00 AM
It's good to hear you're not dead. Welcome back.

Meatpie
27-04-09, 08:27 AM
I don't think I suffer from severe depression but rather 'soft bi-polar disorder".. it apparently is much like bi-polar disorder but a lighter case of it...

There is nothing "soft" about commiting suicide.

I fail to see a good reason why you want to do it - your parents don't understand you and your boyfriend lives away?

I think all this can be managed by simply talking to the people.

So they diagnosed you with severe depression? Do you take your meds regularly?

Bipolar is more devastating and harder to treat as far as I know.

Entilzha
27-04-09, 10:16 AM
Ok, when I read yer postings I see you need help. Alot of it!

Daniel bud, I tried suicide aswell, it is not the answer, nor is it the way to solve your problems. It may look like it's easy, and solves all your problems, but it is not.

Your parents can be a source of help, as can your school counselor, your friends and even we can be of help.

If you do want to talk, send me a PM, Skype or Yahoo IM!!

Remember, we are here for all to help!!

Meatpie
27-04-09, 10:52 AM
I tried suicide aswell

If you feel comfortable I would love to hear the story and more specifically what drove you to suicide.

Entilzha
27-04-09, 05:30 PM
After much consideration, I decided to let you all know how and why I tried to kill myself.

I was 24, lost my job and also my income. I was really down, my friends all ignored me, harted me and my parents where also not supportive, they said it was all my fault and I was stupid and horrible.
Even worse, I got involved into some bad car crashes which hacked into my savings and finances, all bad news on top of each other.
Eventually I had enough, could not sleep, could not eat, nothing mattered to me anymore. Also the fact that the weather was bad helped a bit.
I could not get a job, I was too old and did not had relevant experiences.
I was horrified and even more depressed when my parents decided to charge rent for living with them.
So one day, I decided that my life was a failure. No one cared if I went dead, I thought to myself. So I went looking for ways to end it.

Fortunately, I snapped out of it before it was too late. I found some reserve of inner strength and a voice of reason stating that I had to fight my demons and bad feelings, instead of running away from them. I decided to seek help, also took a self course of psychiatry and became stronger after some time. They showed me no matter how deep the abyss is, you can climb out of it!

Meatpie
27-04-09, 07:05 PM
omg. This is unbelievable.

So thats why you reacted like this when I started posting about my problems?

I am really sorry to hear all this, never knew the whole story but I am glad you finally decided to share it with us.

I am in the exact same situation right now. It is such a devastating feeling being unable to find a job, I too feel like a total failure.

And my family simply don't care. Can you imagine my dad doesn't even call to ask if I need anything. Mom calls from time to time but we can't talk. She doesn't know what to say.

It is amazing you managed to find a way out of a bad situation and you have achieved your current living standard. And you are independent from your parents.

I am very proud of you really.

It is easy to be weak and turn to suicide but it takes will power to fight and struggle for a better life.

So Daniel I hope you read this and see that our lives too are not all roses and that we all have difficult moments.

Don't do anything stupid man.

Entilzha (http://cutedeadguys.1stfreehosting.com/forums/member.php?u=4) and Arrow have more experience than us and can help us out pull of this crises.

Entilzha
28-04-09, 11:30 AM
I hope he still is here and not tried to do anything stupid!!

dsyn, if you are here, let us know!!

Meatpie
28-04-09, 12:05 PM
I am worried to. Hope he posts again soon.

dsyn
28-04-09, 06:11 PM
I appreciate the concern, I'm still here. Life has just gotten not much better. Yesterday I started pissing blood.. I went to the doctor and they said I didn't have a Urinary Tract Infection or an STD... they said that it was from sheer stress that made me literally piss blood. I was and still am shocked. It's finals week here so thank God the school year is almost over.

Meatpie
28-04-09, 06:27 PM
Hi mate, glad to hear from you.

STD or whatever it is will pass hope you are not in pain.

deaddirty
28-04-09, 07:08 PM
Daniel,
Stick in there!! You're a good person, you've got loads to look forward to, even if it doesn't always seem that way.
I've had my bad times when things have seemed hopeless and I've wanted to be dead, but thank god I've either not had the guts not to do anything, or had the sense not to. And then, sometimes within hours or sometimes it's taken a few months, things come right again and i enjoy life. at the moment I'm normally really positive about things in the evenings, but down and anxious when I wake up - but I'm not suicidal, noone here needs to worry about me!
You said the antideppressants seem to make you worse. That can happen with the newer ones (Prozac, Seroxat etc - the ones they call SSRIs), certainly for the first month or so - I've known several guys who've turned suicidal a few days/weeks after starting them, though for other guys they do seem to work well. My impression is that they tend to work well for solid leaden depression, but they can be risky for the more up-and-down depression (that's one reason that I've never asked for anti-depressants). I read once that SSRI anti=depressants make bipolar disorder worse, I wonder if the guys who turn suicical on them are actually bipolar misdiagnosed as 'ordinary' depression. If you really are bipolar, the treatment is mood stabilisers not anti-depressants - lithium, valproate, carbazepine (may not have ot the last one quite right). And various forms of counselling and therapy can help, but most of what read 9and seen) indiates that for bipolar they dont work well on their own, work much better with mood stabilisers (unlike depression, where counselling and therapy often work better than antidepressants).
Gay helplines can be good - they are staffed by people like us who know what it's like.
Any time you want to talk, you're welcome to PM me, and I'm sure that gos for a lot of the guys here.
Take care, things will work out right!

dsyn
28-04-09, 09:46 PM
Thanks DD, I appreciate it. I take lexapro, or something along that name if it's any help.. but since I attempted suicide i've stopped taking them. I'm just still kind of freaked out that I'm pissing blood. That can't be healthy..

Meatpie
29-04-09, 09:56 AM
What did the docs say?

deaddirty
29-04-09, 08:07 PM
Just Googled lexapro - it is an SSRI antidepressant, thjough not one I've heard of in UK (our tradenames are often different to yours). There's a lot of stuff about side-effects - some favourable, some very bad. This seems to be the manufacturer's website: http://www.lexapro.com/about_lexapro/default.aspx It warns about suicide risk in young guys after starting it, and that it should not be used for bipolar disorder, and also mentions renal side-effects (that's kidney problems), so if you're pissing blood sounds like you should tell your doctor straight away. And withdrawal problems (or was that one one of the other sites that came up on google?) And that's the maker's website!
Daniel, go carefully on that drug, and on stopping it suddenly - it could be making things worse.
Take care and look after yourself!

Meatpie
29-04-09, 08:32 PM
DD you could have made an excellend doctor if you are not one already.

deaddirty
29-04-09, 09:00 PM
No, I'm not - I've just got a fairly scientific mind

Meatpie
30-04-09, 10:10 AM
You are very intelligent, I remember you always had something interesting to say on ogrish too but I found a thread in which you flamed me.

:)

LoL

That was years ago.

deaddirty
04-05-09, 06:46 PM
Daniel,
You OK? Looks like you haven't been on here for a week. If that's because you're busy, or maybe keeping away from anything to do with death, that's cool, but if you're ill or feeling bad we're here for you.

Meatpie
04-05-09, 07:02 PM
I hope he comes back.

Entilzha
23-07-09, 08:48 AM
Did anyone ever heard from that guy ever again??

Meatpie
23-07-09, 11:07 AM
He said he won't post here anymore and so far he has kept his promise.

Little.Boy.Rot
24-07-09, 05:49 PM
Well I never realy knew him
But I hope the best for him

Meatpie
24-07-09, 05:51 PM
You can read his posts, see his pics.

Click on members.

Then use the "search members" option.

Type dysn.

In his profile, click "show the last posts of this person"

Little.Boy.Rot
24-07-09, 08:52 PM
who was that direceted toward?
Me or um Entil?

Meatpie
24-07-09, 08:53 PM
you.

Little.Boy.Rot
24-07-09, 09:58 PM
Oh heh...I did
But I was just saying.... I haven't had any real connection or anything with him

Meatpie
15-09-09, 08:42 AM
I just got a message from dsyn today and he is fine, hope he returns to the forum, I miss him.

Little.Boy.Rot
15-09-09, 10:22 PM
Lol.
I figured he'd be alive.

useless bum
16-09-09, 02:08 AM
I just got a message from dsyn today and he is fine, hope he returns to the forum, I miss him.

See? Despite what MP wants us to believe that his exterior is all coarse and hard, he is all soft and mushy inside :wink2:

Meatpie
16-09-09, 08:36 AM
Well some people from the forum met me in real life, I am pretty down to earth guy. I like interesting dudes like useless, dsyn, verlup, deadboy etc and have total hate for retards like LBR.

Dude is a total douche.

In real life I would devastate this guy.

Last year my ex introduced me to his new boyfriend - 19, absolutely retarded.

Cute and fit but total douche.

I was very bored and I decided to fuck him up and fuck up their relationship.

I went to my ex and I told him, "Mate your new bf is trash. If you want we can fuck him up real bad."

He agreed.....let the fun begin!

I knew he fancied me, so I tried calling him often and pretended I was interested in him.

He agreed and I told him I want him badly and we will meet secretly...

LoL

My ex was aware of this and enjoying it.

Then they took photos of themselves fucking in a park in Sofia.

They showed them to me and my ex told me this should never been uploaded to the internet.

But his new bf was very sick.

He uploaded the pics without my bf knowledge!

I used my computer skills and tracked the bastard and send all info to my ex.

He was furious!

I made them break up, and that retard blamed me while I was fucking out loud!

He started stalking me and texting me in the middle of the night, how much he liked me but I just called him one day and said if you call me just one more time I fucking find you and kill you.

LoL

My ex has great respect for me since then.

:sm (58):

Little.Boy.Rot
16-09-09, 10:18 PM
Pssh lol