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Meatpie
10-04-09, 05:13 PM
I stop moaning and groaning about my problems...but just wondered if any of you know tips/advice on how to beat depression and frequent mood swings.

I want to have a great weekened, the weather is excellent here, trees are turning green....birds are singing.

But inside I feel empty and lost.

No desire for sex even, just lust for dead guys.

I jerked three times already today.

Entilzha
10-04-09, 05:17 PM
except from a permanent solution like a decapitation above the shoulders, talking to others help alot.

Also venting therapy, where you vent yer anger against an inanimate object like a pillow or fluffy toy help sometimes for me.

Go out, jog for miles on end, get the frustration out. And it's healthy.
Appreciate the nice things in life, birds singing, beauty of flowers growing, ignore the dark cloud and remember that it too has a silver lining.

Hang out with friends, drink, laugh and be merry.

And if that doesnn't help, seek professional help and ask them how to cope!!

Meatpie
10-04-09, 05:31 PM
OMG, venting on a pillow...how do you achive relief with that.

I can't do it I am not that sophisticated.

When I am out with friends all they talk about it sex and who they date.

This is so boring, I sometimes don't listen to them and I live in my own fantasy world....still in morgue with peaceful beautiful naked corpses.

Shrink give you drugs, they don't care how you really feel.

0pasan
10-04-09, 07:16 PM
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide

:sm (50):

higladius
10-04-09, 07:25 PM
10 tips for reaching out and building relationships
Talk to one person about your feelings.
Help someone else by volunteering.
Have lunch or coffee with a friend.
Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly.
Accompany someone to the movies, a concert, or a small get-together.
Call or email an old friend.
Go for a walk with a workout buddy.
Schedule a weekly dinner date
Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club.
Confide in a counselor, therapist, or clergy member.


Your lifestyle choices, including your sleeping, eating, and exercise patterns, have a significant impact on your moods. There are many things you can do in your daily life to get your symptoms under control and to keep depression and mania at bay.

Build structure into your life. Developing and sticking to a daily schedule can help stabilize the mood swings of bipolar disorder. Include set times for sleeping, eating, socializing, exercising, working, and relaxing. Try to maintain a regular pattern of activity, even through emotional ups and downs.

Exercise regularly. Exercise has a beneficial impact on mood and may reduce the number of bipolar episodes you experience. Aerobic exercise is especially effective at treating depression. Try to incorporate at least 30 minutes of activity five times a week into your routine. Walking is a good choice for people of all fitness levels.

Keep a strict sleep schedule. Getting too little sleep can trigger mania, so its important to get plenty of rest. For some people, losing even a few hours can cause problems. However, too much sleep can also worsen your mood. The best advice is to maintain a normal sleep schedule, going to bed and waking up at around the same time each day.

Meatpie
10-04-09, 07:26 PM
http://www.incrisis.net/Library/Bipolar.htm

:sm (50):

Meatpie
10-04-09, 07:35 PM
10 tips for reaching out and building relationships
Talk to one person about your feelings.

No one knows about my obsession apart from people on cdg.



Have lunch or coffee with a friend.

I don't have money for food, let alone coffee with friends. And I don't have any friends.


Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly.

My family avoid me because I am a nasty person and we often fight when we are together. I live alone.

Accompany someone to the movies, a concert, or a small get-together.

No money for that either.

Call or email an old friend.

I email deadboy everyday.


Go for a walk with a workout buddy.
OK.


Schedule a weekly dinner date

No money.

Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club.

You need money for that too.

Confide in a counselor, therapist, or clergy member.

They will aslo ask for money.





Keep a strict sleep schedule. Getting too little sleep can trigger mania, so its important to get plenty of rest. For some people, losing even a few hours can cause problems. However, too much sleep can also worsen your mood. The best advice is to maintain a normal sleep schedule, going to bed and waking up at around the same time each day.

I go to bed at midnight and wake up at noon, absolutely bored an having nothing to do all day.


Exercise regularly. Exercise has a beneficial impact on mood and may reduce the number of bipolar episodes you experience. Aerobic exercise is especially effective at treating depression. Try to incorporate at least 30 minutes of activity five times a week into your routine. Walking is a good choice for people of all fitness levels.

I have no energy because I only eat one small meal a day. Exercise will make me hungry and I don't have the money to buy anything except bread.

MDCMDC1980
10-04-09, 11:24 PM
:( that makes me so sad, i have similar problems dude. I try to deal with it myself because I have similar issues. I don't have many friends, and it is hard to deal with my emotions because i can't talk to anyone really. I don't feel like people understand me, or would take the time to understand me if they knew me. I don't know, i have alot of self esteem issues. I have been getting better though over the last couple of weeks. I just had to talk myself out of this mess. When I feel alone or sad, I take a deep breath and think to myself "Nobody is gonna take care of me except for ME, and I need to be good to myself because I deserve it". Over a few days I started getting that into my mind and I have started becoming a diffrent person. I have been much happier and am starting to open myself up a little. I just have to talk myself out of my rut and get my mind off the bad things and try to focus on the good things I do have, though they are few. It helps me. I hope maybe it will do something for you, just know that in this life the only person you can really depend on is YOU, and you are important! :)

sober
10-04-09, 11:48 PM
Surround yourself with positive things....

higladius
11-04-09, 03:04 AM
:( that makes me so sad, i have similar problems dude. I try to deal with it myself because I have similar issues. I don't have many friends, and it is hard to deal with my emotions because i can't talk to anyone really. I don't feel like people understand me, or would take the time to understand me if they knew me. I don't know, i have alot of self esteem issues. I have been getting better though over the last couple of weeks. I just had to talk myself out of this mess. When I feel alone or sad, I take a deep breath and think to myself "Nobody is gonna take care of me except for ME, and I need to be good to myself because I deserve it". Over a few days I started getting that into my mind and I have started becoming a diffrent person. I have been much happier and am starting to open myself up a little. I just have to talk myself out of my rut and get my mind off the bad things and try to focus on the good things I do have, though they are few. It helps me. I hope maybe it will do something for you, just know that in this life the only person you can really depend on is YOU, and you are important! :)

get Tonny Robbins tapes or CDs, in all public libraries you can find a copy O download them from one of the many places in the net. (free), or other similar self help gurus. listen them even if they dont make sense, just keep listening every day. sometimes he is full of BS, but makes you feel a LOT!! better. He was the one that changed my way to see the world. I still have the same problems, but I know how to confront and overcome them, no more self pity, crying, feeling sorry for myself or being a looser, I found my coping mechanisms and I am a lot happier and productive now.

You need to find your own road to happiness...you are the only person that can do it nobody else can do it for you. is not an easy journey but its worth it.

Higladius.

dogfood
11-04-09, 07:01 AM
Exercise naturally makes you feel better. :)

Meatpie
11-04-09, 08:01 AM
Exercise naturally makes you feel better. :)

It doesn't. I can drive my bike all day and feel miserable.

MDCMDC1980 what problems do you have? Sorry for aksing but what are you struggling with ?

Unemployment? Failed at the morgue job?

What?

I think I am much worse than anyone else here.

MDCMDC1980
13-04-09, 02:46 AM
I struggle with depression, abandonment issues, i don't feel loved or cared about, have problems at work, i don't have a morgue job. i work with the general public, but it gets so crazy sometimes. I don't know, i just try and stay positive, but sometimes it is so hard to that. I don't know how to explain it, but when i read your post, i could understand what you were saying. It was just easy to relate to someone with issues similar to mine.

Meatpie
13-04-09, 07:10 AM
Yes. Only those who have experienced such feelings themselves are able to realize how bad this can become.

I see no way out of this situation. I feel the same every day...I hope I will improve but I don't.

I wake up and there is no meaning in my days...no desire for work or anything.

I don't even want to have sex.

MDCMDC1980
13-04-09, 10:18 PM
Well, I am gonna be honest with you. My life until recently felt hopeless. I didn't see a way out of all of it. I never until recently learned how to get myself out of this fog. I just woke up one day and told myself that I was ready to make a change. Nothing is gonna change in your life without YOU wanting to make it happen. You have to act on it, not just hope it will happen. I made my mind up after many thoughts of suicide and many nights of crying. Nobody understood me at all. I woke up and said to myself that i was gonna make a change. I cut all negative aspects of my life out. Negative friends, and such I got rid of. Anything that brought me down had to go. I now only surround myself that I can be truly happy with and TRUST with anything. I surround myself with things I love, whether it is music, movies, friends, and pictures of my loved ones and friends who have passed away. Dude, so many of my friends have died on me, and MOST of my family including my father, and I always felt so very alone. It really affects you majorly and fucks up your mind. Trust me, i understand you, and I know what you are going through, but you have to be willing to make a change for yourself, I had to learn that, you have to make the first step.

Meatpie
14-04-09, 10:13 AM
Really sorry to hear all that.

My depression is worsening. Problems are too much. Starting with Financial difficulty, family that are absolutely annoying, no boyfriend, no job, not even my own home.

Just hopeless situation.

I don't see any point to go on with torture. I wanna fall asleep like the dudes in the morgue, naked with open mouths.

MDCMDC1980
14-04-09, 10:46 PM
Listen, if you let all this suck you in, it will consume you. You have to be better to yourself! I have been in your shoes man, it totally sucks, but you can not give up. Just hold your head up, dust off your shoulders and try and better yourself. Nobody can help you better than YOU!
You deserve to treat yourself better than you do. Listen, I will keep checking this thread until you take it down because I wanna help you. My name is Matt, I have been through it, and this is my time to help someone else. I am a caring person, and I hate to see someone else going down the same road i was on. It breaks my heart. Hit me up anytime you need too. :)

Meatpie
15-04-09, 06:50 AM
Hi Matt....would have been great if we had the opportunity to meet up in real life and not over the fucking internetz.

Thanks for your replies, I agree with everything you say.

We are still young and we should fight for what we want....but I have nothing to step on, not a single person that really cares about me.

Mom and dad can't help because they are unemployed.

They told me leave for America, go to Texas.

I would love to but they won't grant me a visa.

I email employers begging for work and they still can't take me.

The only place they agree to take me was the morgue.

Also we will lose our home in a few months if we can't pay the bank.

I will go offline now and if I don't appear again on the internet I am dead.

MDCMDC1980
15-04-09, 07:29 AM
wtf.... make a stepping stone dude, you have to take the first step. Everything ALWAYS works out in the end. Do what you think you need to do to feel better, as long as it is a healthy decision.

Meatpie
15-04-09, 07:34 AM
First step? I said I beg for work but there are simply no jobs and in my country 30 people are fighting for the same place.

I can't even take a job at a Fast Food Restaurant.

What first step are you talking about?

Nothing works out, it is as bad as it gets.

Dad went begging for work too, while mom is the only one who goes to work...for now.

My depression is cause by the current conditons, not that I choose to be depressed and complain.

If I could find a job I'll take it.

In the end if we begin to starve I will take the morgue job I don't care anymore.

MDCMDC1980
15-04-09, 07:38 AM
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers bro. It's weird you said that earlier cause i am in texas lol, anyway, i'll be thinking of anything i can to help you man, the way I look at things is, that for every door that is closed, another door will open. and that includes you too bro. Try to stay positive, you are in a bad enough situation already, don't make it worse with your nerves! *hugs*

MDCMDC1980
15-04-09, 07:45 AM
Hey Meat,
I'm on my way home from work, i just worked a 12 hour shift and i am exhausted, i'll keep u in my thoughts and prayers and i'll check in on you tonight. Bye dude.

Matt

Meatpie
15-04-09, 07:48 AM
well at least you have a job.

What do you do?

MDCMDC1980
15-04-09, 07:50 AM
i work in a hotel. it sucks, sorry that was kinda rude of me to say that to you, i wasn't thinking about the whole job thing. I'm really sorry. Hit you up tonight dude. Hold tight aight? :)

Meatpie
15-04-09, 08:03 AM
rrrrriiiiiighhhht.

MDCMDC1980
20-04-09, 08:53 PM
Hey Meat,
How you holdin' up? Hope your ok. I'm usually around if you ever need to talk!

Meatpie
21-04-09, 08:34 AM
Hi Matt.

I am still alive.

I went with dad to our villa and on the way he payed with a 50 euro note but the bill was 20!

He forgot to take his change! The woman gave them to me and I put them in my pocket hoping that dad will forget about this money.

So thats how I paid for my internet connection.

See how bad life can get?

I never in my life imagined I will come to this.

Never.

I also stole from a shop.

MDCMDC1980
21-04-09, 09:15 PM
Just be CAREFUL with doing stuff like that, but I totally understand bro. I care about you and don't wanna see you in an even worse situation. :( Like I said, I have been there before too. We have an unspoken bond.

Meatpie
21-04-09, 09:25 PM
I did it because I was bored, not because I was hungry.

I stole snickers just to see if I could really do it.

I know its wrong and I would never do it again.

Hows your job going.

MDCMDC1980
22-04-09, 03:32 AM
my job is going well. very stressful at times, but i am thankful i do have one. Meat, take care of yourself okay! I understand your state of mind, and it is perfectly normal, especially considering everything you are going through. You have been in my thoughts and prayers each day. I hope that we can all help you overcome this hardship and keep your forum alive, and you also. Just don't let your mind get the best of you. Be stronger than your mind. It is gonna be hard, and I know you are worried, you have so much at stake. Your health, your family, your forum, and i know how much this all means to you. I hope you can keep your head up through all of this and make it through to the other side, you seem to have some awesome friends on this site that love you, and want to help you through this mess. If you ever need any advice or anything, feel free to hit me up on here. I'll always be here for words of encouragement. You don't need any negativity in your life at this time. Try and seperate yourself from it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless you buddy.

Matt

Meatpie
22-04-09, 07:34 AM
Thanks for your encourangement Matt.

Hope I can raise enough money to stay online otherwise I and the forum go.

MDCMDC1980
01-05-09, 05:32 AM
You ok Meat? I have been away for a bit. hope everything is improving for you.

Meatpie
01-05-09, 07:05 AM
Hi Matt, I am doing OK, u?

Mom managed to earn some money so she finally gave me some, not much but at least I can buy food.

If I don't find a job in May I am fucked. Thanks for asking man, I don't know why you care so much, you don't know me?

Great feeling anyway, that someone out there on the other side of the planet cares.

As I said my sister and her boyfriend are also both unemployed and we don't know what we are gonna do there are no jobs. They won't even take me sell fruits at the market, I apply for any job although I have a bachelor's degree and experience.

BTW my dad told me yesterday that he will need surgery to remove his prostate so I would have to look after him too and he won't be able to work.

He has a huge mortgage to pay. He is so stupid I told him this. He had the money to buy a home because he selled grandma's house at a good price but decided to live like a king and bought dvds, pc and what not with the money....then took out a loan and now he is fucked.

He said "If I die now you will be stuck with credit and the bank will take everything".

Really makes me sick. I feel like in some tragic movie.

MDCMDC1980
03-05-09, 06:26 PM
I'm doin ok. I have alot going on myself. Not getting much time to post much anymore with my schedule being so crazy. Been spending alot of time at the hospital with a sick friend. Work has been all kinds of horrible lately. I do worry about you though, and I wanna keep up with you and make sure you are ok. It hurts me to see you going through this kinda mess in your life because i have gone through it. Actually I haven't always a very good person. I have done alot of bad things to people i know in the past, and most of them haven't forgiven me for the bad choices I have made. It just wasn't many nice things. But after being an asshole for many years I taught myself that I was gonna end up all alone and lonely for the rest of my life if i didn't change. So i do my best to try and listen and be helpful to other people, I really don't wanna be alone, and i don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings like i used too. I just wanna be a good friend to people. I guess I have abandonment issues i guess i am a bit fucked up in the head. My boyfriend lives on the other side of the country and it really messes with my head alot. If you ever need to talk, feel free anytime. I will message you back anytime. I see alot of myself in you, and it my heart hurts for you. I wish I could do more for you.

Meatpie
03-05-09, 06:55 PM
Been spending alot of time at the hospital with a sick friend.

Sorry to hear, what is his affliction?

How old is he? Is it AIDS?

Its amazing but most guys here complain their boyfriends live "far away"....America is a huge country yes had no idea it can become that big of a problem for relationships.

What nasty things have you done?

I've done sick things to other people too.

But I am careful not to hurt anyone of my family even if they irritate me.

The worse, absolutely the worse most horrific thing I did was in a fit of anger in 2007, I pushed granny in the corridor, she fell and broke her arm.

That was the most shameful moment of my stupid life. She told me some nasty things but I should have never touched her. Mom witnessed all this.

I didn't want to hurt her, just pushed her lightly but she is fucking 80 man and she fucking fell like a doll and her arm snapped and turned blue.

I've also beaten a few guys.

And once I also hit my sister on the head. Then she locked herself in her room.

I wanted to enter but she wouldn't open.

The door was all glass. I hit the glass with my fist, the huge piece of thick glass shattered and cut my hand so deep, flesh together with hair stuck on the door.

I bled profusely, the whole sink filled with blood. She cried when she saw me.

The next day I had to sit an exam, I was still a student. It was my right arm that I use to wrtie.

These are shameful moments but no one is perfect. Like you I have changed and would never hurt anyone esp family, verbally or physically.

When I was younger I felt strong and full of energy, I really was a violent kid.

I always ended up in fights.

I am really interested to hear what have you done ?

MDCMDC1980
09-05-09, 11:43 AM
Oh wow! I don't even know what to say to that! Actually, i read this the other day, and i was in shock and couldn't even respond. Your words hit me like a TRAIN! I felt like I couldn't even breathe. Listen to this:

When I was much younger, like 13 or 14, I wasn't exactly what you would call a normal child by any means. I was vey conflicted at that age. I was so so scared people were gonna find out that I was gay, my dad had just been killed in a plane crash, my relationship with my mom totally deterioated to the horrible low point, i stayed with my gandmother. She is and was the sweetest most innocent woman in the world. I would intentionally pick fights, I was and to a degree still have so many mental issues. I argued with my poor grandmother, and argued and argued over something so so so very stupid, that i should have NEVER have even argue with her about because I was the one in the wrong. She swung a flyswatter at me, but she swung it backwards at me and hit me with the metal handle, and god it hurt. I got furious and ran towards her, and punched her in the arm. Meat, I am crying my eyes out as I am typing this. Yesterday was her birthday. I know I haven't been a good person. I know I have issues, but I can not believe I did that. Honestly i HATE myself for it. I will NEVER forgive myself for it. I left a bruise on her arm. She was in her fucking 70's at the time. I have never let that out of my mind, and you are the FIRST person I have ever told. I don't know how to process that. I love her so much and I took her for granted, like I have a tendancy to do with the people who truly love me. I push them all away. I don't want too, but there is something wrong with me and I need help. I know I do. My heart isn't like that. In my heart, i am such a good person, but my brain controls me. I can't escape it. It's just my inner demons I can't escape. I think if I can't get a hold on my self, I will end up alone, and that is the one thing that I am truly scared of the most, even though I don't act like it. When I read your story, it was like I was truly hearing about ME! I haven't ever had that happen to me before. It was just like BAM! WHen I was younger i used to cut myself, because I have so much guilt over my life, i felt better if i punished myself. I have overdosed on barbituates twice as a teenager. Just not a fun tiime. I argued with my dad, the LAST thing i ever said to him was I hate you, and I never wanna see you again! I didn't. He died shortly after that coming to see ME in a plane crash. I feel responsible for everything i have done, and everyone I have hurt. I don't know how to let anyone know me, because my mind won't allow it. I will be my own demise, i know it. Yesteeday was really hard on me because it was my grandmothers birthday, and she passed away 3 years ago, and I never really could apologize and be real with her. I just hate myself so much. I understand you Meat. I get you! Thank you so much for making this thread! I think maybe we can help each other out alot, if nothing else just talk and get this shit out before we are gone totally out of our minds! You aren't alone, it's almost like you are my twin, and its quite scary, but at the same time, it's a relief. I am not alone, and neither are you!

MDCMDC1980
09-05-09, 11:43 AM
That is just the start of my life. just the start...

Meatpie
09-05-09, 01:05 PM
Hi matt, hows it hanging mate.

I am really sad and shocked to hear you lost your dad in such a horrific way. How old was he?

Listen, I think he knew you loved him, its just that young boys can be very naughty at times.

Every guy has arguments with their parents, boys with dads, girls with moms, its the way it goes.

I don't think you should blame yourself for all that has happened....and it really is a lot.

That would be a lot to take for any young man.

Listen mate, if you are suicidal or really depressed you can seek help from people in your area, not me and the guys on the internet because there is not much we can do if you are facing a crisis.

Shit happens in life.

I post everything about me and my life, I don't see any point in hiding who we are or pretend to be something that we are not.

I too have many issues and lots of problems.

Seeing other people respond and post about their lives makes me feel better, knowing that I am not the only one facing hardship at an young age.

Please don't hurt yourself, don't overdose don't sink into that hole again.

We can talk here anytime.

MDCMDC1980
10-05-09, 04:54 AM
Hi matt, hows it hanging mate.

I am really sad and shocked to hear you lost your dad in such a horrific way. How old was he?

Listen, I think he knew you loved him, its just that young boys can be very naughty at times.

Every guy has arguments with their parents, boys with dads, girls with moms, its the way it goes.

I don't think you should blame yourself for all that has happened....and it really is a lot.

That would be a lot to take for any young man.

Listen mate, if you are suicidal or really depressed you can seek help from people in your area, not me and the guys on the internet because there is not much we can do if you are facing a crisis.

Shit happens in life.

I post everything about me and my life, I don't see any point in hiding who we are or pretend to be something that we are not.

I too have many issues and lots of problems.

Seeing other people respond and post about their lives makes me feel better, knowing that I am not the only one facing hardship at an young age.

Please don't hurt yourself, don't overdose don't sink into that hole again.

We can talk here anytime.

Hey Meat,
I'm doing better now. I don't cut myself anymore, and i haven't overdosed in many years. I don't really feel suicidal anymore. I just feel alone. I know that sounds awkward, but i don't really feel like anyone knows me. When I came across this thread, i was blown away. I mean, I know that we are far apart from each other from I think we both could help each other. Having been through lots of similar issues, we do have alot in common. I could learn alot from you I think, and vice versa. Anxiety gets the best of me though most of the time. I worry about everything far more than the average person. I am definatley glad I have found this thread. Now that I have been rambling about me, because I feel like I have been being selfish in this thread and rambling on about my problems, I would like to know more about you. Actually that is what caught my eye was what you are going through, and somehow we just clicked. Hopefully you are doing okay. My thoughts are always with you, and you can send me a message at anytime. I really enjoy us talking and thanks for being so cool! Have you found employment? That has got to be hard! I can't imagaine going through that with everything you have going on. So yea, I'll pray for you again tonight buddy. Can't wait to hear back from you.

Meatpie
10-05-09, 03:36 PM
Hey Matt, you sound like a great guy and I like talking to you too.

Still no job man.

I've send my CV to lots of different job ads but no one has called or emailed me yet.

I apply every day, even for lame jobs like in a fast food restaurant.

My sister and her boyfriend are also both unemployed. They have been like that for months. She lives in another town. Seems it's even worse in small towns.

Yesterday we spoke on the phone and she said they were running out of money so they would apply for crime scene investigators. Sis and her boyfriend both graduated in law so they can apply.

At least my parents are back in business and dad decided not to close his office. They earned some money and finally agreed to help me out so I am not skipping meals like I used to do last month.

Hope I pull through mate. I so wished I lived in the United States, if there are no jobs in your state for example you can always go to another state and seek employment there while in my case, its one major city where all the good jobs are and competition is stiff.

I used to have a great job man, in a clean office building and I was an executive if you know what I mean, basically did nothing much but still got money. I wore a suit and felt secure.

But nothing is "secure" in life if you know what I mean.

I lived alone in an granny's apartment because she said she no longer wanted to live in a big city and moved to the countryside...these were really great days because I had a cute boyfriend, we shagged all day, we lay naked and did wild things and went to interesting places together.

I didn't think about money, jobs, buying my own home etc.

But things slowly started to fuck up - its a long story but my life was turned upside down.

I started overdosing on drugs, I felt lonely and I became evil. Really evil. I already told you how I broke granny's arm, I also had fights with mom and dead.

Ontop of all I turned very violent even with my friends some of who left me.

I took up drinking and puked but I kept on drinking despite I didn't feel very well aftewards.

I got into fights on the street and once I got so badly beaten up I was all blue in the face and nearly lost vision in one eye.

I started drinking a lot....also I met a dude who gave me pot for free and we will smoke and get high in the park together and we will undress ourselves stark naked and fuck.

Damn mate, I really feel ashamed talking about this now but you asked, you wanted to know who I really am.

Before that I could buy anything I wanted and even went to expensive restaurants, bars and clubs. I used to meet with a lot of people and had sex with many different guys.

Now I don't have a boyfriend, I am unemployed and I am at risk of losing my home because dad took out a mortgage and if we can't pay it we are out.

ArrowMan
10-05-09, 04:00 PM
Hey Matt...

I am happy you are not cutting yourself anymore and are feeling better in mind, body and spirit. I have been reading your posts and can only add that whenever you feel such urges again, to just reach out and ask for some help....there are all kinds of caring persons around, there really are, it is just a matter of finding support !

We all struggle with many adversarial issues in this life. Tough, difficult issues....life is good, too, so I always try to find THE GOOD.

And I am truly beginning to believe that there HAS to be more than just this...yes, there has to be something better hereafter...how could this be it...when you look at all that has been created around us??

WHO created it all ??? This is a question on which science is beginning to agree with the theologians that there HAS to have been and still be a CREATIVE FORCE in the UNIVERSE.

How could there not be?

So I place my hope that there is more to come, better to come, IF we try to help others in THIS LIFE.

Now I know that some will not agree, but I do not care....the person who said it BEST was indeed St. Francis of Assisi who in the thirteenth century is attributed to writing the following :

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. "

I am coming to believe this more and more, which then causes me to seriously reconsider my involvement HERE (which is not a life-affirming place, really, IS IT???? Rather, THIS PLACE is a very life-negatng kind of PLACE).

The only issue that may remain is trying to HELP others of you here who appear to be in so much distress as of late...ever think that maybe it is too much focus on the NEGATIVES in this life here rather than the POSITIVES??

That which DESTROYS rather than than which UPLIFTS??

"For it is GIVING that WE RECEIVE....
...it is in PARDONING that WE are PARDONED.
..and it is DYING that WE are BORN to ETERNAL LIFE."

I do not mean to offend anyone, I only am speaking from my inner core to what I am learning more and more about LIFE as I travel through it and watch it unfold before me, including right HERE.

deaddirty
10-05-09, 06:39 PM
Arrow,
everything you say is good - and I too wonder if being on thjis place fits with what i beleive and want in life. But unlike other gore/death sites, there is genuine warmth and suport here - that makes the decision more difficult!
St Francis of Assissi's prayer is the way I would like t be in life - and the way I would others to be too.
And also the words of George Fox, who founded the Quakers movement. 'There is that of God in every man [person]'. Maybe for most of us 'that of good is the way we would say it. Either way it's so simple but covers so much - resect yourself (because thee is that of god/good within you, and respect everyone else too, because they also have that of good/god.
In ost ways I try to live up to that (not saying I succeeed, but i do try! And can I fit that with enjoying pics of dead guys? I don't know.

Meatpie
10-05-09, 06:50 PM
What do you mean "this place"?

Its just an internet board for people with slightly different interests.

Do you know whats going on other boards like UR, bodybuilding or ebaums?

They posts chicks, clits and some dudes even posts smelly girls socks why do you think cdg is so very different from other websites?

Yes we post gore, but there are more than enough gore sites already I don't think "this place" is so bad dd.

We can talk about anything here and discuss topics as wide as terrorism, was, genital disease, meaning of life, food, sport, religion.

Since I found cdg together with deadboy we rarely go to other boards as cdg satisfies my needs fully.

I wonde why you don't feel comfortable here?

Maybe we can help?

deaddirty
11-05-09, 10:04 AM
Hi Meatpie,
You took my post wrong!
I feel very comfortable here - we've got a great atmosphere, and like you say we can talk about everything, and there is real support here.
But getting off on pics of dead guys still doesn't fit with the rest of my life, with my principles. Maybe that's fine, this is the safe place to enjoy things that would horrify me in real life (and we all have a difference between fantasy and reality - that goes for anyone who enjoys crime fiction, horror movies etc, which is most of the population). I'm not sure about that.

Meatpie
11-05-09, 03:22 PM
But getting off on pics of dead guys still doesn't fit with the rest of my life

Necrophilia is part of your life, lern to live with it.

MDCMDC1980
12-05-09, 12:28 AM
Hey Matt, you sound like a great guy and I like talking to you too.

Still no job man.

I've send my CV to lots of different job ads but no one has called or emailed me yet.

I apply every day, even for lame jobs like in a fast food restaurant.

My sister and her boyfriend are also both unemployed. They have been like that for months. She lives in another town. Seems it's even worse in small towns.

Yesterday we spoke on the phone and she said they were running out of money so they would apply for crime scene investigators. Sis and her boyfriend both graduated in law so they can apply.

At least my parents are back in business and dad decided not to close his office. They earned some money and finally agreed to help me out so I am not skipping meals like I used to do last month.

Hope I pull through mate. I so wished I lived in the United States, if there are no jobs in your state for example you can always go to another state and seek employment there while in my case, its one major city where all the good jobs are and competition is stiff.

I used to have a great job man, in a clean office building and I was an executive if you know what I mean, basically did nothing much but still got money. I wore a suit and felt secure.

But nothing is "secure" in life if you know what I mean.

I lived alone in an granny's apartment because she said she no longer wanted to live in a big city and moved to the countryside...these were really great days because I had a cute boyfriend, we shagged all day, we lay naked and did wild things and went to interesting places together.

I didn't think about money, jobs, buying my own home etc.

But things slowly started to fuck up - its a long story but my life was turned upside down.

I started overdosing on drugs, I felt lonely and I became evil. Really evil. I already told you how I broke granny's arm, I also had fights with mom and dead.

Ontop of all I turned very violent even with my friends some of who left me.

I took up drinking and puked but I kept on drinking despite I didn't feel very well aftewards.

I got into fights on the street and once I got so badly beaten up I was all blue in the face and nearly lost vision in one eye.

I started drinking a lot....also I met a dude who gave me pot for free and we will smoke and get high in the park together and we will undress ourselves stark naked and fuck.

Damn mate, I really feel ashamed talking about this now but you asked, you wanted to know who I really am.

Before that I could buy anything I wanted and even went to expensive restaurants, bars and clubs. I used to meet with a lot of people and had sex with many different guys.

Now I don't have a boyfriend, I am unemployed and I am at risk of losing my home because dad took out a mortgage and if we can't pay it we are out.


It's odd, when you post and I read alot of things you say it's just like I wrote it. I guess I just see alot of myself in you, or some of the things you post. You seem like a great guys also!

I hope you get SOMEONE to call or email you about a job. The economy totally sucks everywhere right now. It's really hard for everyone.

I am really happy you aren't skipping meals anymore. I was very worried about you. That's not healthy for anyone.

As far as your life turning upside down, and eventually turning evil, I can totally understand that. I have been there also. So in a way I guess we have an unspoken bond that most people would never understand.

You don't have to be ashamed of anything you have done. Im not gonna judge you. Im a fucked up person too.

I wish I was able to help you out, but I don't know how. But we will always have this thread to talk and relax in. Thanks again for being so cool Meat!

ArrowMan
12-05-09, 03:06 AM
What do you mean "this place"?

Its just an internet board for people with slightly different interests.

Do you know whats going on other boards like UR, bodybuilding or ebaums?

They posts chicks, clits and some dudes even posts smelly girls socks why do you think cdg is so very different from other websites?

Yes we post gore, but there are more than enough gore sites already I don't think "this place" is so bad dd.

We can talk about anything here and discuss topics as wide as terrorism, was, genital disease, meaning of life, food, sport, religion.

Since I found cdg together with deadboy we rarely go to other boards as cdg satisfies my needs fully.

I wonde why you don't feel comfortable here?

Maybe we can help?

PieMan...

I feel comfortable here, appreciated here; we have known one another for so long now for years.

I value your friendship and I value you as a person, as all others here.

Much can be explored here, as we are doing now. This is a honor and a tribute to you...to us...as we try to understand our manhood, our particularly kind of sexual perspectives....and struggle with issues of life and death as men, with men.

We do not only talk about death here, we also talk about LIFE...helping each other, sharing our hard times together, offering support, strength and hope.

I struggle with this necro issue....and in times like this, I look to that which is greater than IT....I look to LIFE itself.

Because ultimately, Pie..and I recall you expressed it on another thread....you expressed you think there may be MORE to this life BEYOND this life.

I am CONVINCED of this....there has to be a Creative Force to have created this world, all the variety of life forms in it...and our Universe, and our Milky Way Galaxy, and the Super Galaxy that encompasses our Milky Way Galaxy..and the Supra Galaxy that encompasses it...and on and on and ON.

We are FINITE....we cannot comprehend the INFINTE. But all we have to do to get a glimpse of eternity is look up at the sky,particularly at night,,and see all those stars twinkling down upon us...LIGHT YEARS away, each bead of light taking THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of years to get here now so we can SEE it.

Isn't that amazing?

There is more to this world, this whole bigger picture, than DEATH. This is what I am trying to say .... LIFE is what it really amounts to...LIFE...and LIFE EVERLASTING.

As it says in The Bible, New Testament, 1 Cornithians 12:13...
"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."

There is so much YET to be revealed....but LIFE is at the core of it all...and my concern is that for myself, I focus too much on one aspect of life, which is DEATH, but that is only a fragment of what is really the WHOLE NINE YARDS...which is LIFE.

We have been given LIFE....LIFE appears to PERISH...but LIFE does continue !
But where, how ??

There are many answers to this question from many perspectives.....the one that rings truest to me is that which marks our time, our calendar...as in B C , before CHRIST, and A D , AFTER HIS DEATH and RESURRECTION.

There is no denying that Christianity is at the core of much of the world as we know it...WHAT happened back then??

HOW could ONE MAN be remembered so many centuries later, how could so many
have dedicated their lives to Him, how could "an idea" survived SO MANY persecutions throughout history, cathedrals built in His name....yes, in the USA, in the UK, in France, Germany, Bulgaria, Russia, China, Africa, Iceland...EVERY PART of the WORLD.

I don't have all the answers, I am just saying that I NEED BALANCE....to focus on LIFE, on that which AFFIRMS LIFE .... in the long run, is this not healthier for each of us than celebrating and so focusing on death?

Thoughts to PONDER, PieMan....and others....not to condemn, NOT to judge, but to share with you, as THIS is where I am in my life journey, and I want to share it with my buds here....

This sums it up best, which I quoted above, this time to both verse and song...and to the BEAUTY of this "created world"....

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8-wpxvIpo0

Meatpie
12-05-09, 09:23 AM
Im a fucked up person too.

I don't think you are fucked mate, why do you say this?

You sound like a decent, intelligent guy. We all have made mistakes in our lives, that doesn't make us evil or bad people.

By learning from past fucked up situations we grow stronger and we start to value life more, seeing how easily everything can be destrtoyed.

My parents are aslo not perfect, they talk shit to me sometimes too but I don't hate them.

I've done some bad things yes but now I've changed and I think for the better.

Open up to us and tell us what have you done in the past so that you consider yourself a "fucked person".



But we will always have this thread to talk and relax in. Thanks again for being so cool Meat!

I think there is a risk of the site going down if we can't cover the costs of running a website like this.




I am CONVINCED of this....there has to be a Creative Force to have created this world, all the variety of life forms in it...and our Universe, and our Milky Way Galaxy, and the Super Galaxy that encompasses our Milky Way Galaxy..and the Supra Galaxy that encompasses it...and on and on and ON.

What is that super Galaxy that encompasses the Milky Way? Never heard of such a thing?

Arrow from all your posts I am now convinced you strongly believe in God, like most Americans. This is so stupid man.

Religion sucks and gets you even more confused, but it is an easy answer to difficult questions so thats why most people go with it.

I watched on CNN a lady that desribed how a tornado shattered her house but she survived, and she said "This was God".

What a wonderful explanation! You survive in a car wreck and you say "God saved me"

:sm (45):

LoL

This is so ridiculous. Most people in Europe don't belive in God while in America, 90% of people believe in Divine Providence.

This goes back generations to the time of the Puritans. You inherit this from your parents.

Its insane because you are a modern nation yet so many of you believe God exists while scince shows otherwise.

But who am I to judge you, all stated above is just my opinion, please don't take this as a personal attack on you or your great nation.

MDCMDC1980
12-05-09, 09:49 PM
I say I am fucked up because my brain doesn't process things normally. I can be fine one moment, and the next thing i turn into an asshole for no reason. I think i may be bi-polar. The only way I can calm down is to have someone talk me down, or i will stay in that mood for days. Maybe i should try medication. My friends will litterally have to talk to me like a child in order for me to calm down. It's really disturbing.

dsyn
13-05-09, 07:08 PM
I don't think you are fucked mate, why do you say this?

You sound like a decent, intelligent guy. We all have made mistakes in our lives, that doesn't make us evil or bad people.

By learning from past fucked up situations we grow stronger and we start to value life more, seeing how easily everything can be destrtoyed.

My parents are aslo not perfect, they talk shit to me sometimes too but I don't hate them.

I've done some bad things yes but now I've changed and I think for the better.

Open up to us and tell us what have you done in the past so that you consider yourself a "fucked person".




I think there is a risk of the site going down if we can't cover the costs of running a website like this.



What is that super Galaxy that encompasses the Milky Way? Never heard of such a thing?

Arrow from all your posts I am now convinced you strongly believe in God, like most Americans. This is so stupid man.

Religion sucks and gets you even more confused, but it is an easy answer to difficult questions so thats why most people go with it.

I watched on CNN a lady that desribed how a tornado shattered her house but she survived, and she said "This was God".

What a wonderful explanation! You survive in a car wreck and you say "God saved me"

:sm (45):

LoL

This is so ridiculous. Most people in Europe don't belive in God while in America, 90% of people believe in Divine Providence.

This goes back generations to the time of the Puritans. You inherit this from your parents.

Its insane because you are a modern nation yet so many of you believe God exists while scince shows otherwise.

But who am I to judge you, all stated above is just my opinion, please don't take this as a personal attack on you or your great nation.


"
What is that super Galaxy that encompasses the Milky Way? Never heard of such a thing?"

There are plenty of galaxies outside the milky way. Billions, I believe.


"Religion sucks and gets you even more confused, but it is an easy answer to difficult questions so thats why most people go with it."


This statement seems contradictory, since you say it gets people more confused, yet gives them easy answers to difficult questions.


"Its insane because you are a modern nation yet so many of you believe God exists while scince shows otherwise."

Now this part is worht debating over. It is true, science cannot prove God. Hence the whole ideology of 'faith'. However, science can also not disprove God. Evolution (read: macroevolution) has not been proven.

Again, they have not significantly proven that we evolve from apes, monkeys, etc.

If they could, why would we still have monkeys and apes in our current age? Did they just randomly stop evolving?

Scientists claim that the process is too fast and so the age where monkies evolved is long since gone.

Then how come there are no 'half man half apes' in the fossil record? (Keep in mind a FAKE one was produced to try and explain this, but was found out to be a fake)

Your telling me that not a SINGLE one of these apes during their 'evolution' to a man died? Out of the so called 'billions and billions' of years the earth has been around theres not one?

Also, Noah's Arc has been found. It's somewhere in Turkey I believe.

Lastly, the intricacies of the human body and the earth itself cannot be random chance. If you even knew just how PERFECT your body is designed you would truly be astounded. Every single organ, the length of the organ, the size of the organ, each placement of your bones is absolutely perfect for you to live.

Also, did you know that if the earth were to move any closer to the sun (say, a small number of miles, I can't exactly remember) it would make the earth too hot for us to live on and if the earth were that same distance AWAY from the sun it would be too cold for us to live on?

How about the planets and how they orbit perfectly around the sun? How in the world did all of this come about randomly?

Let's look at an atom. The single smallest particle that holds us and everything around us together. Do you know what holds the electrons, neutrons, etc. together? Neither do scientists. It's been described as an 'invisble force' that keeps them held together. Gee, I wonder what that could be?


All in all, it's fairly obvious we had a creator, if you can't see it than go look around you. And, while I hope it doesn't offend anyone, since you claimed that it's mostly the USA who believes in God and worships Him, while most other nations do not, can you not see how well the USA is doing compared to other countries?


Didn't mean to write an essay, but religion works me up.

deaddirty
13-05-09, 07:39 PM
Daniel,
I don't agree with most of that, but good to see you are OK and around

Meatpie
13-05-09, 07:41 PM
Religion is for stupid narrow-minded people.

What holds the atoms?

Strong nuclear force and weak nuclear. Together with gravity and electomagnetism these are the fundamental forces of nature.

Earth orbits the Sun because spacetime is curved by the mass of the Sun.

And the planets are not in perfect orbits, there are orbital changes in earth's rotation around the Sun. And Mercury is on an elliptical orbit. Nothing is perfect.

Its very easy to say God created it all, and real hard to study quantum physics and delve into the innter working of the universe.

We don't know anything of course.

No one knows what exactly happens in a black hole for example.

Maybe there are other dimensions? Parallel universes?

The universe is absolutely crazy, its hilarious to think of God in the 21st century.

Anyone who believes in God is retarded in my opinion.

dsyn
13-05-09, 09:29 PM
Religion is for stupid narrow-minded people.

What holds the atoms?

Strong nuclear force and weak nuclear. Together with gravity and electomagnetism these are the fundamental forces of nature.

Earth orbits the Sun because spacetime is curved by the mass of the Sun.

And the planets are not in perfect orbits, there are orbital changes in earth's rotation around the Sun. And Mercury is on an elliptical orbit. Nothing is perfect.

Its very easy to say God created it all, and real hard to study quantum physics and delve into the innter working of the universe.

We don't know anything of course.

No one knows what exactly happens in a black hole for example.

Maybe there are other dimensions? Parallel universes?

The universe is absolutely crazy, its hilarious to think of God in the 21st century.

Anyone who believes in God is retarded in my opinion.

It's also just as easy for you to say "Oh, it's electromagnetism, duh" As if you understand that theory completely. I'm not going to lie, I'm somewhat offended that you would call people with a different belief 'retarded.'

Also, I can just as easily say that God created gravity and electromagnetism, and still thwart your argument, and I'm curious as to whether weak/strong nuclear force is even a documented theory? I'm sure it is, just have never heard of it.

I see you didn't address evolution?

Actually, I wrote a research paper on black holes, people know quite a bit about the. It is true it is possible that they can be linked to a second black hole, but it would be hard to ever tell since no human could survive being inside one. Also, at the center of every universe is a 'supermassive' black hole. One scientist who I researched stated that if you would replace the sun with a blackhole that nothing would change (aside from everyone dying due to the cold) whether that fact is true or not I'm not sure.


Granted I stated that all of the planets' orbits were perfect, I more meant the Earth.

Also, way to disregard completely my statement about the human body.

Why is it hilarious to think of God? Where exactly do you think the Earth and the Universe came from? You think one atom exploded and here everything is? How is that any more realistic then saying that everything was created?



If you're going to call someone 'retarded' or laugh at their beliefs, you might want to actually address the entire argument, honestly I'm astounded you even said something like that to someone WHO DOESN'T EVEN SHARE YOUR FETISH that is willing to try and understand your feelings.


I thought you had more class than that, and it's stupid that we resort to Ad Hominem arguments.

Lastly, if we Americans are so stupid in our beliefs, than we seem to be doing pretty well with them, don't you think?

Meatpie
13-05-09, 09:36 PM
I didn't mean to offend you. You are always welcome on this site.

Everyone is free to express their views here.

dsyn
13-05-09, 10:12 PM
Religion is for stupid narrow-minded people.

Anyone who believes in God is retarded in my opinion.

I really don't see how you didn't mean to offend anyone.

Entilzha
14-05-09, 12:06 AM
I'm not offended....

I like different views and perspectives, so you can see how people think and such.
Religion is always a hot topic, because people are struck to the core when you "attack" their views and beliefs.
Many a war started like this.

I see this as healthy discussions, because they tend to bring out certain views and avenues you might have not considered earlier.
And you might learn a thing or two!!

So do not be easily offended, just think and relax, no one is here to degrade your believes or your system.
As I say: "Think, Learn, Reflect and Return!"


Entilzha's First Law states: "Life ain't fair, and neither am I sometimes :)"

ArrowMan
14-05-09, 12:06 AM
Dsyn..

I must agree with you that all the complexities of OUR own bodies....let alone the complexities of all the other forms of life on our planet...whether it be other mammals or plant life, microbes....let alone ALL the many natural elements.....and all this above our heads...

....in other planets, galaxies, super galaxies....there is just no way any one can conclude that something, someone, some force could NOT have made all this come to be.

There is NO DOUBT when objectively considered and thoughtfully reasoned...that there IS a CREATOR .

How can anyone look at this delicate, intricate and exquiste flower .... and tell me that there is not a glorious, intelligent, powerful and life-affirming source...that CREATED it ??

http://thumbnails2.imagebam.com/3570/34b5b335697372.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/34b5b335697372)

(http://www.imagebam.com)

dsyn
14-05-09, 05:10 AM
I'm not offended....

I like different views and perspectives, so you can see how people think and such.
Religion is always a hot topic, because people are struck to the core when you "attack" their views and beliefs.
Many a war started like this.

I see this as healthy discussions, because they tend to bring out certain views and avenues you might have not considered earlier.
And you might learn a thing or two!!

So do not be easily offended, just think and relax, no one is here to degrade your believes or your system.
As I say: "Think, Learn, Reflect and Return!"


Entilzha's First Law states: "Life ain't fair, and neither am I sometimes :)"



I never get offended in a debate.

However, this turned far from one. A debate is a civil matter between sides that offer conflicting viewpoints to one another in an attempt to pursuade the other in some form or fashion to accept the others' beliefs. However, it is merely an attack when you resort to insulting the opposing side.

I'm all for a debate, but if you're going to call me narrow-minded, stupid, and retarded, I'm going to say something about it.

Meatpie
14-05-09, 09:44 AM
Your views on the world are absolutely retarded Daniel but since this is not the flame section we better stop or enthilza will ban us both.

I wanted to flame you yesterday but I gave up, after all you were suicidal just a few weeks ago and I don't want to burden you with any forum wars.

If you leave, the guys will blame me. You are popular here don't want you to leave because of me.

I shut up for now.

We will just take it easy and stay away from any such complicated issues..for now until we both feel better.

I also have a lot of problems in my life and sometimes I get it off on people on the internet, which is not cool.

MDCMDC1980
17-05-09, 10:03 AM
Hey Meat!
You doin ok buddy? I had a pretty good day today. Was just thinking about you and wanted to know how you were. I'm gonna take a vacation away from everybody and everything for 4 or 5 days to try and clear my head on memorial day weekend. Hope you are ok! :P

Meatpie
17-05-09, 10:26 AM
Hi Matt,

Glad to hear you are having fun mate! Wish I was there with you, in real fucking life.

Take a break you won't miss anything as we are still struggling to pay for the site so access will be blocked again for users who haven't donated.

MDCMDC1980
17-05-09, 10:30 AM
Yeah, i wish you were here too. I think we would have a blast! Not doing much, just gonna go camping way out in the woods far away for a few days. You think u will ever come to the US?

Meatpie
17-05-09, 10:34 AM
My plan is to visit you when I have enough money, and if we click like we do on the internet, we will probably stay together until we croak.

Also President Obama needs to visit the visa restrictions for some countries from the EU.

Have a great time and stay safe.

I also love going to the "woods" as you call it, we have a villa in the mountains and I often go there, there is a lake and sometimes its just me and my dog...and the fucking wind.

Its absolute bliss.

I would love to do it with you one day, I want you to show me some cool places around your area, I hate places where a lot of people go, I want just the two of us like in Brokeback.

MDCMDC1980
17-05-09, 10:50 AM
hahaha that made me laugh. Brokeback Mountain was a good movie. BUT, everytime i think about it, i can't help but think of Scary Movie 4, where they spoofed BM, and the dude had a hampster. I always start laughing.

I do have a boyfriend, he is on the other side of the country. I hope to move there one day. When i have the funds available. We have been together, long distance, for about 4 years. We have had a turbulent relationship as he really doesn't trust me anymore. It has been hard doing a relationship strictly over the phone. It causes a lot of problems. I ended up talking to some other guys over the phone and having phone sex with them, and he found out, so he doesn't trust me really, and I don't blame him. That was about 3 years ago, I haven't been with anybody physically, and I wouldn't do that. I am just trying to get past all that and earn his trust back. Hopefully everything will work out. I do love him, but my mood lately has been alot for him to take. I haven't been very pleasant in a long time. I just hate being alone. It's rough.

Meatpie
17-05-09, 10:59 AM
Being alone would be difficult on most people, we are a social species.

How can you refrain from sex for so long?

It awesome to be with a cute guy in bed, I just keep cummin if the guy is really cute.

But most people are fucked in the head, so my relationships don't last.

And like you, I can get real nasty and unpleasant from time to time, no one can stand me, even my parents and sis avoud me when I am in such mood.

MDCMDC1980
17-05-09, 11:02 AM
same here. Everyone just knows to stay away. I try not to think of sex for the most part. It's hard, but i am 28 and have only been with 5 people my whole life. I guess that's pretty good. I would love to be with him now, but i just can't, it sucks.

Meatpie
17-05-09, 11:13 AM
Only five? You mean five relationships or five sex partners?

I have had aonly few serious relationships but lots of one night stands too, I've fucked a lot of guys, some really cute ones like models.

But as I get older its harder for me too keep fit and hard to find dudes who are like models to shag.

My main advantage is that I am cute in the face, so most people will still shag with me. even for one night.

I think you may find guys like you in your area, why not hook up over the internet with someone local?

MDCMDC1980
17-05-09, 11:16 AM
I have only had sex with 5 people my whole life. The whole thought of fucking a new person is scary to me. I am so self conscious about what other people think of me, and i have really low self esteem, to where it is hard for me to let anyone get close to me.... i know that sounds weird, but i can't explain it. I just turn into a nervous wreck when sex comes up. It just scares me pretty bad. I have only had like 3 long term relationships. Like if i have sex with someone, that is who i wanna be with forever, but most people can't stick me me because of my mood swings.... i usually end up alone.

Meatpie
17-05-09, 11:22 AM
Matt I am sorry man, that must really be devastating. I won't judge you but I think you should be more relaxed with other people, maybe you don't trust people easily or the problem comes when you are about to have sex and you get worked up?

Why? What do you feel? You think you are not cute and they will use you?

I met first boyfriend in a mountain ski resort, in deep snow and in blizzard. He first played straight, then I invited him over for tea and he admitted he was gay too.

We shagged like crazy.

I have shagged a lot of guys, really not a problem. I am really cheeky and even if they don't want to I still insist that I fuck them.

I also ask them to let me undress them and smell their socks, if the guy is cute of course.

I am really crazy, you should be more open about sex why not hook up with someone online from your are and shag them?

MDCMDC1980
17-05-09, 11:27 AM
well yeah, i don't really see what anyone really sees in me i guess. i don't think i am cute really, and i have been used my whole life by my family and quite a few friends. So i guess i feel like if i am gonna gave sex with someone, i want to know that they aren't using me to get something they want. I just don't feel like i have much going, and that is something special that i have, and only want for someone who really loves me.

Meatpie
17-05-09, 11:33 AM
From the pics you've posted I think you are cute but real sensitive.

You can achieve a lot in life, just don't get worked up over your past.

MDCMDC1980
17-05-09, 11:35 AM
im very sensitive. i just been through a lot. I shuold really seek professional help at some point when i can get insurance.

Meatpie
17-05-09, 11:48 AM
You said you have a job, how come you don't have an insurance?

MDCMDC1980
27-05-09, 02:08 AM
my job doesn't yet have insurance. They are talking about adding it though. No word just yet.

Meatpie
27-05-09, 06:03 PM
What job is it then, thats illegal, at least here.

Your employer is obliged to pay your insurance, if you work without insurance they can fine your boss and you for not having asked for one.

Sorry, don't know how this is in the US but that doesn't sound right.

MDCMDC1980
27-05-09, 09:06 PM
no it isn't like there here. there are MANY many many jobs that do not offer insurance. I SHOULD have it soon, but i will have to pay for it on my own. I wish it was like that here, i would love it if they were obliged to pay for insurance.

Meatpie
28-05-09, 08:31 AM
Thats absolutely not fair.

Employers here are obliged to pay health and other insurances.

MDCMDC1980
28-05-09, 09:13 PM
Everything tends to work itself out over time. I'm trying to not stress out over it. I just got my car paid off finally, so i have a little extra money each month now. I hope you had a great birthday buddy!

Meatpie
29-05-09, 08:44 AM
Hi Matt, glad to hear things are turning out well for you. What kind of car you bought?

I had a great birthday thank, made a delecious cake and everyone wanted more and more and it was finished in a few hours. lol

MDCMDC1980
29-05-09, 08:08 PM
I have a jeep wrangler. I want a truck though. Maybe soon, when i get some money saved up. Glad to hear your b-day was great!

Meatpie
29-05-09, 08:15 PM
What colour is it? A truck? Wow. Why do you want a truck? Is this something related to your job or you just like trucks?

I know a few guys who are in love with trucks, strange as it may sound.

MDCMDC1980
29-05-09, 09:08 PM
I like big extended cab trucks and sports cars. My jeep is fire engine red with black trim

Meatpie
31-05-09, 09:42 AM
Sounds really awesome, would love to get a ride with you one day.

BTW do you fear dying in a road accident? What do you think about crashes and how many young guys die every day in wrecks around the globe?

I think its insane, even here three to four are killed every day and their friends later post video obituaries on youtube.

Entilzha
31-05-09, 09:48 AM
That is why they invented traffic rules, but most people do not tend to keep up with them...

If you drive safely, look ahead, anticipate actions and look very good around, wear your seatbelt and make sure your car is in good, working order you should be fine!!!

Meaty, would love to drive you around my town, and then a trip to the local forest for some...well...hunting :)

Meatpie
31-05-09, 09:57 AM
I will take your kind invitation although I hate cars.

Even if you drive safe, a moron may hit you from behind you never know. Roads are not safe.

Often, at least here, a drunk driver hits decent people who drive according to the law.

The people all die, while the drunk driver survives.

In Sofia, a family of three - mom, dad and kid were run over by a drunk driver who escaped.

The family all croaked.

Entilzha
31-05-09, 10:08 AM
Yes, unfortunately the idiots behind he wheel always survives, and the good people always die...

:(

Meatpie
31-05-09, 10:15 AM
Thats how it goes yes. There are many such cases.

Entilzha
31-05-09, 10:17 AM
Yes, but some die before their time, and when it is kids, it is even more sad...

Meatpie
31-05-09, 10:21 AM
I can't take dead children. I was lucky that there were no dead kids when I went to the morgue, this would have been extremely hard.

Entilzha
31-05-09, 10:25 AM
no one likes to see children dead.

Children should play and learn and grow up.

And when they are old enough, they can die as Cute Dead Guys.

Meatpie
31-05-09, 10:29 AM
I would make an excellent cute dead guy, and I am 26 - perfect!

I plan to make a new autopsy set of myself this summer, just want to get fit again and I will buy a new camera.

I plan to release videos of me autopsied like the morbidtech dudes.

Users who donated for the future of the site will get to see me on a slab first.

:sm (33):

Entilzha
31-05-09, 10:30 AM
Need a mortician aid?

Meatpie
31-05-09, 10:38 AM
Absolutely. Eveyr young dead guy needs a mortican to flip him over smell his feet and check his anus.

Entilzha
31-05-09, 10:50 AM
well, I would volunteer to be your mortician ;)

MDCMDC1980
31-05-09, 08:24 PM
Sounds really awesome, would love to get a ride with you one day.

BTW do you fear dying in a road accident? What do you think about crashes and how many young guys die every day in wrecks around the globe?

I think its insane, even here three to four are killed every day and their friends later post video obituaries on youtube.

Honestly I do fear dying in a road accident. I also worry about my throat being cut ever since I had a biking accident and had my throat ripped open by a barbed wire fence at age 12. People driving around my neighborhood are so careless. I guess we are gonna go when it is destined to happen though. You can't really look too much into it. I have had several of my friends die in road related accident and it is just horrible. I am a ghost hunter also, and one of the ghost I communicated with before I crossed him over, I was able to verify his identity through the things he told me. I found pictures of his accident from newspaper articles from 2004, and his pictures online. Yeah, road accidents stay in my mind alot. BTW, you could ride around with me if you want! lol:sm (51):

Meatpie
31-05-09, 09:03 PM
I also worry about my throat being cut ever since I had a biking accident and had my throat ripped open by a barbed wire fence at age 12.

That absolutely sucks, how bad was it? Did it leave a scar?


People driving around my neighborhood are so careless.

Same here.


I guess we are gonna go when it is destined to happen though

Sometimes I am tired of life. I wish my life had tunred out in a different way, there are things I would have done differently if I could go back.


I have had several of my friends die in road related accident and it is just horrible.

Horrible? What do you mean? Were they mangled? Or you mean you felt horrible losing your friends?

Were they young? Please post their photos. I think its very sexy to have a friend die in car wreck.


I am a ghost hunter also

OMG :sarcasticclap:


BTW, you could ride around with me if you want! lol

That would be awesome and I wanna do it one day. I want the two of us to die in car wreck and a fat nigger will undress and cut us open at a morgue in the US.

They will take pics, and if the deiners are necro they will jerk to our pics.

I have a sick sick desire to die with a mate in a car wreck, both cute and they will put us naked on tables.

I am very sick Matt, hope this doesn't offend you in any way.

MDCMDC1980
01-06-09, 12:23 AM
It doesn't offend me at all. Just don't plan on dying anytime soon ok? I'll see if I can find some pics of them. I know I have some pics of J on this computer at work, J is the ghost I crossed over and he stayed with me everywhere I went for almost a year. I know it sounds retarded, but I have audio of his ghost talking to me, and pictures, and I have also seen his ghost with my own eyes at his grave. My best friend saw it at the same time i did. It was totally cool. Give me a bit to see if i can find some of Asheila and Jeremy and Brandon, and Daniel. :(Jeremy was the one i didn't know. The Ghost)

Meatpie
01-06-09, 09:12 AM
It would be awesome if you could share photos/audio with us. How old was Jeremy when he gave up the ghost?

MDCMDC1980
01-06-09, 09:53 PM
I have pics of Jeremy. I think he was 19, let me look into it and i'll post it shortly.

MDCMDC1980
01-06-09, 10:45 PM
Here are some pics at the cemetery of Daniel's grave, and one of me at Jeremy's grave, (He has no tombstone) only an old worn cross in the ground). And then some pics of Jeremy. I miss him alot.

http://thumbnails14.imagebam.com/3766/ada8c737652480.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/ada8c737652480) http://thumbnails17.imagebam.com/3766/9359d537652481.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/9359d537652481) http://thumbnails15.imagebam.com/3766/989ccd37652482.gif (http://www.imagebam.com/image/989ccd37652482)

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa182/MDCMDC1980/124.jpg

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa182/MDCMDC1980/532004_93651_AM_1.jpg

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa182/MDCMDC1980/532004_94654_AM_1.jpg

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa182/MDCMDC1980/JeremyHomer5.jpg

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa182/MDCMDC1980/JeremyHomer.jpg

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa182/MDCMDC1980/JeremyHomer2.jpg

http://i198.photobucket.com/albums/aa182/MDCMDC1980/JeremyHomer3.jpg

Meatpie
02-06-09, 09:23 AM
Daniel was absolutely cute. Thanks for posting! Beautiful grave too. Sad about Jeremy. You have a bottle in your hand at Jeremy's grave, what is it?

MDCMDC1980
02-06-09, 08:45 PM
Daniel was absolutely cute. Thanks for posting! Beautiful grave too. Sad about Jeremy. You have a bottle in your hand at Jeremy's grave, what is it?

LoL Wild Cherry Pepsi haha

MDCMDC1980
10-06-09, 06:04 AM
loln im drunk as fuck whats up guys? missed yall

Meatpie
10-06-09, 09:32 AM
What did you drink Matt?

MDCMDC1980
10-06-09, 10:27 PM
Im back now, my bad, i had almost a gallon of Long Island Ice Tea. It has Vodka, Tequila, Rum, Gin, Triple Sec and Coke.... I was GONE!

Meatpie
11-06-09, 09:26 AM
Wow mate, thats a lot of booze! You will damage your liver. How often do you have drinks like this?

MDCMDC1980
11-06-09, 08:30 PM
not too often! i do love to drink though, I do not want liver damage, but sometimes it is fun to get drunk as hell.

Meatpie
11-06-09, 08:41 PM
Its fun yeah and I used to do it but since I fell in the street last year and my boyfriend had to pick me up I decided to stop it.

I felt so embarrassed when he later told me what had happened, how I collapsed in front of other people and picked me up like a ragdoll.

We drank a lot that night, I puked five times.

Has it happened to you?

MDCMDC1980
11-06-09, 08:53 PM
oh yea dude, i used to drink so much that i would just pass out, and I have woken up to people trying to take advantage of me. I once got kicked out of a resteraunt for being loud case I was plastered.

dsyn
11-06-09, 11:27 PM
Oh, I can log in again. Awesome. Hi.

MDCMDC1980
11-06-09, 11:58 PM
wassup yo?

Meatpie
12-06-09, 07:57 AM
I have woken up to people trying to take advantage of me.

:totalshock: Jesus. What were they doing? Sucking your cock? Man or girl?


Oh, I can log in again. Awesome. Hi.

Hello.

MDCMDC1980
12-06-09, 06:41 PM
:totalshock: Jesus. What were they doing? Sucking your cock? Man or girl?



Hello.

Actually both, i have woken up with people's hands down my underwear and shorts and people's faces up in it..... It's rather uncomfortable

Meatpie
12-06-09, 06:42 PM
I would love to get drunk with you and blow you.

I would aslo love to suck your toes if you allow me.

MDCMDC1980
12-06-09, 06:57 PM
@_@ LOL it was really weird and uncomfortable to wake up to that, especially when you don't know that and are not attracted to them. It was very just chilling...

Meatpie
13-06-09, 07:35 PM
I think its hot. Your friends might have been necro if you tried to take advantage of you while you was in a coma.

MDCMDC1980
13-06-09, 07:40 PM
more than likely, although none of them will ever admit it. i guess it is hot, i would do that to someone else, but it feels so weird when it is done to you.

Meatpie
13-06-09, 07:50 PM
I've only told my best friend that I have a "sick fetish". I told him I went to the morgue and he said "You sick fuck."

But we are still friends. He admitted to me he has fetishes too and asked me to help him.

He said he wanted me to burn him with a candle, get him drunk trough the ass and stick a bottle in his ass.

I also tied him naked on my bed. Then took photos and posted on cute dead guys.

Yup, I did that but sorry Matt, you weren't a member back then and I delted all pics on his request.

When he found out I posted his pics on the internet he tried to beat me up on the steet but I am stronger then him and he couldn't do anything.

Also, I once got a cute guy so drunk I took advantage of him and came on his head while he was in a deep coma.

I also checked his feet and tried to move him around like a dead guy.

I am very sick Matt. Very bad nutcase.

Whats the sickest thing you've ever done to a dude?

I think your friends are just as sick as we are here....trying to blow you while you was unresponsive.

I would have done it too but would be very careful not to hurt you.

Then I want to do it with me.

We will fuck each other like rabbits, day and night.

And get drunk of course.

MDCMDC1980
13-06-09, 08:22 PM
I haven't really done anything wild or crazy, i'm actually really shy, so that holds me back quite a bit. Makes me kinda sad

Meatpie
13-06-09, 08:30 PM
Maybe its how you were brought up? Otherwise I see no reason, you are cute, smart funny...and shy?!!!

Naaah, I don't buy it.

You said you love party and booze.

LoL :)

MDCMDC1980
13-06-09, 09:06 PM
i do, i'm having a seance tonight LOL and probably drinking :p

Meatpie
14-06-09, 06:20 AM
Seance?? Is that how they call it now?

Meaning sex & booze, right?

MDCMDC1980
14-06-09, 08:11 PM
lol, naw i didn't end up going, i didn't feel well. We were gonna use a ouija board and contact the dead and drink.

Entilzha
14-06-09, 08:30 PM
Ehm, may I WARN you against those kinds of practices. They can be VERY dangerous!

I am a shaman myself, although I do dabble in the arts of spirits and the spiritual life, I do so with caution, a clear mind and respect.

Ouija can be very dangerous, so please, for your own safety and mental health, do not those those kinds of things. I have seen people getting very sick or even die from these things. You do not know what or who you might invoke.

Be safe!
Be sensible!

MDCMDC1980
14-06-09, 08:33 PM
Ehm, may I WARN you against those kinds of practices. They can be VERY dangerous!

I am a shaman myself, although I do dabble in the arts of spirits and the spiritual life, I do so with caution, a clear mind and respect.

Ouija can be very dangerous, so please, for your own safety and mental health, do not those those kinds of things. I have seen people getting very sick or even die from these things. You do not know what or who you might invoke.

Be safe!
Be sensible!

I have actually had some crazy stuff happen, i am a professional paranormal investigator, i had one of my friends who is a girl just stopped dead in her tracks and tranced out, for 10 minutes, and didn't remember anything....The only bad thing to happen to me was i was walking through a cemetery talking to spirits in my hometown, and I had a deep growling voice on my recorder growling followed by the words "you fucking bitch I'll fucking kill you". It didn't really affect me too much though. I still have the recording.

Entilzha
14-06-09, 08:36 PM
I guess you are sensitive to spiritual experiences and hypersensitive to those things. That is both a blessing and a curse!

A blessing in that you know about the dangers and can feel them comming.

A curse is that you can get driven mad by the whispers and voices.

I trust that you know how to do it safe, but I will ask my guardians to watch over you, if you do not mind.

MDCMDC1980
14-06-09, 08:41 PM
I guess you are sensitive to spiritual experiences and hypersensitive to those things. That is both a blessing and a curse!

A blessing in that you know about the dangers and can feel them comming.

A curse is that you can get driven mad by the whispers and voices.

I trust that you know how to do it safe, but I will ask my guardians to watch over you, if you do not mind.


No i do not mind at all. That is very sweet of you. One of my greatest achievements in the paranormal was being able to contact Anna Nicole Smith, who i am OBSESSED with hehe. Although she called me a fucking asshole, i later found out that she did that to everyone she liked haha It really touched me to be able to recieve her on EVP

Entilzha
14-06-09, 08:43 PM
Ok, I will keep you in my prayers then :)

MDCMDC1980
14-06-09, 08:45 PM
Ok, I will keep you in my prayers then :)
you are a really sweet person! :D thank you so much!!!!

Meatpie
16-06-09, 09:37 AM
:sm (48):

Meatpie
02-08-09, 06:55 PM
My bipolar has hit me again, I don't know what to do.

I keep jacking to dead guys on slabs and still no relieve.

I cum hard every time.

I spend hours on the internet searching for pics cdgs.

Little.Boy.Rot
03-08-09, 10:35 PM
Maybe you need to find another hobby?

Little.Boy.Rot
04-08-09, 03:47 AM
So...
I don't know if I will do it....
But more then likely I will.
This is quite possibly the last time you will all ever see me alive.
I've got my knoose up and ready..
I'm going to attempt to commit sucide.
Maybe you'll see me again....dead...floating somewhere on the internets.

Meatpie
04-08-09, 09:34 AM
You couldn't even do it douche

Meatpie
05-04-10, 04:38 PM
Anyone know what happened with Rottie?

Maybe he passed away?

rockawayguy36
02-10-10, 06:41 PM
Hi everyone, I have Bipolar and I know what it is to go through life with it. It was hard for me to do anything. I grew up with my grandmother and she use to answer phones and clean a Funeral Home, and I use to help her. There would dead people layed out in they're caskets and it never bothered me. I hated my life and since a child I wanted to die from this. I have tryed suicide 4 to 5 times. I am 40 years old and I don't know how I made this far. I lost jobs from it. Right now I don't have a job. I never held a job much longer than a year. Except for when I worked for my church, I worked there for 10 years. I came out and stopped hiding being gay. I went through therapy and I take medication, there are days that doesn't feel like it does anything to help me. I moved back to live with my parents in New Jersey, I lived in Kansas with my ex boyfriend for 2 years. I am back to New Jersey, jobless and boyfriend less.

Meatpie
02-10-10, 06:56 PM
Are you black?

I am sorry to hear you have it too.

What are you doing to change your situation?

If you can't get a job why don't you try morgue or funeral home, so many people die every day in New Jersey.