View Full Version : Tonight.. is the night I die

15-04-09, 05:49 AM
My mother has forbid from seeing my boyfriend... she will take my keys to my car if I drive the hour and 45 minutes to go see him again.. My dad doesn't know I'm gay.. He threatened to beat me up if he ever found out I was.. I've disapointed my boyfriend in not being able to leave my home.. I'm to weak to do it.. My friends would never accept me.. They are religious, and believe us gays will burn in hell... and I believe the same.

Well, I suppose it's time I face the flames of hell.

Goodbye to you all..

Maybe you'll find the pics of my lifeless body somewhere.


15-04-09, 05:59 AM
Daniel ....

COME ON, "this too shall pass." DON'T BE THIS WAY !

YOU are an ADULT college student, you are a MAN....you are an ADULT, able and FREE to make your own choices !

In time, you will be successful upon graduation from college, OWN your OWN CAR, be FREE to SEE who you want, when you want, on your terms with your own income...

AND if this other man truly loves you, he will understand and support you...and be there for you......does he have a car he can come and see you ?

Your parents cannot keep such a tight rein on you, YOU are in COLLEGE...just say you are "going out" and go work out, see other friends, call your lover...get some counselling !

DANIEL !! GAYS ARE NOT CONDEMNED TO HELL ~~~ we are MADE this way, NOT everything is the SAME ... look at all the kinds of birds, flowers, trees, animals there are.....for a reason:

GOD created DIVERSITY, and DIVERSITY is DIVINE !! NOT all the SAMENESS....everything being THE SAME defies THE NATURAL WORLD and the UNIVERSE....

DANIEL .... PLEASE.....don't be so down on you, YOU ARE A GREAT LOOKING STUD with a GREAT FUTURE.....I KNOW THIS for you !

15-04-09, 06:06 AM
Whatt DONT.
I have the same problem, I havent told my family and friends im gay, but i still try to cope with it from day to day and knowing that tomorrows gunna be better.
Sometimes you might run into some problem, but just know that theres gunna be a tomorrow.
Live for that tomorrow and know that no pain last forever and believe that there are better things in store for us if we just wait.
So dont take the easy way out and prove to people that they're wrong about u and that gays like us are just normal people and its ok to be gay.

15-04-09, 06:07 AM

CALL a HOT-LINE, now...please !!!

Here are numbers for you to look at and call, promise me this, man ... OK???

COME ON, this is just a temporary set-back, that is all !!

YOU are with friends here, man !!



DANIEL, I care...WE care....MANY care about you, YES WE DO !!

LISTEN UP, man....

YOU call this number.....face the future as the MAN I know you ARE ... real men HURT..are WOUNDED....but SURVIVE !


Daniel, Dan..man, call this number now...for me, for ArrowMan, cuz' you are my newest BUD, we have bonded, man....had some tough going for a while, but look, that passed...and we have forgiven each other, and are closer for it...so comeon..

Just CALL now, buddy, please...


15-04-09, 06:43 AM
OH NOES, what the fuck is going on with the people on this site.

dsyn man, take control over your life leave your parents.

I left my parents home when I was 18. It was difficult in the beginning but you have to learn to fight for what your want.

I really hope you don't hurt yourself, I had no idea you had such problems.

eric_c emailed me today that his boyfriend find out about his obsesssion and threatens to leave him if the doesn't get "cured"

Same story as the ohter eric (nanaimo).

Sick, badly fucked up world. Why do some people think they can control your life and tell you what to do like you are some goddam property?

15-04-09, 07:53 AM
Daniel This is not the answer, most have felt like this at one time or another.
Don't let the bastards win, top yourself and they win ,you loose, don't get mad and upset , get even, show them that there is nothing wrong with you or your life style, you did not choose to be this way, if those who know about your life can't accept it, and accept you for who you are then fuck them they are not worth bothering about.
Only a few of my very closest friends and family know I am gay , they have accepted it and tend to just not mention it, some people who I thought of as close friends turned against me , and started spreading stories about me, so I had to lie about being gay.They soon learend that they should have shut the fuck up. As a good kick in soon got them to keep quiet. I know violence is not the answer and that not everyone is as much of a nut case as me, so the fighting part may not be for you.
But the main thing is , if someone realy cares for you they will accept you for who and what you are, if they can't then they are not worth shit and cetrtainly not worth thinking about.

15-04-09, 08:02 AM
I wish we could meet up Dark and become friends in real life, I understand Daniel because it is very difficult when you have no one to support you on your side...

You are great in doing it over the internet, but we face that ugly reality every day.

I am sure Daniel will grow up a fine strong man, he is still young and its easy for his parents to crush him.

Don't let them tell you what to do with your life man.

I am sure Darkside was awesome as a kid, I mean some people are just born that way, esp Scots.

It is in their blood to fight and struggle in harsh environment.

I impressed by Scotland really and how tough people are there.

We Bulgarians are fucking weak.

I feel weak.

I should have started that morgue job on the day they offered me.

But when you say someone your work in a morgue they escape.

Morgues do exist and a lot of people end up there on the tables.

Don't understand why many people pretend death doesn't exist that really annoys me.

Morgue work is not considered a good job....but it is a job after all and someone has to do it.

15-04-09, 08:23 AM
Oh my, this is not a good thing.

What is wrong today? Global Depression here, and now this?
Dsyn, I hope you will not do stupid things, because it's not worth it. You are so young and vibrant, you have a long life ahead of you. I think you should go see a school counselor or a therapist, and confront him/her with your problems. They can give you advcie.

If your dad says he will beat you up because you are gay, he never loves you for who you are, just for WHAT you are. His son. He might feel disappointed, but if he realizes that it is your choice and you are happy, he should accept it and move on.
And if he does abuse you, call the police and tell them this. They might bring you someplace safe.

Or go to the YMCA buildings, they can give you shelter and advice...

Religion sucks!!

15-04-09, 08:27 AM
Hi Entilzha (http://cutedeadguys.1stfreehosting.com/forums/member.php?u=4) how are you.

What is

YMCA buildings

dsyn is a great dude I don't want him to get hurt....or hurt himself.

Hope he posts soon.

If someting similar to what eric did happens again I don't know how I am gonna cope.

Really this is too much.

15-04-09, 08:29 AM
YMCA is a hostel organizations where you can get help. It's a christian thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YMCA for more info

15-04-09, 08:33 AM
Can I go to one of these?

15-04-09, 08:37 AM
It never hurts to try!

(except suicide...that's kinda fatal :))

15-04-09, 08:53 AM
suicide is the only escape from this hell I am living through

20-04-09, 04:56 PM
Hi Meatpie and co, hope Dysn hasn't done anything stupid, thanks for comments Meatpie , I do appreciate them, yes we are sort of hard and bitter in Scotland but like everyone we have our soft spots too.Get angry with the fucked up world not suicidal. We can ALL over come the things that piss us off, it just takes TIME, HOPE and WILL pOWER, NONE OF US ON THIS FORUM CAN BE WEAK , COZ IF WE WERE WE WOULD NOT BE HERE NOW.
Remember everyone we are here for each other, maybe we can't meet, but we can still help each other out by just talking here.
Remember Fuck the world before it fucks you. If life was easy it would be boaring.

20-04-09, 05:02 PM
Hi Dark, good to see you posting again.

Hope dysn is OK.

Life is hard and only brave and strong people survive.

I am weak.

I couldn't even take the fucking morgue job.

I am a pussy, I am ashamed of myself.

I moved away from the city for a few days and went for a walk with my big dog, we went to some dam in stormy weather.

I lay on the grass like a corpse and the dog lay next to me....there was not a living soul around us just the sound of waves splashing on the beach, frogs jumping into the water and strong wind....

It was was beautiful and peaceful.

I wanted to escape to another world.

I also visited an old cemetery....it was creepy.

I wanted to be cured to forget about dead guys.

I thought I could get over my obsession.

Well, obviously I failed.

I freaked out today, I so badly needed to see some dead guys. I became nerveous irritable and even shouted at mom and dad.

I returned home and jacked hard to autopsy videos.

So hard my cock was so hard I threw cum all over...I fapped 3 times to autopsy videos.

No cure no hope for me.

Just waiting till I die and rest in the ground in peace.

20-04-09, 05:14 PM
Lets get this morgue thing in to perportion, you went after something you thought you realy wanted, the bastards at the morgue were cunts to you and didn't treat you right and tried like little kids to piss you off.
Take pride in the fact that you followed one of your dreams, most people never have the balls to do this! , the dream failed not you, there may be another job, at another time, in another place where they treat you right and show you how things should be done and this time you may get everything you want.
Coz it didn't work out right this time doesn't mean it never will. If you are totaly against this type of job, you at least know you tried and it wasn't for you . This is NOT failing it is just another learning experiance. Good luck with what ever you decide to do next.

20-04-09, 05:25 PM
Thanks for your support man.

Of course I still love morgues.

Its just that I am a weak cunt. I should have at least given it a try.

20-04-09, 05:38 PM
Put it all behind you, whats next in your life, Hows the boyfriend situation?, you have shagged some real stunning guys, I would give my right arm for time with some of the guys you have had, who's the next conquest, victim, lover or spunk bucket. I think you should have a realy good long hard shag and just forget about not going back to the morgue for a while, don't think about what has been, think about what could be, we all get it wrong from time to time, belive me I have made more mistakes than most, it's hard but move on, yesterday is the past and counts for fuck all, tomorro may be better .
We have to get things wrong to know what we have got right.

20-04-09, 05:41 PM
Yes I've shagged lots of cute guys and so what?

Nothing remains just memory.

I am going back to the morgue.

My obsession has worsened, I want dead bikers.

Many young guys were taken to the morgue here just the last couple of days and I can't see them because I am a pussy.

20-04-09, 05:48 PM
Dead bikers - tight leathers, the feel of cold hard dead flesh, sticky dried blood making pulling off the smooth tight leathers even more difficult as the firm young body flops around in protest at being so roughly treated.
The smell of blood, leather and sweat filling the air, (with luck no shit and piss to deal with - not in to that)
sounds heavenly - god i need a shag.

20-04-09, 05:58 PM
I need to go back to the morgue, I can't take life anymore without real dead guys.

21-04-09, 03:24 AM
meatpie, are you crazy?three times? are you serious?
have you found your job, meatpie?
i hope Daniel is still alive.

21-04-09, 08:28 AM
still no job man, as I said I was away from Sofia and went to the mountains, I had too much stress last couple of weeks.

21-04-09, 02:10 PM
Daniel: If you die now, the last memories you have would be sadness and depression. Nothing in this world is definite Dan, things will change. The economy changes, people change, the sun goes up and comes down regularly but the temperature is always different. Things will improve, if it does not and if you are strong enough YOU will improve and you will learn to live with the situation. Who knows what is around the corner for you in the future. You yourself don't even know. You should be curious and see what happens next. Hang in there my friend, let this forum and what we see be the fantasy and LIVE. You know, people who have lung cancer or has other live threatening deceases and have a few more days to live, want to LIVE. So you must.

21-04-09, 03:46 PM
the sun goes up and comes down regularly but the temperature is always different.

It does now but it will not always be that way. You have all watched documentaries about the Solar System.

The sun is on the so-called Main Sequence cycle, i.e. converting hydrogen into helium.

But in a few million years, it will burn up all the hydrogen, the sun will swell up and destroy the earth.

Life is meaningless. The universe is dying and out of control. We will all be terribly destroyed in the next 100 years, most of the forum members wouldn't even survive the next 50 years.

That of course is no reason to commit suicide and I hope dsyn is OKAY and come back to the forum soon.

We all have ups and downs.

07-12-15, 01:46 AM
Did DSYN ever get back on here? I came out when I was older but had children and a wife to tell so was just as scared but it actually went much better than I thought it ever would. I am now in my 70s and yes suicide has come to mind a few times but never as seriously as it sounded like DSYN was.

08-12-15, 12:41 PM
suicide isn't the solution... get over with it.... get out from the town....get a gay friends so they can hear ur problems....enjoy your life....why stuck in the society... see the world.... life is too short too waste it..... :) i'm gay and i'm proud

09-12-15, 12:32 AM
I just want to say that I'm also in that situation. But I never had a relationship and I'm begin to be old... I don't know how to reveal it. My parent will kill me. I don't have religious or anything of that. From my young age, I already know I'm gay and also people insult me. I have difficulty to express myself and I'm so different. High school was the worst. I'm always at the end of the people choosen for team. People intimated me. I was suffering alone, nobody can understand, I was fighting alone keeping this rage on me. But one day I begin a fight in the class because people laghing of me behind and they put spider in my head. Nobody expect that from me, cause I never talk, never do anything wrong. I just don't what happen to my head. I want yo cry. Everybody laghing more at me. I'm leaving in hell. I can talk about what happen to my past for hours, but now I'm in college and I happy to pass tough alive. I always to suicide, bad idea in my mind every day. I just you to know that ur not alone. I'm also like you. But I refuse to show my white flag. I want to fight for it, because they r nothing to tell u what to do. I will be so sad if u kill urself before reading this. Fight for it, I refuse ur suicide or anything about it, cause me I survive it.

09-12-15, 07:27 PM
Allegory - that sounds like my childhood too. If you want to talk by PM please do, and i'm sure there's other guys here who will support you if you feel the need.
For those who haven't spotted - dsyn's posts were back in 2009, this isn't a current crisis. He got through that one, from one of Meatpie's posts sounds like he decided to stop posting here a few months later but kept in touch with MP. Hope he made it OK, and is alive and happy now.

10-12-15, 02:09 PM
YES, coming out can be difficult. I came out just about the time my mother died and after my father who never would have accpeted it had passed. However, I had sones who were into ministry in churches that do not accept homosexuality so that is almost as difficult. Suicide is not the solution although it might be if one has a terminal illness and only a few months at most left but often by then one is unable to achieve their own death.

10-12-15, 05:15 PM
Hi mate.
I'm more like djbear. I was happily married for nearly forty years, no problems. I have two kids and grandchildren. Then my wide died and I started realising that no other woman attracted me.
I've come out to myself but not yet to the world. I guess if I meet someone with whom I want to start a relationship things might be different but otherwise I see no need to. But I am happy within my skin.
I guess what I'm saying is that as long as younarebtrue to yourself it doesn't really matter whether you come out to others or not. Okay if you are lucky enough to meet someone that is different because you then have their needs to consider. But don't come out just for the sake of so doing.
And my best friend is straight and we have a great friendship, just isn't sexual.
Best of luck whatever you decide.

10-12-15, 05:32 PM
Hi guys, I ever think you guys are in other countries, so far far away from me, but right now, I feel we are so close, somewhere, someone, facing same troubles, life is hard, but we must go on, I'm not alone, you are not alone, we are not alone, right?

10-12-15, 07:57 PM

11-12-15, 11:44 AM

11-12-15, 12:39 PM
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